Anger; deep and burning anger. There was also pain. Pain of a kind I'd never felt before. I wanted to kill or be killed. I had never been this angry before in my life. Some might say I was pretty young yet and that life would have other situations that would bring out anger like this again. I don't think so.
My anger is a kind of anger that nobody should have to deal with. Any kind of anger that makes a person feel a need to take another individual's life is not good. I wanted to kill two people at the moment, and once I made my presence known I knew that I'd have to exercise extreme caution in order to not end up in prison.
Why am I so angry? I'll tell you why. It all started about five weeks ago when my wife started to change, like a chameleon in front of my eyes. She went from loving, doting, and pleasing me to smart ass retorts, slights, and cuts. She began to refuse intimacy and that intimacy included things husbands and wives do in bed together.
That made me suspicious immediately, since I'd once had a girlfriend who had cheated on me, and when that all came out, I'd learned some painful life-long lessons. I never mentioned the first bitch to the now second bitch in my life. Don't know it would have made a difference anyway.
On the second week of her 'change' I decided to investigate further. I'm not a guy who takes his problems to a P.I. or someone else to help solve. Nope. I'm one of those hands-on guys and I handle my own issues quite well thank you very much.
I followed her from her workplace at lunchtime. When she pulled into that motel parking space and walked briskly right to room 104, I knew she was cheating on me. Her job didn't involve dealing with customers out of the workplace at all. Matter of fact, she didn't deal at all with customers since she worked in the record keeping department.
That first discovery caused me pain, but not near the pain that her taunts, cuts and slights had already caused me. The man she met was a co-worker of hers... of sorts, he worked in a different department. I had heard he was in the quick rising circle and that he was headed up the ladder rapidly.
After seeing them meet three times in two weeks I decided how I was going to approach this 'issue'. Head on. I'm too cheap to pay good money out to find out an already known factor, so I just waited until now, knowing that just behind this door my wife was in the arms of another man.
'I won't kill them I won't kill them' I kept repeating that to myself in the hopes I wouldn't kill them. It was going to be a very close thing. I had to confront them, and I had to get the pictures. In this state I could still sue for 'alienation of affection' and her employer would be getting hit hard too, for allowing it to happen as it did.
My guess was that 'Mr. On the Way up' was soon to be 'On the Way OUT'. I needed the pictures, and then I needed to serve the soon to be ex-wife the divorce papers. The locks on our house were being changed as I stood here, the locksmith having been paid by me just before I left home. I had moved all 'our' money around and split it evenly. I had canceled all our credit cards. I had done many things over the last two weeks, and now the final turmoil was about to begin.
I am not certain how Simone will react. It is my thought that she will be happy instead of upset... however she may feel quite guilty in a few minutes too. Of course, my lawyer who's had a lot of experience with divorce, told me the guilt will pass, as soon as she gets her own lawyer.
Do I love her you may ask? Well, right now I hate her fully and openly. At the same time I'm in a deep inner fight with myself thinking that she really loves me and this is just a mistake on her part... poor judgment and we may fix things.
Logically I know it won't happen though. I can't accept a wife who would cheat on me. There is not one ounce of trust left in my being for her. The love that I still have for her is just that part which hasn't had time to accept this sudden and complete change happening in such a short while.
The manager of the motel handed me the key to the room. A hundred dollar bill and a promise to not mess up the place served as the 'gateway' to having the key in hand. He's a nice guy and I'm sure it's not his fault my wife and her toy-boy chose this place for their trysts. He also mentioned something about his ex-wife and how there were some similarities between us.
Inserting the key I opened the door quietly. Moving into the room I close the door almost all the way, leaving it cracked just a bit. I aimed the camera and stepped into the room fully.
"Man I love this digital camera." I thought to myself. "I'm sure glad she gave it to me for my birthday three months ago."
She was screaming at the guy to get off her. He was pissed and moving to get up. I took several more pictures, seeing her hard nipples, the red marks where he had been sucking on her tits, his hard cock popping out, and cum shooting everywhere.
Simone was crying, trying to cover up while he did the stupid thing. I had secretly hoped he would and his choice made my next move quite natural.
"What the fuck? Who are you? Get the fuck out of here before I kick your ass!"
"Who I am is her soon to be EX. Whose ass is going to be kicked is debatable. I don't think you're going to kick my ass."
I moved to one side as he approached. Setting the camera down and turning just a bit to the right I let him come up on my left. Letting go of the camera I began to turn rapidly and in so doing, swung my arm up and hard.
My fist connected with his jaw almost perfectly. His feet lifted up off the floor with the force of all my anger, pain, and just a tad of fear. Fear you say? Yes... fear. I was afraid I was going to kill this stupid asshole, and he just wasn't worth it.
He hit the floor, out cold. I must have been quite angrier than I thought. I bent over and checked him for a pulse, suddenly aware that I may just have killed the dumb-shit, and that would have been tragic, for me that is.
There was a pulse, so I relaxed. I heard Simone going on and on about something, and now I turned to face her. She suddenly shut up, fear choking her voice. I knew that she'd never seen me this way before, and I must have looked far different from the man she had left at breakfast this morning.
"Well whore, hope you enjoy this dip-shit. He's going to be yours from now on. I sure as hell don't want anything to do with your cheating ass anymore."
She sat there, tears running down her face, shaking and hugging herself. She couldn't look me in the eye something I noticed had been occurring more and more lately. Now though, she knew that I knew. Now she knew the game was up. She glanced at me standing over her lover and I'd seen her shiver. Her eyes didn't stay on me very long though.
"Here are the typical papers which are served in situations like this. I'm suing for divorce. The locks on the house have been changed. I've set up a bank account with your half of everything. You're served, we're through, thanks for nothing."
The papers landed on her knees which were half out of the sheet she was trying to hide under. She looked at them, and then looked into my eyes. She said nothing. For the first time in the last three or four weeks, I felt nothing.
Two kinds of nothing were going on in that room. Mine was going to be far more painful in the end, but right now, she knew there was nothing she could say to make things right between us. I even got the feeling that she may not know how to make things right and that 'us' hadn't existed for a longer time than these last weeks.
I turned and left, hearing her plead with me as I went out the door.
"Wait. Let me explain. PLEASE Jonathan... PLEASE!"
I kept walking. I couldn't let her see my eyes right then. They were full. Tears were welling up in them, and I knew that if I turned I'd weaken in my whole plan. There was too much water under the bridge and I had too many issues now to want to do that. What had once been, now was nevermore.
Arriving home I found the locksmith patiently waiting. He'd changed all three entry locks and the garage door opener had been reprogrammed. I thanked him for doing the job on such short notice, and tipped him a twenty.
Inside the house that had been a home, I sat at the kitchen table and thought over our years together. I didn't know why Simone changed or why she suddenly decided I was less than what she evidently had originally seen in me. I didn't know one damn reason why she had done this.
I did know that we were done. I did know that in five weeks the pain and words had made me a different man, but obviously Simone missed that change while it was occurring, just as I had missed the changes in her too.
The phone rang. Looking at the caller ID I saw it was Simone's mom. I answered.
"John, what's going on? Simone came over here in tears saying that she'd ruined your marriage. What's happened?"
"Well Doris, it's like this. Simone will have to tell you what happened, but suffice it to say that I found her at a motel room today and served her the divorce papers."
"Why John? I don't understand this at all. "
"Look, I'm really sorry Doris. You know that I love you and Sam with all my heart and this whole thing is tough on all of us... but it has to be... this... way."
.... There is more of this story ...