It was a beautiful fall afternoon as I crossed the almost empty campus that Saturday morning heading from my dorm to the union building for coffee with friends. As I passed by the chapel I heard a female voice singing Amazing Grace that was so pure and clear and with such a range that I had to pause for a moment to listen. The sound appeared to be coming from an open window in the chapel and after listening for a moment decided to see the person who had such a wonderful voice.
Going to the chapel door I entered and stood at the back looking toward the pulpit. A young woman about my age was standing on the dais singing. I had thought the sound outside was captivating, but inside it was spectacular and shivers of wonder and awe transformed me into a speechless zombie. When she finished she turned and thanked her accompanist at the piano and began gathering her music in anticipation of leaving. As I slowly recovered I glanced around and saw a pastor standing at the back near me. He had a look of transfixed wonder on his face and and I hoped someone who could tell me who we had been listening to.
"Who is she?" I whispered.
He shook himself as though coming out of a trance, "Her name is Jane Adams and she's singing her solo here at the service tomorrow morning and she's also going to give the sermon. I can only urge you to come early if you want to hear an extraordinary voice and an even more extraordinary message. The place will be packed."
"Thank you, I wouldn't miss it for the world after just listening to her singing."
"Wait until you hear her sermon, it will amaze you even more."
By this time Jane and her accompanist were coming down the aisle toward us and I stepped forward to intercept them. The accompanist was a short, heavy gray haired woman who contrasted sharply with the slim, curvaceous and much younger singer dressed in a blouse, jeans and sneakers. She was not especially gorgeous but had the clean, wholesome look of the girl- next-door and I noticed she didn't have any rings on her left hand ... I knew I had to get to know her.
"That was beautiful Miss Adams."
"Why thank you. I'm glad you liked it."
"My name is Jason Moyer. Would it be too much to ask if you ladies would like to join me for coffee at the union?"
"I'm sorry young man, but I have to get home. Why don't you go with him Jane?" the accompanist said with a twinkle in her eye.
Jane hesitated for a minute while looking at me through her glasses with the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen. Her dark hair seemed to frame and illuminate them and close up made her face very striking.
"Sure, I could stand a cup, thank you for asking." She smiled at me and it seemed to light up her whole face.
We walked out into the sunshine and we talked as we made our way toward the union and had our coffee. I was so excited by being with her that I didn't join my friends, but just waved at them as we took a seat by ourselves. I wanted to find out as much as I could about her and knew I couldn't do it with others around.
From our conversation I first told her about myself; coming from a typical middle class family living in a small mid-west town and doing graduate studies at the university in micro biology. I was 24 and was on a co-op program with the company I worked for till I got my masters next May. I not so subtly let it slip that I didn't have a current girl friend or other romantic interests.
I found out Jane was 21 and a senior and in the school of divinity at a nearby private, liberal arts college. She came from a medium sized city in the northern part of the state and her father was the pastor of a large evangelical church there. She hoped to be ordained in the next year or two and be an assistant pastor where ever the denomination she was in sent her. She had hopes that someday she would be able to establish her own ministry and to follow a path that she was sure the Lord was guiding her toward. She smiled at me and her eyes glinted in amusement as she told me she had no time at the present for romantic entanglements but preferred casual dating where an escort was a necessity.
I told her I was a casual Christian and came from a family of casual Christians but I planned to attend church in the chapel the next morning and with a smile I told her I was sure her sermon would convince me to become more devout.
Smiling back confidently she told me, "I see that as my future ministry. Instead of doing missionary work in some far off undeveloped country, I believe the greatest challenge is right here at home; making real Christians out of the casual Christians. You can be my challenge for tomorrow."
"You're on." I told her as I reached across the table to shake her hand.
It seemed as though an electric shock passed through me as our hands touched and I knew by the sudden change in her expression that she felt it too and we continued to hold hands across the table. I didn't want to mention that the spark was probably generated by static electricity in the carpet we had crossed and the plastic chairs had prevented the slight charge to dissipate until we touched across the metal table.
"Wow!!" I reacted. "That was something. I hope it was as meaningful to you as it was to me."
Jane looked at me for a moment before responding. "I don't know about the meaningful part but I definitely felt something."
"I guess that's it then. How many children do you want to have?"
She looked shocked for a minute then saw me grinning at her and a big smile came to her face too.
"I was thinking two would be enough." she responded with a laugh.
"Darn, I was hoping for three."
She laughed some more before realizing we were still holding hands across the table. Looking down at our hands she slowly disengaged hers from mine and looked at me seriously.
"You know I don't have the time now for romance or anything like that?"
I responded with just a hint of a smile. "Neither do I, but I would like to get to know you better and be one of your many escorts."
She blushed and told me, "I don't have that many and mostly its my brother, Bob."
"Good, I'd like to apply for the job as sole escort."
"We'll see, but give me your phone number and I may call you. I have to get back to my room now and finish my sermon for tomorrow."
"I'll be there to hear it and start my conversion to being a dedicated Christian." I grinned at her.
She laughed back at me as we exchanged phone numbers and told me as she got up to go.
"We'll discuss the three children another time."
"And I'm sure glad there'll be another time." I shot back at her as she walked away.
With a warm feeling in my chest I joined my friends and by the big grin on my face knew that I was smitten and so had to endure a few jibes at my expense.
On Sunday morning I was at the Chapel for their interdenominational service a half hour early. I wanted to get a seat near enough to the front where she could see me as she stood at the front but not too obvious. I took a seat in the third row back on the aisle.
Several people came up and welcomed me as I waited and I noticed the chapel was filling rapidly. At five minutes before the service was to start chapel was packed. At the appointed time the choir and organist came in and took their seats followed by the pastor I'd met the day before and Jane. She was dressed in a simple, knee length dress with a single strand of pearls around her neck and pearl earrings. After taking a seat behind the pulpit I saw her looking around the church and then she spotted me and a warm smile lit up her face behind her glasses. I smiled back and sat back to enjoy the service with warmth in my chest I hadn't felt before. I think I was falling in love.
The first portion of the service was conducted by the pastor and then he introduced Jane to present the sermon for that Sunday. I could feel a tension in the air and murmurings as she was introduced and I wondered what they knew about her that I didn't. Jane came up to the pulpit and what followed was a half hour of the most enlightening explanation of her Christian faith as I'd ever heard. She spoke in a strong, confident voice and had the audience of college intellectuals in the palms of her hands. It was told in a manner that spanned all intelligence levels and with a clarity that was breathtaking. When she was finished I stood with the rest of the audience and clapped. The first time I'd ever heard of anyone clapping after a sermon. She just smiled, nodded and sat down as the pastor came forward and announced that Jane would sing Amazing Grace as a prelude to the benediction.
When she finished her song, there wasn't a dry eye in the chapel. Tears were in my eyes also and as the last notes died away she had to endure another standing ovation, even more so then the one following her sermon. I was awe struck by this woman. The applause continued until she went to the microphone and announced she didn't have another song ready as an encore. The pastor then gave the benediction and she went to the exit to stand with him as the attendees filed out. I hung back until I could be last.
It was some time before I finally got to the door because most wanted to talk with her on the way out. When I finally got to her I could tell she was excited but a little tired.
"You inspired me to become that dedicated Christian." I told her.
"I'm certainly glad of that."
"What are you going to do now. Can I interest you in a little brunch?"
"I'd like to just relax now and brunch sounds like the perfect way to do it."
"Good, let's go."
We said our goodbyes to the pastor and headed to my car.
At the restaurant we tried to talk but some of the congregation were eating there also and kept coming over to our booth to congratulate her and extol her sermon and singing. Some even brought things for her to autograph. I was proud to be with her and seen with her but after awhile it got a little annoying. She saw that it was beginning to bother me and so we hurried through our meal and left as quickly as we could.
I drove until we came to a small park that had a few families enjoying the grass, shade and sunshine. We sat at a picnic bench by ourselves and talked away most of the afternoon. I was enjoying being with her so much that I didn't want the afternoon to end.
She told me again about her love of Jesus and the ministry she was preparing for and I listened attentively looking for a place in her plans for her life.
"You know." she finally told me. "Someday, I will want a marriage and children and it will be a marriage forever. I've developed a fondness for you in the short time we've known one another and I'd like to know you better before I let myself fall in love with you."
"I think you'll find me a pretty tame person." I confessed to her. "But I know I'm falling in love with you because you're the one I've been looking for. I know how important the ministry you want is to you and how important it will be to the people who you will be contacting and I want to be part of it. Maybe not in an active way but I think by supporting you I will be supporting your ministry. I want to be your rock, the place where you go for love, refuge and rest. I want to be the father of your children and together we can make a family that can weather any storm."
She looked at me for a minute and then leaned over a kissed me gently on the cheek. I wanted so much to take her in my arms and hold her but I held back and just returned the kiss in a like manner. It was like we had made a commitment to be good friends and I was happy. I knew in the long run the decision to commit totally to one another would be hers.
"I like what you said. I think it will work fine. All I ask is that we be faithful and love one another."
"Good, its getting cool now. Can we go somewhere and get a bite to eat?'
So our life together began ... as friends.
We were friends, good friends without sex for almost a year. After we graduated from our respective colleges she took a position as an assistant pastor at one of those huge mega churches in the suburbs of a nearby city. She was very pleased that I changed jobs to be near her. It was my way of showing her that I was willing to be part of her plans for her life and we became even closer.
After we had met in college I began to attend all the church services where she was speaking and/or singing and also attended church services with her where she wasn't participating. It was obvious she was developing a following and when she spoke at the mega church after graduation it was always a well attended service.
She was beginning to be noticed by other Christian groups and was being invited to speak at churches and conferences in other cities. I didn't go with her to any of these engagements as she felt it wouldn't look proper to be traveling with a man to whom she wasn't married. The travel expenses were provided by the group covered two persons so she always took a female friend with her.
By this time we were slowly getting to the hand holding stage, which I thought was a long time in coming, but I was still enthralled with being her beaux so I patiently endured it. Otherwise we had a weekly date and I was her escort at all the local affairs she was invited to. We exchanged mild, nonpassionate kisses when parting, but nothing more. Things went on this way for a year after we met without any change in our relationship until one day we were out at a restaurant in a secluded booth and I decided to press the issue a little.
"Jane, where do you see our relationship going? You know I've fallen in love with you and I'd just like to know where I stand in your future. Do you see a husband and children there soon?"
She hesitated awhile and reached across the table to hold my hands in hers and smiled before responding.
"Jason, I do love you. I've been holding back because I believe I have a calling for my ministry and I wanted to make sure I was going to make it happen. Now I can see that it will be a reality and I'm going to need lots of help to carry it through and that's why I need you by my side. I want you for my husband now and we will have our children in a few years. I've been thinking about this a lot recently, even though I'm not too demonstrative sometimes, but maybe its time I did something about it." she told me as she put a hand behind my head and pulled me across the table and kissed me with some passion. When I felt her tongue slip past my lips I was ecstatic. A concern that she didn't have any sexual passion suddenly evaporated.
"Wow!!" I gasped when she released me. "I think I have my answer. When can we get married?"
My mind was in a turmoil as she looked across the table at me smiling.
"There are two conditions that we must agree on first. One is that our marriage vows will be sacred and second that my ministry must take priority over everything in our lives."
"I agree to love and cherish you for the rest of our natural lives and I will give up my job to work together to make your ministry a reality. Will that be satisfactory?"
"Very satisfactory."she murmured as we leaned across the table and we kissed again.
"My daddy will marry us in his church. I will call my my parents tonight and talk with my mother about the date and I'll let you know as soon as I can when it will happen."
"Make it soon."
She giggled as she told me, "Of course you know I'm a virgin so you're going to have to be patient with me on our honeymoon."
The next day she told me, that after talking with her mother, it would be at least three months before we could be married and she named a date. Reluctantly, I acquiesced. My sigh of disappointment made her laugh happily. We went to the jewelers that afternoon and picked out the wedding rings. She smiled happily when I slipped the engagement ring on her finger
That night I called my folks and told them about the engagement and the wedding plans. They were surprised but very happy for us. They'd met Jane before and knew about my feelings for her so it wasn't that much of a surprise for them.
Where we'd been just good friends before Jane and I confessed our love for one another, we were now sweethearts. I would like to say we were lovers but our love making was limited to some heavy kissing sessions. It wouldn't have done for a person of the cloth to go against biblical teachings and I was content with that.
For the next three months Jane was involved with plans for the wedding and developing her ministry. In order to develop her ministry she needed to get maximum exposure to people, similar to running for public office.
She began going to guest spots on local Christian TV stations and traveled to churches further and further away as her reputation as a need-to-hear evangelist and singer grew. She told me that she would be glad when we were married and I could travel with her.
She finally had to give up her job as an assistant pastor because of the frequency of her traveling and start charging a fee for her engagements to make money. At first the fee was small but as demand for her appearances grew so did her fees. By the time we were married I could afford to leave my job and travel with her. By doing this I became more involved in the day to day operation of her growing ministry.
Our wedding was attended by some of my family and hers but the congregation of her father's church were invited and they were many there. Because of cost, invitation to the reception afterward was limited but the attendance at the ceremony gave me an idea how much people were drawn to her and how much potential she had. I felt as though I was a commoner marrying a queen. I wondered if I was just the stud brought along to service and provide her with children. It was only a fleeting thought since she went out of her way to make me feel loved and her husband in the Biblical sense.
We honeymooned in San Diego at the Hotel Del Coronado on the beach of Coronado Island. Jane said she's read about the old hotel in a travel magazine and always wanted to see it and stay there. It was expensive but it was a present from my folks which we both appreciated.
Knowing she was a virgin and very nervous about our first time together, I delayed making love to her for a couple of nights and just cuddled together. Finally, she said she was ready and with the help of a little KY we managed to get the job done. She didn't have her first orgasm for a few times we made did it but after her first one she proved to be insatiable and by the time we left we were doing it two and three times a night and a couple of times during the day. I even taught her about the joys of oral sex and a few other positions besides missionary for copulation. She proved to be an eager and ardent student.
It was surprising to me that she hadn't developed any hang-ups on sex, since she came from a very straight, religious background. The intimate times on our honeymoon evoked and developed a very loving relationship and I was glad for the days we had together to begin what I hoped would be a life-long commitment.
So began our married life.
With my help we began to develop her ministry. By getting a loan from the church society she belonged to, we rented a recording studio and made a CD of her singing and the idea was to recover costs by selling them at the various churches she attended. She also began writing a book to publish and document her message to be sold also. We hoped that as her popularity grew there would be a demand for these items and Christian book stores would want to carry them.
We knew that a good photograph of her would be required for the book jacket as well as the CD cover so we looked into doing away with the glasses and going with contacts. The contacts changed her appearance so much that I was really astounded at how glamorous she appeared without glasses. We agonized over making the change but decided in the end to go with the contacts. After a series of photos were taken we selected one for autograph sessions ran off several thousand. For financial and taxing purposes we decided to incorporate her ministry and we had to give it a name. She selected "Jesus Lives" as the title and so we were in business. I was listed on the incorporation papers as a co-owner.
We had bought a condo after we were married but this turned out to be too small to accomplish and store the materials of the new ministry so we sold the condo and bought a small farm on the outskirts of the city with a barn we converted for office and storage space. We also bought a van to take to events and used it to haul copies of her book, CDs and her presentation equipment. We were moving into the big time and one day, about four years after we were married Jane wanted to talk about our long range plans.
"Jason, I think its time we started our family. At the rate the ministry is going, I won't have time to have children in a few years. What do you think?"
"You're probably right. If we're ever going to do it; now is the time. I can go back to work to maintain our income and you can cut back on engagements. I believe God will understand our needs in this."
"I'll go off the pill right away and we can start practicing making babies." she grinned at me.
Knowing how much she liked sex, I just smiled back at her as we leaned into a kiss.
She was pregnant within two months and we had our first daughter, Sarah Jane, nine months later. We were very pleased and decided to try for one more child as soon as possible. Jane seemed to draw more empathy from groups on engagements while she was blossoming in pregnancy so we decided that another child could be an additional stepping stone for her ministry.
Our second child was another girl we named her Ruth Anne. She was a precious blessing to us as was her sister.
After another year Jane resumed her travels and I became a stay-at-home dad. Occasionally, we would go on an engagement as a family because they liked to see her family but she was traveling further and further away from home so it was becoming more difficult to travel with her. We'd hired a young married couple to travel with her. Kevin was the driver and roustabout and his wife, Karen, was the secretary and gofer person. They were a strongly religious couple so I didn't worry about any improprieties while they traveled.
While she was away I was the one to change diapers, make formula and feed babies, tuck them in at night and bath them. I was the one who responded to their cries and their needs. She tried while she was home but they weren't familiar with her and sometimes they cried and wouldn't stop when she picked them up. I know she felt bad about this but it seemed she prioritized her ministry over our relationship and her family. Her ministry was growing and she had to spend more time on the road and it was putting a lot of pressure on our family.
Of course our sex life suffered while she was on the road but at first our reunions were long, hard and passionate. It usually took several days before we were sated with one another. This passion seemed to decrease with time, as I suppose it does in all marriages. With time even a coolness seemed to emanate from her toward me that I couldn't understand. I tried talking with her about it but she just brushed me off and got angry when I suggested a marriage counselor.
With her ministry growing, so did its income and before long she had traded in the van for a large, used motor home with bedroom, kitchen living/dining area and a bathroom with a shower. She was entering the big time as we hired an accountant, a PR manager, secretaries and clerks to keep track of and finances, mailings and marketing.
When the girls were ages four and three, Jane asked if I would like some help with the girls. My response was that I'd been raising them for the last three years and really didn't need the help now. Maybe when they were a little older and became aware of their sex and became sensitive about it that a female nanny would be required. Her response was that the girls needed a woman's touch now and had someone in mind to fill the position.
I was a little taken aback by her lack of sensitivity to my argument but it seemed she had already decided the issue before consulting me.
"Who do you have in mind for the job?" I asked.
"Her name is Mary Gonzales and she comes highly recommended."
"Where will she live?"
"She'll be staying in the guest rooms next to the girl's room during the week and go home for weekends." She told me unemotionally.
"I'll be here too. Does it sound appropriate that we stay here alone all night."
"I've given it some thought and don't see any problem with it. I trust you and she is a born again Christian."
"Maybe, but I can see other people questioning it. You seem to have done quite a bit in this matter without consulting me. Is there something you're trying to tell me about our marriage?"
She looked surprised for a moment before responding.
"Jason, there's nothing wrong with our marriage and you're probably right-I should have consulted you as it affects our family. Please forgive me sweetheart. I guess I live in my own world too much where I don't have to ask anyone before making a decision on something."
She came over a took my hand and I was somewhat mollified, but I still had unspoken concerns about the new home arrangements.
"I've interviewed Mary and I think she will be perfect for the job. Her being here will give you time to go back to work and not be a home dad anymore."
"I think I've enjoyed being a home dad, as you call it, and maybe you're right; they are getting older and need a woman's influence though."
"Thanks for being so understanding sweetheart. I'll make it up to you tonight." she told me as she leaned forward to kiss me chastely on the lips.
Our sex that night wasn't as passionate as we had done in the past and I began to wonder if there wasn't a problem somewhere. When I asked her about it afterward she just seemed irritated and blamed it on too much work and too much on her mind. I accepted her explanation but still wondered.
Mary moved in the following week and I was surprised when I met her. She was about 40 and fairly attractive with an air of earthy sexuality about her. Her broad hips, stout legs, large breasts and the way she moved seemed disconcerting for just a nanny. My misgivings returned but she seemed to take to the girls right away and they seemed to like her too so I kept my own council.
In the weeks that followed I did return to work as a consultant part-time as Mary had taken over my previous housekeeping duties as well as looking after the children. But I didn't want to leave off the relationship I'd established with them so when I wasn't working I was with them.
Mary was a wonderful nurturer for the girls. I was pleased how much they liked her and even followed her around as she did the cleaning and cooking. She was very patient with them and they adored her. After dinner in the evenings we would play with girls or watch TV together until it was their bedtime. After the girls were put down for the night she would retire to her own room, leaving me to watch TV or read in the den by myself.
When Mary had started work she had dressed rather conservatively but as time went on I noticed her clothing took on a more provocative nature, sometimes raising my libido to the extent I had to relieve myself daily. Her skirts became shorter and snugger exposing more of her muscular thighs and her blouses became snugger and cut low. I had a terrible time tearing my eyes away from her obvious attributes and I knew I should say something to her but couldn't bring myself to end what I was enjoying so much.
Six months after Mary began to work for us and Jane had been gone for two weeks of a scheduled three week trip I was getting, what I called, my 'horny time' Mary came back down to the den after putting the girls to bed. She came into the den in a robe and carrying a large botle of wine. Previously, most of our social contact had been limited to discussions about the girls and household needs so I was surprised by her appearance.
"Can you indulge me for a little while Mr. Moyer?" she asked as she came in and stood before me dangling the bottle of wine in her hand.
Startled, I responded after a momentary hesitation. "Sure Mary, what can I do for you?"
"Today is my birthday and I just wanted to share a drink or two with someone."
"I didn't realize it was your birthday, Mary. I'll be glad to share a glass of wine with you Let me get some glasses."
When I came back from the kitchen with a couple of glasses I found her sitting on the sofa taking the cap off the wine bottle. It was not a high quality wine, just a generic Burgundy.
"Should I pour?" I asked.
"Sure," she replied as she handed me the bottle.
I noticed that she'd pulled her thin robe tighter around her ample chest and her nipples were very noticeable. I began to get an erection and hurriedly sat down on the couch keeping a cushion between us. Setting the glasses on the coffee table in front of the couch I poured the two glasses and handed her one. Taking my glass I raised it to her.
"Happy birthday, Mary."
"Thank you Mr. Moyer."
Taking a swallow of the dark wine I turned back to her with a request.
"Mary, please call me Jason. Mr. Moyer makes me feel too old." I told her with a grin.
"OK ... Jason." she told me as she raised her glass to me.
"Thank you for being a wonderful boss and I'd like to add also to being a great father. I don't often see a dad being as attentive and caring to their children as you are."
"Well, thank you. I'll drink to that." As I took another hefty swallow.
I began to feel the affects of the alcohol and leaned back against the couch to ease the pressure of my clothing on my erection. I straightened immediately, hoping my condition hadn't been seen by her, but I saw a sly smirk appear on her face. Taking another swallow of her wine she twisted about on the couch so that she was semi facing me with her legs askew. This movement pulled her robe tight across her thighs, causing it to ride up and expose more of her soft flesh of her inner thighs near their junction. I held my breath and couldn't tear my eyes away from the sight in front of me as her robe crept higher and higher as she moved about. Suddenly, my glass was empty and then full again and I seemed to be in a haze of desire and fear. I knew I should get up and leave but my legs wouldn't move as my hard cock strained in my pants.
She shifted one more time, bringing her knees up and I saw it - her most intimate area. It was clean shaven and the lips glistened with dew. My mouth watered at the site as she slowly broght her feet up on the couch and spread her knees wide to give me a full view of the delectable sight before me.
"Jason." she asked. Do you like what you see? Its yours if you want it. Wouldn't you like to kiss it?"
I took another hefty swallow of the wine and then carefully set the glass down on the coffee table. I never took my eyes off the offering in front of me as I slowly bent over and kissed the holy grail of my libido. The smell of her filled my nostrils and brain as I tentatively stuck out my tongue and ran it up the length of her slit; pausing to put extra pressure on her clitoris. She moaned in pleasure as I repeated the process again.
"That's it Jason. Oh lord that feels good. Push your tongue inside and fuck me with it. Make me cum."
The taste of her was in my mouth as I pressed my tongue between her succulent lips and pushed as deep as I could inside. All thoughts of Jane and our children were gone in a mad frenzy to take this woman to the heights of sexuality. My alcohol fogged brain and my libido were taken up in a wild, erotic behavior as I attacked her clitoris.
After bringing her to orgasm twice she pulled my hair and brought me up to her face.
"Fuck me now, Jason. I need it bad. Its been too long and I need it really bad."
It only took a minute to slide into her wet vagina and I began pumping away into her immediately. Her thighs tightened against me as she pulled me in closer on the couch.
"That's it Jason - fuck me - I need to cum with your big cock inside me."
My libido was soaring and my mind was consumed in the lust that was overwhelming me. She was moaning and thrusting back at me as her orgasm approached and I felt my own climax coming on with a roaring in my head. I think we both cried out simultaneously as we orgasmed together.
After it was over I suddenly had a terrible feeling of remorse and and guilt but she kept her arms and legs wrapped around me as I struggled to get away. I felt the muscles of her vagina working on my cock again and my struggles ceased as I began to harden.
"That's it baby, do me again. Let yourself go. Fill me up with your cum."
Just as quickly as I came, I was bouncing up and down on her again; my feelings of guilt evaporated. It took a little longer to reach orgasm the second time and afterward she released me and I rolled off her onto the floor. Climbing back up to a kneeling position I looked down at her sprawled out on the couch. She was smiling at me with her legs still spread wide. I was suddenly disgusted with my self and a terrible feeling of remorse over came me. I struggled to my feet and cried out my anguish.
"I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have done that. I'm married and I've broken my wedding vows. I've sinned in the eyes of God." My grief was palpable as I moved to go to my bedroom.
"Don't feel bad Jason. It was just sex and we both needed it so badly. Surely God can forgive us for that."
With tears streaming down my face I staggered away.
"How can God forgive us if I can't forgive myself."
That night was one of the worst I'd ever spent laying awake thinking how badly I'd betrayed Jane. When I got up in the morning I don't recall closing my eyes once during the night. For the rest of the morning I stayed in our bedroom; not even going to breakfast, but hunger finally forced me out at noon. Slipping downstairs I was successful in avoiding Mary as I grabbed a sandwich and then went back to the bedroom to hide till evening. While I was in the kitchen I'd heard Mary with the children in the family room. In my shame I was determined to avoid Mary until Jane got home and I could confess my sin. Late that evening after everyone was in bed I slipped back down stairs and ate some leftovers from the fridge and then snuck back upstairs again. I slipped into the kid's room and checked on them in their sleep so I knew Mary was looking after them OK.
I continued to do this for a couple of more days and I could feel my libido building again as I continually recalled the details of what had happened with Mary. Jane was scheduled to be home in two more days and I was becoming apprehensive about confessing to her. How would she react?
Once, Mary knocked on my bedroom door and called into me.
"Jason, would you watch the children for awhile? I need to go to the store."
"Alright." I called back and waited till I heard her leave the house before going down to the children.
That night after I finally got to sleep I was dreaming of my time with Mary and in my dream she was giving me head and I felt her warm, wet mouth and lips caressing it. My hips were bucking and I was about to cum when I suddenly woke up. It was dawn and a naked Mary was in bed with me and my cock was in her mouth. When she saw I was awake she slid up and impaled herself on my hardness and I was quickly in her control again with my hips continuing to buck up into her tight wetness as I suckled on one of her breasts hanging down in my face.
Suddenly, there was a cry of anguish from the door of my bedroom and I turned my head to see Jane standing there looking at us in horror with her hand over her mouth. I pushed Mary off me as Jane ran off. I hurried to the door in time to see Jane running down the stairs onto our back patio. When I turned back to get dressed Mary slipped past me and headed to her room without speaking. I rushed to get dressed and then hurried downstairs and out to the patio. My mind was in turmoil but I had to try to convince Jane of my love for her. I knew that even if I could save our marriage I would be doing a lot of penance. Even in my befuddled state I realized that Jane would not want a divorce because of the negative impact on her ministry. That was my hope to retain something of our marriage.
She was standing at the edge of the patio looking off across the field to a stand of trees nearby when I came outside.
"Jane," I cried. "I'm so sorry, so very sorry. My only excuse is that I missed you so and I don't know what to say to make this up to you."
She turned to look at me and I saw fury in her face.
"How dare you do this to me. I trusted you and now you have done this. You swore to me when we became engaged that you would always be faithful. How could you?"
Without waiting for a reply she continued.
"I don't know what I'm going to do about it now. I've got to have time to think, but you can start moving your clothes and things out of our room and into one of the spare rooms. I don't want to be with you for the foreseeable future. Now get out of my sight."
"I'm so sorry Jane. You know I love..."
"I said get out of my sight. We'll talk when I'm ready."
"Alright." I responded and turned and walked away; heading to our bedroom to do her bidding and hopefully give her time to cool down.
That ended our sex life and the love she had for me. I became a convenience as a father to our children and nothing more. The morning Jane caught us Mary left and Jane hired an elderly woman to replace her. She must have said something to Betty, our new nanny and cook, because Betty treated me with disdain from the time she moved in until she left. My move to the guest room became permanent. Nothing I could do or say changed her position. I had transgressed and therefore I must live in hell without forgiveness. We tried to put on a happy face for the girls but the love wasn't there and I knew that they somehow sensed a problem.