"All right, all right. Settle down and take your seats. Yes, that includes you with the green mini in the back row...
"Now, welcome to Spanking 101. My name is Mr. Nathan and before we get started, I'd like to get a few things straight...
"I will be speaking from my own perspective. In other words, I'll say 'he spanks her' rather than vice versa. Forgive me this minor sin and make whatever necessary adjustments you need in order to fit your situation. I am not going to be making ridiculous, inclusive, roundabout descriptions to cater to political correctness. Get over it.
"Also, hitting is assault. Everyone knows not to 'hit' others. There is no question of this. Not to mention the likelihood of being 'hit back'. Therefore, before you consider hitting someone who may not wish to be hit, it may be a good idea to consider how well you might adapt to being someone's bitch in jail.
"Okay. Do I have everyone's attention? Good.
"Now... Is it assault if there is no 'hitting' in the sense of punching of any kind, or indeed any force that is usually intended for an 'enemy' or of the type intended to cause hurt, harm, or to maim, or cause injury? What if the 'level' of force is brought down. Down, down, down. Not a punch at someone. Not a chop or a clout or a thump or a kick. Not even a clip around the ears.
"Down to a 'slap'.
"Yes, yes, yes. One could always argue that a slap is assault.
"But what if, for argument's sake, the 'slap' is a consensual slap.
"In other words, one that is deemed to be an appropriate response to a particular behaviour.
"By BOTH parties.
"What I am talking about here is a real, dyed-in-the-wool, consensual punishment. One that is expected. One that is known and agreed to and 'right' according to the protagonists...
"Let's make those assumptions...
"That slap would need to be of a particular force that, in the first place, was 'controlled'. It could not be delivered in the heat of the moment. No, no, no, no. Not at all. Things done 'in the heat of the moment', should, by definition, be 'hot'. Therefore, we would also NOT be talking about some kind of ad hoc, 'Oh I just felt like it' kind of punishment. That is covered next year in Spanking 201, but if you are unsure of this definition, please take a look at Ms. Dysaght's third year class, 'Spontaneous Dominance and Submission 301' where this subject is discussed 'in depth'."
"Now, getting back to this 'slap' as punishment...
"It would need to be in proportion to the sin. Perhaps one hard slap would be enough. But it would need to be delivered accurately, both in placement and in force.
"Now, before you go off and spank someone, it might also be a good idea to consider something else.
"How hard is too hard? Or, how hard is hard enough? Should the dose be repeated? How many times? Perhaps two. Or five. Or maybe ten. Or twenty. Is twenty 'medium' the same as ten 'hard'? How does one choose?
"How does one decide whether 'the punishment fits the crime'?
"Yep. That's right.
"'Baby, you really shouldn't be cheeky in front of our friends when I ask you a simple question.'
"Big sigh, eyes sparkling. 'Sorry, Sir. I won't do it again, EVER.'
"Chuckling. 'Well, I think that deserves a punishment, don't you?'
"'Oh, I suppose so, ' she says, grinning like a Cheshire cat. 'If you think so... '
"'Get your ass over here. Is ten enough? Or does my naughty girl need twenty tonight?'
"It should be said that such situations are much easier when you have a compliant submissive who, for some strange but delightful reason, actually likes getting spanked.
"But of course, one doesn't need to be 'a Dominant' to deliver a spanking. And one doesn't need to be 'a Submissive' to receive one.
"Or to like it.
"And that's because 'a spanking isn't always delivered as a punishment'.
"And that is today's topic.
"I can hear you now... 'Huh? What? But... But... '
"Admittedly I am only halfway through my most recent research paper, but I can let you in on the preliminary results... On anecdotal evidence, which is yet to be statistically verified, 90% of spankings are for pleasure.
"In fact, lifestyle spankings are rarely of a force that would qualify as a punishment in the first place.
"If we are going to go back in history, we encounter quite brutal corporal punishment, meted out for the most miserly of reasons. Making a face at your Master back in Rome; forgetting the grapes for the big banquet for all those Greek or Persian heroes; not pulling your weight halfway up a pyramid... The list goes on.
"Scourging or 'whipping the back off someone with a knotted cat-o-nine-tails', was a favourite in my own country up until a little over a century ago.
"More recently, I remember being caned across my palm in high school.
"My God! That hurt. The funny thing was, the second time I kind of just watched the Deputy Headmaster hang that thing up high and whip it down. Oh, it still hurt, all right. It was just... Oh, I don't know, kind of fascinating. The way I looked at him drove him crazy. He even rolled up his sleeves. They were whacks to remember, and definitely not delivered in a controlled manner...
"I went back on a few occasions, just to check on his technique. That was what I told my mates. I wasn't kidding, but for some reason they thought I was pretty tough. I just wanted to try it on my little sister. She'd broken my bike. Okay, so I was a little crazy in my teens...
"Ah... How times have changed. We're much more civilised now.
"Within the Safe, Sane and Consensual' Lifestyle' if you will, spankings are only supposed to hurt if they are meant to hurt. The point being, it is agreed to, then administered with control, and within reason the two protagonists simply move on.
"Besides being a normal way of dealing with a problem, a punishment cleans a slate. Guilt is purged. Not unlike confession in the Catholic Church. Confess the sin. Receive the punishment. Sin is cleansed. They've been onto it for centuries. And it works a treat.
"On a side matter, this doesn't address 'The Sin of the Dom'. Let's not forget that Doms make mistakes too. It's just that the consequences are usually less... physical. If you are in any way ambiguous about this thought, next year please enrol in Mr. Adams class, Switching 201.
"However, again we come back to this problem of how hard, how many, and how now brown cow...
"Yes, exactly. It's pretty hard to imagine. It's not like you can spank yourself and gauge how hard someone else should be spanked based on the evidence of how much it hurts your own ass... Or hand...
"Or maybe you can.
"I certainly couldn't, which is not to say that I tried, but that it actually, um, didn't occur to me...
"But then again, I didn't go into it feet first itching to spank the living daylights out of some poor sweet girl's upturned butt. Well, except for my sister... Which of course I never did, being the forgiving soul I was, er, am.
"I just accidentally ran over her bike with my first car.
"Yes, I have a long memory...
"However, I digress. That is not the subject of today's lecture.
"Today we are talking about the ideal beginning for a spanking relationship. Let's assume vanilla protagonists, of three types: unwilling, undecided, and willing. Just for today, we will call these categories: Hard Limit, Soft Limit, and Hubba Hubba.
"Now, how do you figure out which type your partner is when you've never actually discussed it?
"Well for starters, if the subject did come up and was considered offensive or a memory one would rather forget, then it could comfortably be considered a 'Hard Limit' for either party...
"However, if the subject never came up, it might be considered a 'Soft Limit'.
"And, if the subject came up in playful terms, then you could have a 'Hubba Hubba' on your hands.
"So how do you make sure?
"Well, never get ahead of yourself.
"Find out if your partner/lover/significant other ACTUALLY WANTS A SPANKING.
"Try teasing her about it when she's cheeky.
"'You must be angling for a spanking.'
"'Oh, you think you're man enough?"
"You're in like Flynn, dude!
"On the other hand, if you try, 'Damn, baby. In that skirt, you look good enough to spank.'
"And she replies, 'Really? I think it makes me look fat. Don't you?'