Chapter 6: Adrienne

NOVEMBER 2001, SENIOR YEAR

It's amazing how much cell phones change your life. Yeah, the easy communication is nice, but the expectation of communication is just so weird. See, the last time I missed a couple of days from school, I got one landline phone call to ask how I was doing; and it was from Megan, my girlfriend at the time. I told her I was sick and staying home and she got all cutesy and motherly and promised to stop by my place in the afternoon to make me feel better. But that was it. This past weekend while I'd been focusing all my energy on Dawn, I'd gotten SEVENTEEN voicemails.

Megan, Cassidy, and Adrienne had all left me messages on Thursday. Lynne tried Friday, and Adrienne left me a second message as well. Funny, none of my male friends seemed to care.

Well, Kenny did call on Saturday to ask if I was coming to play basketball. He didn't even comment on my absence from school. And Daniel finally left me a message later just hoping I was feeling better. He must have assumed I was out sick.

But that was just the first seven. Two more were from Lynne, babbling something about Adrienne, and the other eight were all from Adrienne herself, most accompanied by teary voicemails pleading with me to talk to her. And that didn't even include my mom telling me that Adrienne had called the house a dozen times while apparently too scared to walk over and ring the doorbell. When I got home on Sunday and finally listened to all those messages, I sighed and thought back to the last time I'd seen her, sprawled naked on her bed begging me to fuck her.

I'd left Adrienne there. I'd left her hanging and just walked away without a backwards glance. And I had no idea what she'd be like when I finally showed up.

"Where were you the last few days?" Megan hip-bumped me in the hallway on Monday, a curious but not interrogatory expression on her face.

I shrugged. "Home sick."

Megan frowned and she took my arm, stopping our forward progress as she turned towards me. "Ben, you're a terrible liar. Besides, your mom told me you were out of town when I called the house to check in on you."

I rolled my eyes. "It's personal, okay?"

She cocked an eyebrow and looked at me with concern. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine now. It's just ... personal."

"Okay, okay," Megan held her hands up and started walking again. Then she folded her arms a little more tightly over her chest, looking mildly nervous for a second.

Now it was my turn to ask with concern, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," Megan stammered for a second, and then looked around at the people around us before pulling me towards a more private alcove. "Uh, I feel like I need to tell you something, Ben."

I just nodded and leaned forward a bit so Megan wouldn't have to speak with a full voice.

Megan leaned forward as well and with that nervous look on her face, said, "James and I finally did it."

I blinked a couple of times before her words sunk in and then I furrowed my eyebrows. "Oh, uh, okay. Why are you telling me this?"

Megan blushed and gave me a nervous smile. "I don't know ... I, uh, just sort of thought you should know. I mean, I know we're not boyfriend/girlfriend anymore but I felt like I needed to be upfront and honest with you."

I smirked and shook my head. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Megan. It's none of my business. But as your friend, and Kaito's friend as well, I guess I should say congratulations."

Megan turned red and I couldn't help but get in the extra dig. With a wry grin, I asked, "It IS congratulations, right? Or should I be offering my condolences? Was he that bad?" I mimed fucking motions with my hands.

"Ben!" Megan punched me in the chest. Then she sighed. "Well, I clearly don't have much to compare since you're the only other boy I've ever slept with. But ... well ... I mean, he was a virgin. So clearly he's got a lot to learn."

I nodded without judgment.

Megan smiled then. "But at least he seems willing and eager to figure it out."

I gave Megan my warmest smile and touched her on the arm. "Megan, I'm happy for you."

She sighed with some relief. "Thanks."

My second encounter with a female friend that Monday didn't go quite as smoothly.

It started when I met up with Lynne Arian before Calculus. The petite brunette took one look at me, then grabbed my hand and yanked me over to a more private area.

"Ben, where the hell have you been?" she hissed.

"What?"

"You missed school Thursday and Friday and you weren't picking up your phone all weekend!" Lynne frowned.

"Uh, I was home sick?" My delivery was anything but convincing.

Lynne rolled her eyes. "You're not a very good liar, are you?"

I sighed. "Lynne, what's the big deal? Did I forget I promised a study session or something?"

"No, no," my cute classmate sighed. "This has nothing to do with me or with school. It's about Adrienne."

I furrowed my eyebrows and stood up straight, worry coming straight to my head. I'd already been a little anxious about how my ex-girlfriend would be, given the way we'd parted and the ten missed calls she'd left me in four days, 22 if you counted the house calls. And from the concern in Lynne's voice, I really started to worry that Adrienne had done something stupid to herself. "Lynne, what's wrong?" I asked urgently.

"I was hoping you'd tell me. I know she visits your place every Wednesday for dinner; she calls it the highlight of her week. And then last Thursday and Friday she was a complete zombie around school. She just skipped cheer practice! SKIPPED it. Not a word to anyone, and NOT something you'd expect from the Captain. And then this whole weekend she locked herself in that big, empty house and wouldn't come out. She wouldn't answer her phone and when Heather and I went over and banged on her door, she wouldn't let us in."

Lynne looked seriously freaked out but barely paused to breathe. "So anyways, the instant she showed up at school this morning Heather and I cornered her and started asking questions. We asked if something was going on with her dad or if she was having boyfriend problems. We wondered if she was in trouble with the school or if she'd been drinking or doing some drugs. She just sullenly answered 'no' to everything until Heather cocked her head and asked about you, specifically. Adrienne just went catatonic for a minute, not even flinching when we waved our hands in front of her face. But after that minute, she just took a deep breath and said, 'It's alright. I'm over it.' And then she walked away."

Lynne grabbed my hand. "Ben, what's going on?"

I shrugged. "Nothing, nothing."

"You really are a bad liar," Lynne frowned. "Did something happen between you two last Wednesday?"

I sighed. "That's between me and her."

"Well you've got to do something about it," Lynne glared at me with a fire in her eyes. "You BROKE Adrienne, Ben. That makes it your job to fix her. The team needs its Captain and I want my friend back."

I bit my lip and nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

Lynne wasn't about to leave things to chance, and once class was over she literally dragged me by the hand across campus to find Adrienne. She had plenty of time since it was the lunch break, and sure enough we caught Adrienne halfway to her usual lunch table.

Adrienne stiffened when she saw me and she came to a dead stop, causing the guy behind her to accidentally bump into her back. I'm sure the guy was too busy staring at the gorgeous blonde cheerleader's ass to avert the collision.

Anyways, Adrienne just nervously bit her lip and waited for Lynne and me to approach. Then once we arrived, not a word was spoken by anyone. Instead, Lynne grabbed Adrienne's hand, held out my own, and unceremoniously clasped the two of us together. I barely had time to blink before Lynne spun about and marched away.

For a few seconds, Adrienne and I just stood there watching our friend walk off. And as if only then realizing she was holding onto me, Adrienne jerked her hand away and stammered while looking at the ground. "Oh, sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

I'd never seen Adrienne this flustered before. The normally cocky, confident babe who walked on air across the campus seemed more an intimidated freshman than the queen bee of the school. I looked at my hand and back at her, puzzled. "Uh, you're not going to get in trouble for holding my hand, Adrienne."

"No, no..." She blushed, a rosy pink tinting her pale skin. "I just..." Adrienne bit her lip, staring at the floor, looking as if she was ready to cry. "Look, about Halloween night, Ben. I'm SO sorry I threw myself at you and I don't know what was going through my head and everything was so messed up and-"

"Shh, shh," I held a hand up to soothe her but she kept on rambling her apology. When I took her hand Adrienne's whimpers turned to sobs and as I looked at her face, I knew the beautiful girl was about to start crying.

On instinct, I pulled Adrienne to me and held her head against my shoulder. At that point the floodgates opened and her dry sobs became full-blown wet bawling as the tears poured out from her eyes and began dampening my shirt. Her arms wrapped around my back as she clutched herself against me. Her fingernails dug into my back almost painfully and for a moment, I truly believed that Adrienne would never let me go.

"I'm sorry!" she bawled. "I'm sorry!"

"Shh ... It's okay, it's okay." I patted her back and tried to shush her. We were drawing quite a few stares by now and there were even a couple of girls giving me the evil eye, clearly blaming me for whatever it was that was making Adrienne cry.

I couldn't really blame them. As abruptly as I'd left her last Wednesday and from the way she'd reacted to the mere sight of me, I was pretty sure I WAS responsible for Adrienne's current state of mind, whether I knew exactly how or not. Spying an open classroom door nearby, I shuffled the trembling cheerleader in that direction and she let me lead her into the recently emptied room. To further isolate us, I closed the door behind me, drastically reducing the outside noise from dull roar to background hum.

Once we'd gained a measure of privacy, I relaxed and focused on pacifying Adrienne. She slowly managed to calm herself and eventually pulled her face off my shoulder while still clutching her arms around my back. With tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, the gorgeous young woman turned her head and stared at me for a few moments, her intense gaze swimming in mine. Her lower jaw quivered slightly as she fought to get a hold of herself. And then very slowly, she crept her face towards me while puckering her lips and aiming for my mouth.

"Whoa, whoa, Adrienne," I pulled my head away. Clearly, Adrienne was feeling some of the same intense emotions for me she'd had that Halloween night and the last thing I wanted to do was lead her on. Dawn had given me permission to make my own decision about my gorgeous ex-girlfriend, but even though my loins wanted to get intimate with Adrienne, my brain knew better.

Adrienne's eyes pinched inward at my rejection, but she stopped her forward progress. She bit her lip and looked ready to start crying again, but ultimately kept it together and slowly backed away. She didn't release her grip around my back, but with her face at a more manageable distance between us I was no longer anxious that she might try to kiss me again. "I'm sorry, Ben."

"It's okay," I replied softly.

"I shouldn't have tried to kiss you just now."

"It's okay."

"I shouldn't have tried to seduce you last Wednesday."

"It's ... well. No harm done."

Adrienne rubbed my shoulders from behind and stared at my mouth, more to have something to focus on than because she was going to try kissing me again. "Did you tell your girlfriend? That I gave you a blowjob and tried to get you to fuck me?"

"Yes," I said quietly.

Adrienne inhaled sharply, and when her voice came back it was much weaker than before. Quite nervously, she asked, "Did you get in a lot of trouble?"

I smirked. "No, actually."

Adrienne blinked a few times and then finally turned her gaze back up into my eyes. "Really?" Her voice had a little strength coming back to it.

I nodded my head in confirmation.

"So ... I didn't destroy your relationship with your girlfriend?"

I shook my head.

She blinked a few more times and searched my eyes, looking for something that wasn't there. And it surprised her that she didn't find it. "You're not mad at me?" she asked in confusion.

"Mad?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "No. Why?"

Adrienne whimpered, her voice cracking. "Because I'm a bitch. I've always been a bitch. I see what I want and then I just go and take it, consequences be damned." She exhaled and started shaking with an internal rage that I didn't understand. "I stole you from Megan and Cassidy. I seduced you from two girls who loved you very much, Ben, and it wasn't the first time. You know why Donna Kincaid hated me so much? I stole her boyfriend my Sophomore year. Because I could. Because I convinced myself that if I could steal a boyfriend from a girl then it was alright; because I was better than her."

She bit her lip and looked ready to re-start her crying. "And I nearly did it again. I was feeling so lonely, Ben. I went out with boy after boy and I felt like I couldn't trust any of them. Things just didn't feel right and I felt so empty inside. The only things that made me happy were visiting your family and playing with the twins or giving girl advice to Brooke." Tears did start forming in Adrienne's eyes as she looked at me. "Or just sitting on the couch talking to you."

Her hands tightened on my shoulders and I just kept silent. Clearly, Adrienne had done a lot of thinking in the past few days while I was with Dawn and all her conclusions were tumbling out right now, almost faster than she could speak. "My shit's a mess, Ben. And I started wondering," she sighed. "When was the last time I felt happy? Not just occasionally and not just on Wednesday nights. When was the last time I was happy with my life?"

Adrienne blinked a few times and then turned her gaze right into my eyes. "It was with you, Ben. Right after Spring Break and before the Prom. I was happiest when I was with you. After we broke up, I just felt so alone. My dad has been pulling further and further away from me. He works all the time and most nights he doesn't even bother to come home. At my address, there's nothing but an empty shell of where a home used to be."

I frowned and felt a tug of sympathy for Adrienne. No wonder she so diligently came over to our house every single Wednesday without fail, if for no other reason than to bask in our family's warmth.

"For three years I hung out with upperclassmen; almost all of my friends have graduated now. Yeah, I'm still good with the Cheer team, but most of those girls idolize me or put me on this pedestal. They don't talk to me and we're not close friends or anything. I thought I'd still be able to hang out with Candy, but she's so preoccupied with college and meeting new people and all. I hang out with Lynne and Heather sometimes, but it's not quite the same."

Adrienne exhaled and put her forehead back down on my shoulder, this time the one that hadn't been soaked by her tears. "And boys! None of them feel right. All of them just want to get into my panties and I wouldn't trust any of them further than I could throw them. You've fucked me up, Ben. You got me used to a boyfriend who would be considerate and chivalrous and attentive while still maintaining your own spine and not letting me walk all over him. And it didn't hurt that you could turn me into a puddle of orgasmic honey with just your fingers. Other guys could do the moves. But there's something different in the way they moved and the way you move. So now I'm horny and desperate to get laid but I can't find a guy I trust enough to let climb on top of me and I'm not sure he'd know what to do if he got there."

I said nothing but gently stroked Adrienne's back.

"No family. No friends. No boyfriend. What the fuck happened to my life?" she whimpered. "This is my Senior Year of High School! This was supposed to be the greatest year of my life. But I can't force my father to come home and be my dad. I've been trying that for the last seven years. My old friends aren't coming back. If it weren't for you and your family: Brandi, Brooke, the twins, your parents ... I don't know what I'd have done. And I miss you Ben. I miss the relationship we had. I've wished a hundred times we hadn't broken up. You were right, I wasn't giving you enough attention and I was flirting with too many other guys and I shut you out when I was going through my whole uterine fibroid-thing. The Cassidy thing I understood and I could have forgiven the Donna thing. We didn't have to break up. But by the time I realized how much I missed you, it was too late. You were taken."

She went quiet for a long moment, lost in her thoughts once again. I was pretty lost myself. Adrienne was spilling a lot of emotions and feelings I really wasn't prepared for, and I was still trying to organize and sort out everything she was telling me.

And then Adrienne sighed and I realized she was going to keep going. "I lost control that night, Ben. I talked you into cuddling with me and as soon as I was in your arms, I lost it. It felt SOOO good. I remembered what it was like and I remembered how in love with you I felt when we were together. I HAD to have you back. I did what I always did. I turned up the charm and put on the moves and when you started to resist I just whipped your cock out and gave you the blowjob of a lifetime. I wanted you to fuck me, Ben. I hadn't gotten laid ... STILL haven't gotten laid ... in such a fucking long time and I NEEDED you, Ben."

"I'm sorry," I croaked, opening my mouth for the first time. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed."

"No, no, that's just it." Adrienne stared intensely into my eyes, her hazel irises aflame. "Walking away was the RIGHT thing to do. Believe me, I HATED it at the time but it was the right thing. It's just like you did the right thing with Elyse over Spring Break. I was her, trying to seduce you. But you stayed loyal to your girlfriend."

I arched my eyebrow, trying to figure out Adrienne's analogy.

"Don't you get it, Ben? If you had gone through with it, you would have just shown me you haven't matured since we were dating. But because you actually stayed loyal to your girlfriend ... I..." Adrienne sighed. "It just makes me want to trust you that much more, Ben. And that's a rare thing in my life. You might actually be the only man in the world that I'm willing to trust."

I blinked several times, furrowing my brow. "Uh, thanks," I stammered nervously.

And then without warning, Adrienne flung herself into my arms once again, hugging me with a ferocity that staggered me back against a nearby wall. "And I was sooo worried that I'd lost you! Lost you and your family! I didn't know what I'd do! Gawd dammit, I was even thinking of suicide!"

My arms tightened around her and squeezed desperately. I did NOT want Adrienne killing herself. Not on my watch. "Wait, WHAT?"

Adrienne whimpered and I felt fresh tears starting to dot my dry shoulder. "I know, I know, it's stupid and melodramatic. But I was seriously thinking about it. My life's a mess, Ben." She stroked my cheek. "But you give me hope."

I kept my mouth shut and just hugged her tightly. This whole thing had been rather overwhelming for an emotionally-stunted 17-year-old boy like me. I didn't pretend to understand the psychological convolutions going through Adrienne's head, but I knew one thing: I didn't want her out of my life. The mere thought of a dead Adrienne freaked the hell out of me, not just for the idea of a dead person, but because of WHOM. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Well, the thought of Adrienne no longer being around pained me beyond measure.

Dawn was right: I DID still care about her. And more than just an ordinary friend. And this time when I looked down to see her eyes glowing golden and shimmering with moisture, I felt that overpowering urge to kiss her once again. It wouldn't be so bad, right? Dawn HAD given me permission.

But even if I was allowed by Dawn, it wasn't right for me and Adrienne. Not now, maybe not ever again. Adrienne needed me as a man she could trust. And so tenderly, I leaned forward and planted my kiss on her forehead. She trembled and sighed happily while hugging herself tighter around me.

"I love you, Ben," she hummed, sounding happier than I'd ever heard her.

My arms stiffened as I winced and thought of Dawn. I loved my Dawn; I was sure of it. And now I understood what they said about how awkward things could get when one person professed their love and the other didn't feel 'that way'. Ah, hell. What should I do now? In a mournful tone, I began, "Adrienne..."

"No, no," she quickly interrupted me, holding my face in her hands, her eyes a little wild. "I know you're in love with your girlfriend. I'm not going to try and change that. But please don't push me out of your life Ben. I'll be whatever you want me to be. Just friends, just friends; that's okay." Adrienne bit her lip nervously, her eyes darting left and right, searching mine for some sign of acceptance.

It was a strange role reversal. Little more than a year ago, she was the queen goddess who looked down her nose at all the fawning boys who yearned to be close to her. While I wasn't a star-struck devotee at the time, I certainly lusted after her and knew I had absolutely no power over the most beautiful girl in school.

Now, that same goddess was now huddled in my arms, pleading with me for acceptance. The girl who would never lose control of her situation, who would never relinquish her power, was laying herself at my feet and asking me for so little. I blinked in astonishment at what was happening. But that didn't change the way I felt for her. She NEEDED me. How could I possibly let her down? So in my most reassuring voice, I told her, "Adrienne, of COURSE we're friends."

She burst into tears again, this time tears of joy as she flung her arms around my neck and cried happily against my skin. And almost immediately after, my stomach growled quite loudly. It WAS lunch break after all.

Adrienne giggled at the sound and looked down at my stomach. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm keeping you from your lunch."

"It's okay, it's okay," I smiled and then looked at Adrienne intently while she wiped the tears from her eyes. "So we're good now?"

Adrienne bit her lip, but the smiled and nodded. "As long as I can still be with you..."

I arched an eyebrow.

" ... just as a friend," she blushed and looked down, clasping her hands together.

I blinked a couple of times. She said 'just friends' for now, but how long would that last? Oh, well. We'd been talking in circles long enough. I nodded and moved to open the classroom door.

"Ben, uh..." Adrienne's voice stopped me just short of the handle. "Do you think I can come sit with you for lunch?"

I arched my eyebrow. Sure, my friends might think it a bit strange and I wasn't totally certain how Megan and Cassidy would react. But the two of them had their own boyfriends now and they'd been rather friendly with Adrienne in the past, so I figured it was worth a shot. Besides, I felt that strong sense of need radiating from Adrienne. She was very vulnerable and I didn't want to abandon her now.

So slipping my hand into hers and squeezing firmly, I smiled warmly and said, "Sure."

After a quick pit-stop to the bathroom so Adrienne could fix her makeup, perhaps twenty minutes late she and I arrived at my usual lunch table. Elaine Fukuhara was the first to spot us walking so close together and I saw her arm jerking as she quickly got Megan's attention.

Megan looked up and then looked straight to me. I gave her a reassuring smile as my ex-girlfriend looked back and forth between me and the most beautiful girl in school for a few seconds before shrugging and elbowing Cassidy. The cute redhead similarly raised her eyebrows at my current dining companion.

"Mind if Adrienne joins us?" I asked in general and got murmured approvals along with a few surprised grunts.

I slid onto the long bench seat beside Sung Joon, who nodded in greeting to us both. Stephanie Vo actually chirped, "Hey, Adrienne."

"Hi, Steph," Adrienne warmly replied as she sat next to me and started opening up her lunch.

The Sanders twins exchanged inquisitive glances with each other. And after a moment's hesitation they added their greetings as well.

Less than a minute later, Lynne and Heather Wilkinson arrived with half-finished lunches in their hands. Lynne smiled and asked if she could take the empty spots opposite me and Adrienne and after getting confused but affirmative answers, the two other Senior cheerleaders sat down.

With a completely forced casual delivery, Lynne then asked, "So Adrienne ... How are things going?"

The stunningly gorgeous blonde looked over at me and bumped her shoulder against mine. She smiled and answered, "Ben's a great friend. I think I'm going to be just fine."

Kenny Doyle hovered in my face. "So are you two hooked up again?"

"No."

"Ahh," Kenny nodded sagely. "Just banging her."

"No."

"Then what's the deal?"

"She's a friend," I sighed, giving Kenny a weary look. "That's it."

"That's it? That girl is seriously hot for you! I thought she was interested in getting back together a month ago but fuck, man, Adrienne's looking at you like you walk on water or something now."

Megan was the next to arrive. Classes had just ended for the day and I soon found myself cornered in front of my locker. "So what's going on with you and Adrienne, Ben?" my ex-girlfriend queried.

"We're just friends."

"Friends. Really." Megan's voice was a deadpan, clearly not believing me.

"Yes, friends." I gestured my hand back and forth between me and her. "I AM capable of being friends with an ex-girlfriend."

"Maybe..." Megan looked dubious. "But after we broke up, MY eyes weren't following after you like a lovesick puppy dog."

Kenny nodded and gave me a look that clearly said, 'Explain that.'

I sighed. "Hey, Adrienne's going through a rough time right now. I won't explain why. I'm just a friend. Now drop it, okay?"

"Fiiine," both Megan and Kenny whined, sounding worse than Brooke when she wasn't getting her way.

And then as if on cue, Adrienne strutted down the hallway towards me, her eyes radiant and her entire being glowing as she caught sight of me. I hadn't really noticed before, distraught as Adrienne was; but I now noticed the swell of her big E-cups straining the fabric of her white tank top, the button-down pink blouse over the top of it unbuttoned low enough to almost be irrelevant. The blouse was tied off above her navel, exposing a few inches of creamy skin and her hip hugger jeans were low enough and tight enough to seem spray-painted on. I felt a fresh tension in my shorts just looking at her.

Megan and Kenny, catching my distracted gaze, both saw the gorgeous young blonde coming toward us. They looked back at me, then at her, then back to me as they simultaneously arched their eyebrows in a perfect imitation of my well- known puzzled expression. Then laughing, my two friends turned and walked away.

"What was that all about?" Adrienne asked as she came up to me. She'd clearly scene Megan's and Kenny's last comical gesture.

"Nothing, nothing," I waved. "They're just being dorks."

Adrienne nodded. "So anyways, I've got practice this afternoon but can I call you when I'm done? Just to talk, Ben. I just need someone to talk to."

I shrugged. "Sure."

She beamed and quickly hopped forward, pecking my cheek. "Thanks, Ben. You know, I think this is going to be great. As friends, we can really get to know each other without all that sexual tension getting in the way," she giggled while slowly twisting her torso back and forth, which did nothing but draw my attention down to her cleavage.

Nervously, I swallowed. It was ironic. Just when I'd gotten permission from Dawn to act on my lustful desire for my gorgeous ex-girlfriend, Adrienne had gone and told me she loved me, admitting the feelings that prevented me from sleeping with her and thus breaking my promise of emotional fidelity to my girlfriend. If only she was just another hot body, I could sate my lust without consequence.

As it was, all I could do was admire Adrienne's supreme sensuality (even unintentional) as she chirped happily and then spun around, hopping away with boner-inducing swaying of her hips.