Vickie met me at the front door in what she called her "slut suit" which was nothing more than a pair of "Come Fuck Me" pumps.
"What's the occasion?
"I've got great news honey. I'm finally pregnant — we are going to have a baby."
"Oh wow Vick, that is great news" I said and not meaning a word of it. In fact, her little announcement ruined my day.
I did not want children. I have never wanted children because, to me at least, children are more trouble than they are worth. Once they are on the scene everything in your life becomes subservient to them. Everything is suddenly qualified by, "What about the baby?" or "What will we do with the kids?" Children alter and even kill relationships. I've seen it happen countless times. I watched it happen with my own parents. My parents had four children who they loved dearly, but the energy expended to take care of and to meet the needs of those four kids left precious little to use to sustain their own personal relationship. By the time the four kids were grown up and gone my parents had no relationship, they just lived in the same house and co-existed until the arrival of the grandbabies gave them something to do. I can't even begin to count the number of my married friends who had children and then watched their lives stagnate.
A good part of the change, maybe even the major part, is financial in nature and it intrudes on almost everything. Want to take the wife out and give her a break? Sure you do, but can you find a sitter that you can afford? Even if you find a sitter the first half dozen times you use her end up being wasted nights. Your wife will agonize over whether the sitter is really reliable and she will be constantly going to the phone to 'check in' and see how things are going. Then by the time you are comfortable with the sitter she becomes unavailable because she has just 'discovered' boys or he will have just 'discovered' girls and you have to start all over.
That Ram Charger 4x4 you are drooling over? Forget it! It just isn't the sort of vehicle you need for a family with kids so let's just go over there and look at the Ford Windstar. The lesson was driven home almost any time I went anywhere with a guy who had kids. There was a boat show at the Convention Center only a couple of blocks from where I work. On day at lunch hour Tom, a guy I work with, and I went over to check things out. We were looking at a Bass Boat and Tom commented that he had always wanted one.
I looked at the MSRP and said, "So get one. It isn't all that expensive."
"Yeah, I know, but Jenny needs braces so I have to watch my pennies."
The litany was always the same: "I can't really afford a bigger house right now, but I need more room for the kids." "I would really like to have it, but I need to put money aside for little Billy's college fund." "I was going to, but my wife wants Nancy to have dance lessons and piano lessons so I guess I'll have to wait a little longer."
Next comes the time issue. The husband works longer hours to try and make more money while the wife is left at home to take care of the kids. She starts getting pissed that she is stuck in the house with screaming kids, spilled food, constantly wet diapers and he gets to avoid it all by running off to some quiet office every morning. She jumps him for not doing his 'fair share' and the relationship starts on its downward slide. To placate her he gives up stopping with his buddies for a beer after work, or he gives up his bowling night or his Saturday golf date. Or he doesn't which only makes it worse. Or maybe he goes the other way.
"I've got my night out so you should have yours. Go ahead, get out of the house, and spend some time with your girlfriends. Me and little Jimmy will be fine."
After a couple of months he thinks he sees something and he becomes suspicious. Is she really playing cards over at her cousins? Did she really go to a Tupperware party? He starts checking her out when she comes home, sniffing her panties when she tosses them in the dirty clothesbasket. Going through her purse looking for men's names and phone numbers. She isn't stupid and she picks up on it and soon the two of them are warily eyeing each other and the relationship begins to sour.
Okay, I know that these examples are all from the cynic's point of view, but there is enough truth in there that has made me never want kids. And now here was my wife telling me about our own prospective blessed event.
I met Vickie in college and fell for her like a ton of bricks which was unfortunate because she was engaged to someone else at the time. I watched her from afar and prayed every day for Roger to get run over by a truck, get struck by lightening or some other thing along those lines. Nothing that drastic happened, but one day they were no longer a couple. According to Vickie's friends they broke up because she caught him in bed with some one else. According to Roger's friends he dumped her when he got tired of her fucking other guys. I didn't know which side was right, but then I really didn't care. All that mattered to me was that Vickie was available for dating and I moved in to try and be first in line.
I asked her out, she accepted and over the next three months we went out on several dates. We hit it off, but Vickie wasn't interested in a steady relationship.
"I just got out of one of those and I'm in no hurry to do that again."
She did like sex though and we went to bed after our fourth date. I didn't give up on trying for a more permanent relationship, but Vick was always hesitant and then suddenly it all changed.
"I think we should move in together and see how we fit" she said. It seemed to me that we fit very well and after nine months I asked her to marry me.
"That's a pretty big step to take honey. I know things are working out well for us right now, but we have never even discussed the future."
"What is there to talk about? I'm crazy about you and I want you in my life forever."
"Well for one thing honey, we have never talked about a family. I want babies, lots of babies. My ideal would be two girls and two boys, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is that I want kids, but I've never heard you say a word on the subject."
Okay, I know it was wrong, but even though I didn't want kids I did want Vickie — I wanted her bad enough to lie to her.
"I never mentioned it because I thought marriage with kids was a foregone conclusion. I never really gave any thought to how many and what flavor. My only concern would be having them too quickly after getting married. I always thought it was better to get your feet on the ground financially before starting a family."
We talked about marriage for another two weeks or so and then Vickie finally said yes to my proposal. We married three months after graduation, got jobs and started saving money for a house. Vickie wanted to go straight into a four bedroom so the family could grow into it. I wanted a small two bedroom because I knew that we were not going to have kids so I convinced Vickie to start small, build equity and then move up as we needed to.
Vickie realized the need for financial stability before having kids so she was on the pill and as added insurance I always wore a condom when we made love. At the end of three years Vickie told me she was going off the pill.
"It is time for me to start having my babies. I don't want you using condoms any more either."
"Are you sure that you are ready for such a big step?"
"Oh I'm ready honey, more than ready. I want my babies while I'm still young enough to enjoy them. I don't want to show up at the youngest one's high school graduation looking like the grandmother."
Two years later Vickie was still childless and bemoaning the fact that she couldn't get pregnant. She went in for tests and was told that there was nothing wrong with her. She started bugging me to go in and get myself tested so I told her that I had and had been told that I was fine. She started doing things that might help her conceive. She even went so far as to stand on her head as I plunged down into her on the theory that my sperm would fall faster toward her womb because of gravity. But it didn't matter what Vickie did she still couldn't get pregnant which really wasn't at all surprising to me. I did not want kids and I took steps to make sure that I never had kids. Two months before our wedding I had a vasectomy and now here was Vickie telling me that we were going to have a baby. As I looked at her with the fake 'happy' smile on my face I had to face up to the possibilities — either it was the long awaited Second Coming or my wife was a cheating whore.
Being an agnostic I had never bought into the virgin birth tale so that, in my mind anyway, narrowed the possibilities down to just one and that was that Vickie had been, or was being unfaithful. After dropping her little bomb on me Vickie grabbed my hand and started trying to pull me to the bedroom.
"Come on honey, we need to celebrate. I need to start fucking your brains out every chance I get so you won't feel so deprived when I get so far along that we can't make love anymore."
It wasn't going to happen.
It was as if the knowledge that Vickie was cheating on me had tripped a switch somewhere in the back of my head and all of a sudden my dick would not get hard. Vickie sucked, she stroked, she teased, but nothing she did would get my cock hard. She tried several times that night but to no avail. I passed it off as something stress related from work.
"I don't know sweetie, but what with the economy being in the toilet and talk about cutbacks and layoffs running through the company I'm just totally stressed out."
.... There is more of this story ...