Epilogue

AN: A few months ago I received a mail on this site asking for the last chapter (note - there’s one missing that I never wrote). I was forced to answer that I’d lost it with an old hard drive. But lo and behold! I recently found a copy on an old email account. So here it is, for the one who asked. It’s not proofed, but exactly as I wrote it then - I did not so much as reread it the once.

Saying that I was utterly devastated by what I’d just seen would be accurate in the extreme. My stomach was so empty it felt like major surgery, my eyes were misted by tears, grief lay so heavy on me that I never did recollect exactly how I managed to get home. It eludes me, how I managed to drive and never remember it. A miracle, that I made it back alive and without killing anyone.

The pain didn’t go away, but after a shower I felt a bit better, enough to start reassessing things. Alice and Eve would leave an ever-present empty space inside, a yearning feeling, but the wound would eventually clot over. Time heals all wounds, supposedly. The last time I’d been dumped, I’d acted decisively and moved on, gotten over the hurt surprisingly fast. My problem was now a matter of trust, I just didn’t trust any girl I knew. Or for that matter, any girl, even those I didn’t know. With only four months left to our last school year, that wasn’t much of a problem. I’d managed to narrow down my list of colleges and none of them were anywhere nearby. Living on my own would be a new experience, really growing up.

Still, I didn’t want to be alone, completely without sex, for four months or possibly as much as twice or even thrice that. It wasn’t just the sex, it was also the companionship, the shared laughter and togetherness. I’d gotten used to sleeping with someone, or more than one, I didn’t want to go back to being alone.

The decision came easily. I didn’t have to trust, just accept what I would hopefully get. Picking up the phone, I took a quick look at the mirror to make sure that I was presentable, and it wasn’t too bad. I called Ellen, because I remembered how hot she’d once been for me, and for a few other reasons.

“Ellen, you’re looking particularly lovely this afternoon,” I smiled at her. She did, too, if nowhere near as good as Eve, or even Alice.

“Yeah, yeah,” she rolled her eyes, “cut the bullshit. What do you need?”

“I’m cut to the quick. Do I only talk to you when I want something?” I wondered for a moment if I was actually that crass and selfish.

“No, I’m sorry,” she rolled her eyes, “you caught me at a bad time. You do want something, don’t you?” She finally smiled.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do,” I met her eyes and smiled right back. “Would you go out with me? Dinner?”

The view scrambled as she..., well, she must have dropped the phone. It scrambled again as she picked it up. “I’m sorry,” her eyes were wide, mouth hanging slightly open, “Am I hallucinating, or did you just ask me out? The wild man with no less than two girlfriends?”

“Two ex-girlfriends, and I assure you that you are quite sane and good of hearing. They dumped me, alas. I could spend a month crying into my pillow, but I’d rather move on. If I’m all doldrums, you have my permission – in writing, if you need it – to beat me up. What’s your favorite food? Seafood, right?”

“I’m so sorry,” Ellen replied in a small voice, “but I have a boyfriend. You know,” she perked up, “you could call Marla. She’s been bitching about not going out..., anyway, let me fill her in first, okay? Call her in an hour.”

Marla, well, not my first choice, for several reasons, but a good one nonetheless. I really liked her, even if she was blonde and liked to play airhead.

“I will be guided by you in this matter, oh mistress,” I bowed my head. “One hour. Bye and thanks.”

“You’re not mad, are you?” Ellen said just as I was about to hang up.

“Hell, no! It’s my fault, for not checking up. I’ve been a bit drunk on...,” I just stopped myself from uttering ‘love’, “them, so I haven’t been paying proper attention to what’s going on. Telling me ‘No’ is the right thing to do and I respect you for it,” I added. Which was actually true, as my standards had taken a bit of a blow. Loyalty and trustworthiness went to the top of my pyramid of need.

“Oh! Anyway, let me call Marla. Say, just why did they dump you?” Ellen tried.

“You’ll have to ask them,” I said woodenly, “as I’m not aware of anything wrong I’ve done, other than being away for a week, since my grandparents died and I went to help mom with their estate.”

“Oh, right, you just got back. Anyway, bye, really this time, call her in an hour. Or two. Bye!”

The little screen went black and I kept staring at it for another couple of minutes. I hadn’t even asked who she was going with, but I was pretty sure I’d find out, from Marla.

I discovered that I was starving, and went to fix myself some food, blankly watching something or the other on TV. I finally noticed that an hour and a half had passed, so I called Marla.

“So which is it?” I looked at her somberly. Marla was all dolled up, with subtle makeup I’d learned to recognize, looking almost as good as Brianna, which is to say, utterly delicious. Enough to give Eve some competition in the looks deparment.

“Uh?” Marla gaped at me, “Which is what?”

“Sorry, sorry, I thought Ellen talked with you?”

“Yes she did, you poor thing. I thought things were going so well?”

“Well, so did I. They say the man is the last one to know. Anyway, I actually called to ask you out, not purely for sympathy. Are you interested?”

“You don’t sound all that eager,” Marla’s eyebrows rose. Both of them, which made me grin, perhaps this was a sign of sorts. A girl who wouldn’t, or perhaps couldn’t, do that ‘single brow’ admonition.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” I shook my head. “I thought Ellen told you more. I really, really want to go out with you, beautiful. How about it?”

“Just what kind of ‘going out’ is this about?” She asked, suspicious. “Most of your entertainment seems to take place indoors. I’m not that easy,” Marla frowned at me.

“It’s entirely your choice. I’ll admit to having been spoiled recently, but I did my share of spoiling,” I shook my tongue at her. “I was thinking dinner? Mexican? At that outdoors place?”

“Ellen said you asked her out, are you working your way down a list?” Marla showed that perhaps she knew more than she’d first intimated.

“No, hardly. Do I need to tell you why I picked her first, or can you figure it out on your own? She told me to call you, though I might well have figured it out all by myself. Just possibly,” I smiled self-deprecatingly.

“Tell!” Marla ordered.

“Ha, if you agree to date, I’ll tell you one month from today. Promise,” I tempted.

“I’m not going to date you for a month for that answer!” Marla sounded outraged.

“No, just the one date and a promise for more if you don’t suffer too much. Dinner tomorrow, a tennis date the day after?”

“Well, I’ll get back to you on that one,” she said and I deflated. “No, I meant the tennis,” Marla hurried, “dinner’s fine. Why not tonight?”

“I’m a bit wrung out,” I admitted ruefully. “I won’t be good company tonight, the emotions take their toll. I’ll get a good cry tonight and purge as much as I can, so I won’t be odious company tomorrow. I want to think about good things, about you and not them.”

Marla perked up at that, softening. “Oh, sure, you’re right, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how you do it, I’m always a wreck after a breakup, not for a day or a week, but at least a month!”

“Actually, I can attribute that to Melanie. When she tossed me out, she wasn’t exactly polite about it. It was a ‘go sulk, like that’s gonna be useful’ or something like that. It’s not spite, exactly, but recognizing that she was right. Sulking, hiding and playing hermit won’t help me get over things, whereas a wonderful girl just might,” I pistolled my fingers, pointing at her.

“Wonderful?” She shot me a dubious look.

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t really, really like you. We’ve spent a lot of time at school, me supposedly helping you out with things. Don’t imagine I didn’t figure out that you didn’t really need any help about half the time,” I smiled at her wearily. “If I didn’t enjoy spending time with you, I’d have called you on it.”

“So why were so nervous about calling me?” Marla was blushing a bit. On her creamy skin, it was pretty obvious.

“It showed? Never mind, silly question. Because you’re a girl, you’re not predictable. The fact that you want me to do all sorts of nasty things to you,” my voice went low, “that you want those spine-bending orgasms Eve and Alice bragged about,” my tone returned to normal, “doesn’t mean that you’ll act logically about it. In fact, the opposite is more likely, as you just showed me. You’re not easy, you’re for some strange reason worried about me respecting you less or who knows whose opinion if you choose to have sex with me, when you know that’s nonsense, when we only have so much time before the school year ends.”

The silence lay thick for a while.

“Sorry about that, I told you I’m not good company this evening,” I apologized.

“No, it’s obvious you’re a bit down on us illogical girls after what happened,” Marla said bitterly.

“I won’t take it out on you, if I can avoid it. If I do, just dump me,” I shrugged. “I’m pretty safe that way,” I raised my brows by way of asking her if she wanted to cancel.

“Never mind, you obviously need to cry into your pillow or something,” Marla rolled her eyes. “Pick me up tomorrow at six, I’ll make a reservation,” she said and hung up.

For once, she made perfectly logical sense. I went upstairs and cried into the pillow. I finally took another shower and seeing their stuff there, especially the blow dryer and remembering that I needed my key back, well, it all sent me straight back to my ever compliant and never complaining, so loyal pillow. Well, a different one actually, as my original target was a bit wet.

When I was a bit more focused, I took some food to my room, sent a general email similar to the one I’d sent those centuries ago, when Melanie dumped me, and left a note on the kitchen table. I didn’t really want to have mom bothering me. When I felt tired enough to sleep, once it wasn’t so early that I’d wake up at four am and ruin Saturday for Marla and I, I just collapsed.

The new day didn’t look any better, but at least my eyes weren’t red and I wasn’t shambling about. This having something positive ahead, a lovely girl who probably had a serious crush on me, well, it was a damned good solution to depression. I still had a leaden weight in my stomach, but the urge to curl up under the sheets and weep was receding, if not fast enough for true comfort.