It's a Sunday, I think. The smell of medicine intoxicates me. I want to scratch my scabs so bad. My fever is higher than normal. I can't stop shaking. The doctors keep promising medicines to make me better but what I have cannot be cured. They'll give me something to make it better. Something to slow my death and calm me for a few weeks, but the infection always comes back. It's there, living in my body, a constant reminder of my past sins. I want to yell for the doctors to leave me alone and let me die. I don't want to live. I want it all to end. This disease has destroyed my entire future. If I could do everything over again, I would. Sometimes it's just too late to go back. Sometimes your only future is having to pay for your past.
I'd met Cody through a mutual friend of ours. Sandra was my best friend in college and was married to Ray, who had been roommates with Cody in college. It had been Sandra's birthday that weekend and Ray decided to give her a simple but elegant dinner party at their new house. I had just graduated college and started a job teaching 5th grade students at a private school. I was only 25 years old and thinking how blessed I was to have found a decent paying job and had just moved into a nice apartment in downtown Houston. I had everything, but a man in my life.
I hadn't expected to fall in love. I was picky about men. Not so much in looks, but I wanted a man who could make me laugh without being too obnoxious. I wanted a man who liked to wear suits every now and then. I wanted a man who enjoyed blues music and wouldn't mind taking me to the ballet. Was that too much to ask for?
I spotted Cody talking to Ray. He held a glass of red wine in his hand. He was laughing at something Ray said. His smile was simply breathtaking. I didn't believe in love at first sight, but when I saw Cody, I then knew that it was possible. I stared, a little too much. His dark hair was neatly combed back and he wore black Michael Kors pants with a gray Burberry cashmere sweater and black Salvatore Ferragamo loafers. He looked stylish and very sexy.
"He's single you know."
I jumped up and heard my friend Sandra laughing. I turned to face her and playfully slapped her arm. "You scared me!"
"Sorry. I just saw you ogling Cody. I just thought you might be interested in knowing he's single."
"How do you know him?" I asked.
"He used to be Ray's roommate in college. He's an architect you know. They lost touch once Ray went to law school but recently started talking again since Ray found him on the internet."
I looked over at Cody again. His blue eyes wandered the room until they met with mine. I couldn't help but smile at him and was shocked when he smiled back. My heart was racing.
"Introduce me will you?" I asked Sandra.
She grabbed my hand and led me across the room. Cody eyed us as we approached him. Ray stood next to his friend with a wicked smile knowing well that his wife's intentions were.
"Hello boys," Sandra called out teasingly.
"Hey honey," Ray replied.
"Ray, you know my best friend Nikki."
Ray shook my hand. "Yes of course. How are you?"
"I'm fine. How's the world of law Ray?"
He shrugged. "Fighting for criminals, doesn't make me a good guy let me tell you that."
We laughed. I'd almost forgotten that Ray was a defense attorney.
"Oh Nikki, this is Cody. My old college roommate," Ray introduced us.
Cody extended his hand. I shook his hand and felt volts of electricity run up my arm. The man was extremely hot. He was even more handsome up close. "Nice to meet you Nikki." His voice was deep, smooth and sexy.
"Why don't we leave these two to talk while you and I go mingle," Sandra suggested to her husband.
Ray nodded. "Yes, that's a good idea," he winked at me and took off with his wife leaving me alone with Cody.
"So, enjoying the party?" Cody asked taking a sip of his wine.
"Yeah. I love Sandra and Ray's house. It's so beautifully built."
Cody's eyes studied the art that hung no the walls. "Not to mention the guy who built the house must be a genius."
His eyes met mine. I couldn't hold back a smile. "You built it I see."
He nodded. "I did. You like?"
"I love. I had told Sandra how much I'd like a house like this one day."
"I could build one for you. If you want of course. I could talk your boyfriend into-"
"I don't have a boyfriend," I quickly added.
He took another sip of wine in a suave way. "Or I could talk to your fiancé-"
"I'm not engaged," I cut him off.
"You know, maybe your husband might-"
"I'm not married," I laughed.
He laughed along and inched closer to me. "Well, that's good to hear. I needed to find out if you were single. I didn't want to be too forward and ask you. That might make me sound desperate."
"I wouldn't think you'd be desperate. In fact when I saw you from across the room, I thought you were probably married with like ten children. I figured my chance to get to know you were slim to none."
He gasped. "Oh dear. Ten children? I'm only 28 years old. Give me a break!"
We laughed. We continued to talk the entire night. I hadn't had such a great time with a man like that in a long time. I invited him back to my place after the party. We talked some more and listened to Billie Holiday's greatest hits. We drank coffee and ate some cake we brought from the party. We kissed, we touched, we made passionate love. We went out for several months until Cody asked me to marry him. I didn't hesitate to say yes. I was smitten with this man. I loved him like I'd never loved anyone else.
It was two years after we'd been married that everything changed between Cody and I. I recall the day I stood at the doctor's office receiving the good news and the bad news.
The wonderful news was that I was pregnant. Four weeks to be exact. I had Cody's baby growing in me. As ridiculous as it might sound, had a feeling it could be a boy. He'd have Cody's blue eyes and dark hair.
Then I got the devastating news that I was tested HIV positive. I blinked back tears and felt my entire body stop trembling and become numb. How could I be HIV positive? I had only slept with three men my entire life. Lance, in high school who'd been my first. Then there was Mark in college who I had dated for a year. After that it'd been only Cody.
I was confused and requested for the doctor to check my blood again. I didn't want to believe I had been infected. Cody was clean. He'd never shown any signs of being sick. Cody was healthy! I couldn't be sick! I didn't do drugs or hadn't had any blood transfusions. I'd only slept with Cody! My husband!
I left the doctors office in tears. Once I was home I waited for Cody to arrive. He usually arrived after six every night. He walked in that Thursday evening and saw me immediately sitting on the couch in the front room.
"Nikki?" He studied my somber face.
"Have you been cheating on me?" I asked bluntly.
He was taken back. "Excuse me?"
I jumped out of my seat filled with anger and began to cry. "I have HIV!"
Cody frowned. His face was filled with confusion. "What?"
"You heard me!" I yelled. I couldn't hold back the tears.
"How can you have HIV? What the hell is going on?" He raised his voice.
I glared at him. "What's going on is that you've been cheating on me! You gave me AIDS!"
His face darkened. "I don't have AIDS, Nikki! I'm clean. Maybe YOU'VE been cheating. Ever think of that?"
My entire body began to tremble. Trembling from fear and anger. "I've never EVER cheated on you! EVER!"
"Well, I don't have AIDS! So explain to me then how you go it!"
I took a deep breath before speaking. My tears ran down my face. "Have you gotten tested Cody?"
He looked down. He began to make a fist. I knew he was pissed but I also knew I was telling the truth. "No. I don't need to be tested. I'm clean I tell you! I'm fuckin' clean!" He walked away from me. I trailed him into the kitchen and watched him get a beer out of the fridge.
"Well, if you're so sure you don't have AIDS, go take a test tomorrow."
He opened his beer and took a long drink. He turned to look at me. "I don't have to prove anything to you."
My anger began to rise. "Oh? Is that so? Well then how about proving it to your unborn child!"
Cody clenched his jaw. "What the hell are you talking about?"
I paused for a moment. "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant and I'm HIV positive. How do you like that?"
I turned and walked away from him. I went into our bedroom and sat on the bed and cried some more. It was a few minutes later when I heard Cody walk in. He stood by the door. I wiped my tears and stared at my husband who had instantly become a stranger to me.
"I'll go get tested," he said quietly. "I guarantee you, that I don't have AIDS."
"We'll see about that," I replied curtly. "We'll see."
As we waited for Cody's test results, we slept in separate rooms. I didn't want to talk to him or see him, yet I did still love him. I'd grown used to Cody and his cocky attitude. I missed my husband, the husband I once thought I knew.
I still carried our child in my belly. I already loved this child more than anything. I knew I wouldn't be able to have my baby. Abortion had never occurred to me, even that one time in college when I thought I had gotten pregnant. Abortion always seemed like the easy way out, until now. Abortion was the only option I had. I didn't want to raise an AIDS baby. Just thinking about how much my baby would suffer in this world, only made my decision of abortion more clear.
After several days, we got called into the doctor's office to hear Cody's result. I went with him although he had refused for me to go. We waited and when we heard the result, I watched Cody's face go white. He sat still for a long time without saying anything.
"That cant' be true. I don't have AIDS! How the fuck can I have AIDS?" He yelled.
I watched the doctors face filled with sympathy. "I'm sorry. I really am."
Cody laughed sarcastically. "Yeah I'm sure you're sorry doctor. I'm so fuckin sure!"
I grabbed Cody's hand and led him out the doctor's office. He pulled away from me and narrowed his beautiful blue eyes at me. "I refuse to believe this shit!" He walked off leaving me chasing after him. I caught up to him outside by our car. He stood in front of our car for a moment panting hard.
"I don't have AIDS. I don't!"
He looked scared. I'd never seen him that way. "You do. Now I do too. Someone gave it to you."
He sighed then began to cry. I was angry with him and I hated him for infecting me. Part me of wanted to just stand back and let him bawl. To let him know he fucked up and now we are all paying for it. But then another part of me wanted to hold him and let him know I knew about his pain because we were both infected. I didn't do either. I just put my hand on his shoulder and let him cry. I cried with him. He bent down and put his face on my tummy.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said loudly as he cried. He kept apologizing over and over to me I thought. Then I knew he was really apologizing to our unborn child.
Cody took me to get my abortion. It was a sad morning where the skies were gray and the smell of rain was sensed. I entered the abortion clinic while protesters called me every name in the book. They said I was sinning and that I was going to hell. I wanted to tell them I was ALREADY in hell. What did they know? They assumed every woman who came into the abortion clinic was simply trying to get rid of a "mistake?" Didn't they for once think that maybe the child's life was in danger? What the hell was wrong with them?
I procedure was short and painful. Cody drove me home and lay with me. He gave me Tylenol every six hours to ease my pain. I was glad he was there for me. I was in a vulnerable stage in my life. Just having killed my unborn child because of my husband's mistake didn't hurt me until after I got better.
I screamed at Cody and demanded a divorce. I wanted nothing to do with the man who infected me. I hated him. I would never get to have children because of him. I would never be happy again. I would die and be easily forgotten. I divorced Cody and moved back home with my parents who would take care of me ... until I died. Cody had caused me my life. How could anyone love someone after that?
Before I met Nikki, I was a playboy. I loved women and having lots of women. Monogamy wasn't in my dictionary. I couldn't have just one woman. I needed two or three. Women followed me. They liked my confidence and my easygoing ways. They liked that I made them laugh and my good looks did help.
Ray would always envy me for having many girlfriends. He hardly had time for pussy. He was too busy studying or calling his long distance girlfriend, Sandra. I always wondered what Sandra had that was so good that made Ray want to stay faithful. Girls always asked out Ray but Ray was never interested. I began to wonder if my friend was a queer.
I didn't want a steady girlfriend. I wanted to be inside a different woman every night. I loved fucking around and having a good time. Wasn't that what your early 20's were for? I knew I'd have to settle down sometime, but that would be later into the future. Now was the time to party and have a good time.
Missy, Amy, Lucy, Kara, Julie, Denise, Olivia, Marissa, Bella, Gina, Hailey, Sara, Tonya, Rachel, Allie, Christy, Maura, Leanne, Valerie, Katie ... the list goes on and on with the girls I had slept with. They were all beautiful and took care of their bodies. I was never one to date a fat chick or a woman that came from low class family backgrounds.
No, these girls were all born with wealthy daddies or granddaddies. They were all given cars on their 16th birthdays, attended private school, and bought designers clothes. These girls always had their nails done and their hair dyed. They wore Clinique make up and real diamonds and pearls. These girls were in sororities. While their parents thought they were so virginal, they were having more sex than people did in the 60's. They looked pretty and pristine but deep down were all horny sluts, which I could not resist. I loved the fact that looking at them you'd think they were prudish but once you got them in bed, they were wild and willing to do almost anything.
They'd suck cock, take it up the ass and even fuck other chicks. These girls come from money and have mommy and daddy help them all their lives. They are easy and love sex as much as any guy does. I was lucky to be on the wealthy side so I can score with these girls. If I'd been some poor schmuck who didn't drive a BMW or had a rich father, they would have never given me the time of day.
I was lucky. I was loving my college days. I did focus on school, but on the weekend it was nothing but party, party, party. I drank a lot. I fucked a lot. I enjoyed it all. Many of the girls I slept with wanted some kind of relationship with me. I wouldn't have it though. I'd ignore their phone calls and walk the other way if I saw them on campus. I didn't want a girlfriend. I wanted to mess around and have fun. I saw nothing wrong with that.
So I slept with a different girl almost every day. I fucked them, I ate them out, I came on their face, I let them suck my dick and swallow my load. They loved it. They were nasty little sluts. You might have seen a few of them on the Girls Gone Wild videos.
I loved the way they looked so pretty and innocent and then turned out to be complete skanks. I enjoyed the nasty things I did with them and the kinky things they did to me. I wondered if their parents knew or even cared that their daughters were complete whores.
Fucking around is fun. But, it can get boring after a while. Soon after diving into every pussy I came across, I found myself getting really bored. All these rich bitches looking for a rich asshole like me to get serious with and maybe marry. They weren't about to marry some poor fucker. They needed someone that came from money just like they did.
These girls, although they gave it up and partied, were really dull. All they loved to talk about was make up, clothes, and designer handbags. It was fun to party with them and fuck them, but other than that, these chicks were a real bore.
I needed some kind of variety in my life. I was a preppy looking fucker and knew no chick from the other side of the tracks would talk to me. They saw me as a conceded asshole who thought he could buy anyone. Maybe they were right but I was dying to fuck a low class bitch just to see what poor pussy was like.
It was one Friday night after exams, Ray and I decided to head over to a raunchy bar in the poor side of town. It was called The Rag Room. I laughed at the name. Ray couldn't figure out why I'd want to go to that bar.
"I want to meet a chick," I told him.
Ray frowned. "Here?"
We were parked outside The Rag Room. I watched biker dudes go in with beer bellies hanging and leather vests.
"Yeah here. Why? You got something against it?"
He looked scared. "I figured we'd go to the Disco Light to meet chicks. Not here. This place looks bad."
I laughed. "The Disco Light has gotten old. I've fucked almost every chick that goes there. I want some low class pussy. You ever had low class pussy?"
Ray sighed. "C'mon. Why would you want to do that?"
"Because I NEVER have. I've dated Laura Ashley women. I want some dirty southern bitches."
Ray rolled his eyes. "Ok, I guess. But if things get nasty, I'm leaving."
We got out of the car and the stench of stale cigarettes and beer filled the air. We entered the bar and George Thorogood's "Bad to the bone" was playing on the jukebox. Some biker dudes were playing pool and the bartender, who was a tall fat guy, eyed us as we walked in. I could feel the sticky floor under my shoes as I walked towards the bar.
"What'll it be?" The bartender asked us. His hair was long and tied back in a ponytail.
"I'll take a Budweiser," I said.
He looked at Ray. "Nothing for me," Ray answered.
He shrugged and went to get me my beer. "You're not drinking?" I asked Ray.
"C'mon loosen up. We're in a new world now. Here, they don't care about what you wear or what you look like. Here, they just chill out and have a good time. I mean take a look around, you don't see any of these dudes sporting Michael Kors."
Ray looked nervous. "Can we just stay for a while and leave? I really don't like it here."
"Here you go," the bartender announced and handed me my beer.
I pulled a ten out of my Burberry wallet and gave it to him. "Keep the change," I said.
He gave me a stuck up look and took my money. No thanks for anything. Asshole.
The smoky room made it hard to see. I saw a bright Heineken neon sign on the wall and peanut shells all over the floor. There were three waitresses that night. One was a tall, skinny, skanky looking cunt. The other was a short, fat, twat. And the last one was ... somewhat decent looking. She was medium height, thin, and had should length black hair and resembled Neve Campbell in the movie The Craft. She wore long sleeve fishnet looking top with a black tank top underneath. Her skirt was short and her knee high boots had a thick wedged heel. I wouldn't mind fucking her. My cock was getting hard just thinking about it.
"Can we go now?" Ray asked impatiently.
"Check her out," I said to him.
I saw his eyes stare at the Neve Campbell look alike. "Yeah. So?"
"I'd like to fuck her."
He laughed. "And what makes you think she'd want to fuck you?"
I took a drink of my beer before answering. "Why not? I'm a good looking guy and I have money. She'd be stupid not to want to fuck me."
Ray sneered. "You're so full of yourself dude. I think we should go."
"Wait," I said as the Neve Campbell look alike walked by.
"Hey," I called out to her over Buckcherry's "Lit Up" that was now playing on the jukebox.
She stopped and turned to look at me. "Yes?"
"What's your name?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes. "My name is Leah. Is there something I can get for you?"
"I just wanted to talk," I said to her with my best charming smile.
She looked annoyed. Stupid bitch. "I'm working right now. If you need a beer or something ask the bartender. I only serve people sitting at the tables." With that she walked off.
Ray laughed. "Damn she really gave you the brush off."
"Shut up," I said angrily. I drank the rest of my beer. "Let's go sit at a table."
Ray groaned but followed me anyway. We got a table near a pool table towards the back. Leah was walking around and taking some drink orders. I waited until she reached our table. Unfortunately the tall skinny bitch approached us. "What can I get for you boys?"
"You can get us the pretty waitress over there," I shot out pointing to Leah.
She gave me a dirty look and walked away. She went over to Leah and said something to her. Leah looked upset but came over to our table anyway. "What can I get for you?" She asked in a haughty tone.
"Another Budweiser for me and get my friend a Samuel Adams."
Ray tried to protest and I shot him an angry look. He didn't say anything. She looked at me for a moment. Her eyes had dark blue eye shadow and she had black eyeliner on. "Fine," she said and went to get our drinks.
"I don't want a Samuel Adams. That beer tastes like piss," Ray commented angrily.
"I'll drink it then dude, shit, calm the fuck down. I just want to woo this low class bitch. She's hot."
A minute later, Leah came back. She set two coasters down on the dirty table and set our beers down. "One Budweiser and one Samuel Adams," she said loudly. Stone Temple Pilots "sex Type Thing" was playing on the jukebox. I've always liked that fuckin' song.
"Anything else I can get you?" Leah asked hesitantly.
"How about your phone number?" I asked boldly.
She sighed. "I don't think so."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Why not? You got a boyfriend?"
"Maybe I do," she shot back.
This bitch was pissing me off. "So what if you do? I bet he can't buy you shit. He has you working in this shithole and wearing skanky clothes. He can't be that good of a boyfriend."
"Oh? And I bet you'd be a great boyfriend huh? I bet your daddy paid for your car and is putting you through college. I bet he even buys you your clothes. Well you know what rich asshole? I WORK for the things I have. It may not be much, but at least I earn them. I don't have daddy buying them for me."
I felt my blood boiling. "Hey bitch, I'm going to college to get an education so I won't end up like you. At least I have a father which I'm guessing you don't!"
She laughed which only pissed me off more. "Yeah, you're getting your education yet you talk like a real asshole. You sound pretty uneducated to me."
I stood up. Ray stood up and gave me a warning look. "Alright Cody, that's enough. Let's go."
Leah stood there eyeing me as if I were a joke. Didn't she know I had money? Didn't she know no other girl had ever turned me down? Didn't she know there were other girls dying to fuck me? This fuckin bitch had really ruined my night. I should have known better than to try to mess with low class pussy.