I have never been accused of being a nice guy which didn't bother me at all because I wasn't. I was an asshole and I knew it, but even though I was an asshole what happened wouldn't have if I hadn't disliked Tony so much and if he hadn't pissed me off just one time too many.
Tony was my supervisor at work. He was one of those dick-wads that climb the ladder by taking credit for work that someone else did and by slipping a knife in the back of anyone he thought of as competition. Tony did it all with a smile and pretended he liked you and that you were his buddy even as he was picking out the spot where he would bury the knife. In short, Tony was an asshole. But not like me. Tony was the worst kind of asshole — he hid it and pretended he wasn't one. I, on the other hand, didn't hide it at all.
Being an asshole doesn't mean that you treat everyone like dirt. I have friends, people I like, and I don't expose my asshole side to them, but if I don't like you or you fuck over me or piss me off you always know where I'm going to come from. Which brings me back to Tony. Tony fit all three of those categories: I didn't like him, he pissed me off and he fucked over me. I know, I know, they are all the same thing right? You fuck over me so it will piss me off and then I won't like you? Not necessarily so. Some people have pissed me off, but I haven't stopped liking them and some people I don't like have never pissed me off or fucked over me so I do make distinctions.
Anyway, back to Tony. Twice he took credit for my work and once he took my name off of a proposal I submitted and put his own name on it. He got a big bonus when the proposal was put in play and worked out great and then he had the gall to give me a poor evaluation on my yearly performance review. No, Tony was an absolute fuck-wad and I would get him. That is the code of the asshole — "You will get even and you will make it hurt!"
Tony knew that I would lie for him and so he watched his back at work. I'll give him credit, he was good and he never gave me an opening, but I was a patient guy and I knew that in time I'd get him.
The idea came to me at the company picnic. Tony was there with his new bride of seven months and she was a beauty. Tony was so proud of himself for landing a dish like her that he beamed. He hovered over her to protect her like the treasure I'm sure she was and the more I watched the two of them the more I decided that getting even with Tony was going to take the form of making him a cuckold. I was going to fuck his new bride! It would take some time, planning and some luck, but I was going to spread her lovely long legs and camp between them and then, the Gods willing and the planets in the proper alignment, I was going to get her pregnant. Then I would sir back and let Tony raise my kid.
I sat down and laid out a plan that should work. I would make it happen at the company Christmas party and that gave me four and a half months to set it up. The first step was to get to know Tony's wife Angela and then get to be friends with her without attracting Tony's attention. I set out to learn everything I could about Angela to find something I could use in getting to her. I found several. Angela hit the gym three times a week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and almost always around one in the afternoon. She belonged to the Library Literary Society, which met every Tuesday at seven at the local library, and she ran fives miles everyday except for her gym days. I could use all of it.
I kept myself in pretty good shape. I didn't visit a gym, but I had a Bow Flex in my basement that I used religiously and I ran almost every day of the week. The Literary Society would be a stretch for me since I pretty much limited my reading to job related materials and the comic section of the Sunday newspaper. But I could force myself to go to Society meeting and sit in the back and just listen. The idea wasn't to try and impress Angela, just get her used to seeing me around.
The first step was to join the gym where she worked out. I rescheduled my lunch hour so I could be at the gym when she was. I made no attempt to get to know her, but I made sure that whatever machine she used I would be on one where she had to see me. After three weeks of letting her see me at the gym I attended my first meeting of the Literary Society. There was a social hour after the meeting; coffee, tea and cookies and a chance to speak with the guest speaker of the evening. I was off to the side of the room sipping coffee and munching on a cookie when Angela came up to me.
"Excuse me. I'm not usually this forward, but don't I know you?"
"I don't think so. I think we have seen each other around, but I know we've never met. No way I could ever forget meeting you."
She blushed as a way of accepting the compliment and I went on, "I've seen you at the gym when I've gone there to work out and I've seen you a couple of times during my morning run."
"This is the first time I've seen you here."
"That's because this is my first time."
"What did you think of tonight's speaker?"
"I didn't understand a word he said."
Angela gave me a confused look and I laughed and said, "I'm here under false pretenses. There's this girl I'm trying to get something going with and she thinks I'm a dolt. The other day she said, and I quote, "Honestly Rob, it wouldn't hurt you to read a book once in a while." I was in the library checking out a book and I saw the notice of tonight's meeting. I thought I'd stop in and see if I could absorb some 'couth." I suppose if I'd read his book before coming his talk would have made more sense to me."
And that's how my relationship with Angela started. At the gym if I was there first she would join me or if she was there first I would join her and we would exercise together while discussing the next meeting of the Literary Society. Soon we were sitting together at the Society meetings and then one night she asked me to run with her in the mornings.
"I don't like running alone if I don't have to. I know you; I'm comfortable around you so since we are both out there anyway would you run with me? We can pace each other."
Naturally I said yes. I kept it all on a friendly basis. I made no passes at Angela and in fact, I spent a lot of time discussing my non-existent girlfriend seeking Angela's input on what I should do next in my pursuit of the imaginary Stephanie.
We were two months from December and the company Christmas party when Angela gave me the opening I'd been waiting for. It was a Wednesday and we were at the gym. She seemed out of sorts and I asked:
"What's wrong? You seem down for some reason."
"It's my husband. He spends so much time at work that I feel neglected, but he is so damned jealous that if I try to make friends he gets stupid on me."
"What does he do?"
"He's the Marketing Manager at XYZ Corporation."
She saw my face change and I moved just a little away from her. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"You are Tony's wife?"
"What? You know Tony?"
"I work at XYZ. Tony is my boss." I looked at my watch, "Got to go, time to get back to work."
I know my abrupt departure got her attention and made her curious as to why. I skipped going to the gym on Friday and Monday and I made sure I was late to the Society meeting on Tuesday so I could sit in the back. My intention was to make it look like I was avoiding her. When the meeting was over I kept an eye on Angela and as soon as she noticed me I made as if I was going to take off without staying for the social hour. I made sure that my getaway was just slow enough to allow her to get to me before I could get out the door.
"I didn't see you come in."
"I got here late."
"I saved the seat next to me for you."
I just shrugged my shoulders and looked like I wanted to get away from her.
"What's wrong Rob. It seems like you are avoiding me ever since you found out that Tony is my husband."
Again I just shrugged and looked like I wanted to run.
"You are, aren't you? You are avoiding me because of Tony. Why?"
I looked at my watch and said, "I have to go. I'm supposed to meet Stephanie in half an hour."
"She's only fifteen minutes away. That means you can spare me ten minutes to tell me what is going on here."
She had a hand on my arm and I moved to go, but she held on. "No Rob, I want to know."
"Okay, all right. I don't like your husband. He is a lying asshole and I can't stand his ass."
"So what does that have to do with me?"
"You are his wife."
"And that means we can't be friends? Since when does my husband get to determine who I like and don't like?"
"It is just that it is awkward."
"We don't get along now so how is it going to be now that he knows that you and I are friends?"
"So why does he need to know?"
"You mean he doesn't?"
"How would he?"
"I thought that after I mentioned I worked for him you would go home and say, "Guess what I learned today" and tell him about me. I've spent the last couple of days waiting for him to do something shitty to me."
"No way I'd tell him. As insanely jealous as he is, just knowing I was talking to another man on a regular basis would drive him nuts and he would bug the hell out of me to avoid you. He'd try and get me to quit the gym, the Literary Society and he would probably even try to get me to stop running. He gets that way with any man I meet and talk to so I've learned not to tell him."
I had been counting on that. All I had to do now was cement the friendship and make it grow until the Christmas party.
.... There is more of this story ...