This is the fourth in the series Consequences. This one is rather dark, but in fact makes headlines. Consequences can be hard to bear.
Edited as always by Angel Love, with my thanks.
As I lay on the bed, the evening coming to a close, I reflected back on my recent life. My babies, Alicia and Beverley, were grown and on their own now. Both had graduated from college and had careers that they loved. Victor, their father would have been proud of them had he lived. I know I was. I am their mother, Estelle, and I made a promise to myself that I would see them safely on their way in life and I had kept my word.
The rest of my life and most of the promises I had made I was not so proud of. I had betrayed Victor Redson, my husband, not once but twice. The first time was bad but the second time was worse. That was my biggest failing. That was what ultimately led me to this point in my life, and the second promise I made to myself.
The girls had thrown me a party today for my forty-fifth birthday. I knew about it of course, but they thought I was unaware. I let them believe it and I had professed shock and surprise when I came home from the beauty parlor, the gift they had given me for my birthday. I wanted to look good for tonight but I also thought it would be nice to look good for them and my party. The party was a success. They had invited some of my oldest friends and a few of theirs, so all in all, it was a great afternoon and the girls were pleased that they had done something nice for me.
After everyone had left and the promises to stay in touch were made with the sincerest intentions, I was left alone with my two girls. They wanted to take me out for dinner but I pleaded fatigue and asked them to spare me from their youthful energy. They finally gave up and went out with their friends, so I found myself alone and ready.
It had been a good day, full of friends and family and the girls were flushed with their success. During the party, I had made it a point to be clear to all that I was calm, in good spirits, and in full control of my actions. This was important, to allow me to keep my final promise. I lay down on the bed and prepared myself. I let my mind wander back to the beginning of this journey that I was on.
Even if Victor didn't find out about my affair with Louis, I realized how much I really loved him and my life with him and my two twin girls, and the thought of losing them was strong enough to make up my mind. I had gone to the motel today to break it off with Louis but he had insisted on one last time and I had reluctantly agreed. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy sex with Louis, because truth be told, he was a great lover. When I was with him, it was nothing like being with Victor.
Victor was a truly considerate lover. He took his time, made sure I was always wet and ready and then, once he penetrated me, he made sure that I was brought to the peak of orgasm time and time again, prolonging the pleasure for me as long as possible. When I was screaming for release, he would plunge in and out, bringing us both to a peak together. It was phenomenal and made our lovemaking spectacular. We were not adventurous in our lovemaking but he had always fulfilled me and I was content.
Why then, Louis? For the opposite reasons I loved being with Victor. With Louis, I was more like a piece of meat there for his pleasure. While Victor and I never practiced oral lovemaking, Louis insisted on it. I rarely gave Victor a blowjob. With Louis, it was always and we used it to bring him back to a state of readiness over and over. With Victor, we made love for thirty to forty minutes and then we lay in each other's arms and fell asleep. With Louis, it was hot, short and hard. Over and over, if we had the time. The contrast was what was important to me and the reason it was so hard to stop.
The affair with Louis began more than four months ago and started as a chance meeting at the supermarket where he was the manager. He had apparently noticed me as one of the regulars and finally spoke to me one day. I liked him from the start and we began to look forward to those days when I came in for my supplies. We flirted and made suggestive comments but never more than that. Until one day, I lost my car keys and I was panicked. I mentioned it to Louis who immediately volunteered to drive me home to get my spare set. Without thinking, I accepted.
At home, Louis followed me in and I paid no attention as I found the new key set. But when I turned around, I ran into Louis who immediately put his arms around me and mashed his lips to mine. I was taken by surprise but also felt a warm tingling between my legs as his tongue sought the inside of my mouth. I opened to allow him entry and things progressed from there. Within minutes, I was on the couch with my panties down around my ankles and Louis's tongue between my legs, driving me crazy with lust. I tried to drive myself up into his face but he moved up my body and I felt his cock push against my labia and before I could react, he pushed inside me. I was so wet, he met little resistance and he fucked me there on my own couch in my own home. And I loved it.
Within minutes, Louis had shot his load inside me but I wasn't done. I had to cum and I pulled his face back down between my legs and demanded he finish the job. He did, bringing me to a climax with his tongue. It was wonderful. I had never felt anything like it before and from that point on, I knew I would do this again and again. It was unlike anything Victor and I did and like nothing I had ever imagined. While Victor made love to me, I knew that Louis fucked me. And the difference was huge.
From that day on, I made arrangements to see Louis at least once or twice a month, either here at home or somewhere else, when we had the time to make use of a motel. I enjoyed it but never confused it with what I shared with Victor. One of the ways I justified it was to separate it from my life with Victor. This wasn't love. I actually didn't even like Louis much after getting to know him. But we shared hot, wild sex and Victor and I made love. In my own mind, I kept the two separate.
The affair had been going now for more than four months and I was beginning to feel guilt and shame after being with him. Since we shared nothing but sex, there was no gentleness, no affection and no time to get to know each other as people. What little I did know was enough to convince me that this had to end. After the novelty wore off, it was just dirty and wrong and it left me feeling like a cheap slut, cheating on her husband. After all, that's what it was.
That led to today's activities and the shame was even worse now that I had just had sex again after understanding how wrong it was. I ended it but I fell into the lust even then. I would try to keep my word about ending it, but I wasn't sure whether I could do it. I still remembered the pleasure Louis gave me, despite the guilt. But, at least I had begun the process of ending it once and for all. I fixed dinner that night with a better feeling about things than I had for some time. Maybe I could put it all behind me.
But, tonight when Victor came home, he indicated that we had something serious to discuss. Since he was a lawyer, I assumed it was something about our trust funds or our wills. He was always making changes as our situations in life changed. I thought no more about it and was just cleaning up a little when the girls went up to bed for the night. He waited a short while and then asked me to come into his home office.
I finished what I was doing, wiped my hands and walked into his room. I always thought of it that way since it was all wood paneling, with huge bookcases, filled with legal journals and written opinions of judges that Victor respected. It smelled of Old Spice, his favorite, and occasionally of cigar smoke. We had agreed that he wouldn't smoke in the house, but sometimes when we were all gone, he would sneak one. I knew but never said anything.
He was sitting at his desk and gestured to the chair off to the side for me to sit. I did and waited.
"I want you to listen to something and then talk to me about it. OK?"
I nodded and sat back, my legs crossed and my hands on the armrests of the chair. I prepared to listen to one of his lectures or speeches. He obviously wanted my opinion. He did this rather often.
"Please, Lou, give it to me! I have to cum! Please, harder! Harder! Oh, God! That's it, that's it, don't stop!"
I jumped up with my hands over my mouth and my heart pounding so loudly he had to hear it.
"Turn that off! Turn it off! Please!"
I began to sob, deep tearing sobs that threatened to leave me breathless. I couldn't stop. He knew! He had discovered my affair with Louis. He knew! I couldn't stop sobbing and I was having trouble breathing again. I was gasping for breath now and my legs were too weak to hold me. I collapsed to the floor and sat there, my legs under me and going numb. I had to use my hands to keep me upright. Still I gasped for breath.
"Can you tell me what that is? Could it be you and that prick from the supermarket? I believe Louis is his name, isn't it? Louis? This was from the Airport motel, room 13, and was from a week ago. I believe you were at a different motel today though, weren't you? I'm sorry I don't have that tape here tonight. But this one is just fine."
"How did you know? I just ended it today, and that's what I was doing at the motel. Ending it! I know it was wrong and I stopped it. I ended it, so you have to know that I understand I was wrong. Oh, please, Victor, please forgive me. I'm so sorry it ever happened and I'm sorry I did it."
"Now you're sorry? After months of being with him, you expect me to believe that it's over? After you betray me again and again, you just want me to forget it and go on as if nothing happened? How am I supposed to do that?"
"No, no, not forget. I know you can't forget it but you can forgive me. I was wrong and I know that. It will never happen again. I want to be with you and my babies. That's all I want. That's what I finally realized. You are the only things important to me."
I could go on and on which is what we did that evening. I, apologizing and begging for forgiveness, and Victor trying to understand why I let him down. I couldn't explain but could only try to tell him of the excitement at first and then the gradually increasing guilt until I finally couldn't continue. I know I hurt him terribly and watching his pain was the worst thing I could ever imagine.
Victor finally agreed to give me another chance and I accepted his conditions. His loss of trust in me, the restrictions on my behavior, the threat of a divorce if it happened again and more. All I cared about was that he gave me another chance. I promised him that I would live up to his trust in me.
Over the next three weeks, the house was tense and the girls noticed but said little. We were together as before but there was no fun or delight in things anymore. Victor was quiet and withdrawn but I continued to try to bring back the love and affection we shared. Slowly, the girls were getting back to normal and my relationship with them had begun to approach what it used to be. But with Victor, the relationship was cool and distant. I tried and tried but with little effect.
Our love life had stopped completely and I hoped that time would allow him to forget enough to come back to me. I dressed for him, I tried to cuddle close to him but he would always pull away or get up and move to the spare room if I was too aggressive. Still, I continued to try.
There was one time the next week when I had put on one of my old sleep shirts, wearing nothing underneath and gone to bed without a thought of seducing my husband that something happened. Victor had gone to bed before me and when I slipped under the covers as I had for the last month hoping that he would want me, he reached for me without speaking. I gratefully went into his arms and buried my face against his chest, but he was having none of that. He pushed me onto my back, pulled the sleep shirt up over my hips and pushed himself into me without warning. I was dry so it hurt, but I wasn't going to say anything. This is what I had been waiting for and I was going to give him no reason to stop. But instead of his gentle thrusting into me, he pounded me hard and fast for just a few minutes when I felt him tense and then spend himself inside me. When his climax stopped, he pulled out, got up and went into the bathroom. He was back in a few minutes and just rolled over and went to sleep.
I lay there thinking that he had treated me just like Louis, like a cheap whore. But unlike the thrill I felt when it was Louis, this time I felt only humiliation. There was no love from my husband, only contempt. He used me because he could. I tried to stop the tears from coming but I couldn't. I could only cry silently, so as not to let Victor know my pain. But, perhaps that was his purpose. I would accept it and hope.
It had now been two months since Victor and I had agreed to give our marriage and our life together another try. He said he had forgiven me and tried to understand the reasons for my transgression. While I didn't truly understand myself, I continued to try as hard as I knew to make up for what I had done. I began to pay more attention to my girls and their life and I was as loving and attentive to Victor as I could be. I refused him nothing. If he wanted to go out or to dinner or just stay home and be with me, I was ready to do as he wished. I kept the house immaculate, his clothes washed and pressed and neatly stored away and meals were always on time and well prepared. I was the perfect housewife.
The only problem was that Victor had continued to be very quiet and depressed. Even though I treated him with love and kindness, he became quieter and quieter. He had begun to want sex with me more and he resumed pleasuring me at his own expense, but something was missing. I didn't know exactly what it was, but it was there. When I asked him about it, he denied that anything was wrong. I knew better but continued in the only way I knew to be the perfect wife, to love and honor him.
Almost six months after we began again, Louis called. I had not spoken to him for almost the entire time and had begun to shop at another outlet, but he had left several messages on my cell phone and he had tried on several occasions to get me to meet him somewhere. I refused and told him that we were over and to leave me alone. But he continued from time to time to try to talk to me. I was still trying to save my life with Victor and bring him back to the loving husband and father he was before I caused him so much pain.
I had begun shopping at another store fifteen minutes away just to avoid seeing Louis. So far, it had been successful and I had not let down my guard. I was parked in the back of the lot, away from the store front so as not to be seen by anyone inside. I had just come from the store and my bags were safely stored in the van when I felt a touch on my shoulder. I turned to see Louis standing there, grinning like a schoolboy. I tried to back away and get into the car when he grabbed me and spun me around.
"Hey, what's your hurry? I've just been trying to talk to you for months but you won't return my calls. I know it's over, but why can't we be friends? Just friends."
"Louis, please. Just leave me alone! You know why I won't be friends with you. You almost caused me to lose my marriage and my kids. I don't want that to happen. Go away!"
"I remember two of us, not just me. You were into me just as much as I wanted you. You enjoyed it and you never wanted to stop. You just got caught. That's the truth and you know it."
He was right but it made no difference. I couldn't do this again and he would only cause me grief. I wanted to get away because I still felt the old pull when he was this close. I put my hand on his chest to push him away but he caught me around the wrist and pulled me closer. I felt his cock, hard and throbbing as I remembered it. I gasped and he just laughed.
"We could just climb in the back of your van for one last hurrah. Just a quickie for old times sake. There's no one around and no one would know. Just one for the road. I promise I'll never try to contact you again. Just once more and we're done."
"That's crazy. It's broad daylight and this is a public place. There's no way! Now, please, leave me alone!"
He put his hands on my waist and lifted me up and shoved me back onto the floor of the van before I even knew what was happening. He jumped up beside me and reached up to release the lock on the back of the rear seat and pushed it forward, causing the whole thing to fold into the floor, leaving a wide flat space. He slid backward and reached under my arms to pull me further into the van. He pulled the back hatch down, enclosing us inside. During all of this, I watched as if I was standing outside my body looking on as an observer. I didn't try to stop him at any point.
"Now, we're alone. The windows are tinted so no one can see inside. It's just you and I. You always said I was so fast that you hardly knew anything happened so let's just see how quick I can make this. Just this one last time and I'll leave you alone."
He didn't bother to wait for my response, but instead pulled me over on top of him, his busy fingers already working on my bra clasp as he held my head down in a passionate kiss. It took my breath just as it always had and before I knew what was happening, I felt him slide his hand down inside my jeans and cup my butt. He pulled me tight against him and I felt the familiar tingling between my legs. I gave in and returned the kiss, moving my hand down and over his bulging erection. He groaned and pushed me to my side.
We both began to strip our jeans down and within seconds, we were naked below the waist. I only had time to think about what I was doing when he rolled over on top of me and, with his hand, guided his cock into my waiting wetness. He pushed into me in one swift plunge and my breath whooshed out. He was fully inside me now and he pulled almost completely out before plunging back in with a force that had me struggling to breathe.
There, in the back of my 2004 Toyota minivan in the parking lot of the local IGA supermarket, Louis fucked my brains out for the next twenty minutes. No words of love, no attempt to arouse pleasure, no hesitation or doubt, he used me and I let him. He pounded into me and, even as I cried in disgust, I loved it with every fiber of my being. All I could do was wrap my legs around him and urge him to do me harder and harder. As I felt the beginnings of something, he gave out a loud moan and tensed. I felt his sperm splash inside me and the heat of it was enough to cause me to orgasm as well. We clung to each other as our lust subsided.
"God, that was great. I don't know how I can stay away from you 'Stella. You are the best, babe! The absolute best. You know you're not going to be able to stay away from me either. Don't you?"
"No! This is it! You promised! You said you would leave me alone after this. I'm fighting to keep my marriage together and I won't lose it again. My babies, my husband, that's what's important. This is just sex. Good sex, yes, but in the end, it's just sex. I don't love you or even like you very much."
"We'll see. We'll see. But, I'll keep my promise. I won't call you unless you call me first. But you will. I give you what he can't!"
Louis crawled to the front seat, looked out the window and turned to wave goodbye.
"Take care babe. The coast is clear so you can take your time. I'll wait to hear from you."
With that, he opened the driver's side door and slipped out. After a few minutes, I dressed, cleaned myself up as best I could and crawled to the front. I started the van and drove home, my heart still pounding and my stomach doing its best to force the contents into the light of day. I cursed myself and my weakness all the way home.
I put the groceries away and made dinner for Victor and the twins. The girls would be home from school by 3:30 and Victor would be early tonight. He had called to say he was leaving at 4:30 so he would be home by 5:00. That was not typical for a weekday. The girls were in their last year of high school and usually had things going on but not today. Victor didn't have court this Wednesday so it was a short day. And my day had been anything but typical.
Alicia and Beverly came home as usual with a flurry of words dealing with everything from classes to boys to plans to clothes. They went up to their room to do whatever they did until dinnertime. I watched them go with a fondness that was one of the things that kept me going now. I felt a little thrill of sadness, but it passed quickly. I still had them and they weren't clouded by the guilt I felt or the coldness that Victor sometimes displayed toward me. They were truly innocents.
Victor came home right at five and went past me into the office he kept here at home. He spent some time in there while I set the table and wondered. He often did this when he was working on a case that had him bothered. But he hadn't mentioned one lately and I forced myself to continue with dinner preparations.
We had dinner as a family, with questions and answers and plans and such passing around the table along with the food. We always had dinner together, no excuses, when Victor could get home on time. That was most of the time now that he was a senior partner. It was one of the rules he insisted on and one that we all honored without problem. It was one of the highlights of my day now.
By nine that evening, the girls had gone to their room to finish up phone calls and such before settling down with their music or TV, leaving Victor and me alone. Since my affair had come to light, it had become a quiet time for me since Victor talked to me less and less. I tried but he responded less and less. I still tried.
"How was your day today? Are you working on a new case or is that one about the extortion still active. You haven't mentioned it lately."
Victor put the paper he was reading down and just looked at me. I was about to repeat what I said when he answered.
"No, it's still active. It goes to trial next week. It should be a short one. It's about a guy who couldn't resist temptation. He saw what he wanted and he took it, not caring who he hurt. He was just too weak I guess. Should be easy to win." The way he said that, looking at me all the while made me shudder inside. Immediately the guilt rose to the surface but I quickly suppressed it, knowing that there was no way he could have known what happened today. I just returned his look, feigning innocence. I should be good at it by now. But, inside I was churning and my stomach was knotted with guilt and anxiety. Betrayal wasn't easy to live with.
Victor returned to his paper and we said no more to each other for the remainder of that evening. Just before bed, Victor did go into his office but he closed the door so I went to bed later, alone. That night, my dreams were not pleasant and betrayal made sleep difficult to find. I waited for Victor but he never came.