We had just gotten off work and Ben and I were sitting at the bar in Riley's Tavern sipping suds and shooting the shit while watching Monday Night Football on the TV. The game was just so-so, neither team seemingly able to get it together although the Broncos did manage to get a drive or two going even though they never capitalized on them.
A shot of the Broncos cheerleaders hit the screen and Ben nudged me and said:
"Would I what?"
"Do one of those cheerleaders?"
"What kind of a stupid question is that? Of course I would and in a fucking heartbeat."
"Wouldn't matter. Whichever one I could get to go along with the program."
Just then a shot of a busty blond with more than ample cleavage showed up on the screen and Ben said:
"On the city hall steps at high noon with God and everybody watching."
"You could do that?"
"Fuck some babe while you were being watched?"
"No problem. If your dick gets hard enough it will take over and you won't even notice that anyone else is around."
"I don't know if I could do that. Function while being watched I mean. Although I guess that there are some guys who can. Could you fuck some guy's wife while he watched or maybe watch while some guy did yours?"
"What the hell Ben; what's with this watching shit?"
"Just curious is all. What you said about the city hall steps just triggered something."
"Just a memory."
"What kind of memory?"
"A guy I used to work with — Joe Franco — was a swinger. Always trying to get some guy to do his wife while he watched."
"From the way you are talking I'm guessing that you never took him up on his offer."
"No, I never did and I have always regretted it. She was one hot looking babe."
"Why didn't you nail her when he wasn't around to watch?"
"I tried once and she said she would love to let me get in her pants, but only if one of two things happened. Either Joe got to watch or we had to swap. I could do her while Joe did my wife."
"So why didn't you?"
"You shitting me? You think for one minute my Alice would have gone along with that? Maybe when pigs fly."
"How do you know? Did you ever ask her?"
"Hell no! I didn't want no frying pan bouncing off my skull. Besides, you seen Alice. Who would want to swap their old lady for her?"
"You kidding me? I'd go for Alice in a New York minute."
"You would? You would swap Glenda for Alice?"
"Sure. Why not. You going to tell me that you wouldn't do Glenda if you had a chance?"
"Hah! I'd be on her like a duck on a june bug. Let me get this straight. You would let me take your old lady in the sack?"
"Sure. Of course she would have to be the one to say yes."
"Damn!" he said and we went back to the game just in time to see Plummer throw an interception.
As I drove home I thought about what Ben and I had talked about while sitting at the bar. Only in America could two buddies sit in a bar drinking and talking about fucking each other's wives without getting in a fight (well, two really good buddies any way), but I couldn't understand why he would have trouble banging a broad while being watched. But then maybe it was because I'd done it a dozen times and it never bothered me. Course it was back in my single days while I was in college. Every once in a while I would think back to those frat house gangbangs and think that, yes indeed, those were the good old days.
Another thing I couldn't understand was Ben's attitude where Alice was concerned. Why in the hell did he think that no one would want her? Sure, she was no skinny, flat stomached Barbi doll, but I'll bet that there weren't too many men who would turn down a chance at a raven haired thirty-six year old that came in at 36Dx24x37 even if it did come on a five foot three inch frame. Voluptuous was the word that best described Alice. My tongue (along with other parts of me) got hard every time I saw her. There were only two reasons why I had never made a pass at Alice. One is that Ben was my friend and the other is that Glenda would kill me if she found out. And she would find out. I was incapable of hiding anything from that woman.
It would be terminally stupid of me to do anything that would risk what I had with Glenda. As far as looks go she was what they were calling a MILF these days. A better cook than my mother and my grandmother combined; she kept a clean house and damned near fucked me to death three or four times a week. Plus — and a big plus at that — she made more than I did off the paintings she did in her basement studio and I pulled down 70K a year. But even though she made a ton of money off of them those paintings were, to me at least, a massive sore spot in our marriage, but I had to keep silent about it. Glenda did figure studies mostly and she used live models and the models were mostly men and the men were mostly black and that mostly pissed me off and there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it without opening a humongous can of worms; a can full of trouble that could do serious harm to our marriage.
I once asked her why most of her models were black males and her answer was:
"Because that is what sells."
I couldn't argue with that because it was a subject that I knew nothing about, but in the back of my mind I did not believe that was the real reason. You see, I knew something about Glenda that she didn't know that I knew. And the information was disturbing. If I had known it before Glenda and I took our vows I'm not at all that sure that I would have married her. In fact, we had been married just a bit over three years when I found out.
It was a quirk of fate that put Glenda, a girl she went to school with and me in close proximity one sunny September day. Glenda had a meeting with the owner of an art gallery that had some of her paintings on display and since she was downtown anyway she called me and asked me to have lunch with her. We were at Emile's and about half way through lunch when a woman walked up to the table and said:
"Glenda? Glenda Stoneman?"
Glenda looked up and then said, "Marge? Oh my God, look at you" and she stood and the two women hugged. Glenda invited Marge to sit with us and then she introduced me. I thought I saw Marge's eyes widen at the word "husband" but I didn't think anything of it at the time. I finished my lunch and told Glenda that I needed to get back to work and when I left Glenda and Marge were reminiscing about their days in college.
That night after work I stopped at The Black Mushroom for a drink with Ben. As we sat down I noticed that Marge was sitting at the bar. She was looking our way so I waved her over and she came over to the table and joined us. Ben completely misread the situation, gave me a "you old dog you" grin, finished his drink and then left to give the "two lovers" some time alone.
As soon as Marge started talking it was obvious that she already had a snoot full and that is probably why she wasn't watching what she was saying. Ben was only a couple of seconds gone when Marge said:
"Are you really Glenda's husband?"
"For three years now."
"Oh wow. I would never have expected that."
"That she would marry a white guy."
Now I'm a guy who believes that what was in the past was none of my business and I had never tried to find out about Glenda's dating habits or old boyfriends. What happened before me was none of my business, but Marge's statement grabbed my curiosity and so I asked:
"And just why does that surprise you?"
"In the whole four years we were in college together she never dated anyone but black football and black basketball players. When some of us girls asked her why she only went out with black guys she just said we wouldn't understand; that we would have to date a couple to find out. Mitzy Warren asked her if it was true what we had heard — that blacks were bigger — and Glenda just grinned and said that was something else we would have to find out on our own. Then she told us to be careful; that there was some truth to the old saying that once you go black you can never go back."
She was silent for a few moments and then her eyes opened wide as she thought of something and then she blurted out:
"Oh! You must be hung like a horse. Is that it?"
And then her hand flew to her mouth as if to cover it as she said, "Oh my God! I can't believe that I just said that." Then she said, "Saved by the bell" and she raised her arm and waved. "My husband finally got here." She giggled and said:
"At least in my case it was true."
"What was true?"
"That you never go back" and she pointed. I turned and saw a large black man approaching and he had a scowl on his face. He probably thought I was trying to hustle his woman and he didn't like it. He walked up to the table and before he could say a word Marge introduced us. I stood and offered my hand as Marge said:
"Rob is Glenda's husband. You remember Glenda don't you?"
As he reached for my hand I saw his eyes quickly glance at my crotch and then back up to my face as he said, "Nice to meet you." I sat back down and he joined us. I finished my drink and told them that I needed to hurry home, that Glenda would be waiting dinner for me.
I was one confused puppy as I drove home. Marge obviously thought Glenda ran with the black crowd because of the size thing and that there was probably some truth to it was confirmed — at least in my mind- by the glance that her husband gave my crotch as if somehow he could judge my size. Size or no, one thing was clear to me by the time I got home that night. My wife had a thing for blacks. But was it a thing for size? If it was then her marrying me made no sense since I was only about six and a half inches.
So there I was. Knowing that my wife had a thing for black men, knowing that she used mostly black men for models and I couldn't say anything about it without her thinking that I was thinking that she was getting it on with her models. Was she? I had no way of knowing for sure, but I didn't think she was. In my college days I'd done several threesomes and foursomes and quite a few gangbangs and I knew what it felt like when you weren't the first one in, even if those in front of you were using rubbers. If Glenda was taking on her models I was pretty sure that I would have known it. But still, in the back of my mind I had to wonder. And worry. I didn't know what I would do if I found out she was cheating on me so I did my best not to find out.
From time to time Glenda would ask me to model for her, but I always found some reason to get out of doing it. I could always find a better use for my time than to sit, stand or lay in some pose for a couple of hours while Glenda sketched or painted. One night when Ben and Alice were over for dinner Glenda was complaining to Alice (in a good natured way) that she could never get me to take my clothes off and let her "immortalize" me and Alice had laughed and said she couldn't get Ben to keep his clothes on. Then Ben said that he didn't expect that she had too much trouble in getting models and then he laughed and said he didn't know too many men who wouldn't like to get naked in front of a beautiful woman.
"I'd do it in a heartbeat" he said and "Over my dead body" Alice exclaimed.
The next day was the day of my yearly physical and so I was still at home when the doorbell rang and Glenda hollered at me to get it. I opened the door and found a tall, well built black man standing there.
"Can I help you?"
"I'm here to see Glenda Barton."
"Glenda" I hollered up the stairs, "It's for you."
Glenda came up and introduced me. "Honey, this is Rex. He will be sitting for me the next couple of weeks."
I saw the way he was looking at Glenda and I wanted to hit him, but of course I didn't. All I did was kiss Glenda and tell her that I'd see her later and then I left for my doctor's appointment.
A week later I had an appointment with a supplier and I hadn't seen much sense in driving in to work and then turning around and coming all the way back so I was still at home when the doorbell rang. It was Rex again and when I opened the door and he saw it was me his face got a smirk on it. I let him in, hollered for Glenda and then went into my den. I sat down at the desk and tried to look over the papers that I would be taking to my meeting with the supplier, but I couldn't concentrate on them. Rex's smirk kept jumping into my mind.
That fucking smirk stayed with me all day and when Glenda wanted to make love that night I thought of that smirk and for the first time in my life I wasn't able to get it up. Glenda went to work on me with her magic mouth, but just as I started to stiffen I wondered if she had sucked off Rex the same way and my cock wilted. Finally Glenda asked me what was wrong. I couldn't very well say, "You and your black boyfriend are what's wrong" so I lied and said that I guessed that it was worries and pressures at work.
"Well you need to get over them baby, and soon. I need this little guy on a regular basis."
The fact that she said "little guy" did not help at all. I didn't sleep well that night and my mood followed me into work the next day. By eleven things were so bad that I said, "Fuck this shit!" and I grabbed my coat and headed for home. I was going to have a nice long talk with Glenda and "clear the air." Maybe the outcome of the talk wouldn't be good, but I couldn't go on with my life knowing what I knew about Glenda's past combined with her penchant for black male models and Rex's goddamned smirk.
It wasn't until I was a half mile from the house that I realized that I might walk in on Rex "sitting" for Glenda and I almost stopped and turned around, but at the last second I decided that to hell with it, I needed to get it over with. When I pulled up in front of the house I saw Ben's car in the driveway and no sign of Rex's car and that told me that Alice was visiting so I wouldn't be walking in on Rex and Glenda. Of course I wouldn't be able to bring anything up in front of Alice, but I would wait it out. Sooner or later she would leave and I'd have my sit down with Glenda. I was determined that I was going to get it done that day.
I wasn't in the house twenty seconds when it was obvious that I had totally misread things. From the upstairs bedroom I heard a loud:
"Oh God; you are splitting me in two" followed a second or two later by, "Oh no, don't stop. I didn't mean for you to stop. Just keep pushing lover, just kee..." and then a loud moan.
I walked up the stairs to a chorus of, "Oh yes, oh yes, oh sweet fucking Jesus yes" and "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me." I reached the bedroom door and looked in and saw Ben fucking Glenda. They were on the bed and Glenda was on her knees with her head on her forearms and her butt up in the air and Ben was fucking her from behind.
I stood there stunned and frozen in my tracks for a couple of seconds and then Ben noticed me and stopped fucking Glenda. She cried out:
"No, no, no, oh God no, don't stop, please don't stop."
When he didn't start fucking her again she raised her head and turned to look back and that is when she saw me. She looked at me and cried:
"Don't make him stop Rob, please don't make him stop. Oh God please let him keep going."
Ben pulled out of her and stood there with a sheepish look on his face and I took one last look at the scene and then turned and walked out of the house.
I drove to the other side of town, picked a motel with a bar next door to it. I checked in, walked over to the bar and handed my car keys to the bartender, told him to point me at the motel when the bar closed and then I proceeded to get blind, stupid drunk.
I woke up the next day around noon fully dressed and lying on a motel bed with no idea of how I got there. I had a pounding headache and there was a strange noise I couldn't quite make out. I got up and as I undressed I realized that the strange noise was the ring tone of my cell phone. I drug it out of my pants pocket and the display said the call was from my home phone. I tossed the phone on the bed and stumbled into the shower.
When I came out of the shower five minutes later the phone was still going off. I ignored it, got dressed and then went across the street to the Village Inn and got some breakfast. Then I went back to the bar for a little bit of "the hair of the dog that bit me." I asked the day bartender about my car keys and he went back to the office and came back with them. I nursed a couple of beers for an hour or so and then went back to the motel.
I picked up my cell off the bed and checked it out. I had twenty-one missed calls and eleven voice mails. Four of the missed calls were from Ben, one was from my office and the rest were from Glenda. All of the voice mails were from Glenda. I deleted everything and then called my office. I told my boss what was going on and that I was going to need a day or two off. He had been through two divorces so he empathized with me. He told me to take as much time as I needed.
I went to the motel office and took the room for the rest of the week. While there my cell phone beeped and I saw that the battery was low so on the way back to my room I stopped at my car and put the phone on the car charger.
In the room I sat on the bed and stared at the wall as my mind worked overtime and I came to the conclusion that I had been much, much better off just wondering about Glenda than actually knowing. And Ben! Jesus Christ, what a fucking cliché. My best fucking friend! I was worried about black male models and all the time it was my golfing partner, my hunting and fishing buddy, my fucking drinking companion. But then it could just as easily be Ben AND the fucking male models for all I knew.
I wondered if Alice knew that Ben was cheating on her. I thought maybe I should call and let her know so in case she didn't know she could go after him with some sharp instrument. But I couldn't do it. I liked Alice and as much as I wanted to cause Ben grief I didn't want to be the one to hurt Alice. I didn't want to be in the position that every time I saw her she would think, "Why oh why did you have to tell me that. I was so happy until you told me what you did."
I fell asleep sitting up on the bed and leaning back against the head board. I woke up a little after six and debated going back to the bar, but I'd already hurt my head enough for one day. I got in the car and went looking for a store where I could buy a couple of books to read. I checked the phone and saw that I had seventeen missed calls and eight voiced mails — all but one from Glenda. The other call was from Ben. I deleted them all when I pulled into the Safeway parking lot.
I bought some chips, some other munchies and a carton of Coke. I found two novels that I thought I might like and then headed back to the motel. About halfway back to the motel the phone went off again. I looked at the display and saw that it was Glenda again. The bitch was certainly persistent. You would think that after about fifty unanswered and unreturned calls she would get the message that I didn't want to talk to her.
I'd just opened the first novel when the phone chirped again. I picked it up to turn the damned thing off and saw from the display that the call was from Ben. Might as well get it over with I thought so I took the call.
"What the fuck do you want" I snarled into the phone.
"Jesus Rob, where the hell have you been? I've been trying to get you all day. We need to talk buddy."
"Don't you "buddy" me you worthless piece of shit. The only thing we need to do is make sure that you never get close enough to me to let me get my hands on you. The last thing I need right now is to go to prison for killing your sorry ass."
"That's what we need to talk about. I don't understand what's going on here. I don't know why you are upset. You told me that it was okay."
"I told you what?"
"That night at Riley's. You told me that it would be okay as long as she said yes."
"Are you fucking stupid Ben? That was just bar talk — guy talk — stuff that guys say when they are drinking that doesn't mean shit anywhere other than at the fucking bar. Like my saying I'd do that Broncos cheerleader. You fucking know me Ben. You know that I would never —never- cheat on Glenda. It was just guy talk Ben and you fucking know it. Stay away from me Ben. Don't you dare get anywhere near me where I can get my hands on you. Oh, and while we are on the phone, I want that chain saw you borrowed back. Drop it off at the house."
I disconnected and then turned the phone off. I picked up the novel and started reading it, but couldn't get into it so I set it down and turned on the TV. I clicked through all the channels three times and couldn't find anything that would interest me or that would take my mind off of the thoughts I was having. I kept seeing Ben and Glenda. I kept seeing her looking at me and crying at me — AT ME! — not to stop him. Jesus, what a fucking mess. I gave up trying to read or watch TV and I left the motel room and went next door to the bar.
There was a live band playing and the place was packed, but I did find an empty stool at the bar. I had just about finished my vodka tonic and was getting ready to order another when a throaty voice behind me said:
"I'll buy your next one if you will come sit with us."
I turned and saw a small good looking blond standing there.
"You want me to sit with you?"
"I want you to sit with us" and she pointed at a table were three other good looking women were sitting.
"This is a joke ... some kind of a trick, right?"
"Not in the least. We came in here to have some drinks, dance a little and have some fun, but for some reason tonight is the night that all the guys decided to stay home. So my friends and I decided that since you were alone or at least seem to be alone we would try to get you to join us. We will buy the drinks and all you have to do is take turns dancing with us."
I looked around the room and noticed that although the place was packed it was mostly women and couples. There were very few single guys. I looked at her and then at her friends and smiled for the first time in two days.
"I've either died and gone to Heaven or I am having one hell of a good dream" I said and I offered her my arm. She took it and I went with her to join her friends at their table. The rest of the evening was a happy blur as I drank vodka tonics and took turns dancing with the four women. As the evening progressed and it got late the women started leaving and soon it was down to the small blond (her name was Gail), a brunette named Joan and me. Joan asked me what time I needed to be home to the wife.
"I see the ring."
"Oh yeah, the ring" I said and then I pulled it off and put it in my pocket.
Gail laughed and said, "Most men would do that before coming in here. So what time do you have to be home to her?"
"I won't be going home to her. She replaced me with several others."
"Several others" asked Joan. "Not just another guy, but several?"
I took a sip of my vodka tonic and then I told them the whole sad story.
"Your wife sounds like a size queen" Gail said.
"Size isn't all that it is cracked up to be" Joan said, "and I ought to know. My ex had eight and a half, but he didn't have a clue as to how to use it. He thought putting it in was all it took."
"Why didn't you teach him" Gail wanted to know.
"Well he didn't know how to use it but he used it a lot. There was always some dolly around who wanted to see what "big" was like. I finally caught him with one and kicked his ass out."
She reached over and took my hand and said, "I know what you are going through right now and I know just what you need. You have a place?"
I thought of Glenda and what she had been doing and as far as I was concerned her unfaithfulness cancelled out our marriage vows so I said:
"The motel next door."
Then Gail said, "What are we waiting for?"
It was almost like being back in college except that this time it was me and a couple of girls instead of a girl with a couple of guys. Gail had me suck her tits while Joan rode me cowgirl and then the two of them switched. I fucked Gail from behind while she ate Joan's pussy and then I did Joan missionary while Gail sucked Joan's tits. We showered together and ended up back on the bed for one more time each. Another shower and Gail tried to get me up again, but couldn't.
As they were dressing Joan asked, "Can we do this again?"
"Give him a couple of days" Gail said, "We took the edge off and calmed him down so now he is in a good enough mood to go have his confrontation with the bitch. We will be his little secret and he will be smiling inside and less likely to kill the slut."
She turned to me and said, "We will be at the bar day after tomorrow. Hope to see you there."
She kissed me and then Joan kissed me and they left. Almost as if on cue the cell phone rang. It was Glenda. Gail was right; I was a little more mellow and so I took the call.
"What do you want Glenda?"
"Are you ever going to come home so we can talk?"
"Talk about what Glenda? The division of assets?"
"There is no need for that Rob. I'm in no hurry to end our relationship."
"You might not have been in a hurry, but you sure knew an effective way to make it happen."
"Just because I had sex with another man doesn't mean that it is the end of the world Rob. You need to come home so we can sit down over a glass of wine and talk. I know that you are in no mood to believe it right now, but I do love you and I do not want you to leave. Please come home Rob and at least hear me out."
"Give me a time when I won't have to see any of your boyfriends."
"Now would be a good time."
I thought about it and Joan and Gail had left me in a pretty good mood so I figured then would be as good a time as any and so I told her I would be there in half an hour.
She met me coming in the front door. She was wearing a frilly, almost see-thru night gown, high heels and fresh make up. She walked toward me with arms open to take me in them and I stepped back.
"I don't know what you think your get-up is going to accomplish, but I'm not having anything to do with you so just back off. I'm here to get the bullshit over with so I can get on with my life. You want to talk in the kitchen or living room?"
She just looked at me and then turned and headed for the kitchen. She already had two glasses of wine poured and I picked up mine and dumped it in the sink. Then I got the coffee on, sat down at the table, looked at Glenda and said:
"Your on. Go."
She took a sip of her wine and then said, "I'm sorry that you had to see me that way."
"Not near as sorry as I was."
"Please Rob, let me get it all out and then you can hack away at me."
"I don't know that I can keep from interrupting. You have no idea how much I've hoped and prayed that what I walked in on that day wasn't happening. For years I've lived with the thought of you being with other men and prayed that I was wrong and I've worked hard at not finding out for sure, but to walk in on you and that asshole who was supposed to be my best friend was just too fucking much. I'm surprised that steam doesn't come out my ears every time I think of it."
"What do you mean all those years you thought of me being with other men?"
"Don't play dumb on me Glenda. You know damned well hat I mean. You and your fucking herd of black models."
"You can't be serious. Me and my models? What on Earth gave you that ridiculous idea?"
"How about your college history of never dating anyone but black guys? How about your statements to your girlfriends that black was better and that size really mattered?"
"Who told you that?"
"Your friend Marge and her husband were only too happy to let me know how surprised they were that you married a white guy when your obvious preference was for black men. And that was backed up by your almost exclusive use of black models. Talk about convenience. I go off to work and you disappear into your basement studio and play to your hearts content and occasionally paint a little."
"That's what you think was going on?"
"Yes Glenda, that is exactly what I think was going on. I never tried to get proof because proof would have meant an end to our marriage and I loved you to damned much to want to let you go. I convinced myself that as long as I didn't know for sure we would be all right. It is called denial Glenda and I have lived in denial for years. You know why I walked in on you that day? I had finally had enough and that asshole Rex and the way he smirked at me every time I saw him drove me over the edge and I came home to have it out with you. What I saw that day put an end to denial in a heartbeat."
"When did you talk with Marge?"
"The day we had lunch and she walked up to us."
"Jesus Rob, that was five years ago. You have carried around the idea that I was having sex with my models for five years? Sweet Jesus! This is worse than I thought. Okay, okay; I guess I have to go back and start at the beginning. In my senior year in high school I dated a black guy on a dare. I wasn't a virgin when I went out with him, but I had no intension of even kissing him goodnight at the end of the date let alone having sex with him. At the end of the date when he pulled up in front of the house I went to get out of the car and he said:
"Are you sure you want to get out of the car? You want to pass up a chance at this?"
He pulled out the biggest cock I had ever seen. It was nine and a half inches long and as big around as my wrist. After staring at it for several seconds I decided that no, I did not want to pass up a chance at something that big. I had to try it at least once. I found out that I liked big so I dated him until we graduated. He went to the same college I did and when he flunked out it wasn't two days before another black guy came up to me and said that he had heard that I liked big, black dicks and he wanted to show me his. He pulled it out and we went together for about six months and he never returned to school after spring break.
"He was no sooner out of the picture than another black guy hit on me. I said no thanks and he asked me if I was sure and I said yes and he said too bad because he was bigger than my last boyfriend. He was and so I went with him for a while. I was not hooked on black cock or black men Rob; I was hooked on size and if a white guy with a big cock would have come on to me I would have been with him instead of a black guy. But for some reason white guys weren't like black guys; they didn't run around waving their dicks and saying "look at what I got."
"So yes, I did hang with blacks in college, but once college was over and it was time to start looking around and build a life with a husband and maybe kids the blacks I hung with had to go. I can't speak about blacks who aren't hung because I didn't spend any time with them, but almost to a man the blacks I did spend time with were arrogant and obnoxious and everything was all about them and their cocks. For the most part cock size is all they had going for them.
"I started dating guys with substance, met you, fell in love with you and married you. In our entire marriage from the time I said "I do" until the other day no other man has ever touched me. Yes. I do use mostly black male models because for some reason, known only to God and the people who buy them, those are the paintings that sell. I have no idea why Rex would smirk at you. Even if I was doing black models with big cocks Rex wouldn't be one of them. He isn't even as big as you are. None of my male models — not one! — has ever laid a finger on me.
"That brings me up to the other day. I don't know how much you saw of Ben the other day before you walked out, but Ben is hung better than some horses. He has by far the biggest cock I have ever seen and believe me when I tell you I have seen a bunch of very big ones. I have no excuse for what I did with Ben. The best I can do is plead 'temporary insanity.' I was stunned when I saw it and without even thinking about it I walked over and touched it. And then I just lost it. The next thing I knew it was buried in me and I was screaming at him to never stop. When you showed up I begged him not to stop. When he pulled out I begged him to put it back in and keep going. You left and I was still crying for him to put it back in, but when you walked in he wilted and he could never get it back up and that is when I finally got my head back on straight and realized I had screwed up big time. It should not have happened but it did and I don't have an "erase" or "rewind" button to make it so it never happened. All I can do is say I'm sorry, beg you to forgive me and swear to God that it will never happen again."
"I don't see how I can Glenda. Even if I were to believe you are telling the truth about your black models the fact is that I saw you with Ben and that image is burned into my brain. That and you looking me right in the eye and begging me - me Glenda - begging me to not make him stop. If I were to have come home and you were to say to me, "I screwed up honey and I was bad" and then confessed to what had happened I might have been able to get by it. But like you I don't have an "erase" button either and I can not erase the image in my head of you on our bed being pounded by Ben. Every time I look at you I see your facial expression as Ben fucks you and I hear you yelling at me to let him keep on going and it will not go away. How do you expect me to live with you when that is the picture that is always in my mind? And what the fuck was Ben doing here so you could see his cock?"
"I needed a model and you won't do it for me. I remembered that night when Ben and Alice were over for dinner and he said he would do it in a heartbeat so I called him and asked him if he would sit for me and he said he would. I had no idea that what happened would happen. And I can't undo it. But I do love you Rob and all I can do is keep trying to prove to you that I love you as much as life itself and promise you that nothing like that will ever happen again."
I got up, rinsed out my coffee cup and put it in the dishwasher.
"Is that it? Is that all you wanted to say?"
"You don't even care that I love you?"
"Oh I care Glenda, but I just can't get past the images in my head. I'll be back some time this weekend to get the rest of my things. I would appreciate it very much if you could find something to do that will keep you out of the house on Saturday."
When I walked away she was looking down at the kitchen table and silently sobbing. For a brief moment I wanted to go back and hold her, but then I left.
I spent the next day looking for an apartment close to work and though I found several they were all pretty pricey so I decided to look a little farther away. That evening I called some friends who had gone through divorces and asked for recommendations on divorce attorneys. I got the names of a couple and decided that I would call one the next day and make an appointment.
I spent the better part of the next day looking for an apartment, but with no luck. In the afternoon I called an attorney and made an appointment to see him on the following Monday and that night I went to the bar hoping to see Gail and Joan and spotted them at a table with four other girls. Joan saw me and waved me over. Two of the women I knew from the other night and I was introduced to the other two. There were more single guys there that night so I had help in keeping the ladies on the dance floor.
I was dancing with Joan when she asked, "Are we going back to your place tonight?"
"We will if you want to."
"Oh we do indeed. That's pretty much all Gail and I have talked about."
When I danced with Gail she brought it up also and I told her I was looking forward to it and she said:
"In that case why are we here wasting time? Let's grab Joan and go."
It was a repeat of our first time together and the two of them wore me out. As they dressed Gail asked, "Have you had it out with your wife yet?"
I told them of the meeting and what was said.
"You didn't believe her?"
"I believed her, but so what? It is like I told her. I don't have an 'erase' button and I can't get the picture of her and Ben out of my mind."
"You sound like you love her, but just can't get back to her."
"That pretty much sums it up."
"Well then," Joan said, "Since you won't be going home can we get together Friday night?"
"I'd like that."
"No fair!" Gail said, "I can't make it Friday."
"So you can have him one night next week" Joan said and she turned to me. "Will that work for you lover?"
"Yes and thank you both."
"For taking care of me at a time when all I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and die."
"Cheer up lover, it will get better. Gail and I will see to that."
The cell phone ring tone woke me up in the morning. The display said "Private number" so I answered it and was surprised to find that the caller was Alice.
"Buy a girl breakfast?"
Alice had never called me before so I was naturally curious and I told her that I would meet her at the Denny's on Seventh Avenue. She was already sitting in a booth and looking as mouth-wateringly sexy as ever. As I slid onto the seat across from her I asked her what was the occasion.
"Later. After we eat. I don't want to scare you off."
We made small talk and then ate in silence when the food came. When we were done and the waitress had topped off our coffee I said:
"Okay Alice, what's up?"
She looked me right in the eye and said, "I want you to fuck me."
"You want me to what?"
"I want you to fuck me and I want you to do it while Ben watches."
"This is a joke, right?"
"Nope. Not even a little bit. Ben has been acting strange the last few days and I finally forced out of him what he had done and then I kicked his ass out of the house. I told him that the only way he would ever be allowed back in the house was if he watched you do me and then thanked you for it. To make it even more humiliating for him he has to ask you to do it."
"And if I don't make love to you he doesn't get to come home?"