What about this — a woman cuckolds her husband using his best friend — yeah, like that's never happened. What might have been the result of him finding out?
Well, there's always the legal system...
"Sam Santangilo here and welcome back to our year end wrap-up of Day In Court TV. We've saved the best for last. Oh yes, it's time for our annual update on the continuing courtroom drama and life travails of Erica Montgomery, or as our viewers have come to call her, Icky Rickie. Let's go to our courthouse correspondent Estella Greenwood for the latest news. "Estella — wow can I just say you're looking quite chic in that outfit? - 'stella I understand you have something special for our viewers tonight. Is that correct?"
"Hi Sam and thanks for the compliment. I do have something special for our viewers tonight. Sam as you well know we are in year five of one of the longest running courtroom escapades in Breaker County history. This ordeal has been going on for so long that we're going to take our viewers back to the very beginning and bring everyone up to speed. Our long time viewers will want to stay with us right through to the end as we are going to break a huge scoop. Buckle up; it's liable to be a pretty wild and parents take note this is likely to be a very naughty ride.
"Sam, I'm holding a local newspaper from five years ago. In the legal notices section, you can see this small entry - right here. We've blown it up so you can see it on your TV screen now. It reads - Divorced granted to: Charles and Erica Montgomery. Blah, blah, blah and it cites "Irreconcilable Differences" as the reason.
"A simple published item referring to the legal dissolution of a marriage of twenty-one years. Nothing very newsworthy there - other then to the family and friends involved. It's something that happens all the time. And in most cases, that would have been the end of it. This little item wasn't the end, oh no as our faithful viewers know it was just the beginning. This was more like a fuse and it was about to blow up big time.
"Shortly after the divorce Charles Montgomery filed a lawsuit against Erica Montgomery and an unnamed co-conspirator, accusing them of defrauding Mr. Montgomery. He was asking for one million dollars in restitution. Now what was unusual here was the Mr. Montgomery stated he have definitive proof of the fraud, but... isn't there's always a "but" in something like this? The "but" was that if the former Mrs. Montgomery, we'll just call her Erica from here out, and her unnamed co-conspirator publicly admitted their fraud on the courthouse steps, on a specified date he, Mr. Montgomery, would settle for a mere hundred thousand dollars cash - case closed.
"Well since we're still following this story, obviously there was no public admission on the courthouse steps. Interestingly enough, the date specified by Mr. Montgomery would have been the Montgomery's wedding anniversary. Evidently, it was a slow news day, and a crew was tipped off to the intended antics of Mr. Montgomery and the possible whereabouts of Erica Montgomery. Charles was filmed on the courthouse steps calling out "Erica, oh Erica, come out come out from under your rock."
Erica was successfully tracked down and interviewed. Erica informed the reporters present that Charles was a recovering alcoholic who had evidently fallen off the wagon and landed on his head. Erica suggested that Charles was mentally unbalanced and needed treatment. She said that Charles's children were worried about him. There are, by the way, four Montgomery children who live with their mother.
"The lawsuit slowly wound it's way through the legal process. Legal observers had stated that it was looking rather dim for Charles. Then came bombshell number one and that was when this case was catapulted into the public eye and has remained there ever since. We're going to break for commercials, but when we come back, actual video from Charles Montgomery's day in court. Stay tuned."
Estella Greenwood held her smile until her cameraman signaled "off-air." He stepped around from behind the camera and glared. "What the fuck was that all about? "You're looking quite hot Ms. Greenwood... mind if I lick the side of your face?"
"Oh Gary, he didn't say that..."
"Bullshit Es." Gary paced back and forth. "Is it over or isn't it?"
"It's over sweetie. I swear it. Sam was just a distraction while we were apart... that's all. Once we got back together... there's only been you. I love you Gary."
"I just... I just don't know. The break was your idea and the next thing I know you're screwing around with Mr. Perfect-smile.
"But I'm with Mr. Perfect-cock — now. I guess I'll just have to prove after the broadcast. I'll prove to you I'm the only woman for you Gary. Light's blinking let's get ready. How do I look?"
"Totally fuckable... and we're just about ready to go back up in five... four... three...
"Welcome back to Day In Court TV, Estella Greenwood reporting. Charles Montgomery was a forty four year old man, recently divorced from his former wife Erica. They shared custody of the four Montgomery children and Mr. Montgomery was up to date on all of his financial commitments regarding child support. Charles had accused his ex-wife and an unnamed co-conspirator of defrauding him; he was claiming one million dollars in damages. Well Charles finally got his day in court in what looked like a hopeless case. This was a hearing to see if sufficient proof justified a trial. We have video of the dramatic revelation that took place that day. We apologise for the quality of the video as it's a home handheld home camcorder. It begins with Erica's lawyer talking to the judge. I think you'll find that this more then speaks for itself. Those viewers with young children should know that very adult situations are described within this clip.
Lawyer: "Your honor this is a classic example of a frivolous lawsuit - how much longer will our time be wasted? Mr. Montgomery has not produced the smallest shred of credible evidence regarding the "alleged" fraud - can we all just go home, please?"
Judge: "Mr. Montgomery. I have to agree with your ex-wife's counsel. Unless you have something concrete..."
Charles Montgomery: "I have Your Honor. A few years ago a co-worker of mine, Mike Browner, got married. As a young boy Mike had the German measles and due to the ravages of that disease; he was sterile. The guys, by that I mean his co-workers, thought it would be funny - well it seemed funny at the time - to present Mike and his bride with our sperm. See one of the guys had a sister who was a nurse at a fertility clinic and we all agreed, that we would and um... well, you know donate to the cause so to speak. We paid extra to have the clinic label the samples and test them for overall quality. We gave Mike the vials at his bachelor party. He thought it was pretty funny. We all had a really good laugh.
"Then Mike started reading off our names and the clinic's assessments of our
sperm quality. I was surprised to end up last - according to the clinic
I was sterile. Now all my co-workers knew that I have four great kids so everyone laughed and said I shouldn't have given a sample if I'd already had a vasectomy. They all thought I just wanted an opportunity to masturbate..."
Lawyer: "Your honor, please! For the sake of the decorum of this court!"
Judge: "Mr. Montgomery..."
Charles Montgomery: "I'm sorry your Honor but this is very important information. Your Honor, as I said I am a father of four, Well I've never had a vasectomy and now I find out that I'm sterile? I went back to the clinic and asked them to re-test me — that sample came back sterile. Then I went to a urologist - sterile again, he insisted that I had probably been sterile all my life. I went to a second urologist who specialized in male infertility. These are copies of those reports your Honor. The second urologist agreed with the previous one - I was sterile and likely had been all my life.
"Your Honor I am suing my ex-wife for fraud as I cannot possibly be the biological father of our children. Four kids whom I love dearly and who are themselves innocent victims of a heinous, immoral crime. Innocent children that I couldn't have possibly fathered."
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" ("Estella Greenwood here, that scream was Erica Montgomery as she finally understood what Charles was claiming.")
"Your Honor, needless to say I was distraught. I was depressed. But I also knew that I had to do something. I had to be certain so I sent away for paternity test kits to be absolutely sure that I was not the biological father. Here are the tests I took. The tests were conclusive — there is no possible way that I am the biological father of my children.
"However, the tests did indicate one man was the biological father. Needless to say, I went a little crazy during this period. I became obsessed with finding out who Erica was screwing around with behind my back. I started to surreptitiously collect DNA samples of every male I could — remember all those poker parties I hosted Erica; friends, neighbors, family members? It took me a while but my efforts paid off."
"You had your chance Erica. You could have kept this quiet. Now everybody is going to what you did and what kind of wife you are."
"Your Honor I'm dropping this lawsuit and I'll be filing a new one - I want ten
million dollars now. Against my ex-wife and the mastermind of this conspiracy to cuckold and defraud me..."
"No Charles. Please don't do this. It'll kill him." Erica Montgomery's face was a mask of anguish.
Charles Montgomery: "How do you think it affected me? I'm filing against my ex-wife and — my former best friend Richard Chambers!"
"Sam here, now Estella the introduction of the previously un-named co-conspirator was revealed as one Richard Chambers. Needless to say the Chambers revelation set off quite a tumult in the court as I recall from earlier broadcasts. Reporters and investigators went crazy digging around for information about Mr. Chambers. Tell us a little about Mr. Chambers Estell'."
"Sure thing Sam. Richard "Dick" Chambers is, correction, was Charles Montgomery's best friend dating all the way back to grade school. He is a single man and has never been married. Until this courtroom drama began Mr. Chambers lived a very low profile life. There wasn't much there there, just a very quiet local man.
"The whole situation would have likely stayed local except for one very small but significant detail. Mr. Chambers is something of a computer software genius. His area of expertise is in security software. A little reportorial digging turned up the fact that Mr. Chambers had a very fat and up to this point very secret software contract with a well known federal security agency. One based in Maryland, the "you-know-what."
"Now the local Fox News affiliate had been running Mr. Montgomery's cuckolded husband story from a "family values" slant. They were running pretty effectively with that until the government contract information came to light and then a little cross checking revealed that Mr. Chambers had made a rather substantial contribution to the current Presidents Re-election Campaign. Puts a whole new spin on family values doesn't it Sam?"
"That was when the story broke nationwide and with all the allegations of infidelity and sleazy sex - Hollywood came a-calling. Seemingly within weeks, there were teams of lawyers (entertainment, criminal, contractual, and family) representing, Charles, Erica, Dick and all four kids. At one court appearance there were nineteen lawyers present - it was absolute chaos.
"That's when things got real interesting, eh Estella?"
"You're right Sam. The publicity was causing Mr. Chambers a great deal of anxiety and he suffered, well, the press release called it "exhaustion." Others have characterized it as a nervous breakdown.
"That's when one of the kids lawyers filed against Mr. Chambers for control of his company seeking Power of Attorney, citing mental impairment and diminished capacity. They wanted to take over the operations of the company. The very next day the other three kids got involved. Then the kids filed as a group for emancipation from Erica after it was discovered that she was a partner in the Chambers software business.
"Then bombshell number two. Erica Montgomery filed suit against her lover Dick Chambers, admittedly the father of her four children. She alleged that the sexual relationship was coercive and that it was only since this had all come to light that she was able to separate herself away from his "Svengali like" influence. She purportedly had a videotape of a lie-detector test she took that confirmed that the sex contact initiated by Mr. Chambers was non-consensual.
"Estelle, how did Charles Montgomery react to Rickie's revelation?"
"Funny you should ask Sam? Roll the tape of that please - no sound necessary. Now watch the upper left hand corner of this tape. There right there. We blew this portion up and digitally enhanced it. There we see Charles and Erica Montgomery hugging - now they're talking - look at Erica's body language — experts call this the pose of abject apology - they're talking again — Charles nods, hugs Erica and, and, and there, right there - they are kissing"
"They were later seen entering a downtown hotel. They spent the weekend together and it looked like they were on the road to reconciliation."
"What was happening with Dick Chambers at this point Estella?"
"Dick was in seclusion. After the charges of coerced sex surfaced, Mr. Chambers went underground. When he surfaced, it was time for bombshell number three. Which we'll share with you just as soon as we return after these important messages."
Sam Santangalo look at his manicured nails and frowned, it looked like another night be romanced by his right hand. He glanced at the remote monitor as Estella straightened her jacket. Damn that woman was beautiful. Why she was back with that cameraman Sam had know idea. He'd said as much to his producer, but she had only smiled and shook her head.
Nicole Meadows watched Sam watch the monitor. If he only knew the equipment Gary was packing he's understand. She sure did. She been quick to console the young man when Estella had broken off their relationship. Nicole smiled again, oh how she had consoled Gary. Good Lord but that man had stamina. She heard the countdown and sat in her chair... she missed the soreness Gary had often left her in.
"Estella Greenwood here and we are just about to bring you up to speed..."
"Hey 'stell, Sam here again, has any money changed hands at this point? Is anybody making a buck here? — other than the lawyers?"
"Great question Sam. Relative to the actual lawsuits, only the lawyers have profited. In fact two lawyers have run successfully for public office during this time. Money has been made; by Charles, for movie rights and a serialized version in Esquire magazine; by Erica, movie rights and a tell-all book contract; and the kids, movie rights."
"Nothing for Mr. Chambers?"
"Funny you should mention that Sam. In the previous segment I mentioned that Mr. Chambers went underground after the revelation of forced sex leveled against him by Erica. Six months later Mr. Chambers resurfaced."
"Mr. Chambers said that he was saddened by the recent revelations and other challenges to his privacy. He stated that he loved the Montgomery children and would support them in any way he could and that he wanted to have a normal relationship with them once this was all over. He apologized to Charles and asked forgiveness, stating that he hoped they could mend their friendship.
"Then he talked about Erica. He admitted that he had always loved her. He had considered Charles one of the luckiest men in the world. He admitted that he had known that he was the biological father of the Montgomery children.
"Mr. Chambers declared that Erica was a full and consenting participant in this affair. He spoke of his making Erica a partner in his business and actually produced a facsimile of their agreement. We pointed out that Erica had initialed all of the relevant sections regarding the partnership and then signed the document. Mr. Chambers reference a section of the contract and then handed out a website URL.
"The section he referenced related to the use of video cameras for security purposes and essentially waived all rights to privacy when on company property."
"Nothing unusual about that is there Estella?"
"No Sam, nothing unusual at all, until you factor in these specific points. Mr. Chambers residence is also his primary office. Erica Montgomery worked out of his office residence. And that this residence was where all of the sexual contact between Erica and Dick took place."
"Oh my God he taped them having sex!"
"Bingo! And the URL? - it's a paid membership amateur sex video site. Who do you think might be the star of the current best selling hardcore sex tape. That's right "Despicable Housewives starring Icky Rickie." In total there are twenty hours of tape purportedly involving Mr. Chambers and Icky Rickie on the site. Because of the quality of the video you really can't see much other that a man and a woman engaged in sexual congress.
"Needless to say Sam, Charles and Erica's efforts at reconciliation went right out the window. The kids sued Mr. Chambers and the website for invasion of privacy. They are alleging that their conceptions may be on the tapes and are asking for damages and a portion of any profits."
"And now we come to tonight's big bombshell. I promised our viewers something new Sam and this is it. Have you ever heard of Livid Adult Movies?"
"Well no Estella, I don't believe I have."
"Livid Productions is the largest adult video provider in the country. They are offering Erica Montgomery one million dollars to legally change her name to Icky Rickie and host an adult reality sex show tentatively titled The Mating Game. According to Livid the show will involve female contestants questioning eligible, meaning fertile, men for the expressed purpose of fathering a child. Livid will put the couple up for a weekend coinciding with the woman's most fertile cycle and film all of the sex scenes between them. If conception occurs, the man gets ten thousand dollars and the woman gets all her pre-natal medical care covered and a college trust fund investment for the child."
"I don't know what to say Estella. This has to end somewhere. How much longer can this go on?"
"Sam, your guess is as good as mine. But I think we can be sure of this. We'll be here again next year."
"I don't doubt it for a moment Estelle, I don't doubt it for a moment."
Then again there something about a calculating female that is just irresistible...
Erica pulled into the driveway and parked beside Charles's car. It was kind of funny, it seemed so right whenever she saw it there. What wasn't so funny was that the car wasn't there nearly often enough. In the years since the divorce she still hadn't gotten used to not being married to Charles.
As she gathered the bags of groceries she wondered if things would have been different if she'd found a way to tell him in her own way.
"Charles, something happened many years ago. It was an accident, it wasn't intentional but it ended up changing our lives. Changes that we can never go back and change. You know how much I wanted children. And I know how much you wanted them to. Now we have four wonderful kids, kids we love more than anything else. Don't you agree with me Charles, our children are more important than our own lives? Yes, I knew you'd agree. You're a good man Charles Montgomery — a good man.
"When we started our family we both agreed that four kids would be enough. Last week I mentioned getting my tubes ties to eliminate the possibility of me getting pregnant and you talked about getting a vasectomy. Well, actually you insisted that you were getting a vasectomy and that was that. You don't need to Charles, you've never needed to. You're sterile. You've always been sterile.
"Yes, I figured you'd want to know. No I didn't go to a clinic. I went to Dick. Dick Chambers is the sperm donor.
"The regular way of course."
She had actually been fairly close to telling him when out of the blue he filed for divorce. "It's not working for me any longer." That was it, that's all he said She had asked Dick to talk to Charles. Charles had beaten Dick to a bloody pulp. Of course she knew now that he knew Dick was the sperm donor — oh well.
By the time she did say something it was too late — much to late. He waved the sperm count papers in her face, the paternity tests, and most damning of all the report that said one man had fathered all four children. When all your time is accounted for and the only time your not with your husband and family is when you with his best friend — well it didn't take a Sherlock Holmes to deduce the truth.
She was just thankful that Dick hadn't pressed charges against Charles after the beating he took from him. Personally Erica would have preferred a physical beating to the emotional one taken by her that resulted after Charles told everyone what she had done to him. The mere memory of the year that followed caused her to shiver. Not that things were a whole lot better overall. The chill within the family was far from thawing.