Chapter 1

In the summer of 1982, our two-car caravan returned from Knoxville. My first year of college was officially over, and I was home again. Half of my things were in the back of my mother’s station wagon, and half were in the back of my Land Cruiser. The blue and white Toyota might’ve been ugly, but it had far more room than my old Jeep.

At the thought of the Jeep, I felt a surge of anger. I vividly remembered the spray paint and slashed tires and top. I seethed for a moment at the people who’d done it, but then I tried to put things in perspective. Losing my car was trivial compared to losing Gina. She’d been a part of my life for so long that I still felt an ache in the pit of my stomach.

Gina and Regan were already in Los Angeles. They had an apartment, and were enrolled at UCLA for the fall. By some minor miracle—and Gina’s basic good nature—we were still friends. I didn’t particularly like Regan, but we’d made peace with each other.

When I realized I was staring into space, I blinked and focused on the present. Thinking about the past wasn’t going to help. Besides, I had another girlfriend waiting for me in Chattanooga.

She’s my only girlfriend, I reminded myself. Not “another.”

Most guys didn’t have two girlfriends at once. I did—had, at least—for several years. Gina had been my first girlfriend, and Kendall the second. Unfortunately, our three-way bliss came to a drawn out, painful end when Gina and I went to college.

Kendall was ahead of us in school, and had already spent two years at the University of Tennessee. Unfortunately, she hoped Gina would go to UCLA instead of coming to UT. I probably could’ve done more to make peace between the two girls, but I was too wrapped up in my own world. So Gina had made other friends.

With a bitter huff, I realized that I was brooding again. I knew I had to do better, but saying so was a whole lot easier than doing it. I took a deep breath and tried to relax. My parents were looking at me expectantly, so I unbuckled the seatbelt and stepped out of the car.

I’d spent days packing my belongings, but we unloaded both cars in less than an hour. My old bedroom looked strange with my things piled in the middle, as though the room belonged to someone else.

While my dad went to pick up pizza, my mom watered the plants. With a start, I realized that my family had been away from the house for nearly a month already.

Before I went off to college, we spent our summers at a nudist camp. The rest of my family still did, but it hit me that I wasn’t a part of that anymore. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel a major sense of loss. I had plenty of fond memories, but none so strong that I couldn’t leave them in the past.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Mom said as she refilled her watering can. She seemed happy to be home again, if only for a day or two.

“I was just thinking about camp,” I said. “I don’t really miss it as much as I thought I would.” I shrugged. “I mean, I’m looking forward to spending a few days there, but I guess I’m more excited about working on the houses.”

“You’re not a boy anymore.” Mom said. “You’re still playing with blocks, though. They’re just bigger blocks these days.”

I felt my brow furrow.

“Something you did when you were little,” she half-explained.

I rolled my eyes, but I secretly enjoyed her nostalgic expression.

When my dad returned with dinner, we ate quietly. We watched TV for a while, but we were all tired, so we said goodnight and went to bed. I hadn’t slept in my old room in months, and it took me a while to fall asleep. As I stared at the dark ceiling, my thoughts wandered.

I hoped Gina was happy. I knew Kendall was—she had me to herself. I missed her already, but I’d see her in a few days. We wouldn’t have long together, though. After the Fourth of July weekend, I had to leave camp and go to work.

Trip and I would have our hands full with the houses. We had two months to completely renovate all three. He seemed confident, but I had my doubts. I also had a lot of money riding on his confidence, as well as my parents’ trust (not to mention a second mortgage on their house). Still, I trusted Trip more than anyone in the world.

Well, almost anyone, I thought. I trusted Susan, too. We weren’t lovers anymore, and I thought I should feel more disappointed than I did. Sometimes I missed having sex with her, but our relationship had changed. We were more than lovers now. I tried to explain it to myself, but couldn’t.

I felt the same way about Gina, although I couldn’t explain that either. Kendall could probably describe it in psychological terms, but I knew I shouldn’t mention my feelings to her. She had her claws out where Gina was concerned.

In the end, I didn’t really want an explanation. I knew how I felt, which was all that mattered. I loved Susan, and I loved Gina. I was happy that our relationships had moved beyond sex. I didn’t understand it any more than before, but at least I knew that they’d always be part of my life. That gave me more comfort than anything else, and I finally drifted off to sleep.

I didn’t need to pack much for a week at the Pines, so I left most of my things piled in my old bedroom. I threw a pair of shorts and a T-shirt into my backpack, just in case. Then I added my toiletries, my favorite beach towel, and a couple of books (a fraction of my summer reading list). I’d need more of my things for the two months I’d be living with Trip in Franklin, but I didn’t see the need to haul things all the way to South Carolina and back again.

The family plane was still in South Carolina, so I left my car in Atlanta and rode to camp with my parents. Dad and I would fly back to Atlanta when it was time for me to drive to Tennessee. The flight would save me almost five hours on the road. Besides, I’d get some cross-country time.

In the meantime I lounged in the back seat of the station wagon and tried to read. To break the monotony, I offered to drive for a while, but Dad said he was fine. So I stuck my nose back in my book and let the miles roll past.

A couple of hours later, I perked up as I recognized landmarks near the camp. When we finally reached the gate itself, I leapt out and unlocked the chain. The day was hot and muggy—South Carolina in late June. Sweat immediately prickled my brow, and my thoughts raced ahead to the cold water of the lake.

After Dad pulled through the gate, I reattached the lock and hopped into the station wagon. I gazed out the window as we drove down the sandy road to the camp proper. Everything looked the same, but different. The cabins looked smaller and older. They were well-maintained, but they were starting to show their age.

I was still daydreaming when my father parked behind our cabin. Once inside, I threw my backpack onto the top bunk. It had been mine for nearly seven years, but it looked smaller than I remembered. Even the ladder looked shorter.

“We’re heading down to the lake,” my dad said from behind me.

I hadn’t even noticed them getting undressed. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

I watched them go. Then I looked at the cabin again. Everything seemed different. With another glance at my departing parents, I realized that my feelings for my mom had also changed. She was still a beautiful woman, but I didn’t think of her in terms of sex anymore.

At one time, she’d been a big part of my fantasy life. She’d even been a part of my actual sex life, although that had been short-lived. I still had fantasies about her, but they were rare. After all, I had a girlfriend who had fantasies enough for both of us. Unfortunately, Kendall and her parents wouldn’t arrive until Saturday. So I had three days to kill. Three days without sex.

I looked at my right hand. “I guess it’s just you and me,” I said. Then I laughed at myself. I sounded like a friend from college, a Cajun who had an unhealthy affection for masturbation. I still jerked off at least once a day, but I didn’t brag about it like he did. After a moment I grinned wryly. “Don’t worry, mon chèr,” I said to my hand, imitating my friend Luke, “I still love you.”

With a laugh, I began shedding my clothes. I could survive three days. No problem.

No problem indeed!

Survival was harder than I thought it’d be.

The camp was over-populated with precocious teenage girls. I barely remembered them, but as ten- and eleven-year-old girls, slim like boys and just as asexual. They’d grown. I guess I’d been so wrapped up in my own life that I hadn’t noticed. The younger boys had grown too, but they hadn’t developed breasts and hips and triangles of pubic hair.

Not surprisingly, I had a hard time keeping my eyes on my book. I wasn’t the only one who suffered, either. Some of the older men spent a lot of time on their stomachs, or swimming in the lake, which was a cold jolt to any daydream. The women simply watched, with a healthy dose of indulgence and thinly veiled amusement. I’m sure they enjoyed the effect on their husbands’ sex drives, though.

But the older men had it easy, since I seemed to be the focus of the younger girls’ attention. I guess it was because I was “the college guy” in a camp where most people were either thirteen or thirty (or forty, or fifty, or ... anything but nineteen). So, when the girls weren’t trying out their new ability to get men’s attention, they flocked around me.

The teenage guys eventually decided that I was all right, so they joined us as well. Believe it or not, we had a lot in common. After all, I listened to the same music, watched the same TV shows, and saw the same movies. And I remembered what it was like to be a teenage guy, awkward and afraid of a sudden hard-on.

Erin and Leah were trying to seem more worldly than sixteen, so they avoided all of us. Besides, Leah still wasn’t speaking to me. She wasn’t rude about it, but she didn’t want to have anything to do with me.

Dwight and Karen Delozier were at camp, but their kids were in Florida with their grandparents. I had no idea where my friend Manfred and his family were. The Tharp twins weren’t in camp, nor were any of my other friends. Even the Raefords wouldn’t arrive until after I’d gone.

So I was thoroughly bored, and easy prey for the younger girls. When I wasn’t watching their antics, I was sitting with them and talking about everyday stuff.

One afternoon we were sitting in a little cluster by the shallow end of the lake, away from everyone else. The boldest girl shot a glance at her friends and then met my eyes. She made me think of a young Susan, full of mischief.

“So,” the girl said, “where’s your girlfriend?”

“She’ll be here tomorrow.”

She frowned. “But I thought her family’s already here. The Coulters, right?”

The light dawned, and I tried to find a delicate way to backpedal.

“He means his other girlfriend,” a second girl said.

“Oh, yeah,” said the first, “I forgot.”

I wondered how the girls knew about Gina and Kendall, but then I shook off the question. I might not have noticed the younger girls over the past few years, but they’d obviously noticed me. On top of that, I probably wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

“I just have one girlfriend,” I said. It was even true. Now.

“The Indian girl or the one with the big tits?” the first girl asked.

“Or some new girl?” the third girl asked. She tried to look seductive, but she didn’t have enough experience to make it work.

Give her a few years, I thought, and she’ll be leading guys around by the, ahem, nose. “No,” I said aloud, “just Kendall.”

“The one with the big tits,” the first girl said.

“Um ... yeah.”

The guys looked at me with awe. They definitely knew who Kendall was.

“God,” said the second girl, “I hope I get tits like hers someday.”

The other girls giggled. They were teasing the guys, who suddenly turned nervous.

“I probably will,” the second girl continued, glancing down at her chest. She already had a healthy C cup. “I mean, my mom has big tits.”

“Yeah, she does,” said the third girl. “Yours are pretty nice already.” She turned to the guys. “What do you think?”

I tried not to laugh at their expressions.

One of the guys turned red-faced and immediately put his towel in his lap. “I’m thirsty,” he said to the other guys. “Let’s get a Coke or something.” The other two looked just as anxious, so they quickly agreed.

The girls burst into giggles, and I felt sorry for the guys. After all, I knew how they felt. I had more control, but not much more.

“Boner alert,” one of the girls said.

“Times three.”

The first girl looked at me, and her eyes glittered. “Now that they’re gone,” she said, “we can talk.” She looked at my dick. She was pretty brazen about it, too. “How come you don’t have a boner?”

I tried to act nonchalant. “I just don’t.”

“But why?” the second girl asked.

“Will you get one for us?” the first asked.

“We won’t tell anyone.”

“Please?”

“C’mon, let us see.”

I laughed, but it sounded hollow. Worse, I was already swelling at the direction the conversation had taken.

“Don’t you think we’re sexy?” the first girl asked.

“I think,” I said evenly, “you’re a lot younger than I am.”

“I’m almost fourteen.”

“I’m fourteen already.”

“I’ll be fourteen in two months.”

“And I just turned nineteen,” I said.

“So? We’re not kids or anything.”

The other girls nodded in unison.

Completely out of the blue, the first girl asked, “What’s it like when you and your girlfriend are doing it?”

My eyebrows flew up. “No comment,” I said at last.

They groaned.

“Sorry, I don’t kiss and tell.”

“We don’t want to hear about the kisses,” one of them wheedled.

“We wanna hear the good parts.”

“Yeah, what’s it like? Does she make a lot of noise?”

“Do you do it all the time?”

“Does she ... you know ... get off?”

I decided to tease right back, so I glanced around to make sure no one could overhear. I looked at them and answered their questions in turn, “No, she doesn’t make a lot of noise. Yes, we do it all the time. And yes, she gets off.”

Their jaws fell open.

I stood. My half-hard dick jutted slightly, although no one but the girls could see. “Now,” I said, “I’m going for a swim.”

The first girl recovered herself. “To hide your boner?”

“To cool off,” I said. I winked, and they burst into giggles.

They were still giggling as I hopped into the water and headed for the raft. Erin and Leah were sunbathing on it, but Leah was a safer bet than three curious young girls. Safer, and much closer to my age.

Sean Sullivan’s family arrived Friday night. He and Erin promptly disappeared. Unfortunately, Sean’s older sister, Maureen, was with Manfred and his family—they’d gone to the Bahamas instead of coming to camp. That left Leah and me in an awkward position: we were the only teenagers in camp who were older than fourteen.

“So, you wanna hang out?” I asked her, hoping to thaw the ice.

She gave me a hard look.

“Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, right.” Her eyes turned flinty. “I’m not Gina. Remember?”

“Why are you so pissed off at me?” I said. “I didn’t do anything to you.”

“But you left my sister for that ... that ... cow!”

My eyes widened at her vehemence.

“I never did like her.”

“Kendall?”

“Who else? She doesn’t love you. All she cares about is sex. Gina loved you more than anyone, but you threw her away like a scrap of paper.”

“It was a bit more complicated than that,” I shot back.

“Yeah, right.”

“It was, Leah. Besides, you don’t know what happened.”

“I do too. Gina told me.”

“So you have her side of the story. Let me know if you want to hear my side of things. Maybe then you won’t be such a cold-hearted bitch.” I turned and stalked off. I hadn’t gone ten feet before I heard a slightly mocking voice in my head, “Tsk, tsk, Mr. Hughes. You’ll have to do better than that.”

The voice sounded like Professor Joska, with enough Susan that I didn’t immediately snarl in anger. Instead, I pulled up short and took a deep breath. I could still sense Leah behind me, her eyes burning furious holes in my back. I still felt the adrenaline coursing through my body, too. But I forced myself to take another deep breath. Then I turned and walked back.

“Look,” I said, “I’m sorry I called you a cold-hearted bitch.”

Leah looked surprised, more at my tone than my words.

“You’re just defending your sister,” I continued. “I understand that.” I paused and held her eyes. “I love Gina. I always will. But I don’t need you to tell me how bad I screwed up. She and I are friends now. We put the past behind us and moved on.”

She frowned, but didn’t try to deny it. She knew the truth as well as I did.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it up to Gina, but she found it within her heart to forgive me. Now, I’m not going to tell you what to do, Leah, but I hope you can forgive me someday too.” It was her opening, but she didn’t say anything, so I turned away.

“Paul ... wait.”

I stopped and stood there for a moment. Then I turned.

Leah looked at me, and her anger seemed to fade. She started to speak, but then fell silent. After a moment she said, “Do you still want to hang out?”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

Erin spent the next day with Sean. I had no idea where they were, but I knew what they were doing.

When Erin had turned sixteen, she started taking the pill. She and Sean had fooled around before then, but they hadn’t had sex. They’d fooled around since then too, but without going all the way.

Erin once told me that she didn’t want her first time to be in the back of a car, or groping in the dark, or in a rush. “I want to take my time and enjoy it,” she said.

She’d grown up as a nudist, so she was completely comfortable with her body. With women like Mom, Susan, and Elizabeth Coulter for role models, I didn’t wonder that she had a strong sense of her own sexuality. Not surprisingly, she and Sean had waited for the right time.

The right time had arrived. I remembered Gina’s first time with me, and the love and support she received from the older women. With Erin, I saw things from the other side, as the women waited for her to return. I asked Susan where they’d gone, but she merely smiled.

“If Erin wants to tell you, she will,” she said. “After all, we didn’t tell her about you and Gina.”

“She asked?”

“Mmm hmm. But we respected your privacy.”

I smiled at the memory of Susan’s glade. Gina and I had spent the day there, making love, having sex, and generally screwing each other silly. Susan smirked as my dick twitched. With an act of will, I controlled it.

Treacherous—

“How long till the Paytons arrive?” she teased.

“Not soon enough,” I grumbled.

She merely chuckled.

Sometimes life just isn’t fair.

I nearly attacked Kendall when she arrived. Fortunately, she seemed just as eager. Unfortunately, I had to be polite to her parents. After all, her father—a big, tough police detective—scared me a little. Besides, I couldn’t just drag her away, caveman-style, and fuck her behind some bushes.

Kendall’s brother was already in summer school at UT, so I helped her father with the Winnebago’s leveling jacks. Then I helped him take the folding lawn chairs from the back rack. Finally, I watched in near-exasperation as he put his arm around Kendall’s shoulders and walked with her to the clubhouse to check in.

I stared after them until they turned onto the main road and disappeared from sight. Then I composed myself and tried not to think about what I was going to do to Kendall when she returned. It didn’t work. I felt my dick swelling, so I cast about for something to distract me.

Unfortunately, Kendall’s mother was bustling about the campsite, humming quietly to herself. Melissa was the prototype of her daughter, just as tall and beautiful, and built like a goddess. While I’d been staring after Kendall and her father, Melissa had taken off her shorts. My eyes followed her, and I felt my dick swell further as she bent over to pull something from the Winnebago’s storage compartment.

“Will you help me with the chair cushions?” she asked without looking back.

If she noticed my semi-hard dick, she didn’t say anything. Instead, we both ignored it. When she sat down and offered me a seat, I quickly took it, crossing my legs to hide my condition.

“Thanks for helping with everything,” she said. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

No, thank you, I silently answered. I’d like to take your daughter someplace quiet and fuck her till— “Sure,” I said aloud, “that’d be nice. Thanks.”

We made small talk until Kendall and Adam returned.

“We’re officially here,” he said.

Fortunately, my dick had gone soft. I pasted on a smile and then caught Kendall’s eye. She had the same look in hers that I had in mine.

“Paul’s going to have dinner with us,” Melissa said.

“Good!” Adam boomed.

“Before then,” Kendall said, “may Paul and I...?”

Melissa smiled indulgently. “Go on.”

We didn’t make it further than my cabin. Fortunately, my parents were down at the lake, and Erin hadn’t returned from ... wherever.

My dick was completely hard before the screen door slammed shut. I pulled Kendall against me and reveled in the softness of her body. She was already topless, but I quickly unsnapped her cut-off shorts. She kicked them aside and we tumbled to the couch.

She felt for my cock and squeezed gently, grinning up at me as she set the head at her opening. She was already hot and oh-so-wet. I slid into her slowly. She was as tight as ever, and it took me a moment to bury myself completely.

I groaned when I hit bottom. “God, I missed you.”

Instead of answering, she pulled my head down and kissed me fiercely. Then she ground her hips against mine and whimpered.

I began thrusting. I felt the pressure of an impending orgasm, but I didn’t even try to stop it. Five or six thrusts later, I slammed into her and arched my back. She moaned softly as I spurted deep within her.

When I finally came to my senses, I swallowed hard and gazed down at her. Her deep blue eyes sparkled.

“Hi yourself,” she teased.

“Sorry that was so quick.”

She shrugged and adjusted her legs around me for a better angle. “Oh, I know how you work. You’ll be ready again in a few minutes.”

With that, she began working her pussy muscles. I grunted as she massaged my still-hard cock.

“You’ve been practicing with your Ben Wa balls,” I finally gasped.

“Mmm hmm. You don’t mind, do you?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. My dick grew harder still.

“Mmm. You feel good inside me.”

I nodded without opening my eyes. “It feels pretty good from this end, too.”

She ran her fingers along my sides and down to my hips. “Fuck me, Paul,” she whispered. “Fuck me deep.”

Who was I to refuse?

Erin and Sean returned shortly before dinner. They both looked worn out, but happy. Ecstatic, actually. I had probably looked the same when Gina and I returned. Erin surprised me by glancing at me after she talked to Mom and Susan.

“What’s up?” I said as she pulled me aside.

“I promised Sean that we’d hike to the quarry with Leah tomorrow. He wants to have sex with both of us, and since I’m such a great girlfriend...”

I grinned.

“Anyway, Sean’s parents know about us, but they don’t know about us. You know... us?”

“‘Us’?”

“Duh,” Erin said. “‘Us,’ as in our family ... that we’re swingers ... you know, group sex?”

I’m sure my cheeks heated, because Erin took pity on me and smiled.

“Anyway, I thought you and Kendall could go with us, so it wouldn’t be just Sean, Leah, and me. We could call it a nature hike or something.”

“Or something,” I teased.

Erin was as tanned as our mom, but her cheeks turned rosy anyway. “Will you go?”

“Sure. But I wanna be back in time for the fireworks.”

“Duh,” she said. Then her expression softened. “Thanks, Paul.”

“No problem.”

She paused and looked thoughtful for a moment. “Was it like this with you and Gina and Kendall?”

“Like what?”

“Everybody getting along and all?”

I shrugged. “In the beginning, at least.”

I woke up early the next morning. It was still dark outside, and I wondered what had woken me. Then I heard a soft sound, so I quietly looked over the bedrail. In the darkness I could just make out the shapes of my parents in bed.

Mom disappeared beneath the sheet and Dad rested his hand lightly atop her head. She began moving, and I knew that she was sucking him. All of a sudden I had a memory of what it felt like when she sucked me.

I rolled to my back, my own erection making a tent under the sheet. I thought about jerking off, but I didn’t want them to know that I was awake. I listened for a while, but then I rolled toward the wall and folded the pillow over my head. My erection didn’t go away, but at least I couldn’t hear them anymore.

I was still awake thirty minutes later, so I decided to get up. I didn’t know if Mom and Dad were asleep or not, but they were spooned together and their breathing was quiet.

Pre-dawn light showed in the east as I slipped out of the cabin. I sat in one of the rocking chairs and tried to relax as the pine forest came to life around me. My thoughts wandered until the screen door creaked behind me.

“What’re you doing out here?” Mom asked.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I lied.

She crossed her arms and rubbed her hands over them to warm herself. Her nipples were stiff, and the rest of her had goose bumps. Still, she sat in the opposite rocker and gazed at me thoughtfully.

“It looks like it’s going to be a nice day for your hike.”

I nodded.

“Thanks for going with Erin.”

I nodded again. For whatever reason, I wasn’t in a talkative mood.

“She’s really excited. She and Leah were up half the night talking about it.”

Another nod.

“I’m worried about her, though.”

I looked a question at her.

“It’s hard to make a relationship work. Especially with three people.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, speaking at last.

“I knew you’d understand.”

“I don’t think that’s what Erin wants, though,” I said. “Besides, she’s smarter than I was.”

“But what about Sean? Having two women is a big turn-on for most guys, whether they’re sixteen or not.”

I shrugged. “If he thinks with his big head...”

Mom nodded.

“Too bad I didn’t.”

“It’s hard enough to make one relationship work,” she said, “much less two.”

I shrugged in reply.

“You found out the hard way.”

“Does it get any easier with just two people?”

“A little,” she said. “Maybe.”

I nodded.

“It’s worth it, though, especially with the right person.”

“But how do you know if you’ve found the right person?”

“If you have to ask...,” she began, but trailed off.

I looked at her sharply.

For once, she equivocated. “It’s not quite that simple, but—”

“You were going to say, ‘If you have to ask, you haven’t found the right person,’ weren’t you?”

“Sometimes it takes a while before you feel it.”

“How long did it take you with Dad?”

“That’s different,” she said.

“Why?”

She smiled by way of answer. Then she rose and kissed me on the forehead. “You’ll know when it happens,” she said, and slipped into the cabin.

I gripped the arms of the chair and stared into the forest.

Kendall emerged from the Winnebago a little before seven o’clock. We walked down to the clubhouse together. A light mist hung over the ground, but it would burn off as soon as the sun rose higher. Sound carried in the fog, so I made sure not to let the screen door slam as we entered the building. At the wall dividing the bathroom area from the kitchen, Kendall pulled up short.

“What?” I asked softly. Then I poked my head around the corner.

Dwight Delozier was mixing his barbecue sauce for the day’s cookout. He did the same thing every Fourth of July, and he—

I felt a sudden glow of understanding. Ah. Of course, I thought. And I know who’s under the counter giving him a blowjob. Terri Dunbar.

Terri and her husband were swingers—although they weren’t part of my parents’ regular group. Dwight and his wife were also swingers. They usually partied with the Dunbars, but sometimes the two groups got together for bigger, wilder parties.

Dwight and Terri’s Fourth of July blowjobs were an open secret among the camp’s swingers. She’d even given me a blowjob once, when I was fifteen.