My name is Jim, and I began my story in "A Joke," which was posted by Agena.
If you haven't read that yet, please hunt it down and read it. It'll help you understand this story.
In "A Joke," I was torn over what to believe about Flo, my wife of 23 years, and my jokester next-door neighbor, Roger Kubiak.
Roger and his pretty, buxom wife Alice had moved into the big house next door about five years ago. In many ways we'd become pretty good friends.
We were of comparable ages and interests, and it was natural for us to visit back and forth and socialize. Alice was a real sweetheart. She worked as an emergency room nurse down in Endicott City General Hospital, and was often called in on her off time when there was a surge in emergency cases.
Yet despite the sometimes grim nature of her work, she had a naturally cheerful personality, and a good sense of humor. She needed it, to have stayed married to Roger.
Roger was another story. He worked downtown for some law enforcement agency; I never was quite clear which one, and he worked regular hours, like me. In some ways he was a decent enough guy. He was normally generous and outgoing; the life of the party. That balanced out pretty well with me. I tend to be kind of straightforward and sober. My son says I'm a stick-in-the-mud.
My Flo was outgoing, like Roger, and like him, had a sense of humor that bordered on the bawdy. Mine is more subtle and verbal. Non existent some might say, but they're just not paying attention, I say.
Unfortunately, that similarity drew her pretty close to Roger, because he was such an inveterate practical joker. Like that time when we were all off together at a beach and he dropped trou and mooned a passing boat, and then Flo did the same. Alice and I were scandalized and upset at that. I mean, the whole idea of dropping your pants in a moon is the moonee isn't anywhere close enough to do anything but gape. But she and Roger were practically side-by-side. I didn't like the idea of her getting bare-assed right next to another man. And he got an eyeful, I could see that, although he always denied it.
Now, up to the time of what I call The Fucking Joke, I never was worried about Flo having any feelings other than friendship toward Roger. But I had picked up that Roger was attracted to Flo, and I think he entertained some thoughts about getting into her panties.
Normally that didn't bother me. I trusted Flo. That was one thing we were clear on, she and I; she knew how I felt about unfaithfulness.
Nonetheless, Flo's natural bent was toward the bawdy and Roger fed off of that, so there was an element of raunch in their humor. They laughed hysterically at some pretty raw jokes. I told Flo that I didn't appreciate that, but she just laughed and told me not to be such a stick-in-the-mud.
The first real problem came with The Necking Joke, the one where they disappeared off together to get drinks and were gone a long time. When Alice and I went looking for them, Roger had Flo's lipstick all over him. Flo's lipstick was smeared and her hair was mussed up. He said he'd been showing Flo his etchings.
Alice and were stunned. Then they laughed at the looks on our faces. They just made it look like they had been necking to get a rise out of us, they said. Nothing happened, they said. It was all a joke, they said.
When I described it before, I said that Roger had the smirk on his face he develops when he pulls one of his pranks and Flo was looking away so I couldn't see how hard she was trying to keep from laughing. In hindsight, I realized that Roger might have been smirking like that because he might have gotten away with something. And Flo? Well, maybe she was looking away because she didn't want me to see something else in her expression.
Of course, Roger was all smiles and chuckles and expansive and really did get us all drinks so "we" could laugh about it together. But it wasn't like that. He and Flo did all the laughing.
Is it really funny when only the pranksters are laughing?
Alice and I didn't think it was funny at all. I didn't like it, and I knew that Alice didn't like it, either
When Flo and I got home after The Necking Joke, I was still hot over it. I had not at all been mollified by the drinks and all that coaxing and teasing that was supposed to get us to all laugh together at their unfunny joke. Flo knew my expressions well, and she read me right. She said repeatedly that she was sorry; that she had just gotten carried away.
I told her she had to stop getting involved in Roger's pranks, especially when they joked about being unfaithful.
She knew how I felt about that, and she said she felt the same way.
Then she said she'd never do anything to hurt me.
But then came The Fucking Joke.
Roger got Alice sent off on a wild goose chase. Then he and Flo tricked me and handcuffed me to a pipe in his basement, and they joked around about Flo wanting to see his etchings again. Then they went up to the master bedroom right over my head and made all the noises of people getting ready to fuck and then fucking.
This is what I heard as I pulled and twisted and rubbed the skin off my wrists, trying futilely to get out of the handcuffs:
I heard Flo's excited giggles. Shoes dropped to the carpet above me and I heard Flo exclaim, "Oh, that's a nice big one. Bigger than Jim's."
"Hurry and get those panties and bra off Flo. I want you bad."
My rage was mounting by the minute as I continued to struggle mindlessly against the handcuffs.
"C'mon, put that big thing in me. I want to be stretched out for a change."
"Damn Flo, you're one sexy piece. Let me slide it in you."
"Oh god, that feels good. Push it in further and fuck me hard, Roger. That's it, that's it. It feels so good."
I heard the bed beginning to creak above me and I could picture them fucking. I was cursing and swearing at the cuffs and at my adulterous spouse up in that room over my head. My wrists were scraped raw and bleeding as I continued to jerk and twist against the cuffs. My mind was a maelstrom of emotion as I heard Roger grunting and Flo moaning in rhythm.
Suddenly, Roger cried out, "I'm cumming!! I'm cumming!!" Then I heard Flo start to keen just like she did when I got her off.
Then all was quiet above for a few minutes. I had ceased struggling and was just lying on the hard cement floor with my arms around the pipe. I felt a terrible sadness in my heart as I heard Flo exclaim finally.
"Oh, that was really good Roger. I'm going to have to see your etchings again some time. I suppose we should get dressed and go down and see how Jim is doing."
"OK Flo, I need to rest a minute but Alice should be getting back soon from that false call I sent her on and I don't want her to see me in bed with you."
A few minutes later I heard footsteps on the basement stairs but didn't look up as they came over to me.
Then it was "Oh shit, look at his wrists. They're all bloody."
And "Honey, it was just a joke. Nothing happened. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Hurry up Roger, unlock the cuffs so we can get his wrists bandaged. Oh god, oh god. I never thought he'd take it this hard."
That was The Fucking Joke. Only I didn't think it was any joke. I was certain they had been fucking.
Roger took off when he realized how deadly mad I was. Once I got free, I told Flo to find someplace else to sleep. I told her that we were through and she would hear from my lawyer.
And she kept saying, "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. It was just a joke. We didn't do anything." But I kept saying that my perception was that she did commit adultery and did cuckold me.
She went to stay with her sister, Mary.
The next few days I heard from everyone else, wanting to know what happened and what I was going to do.
Alice came by. I told her I was going to divorce Flo. That as far as I knew, they had cuckolded me, and that I was finished with Flo for it.
I did finally say that if she could prove that she didn't have sex with Roger, I would consider forgiving her. But I needed proof; I wasn't going to take their word for it. They were lying adulterers, as far as I was concerned.
Then Mary, Flo's sister showed up. Flo was staying with her. She passed on Flo's apologies and protestations of love, etc., blah, blah, blah. Privately, I thought that talk was cheap once the shit had hit the fan. Then she said that Flo was willing to take a lie detector test to prove she'd never been unfaithful with Roger or anyone else. I thought about that. I decided to set conditions.
One, results proving she didn't have sex with Roger doesn't mean I will take her back.
Two, Roger will have to take the same test and the results of his test will have to agree with hers.
Three, I wanted approval on who administers the tests and the questions.
Four, I will not pay for the tests.
That first condition may have sounded harsh, but I insisted on it. Even if it had been a joke, it was so hurtful that I didn't know that I could ever forgive her. I kept remembering Flo solemnly assuring me that she'd never do anything to hurt me.
And then she did this?
So I was dead set on going with my gut reaction.
Then I had to explain it all to our daughter Patty, who drove down 150 miles from college because Flo had called her and sobbed out a cleaned up version of what had happened and I wasn't taking calls.
She said that Flo had told her that it was just a joke. What could be so bad about a little practical joke, she wanted to know. Where was my sense of humor?
.... There is more of this story ...