Chapter 89

I've heard it's impossible to stop the flow of urine once it starts. That may be true. I know it can be slowed down greatly because I saw it happen.

When I looked out the door after Mary called me, it looked like Dino was spraying a garden hose with a sprayer nozzle on it. I could hear the bell like tones as the urine splattered against my frying pans. I let out a noise, something between a screech and a scream but the name Dino was mixed in there too. And it wasn't friendly.

It was funny to watch. One second, he was standing there, balanced on three legs, proud of himself, spraying my cookware. The next he was taking off like a shot, following his nose, still on three legs for the first fifteen feet or so. The steady stream dwindled to a few short spurts as he shot through the gate into the back yard.

Mary looked at me and I saw fear on her face. I didn't have anything specifically in mind for Dino but I was not thinking happy thoughts. Thoughts of dull knives and nothing for him to send urine through and putting the frying pan to new use passed through my mind but they didn't last. I love animals too much to ever really consider anything like that.

I went into the back yard and couldn't see him. Mary followed me in but I could see tell was being cautious the way she stayed back. I looked around some more and saw his nose sticking out next to the lawnmower shed. It was right on the ground so he had to be lying down flat. As soon as I started over toward him he scooted back.

Dino is a big dog. His mother is a collie and I heard that his father was a boxer. He's got the height of his mother and his father's bulk. He and Bozo went through their domination games when they first met and he's been the boss ever since. If he had a mind to, he could do serious damage to me with hardly any effort.

The back of the shed was up against the house and the side he was on was only a foot and a half from the retaining wall. He was stuck in there with nowhere to go. I went over to the end of the shed and looked over at him. He was as close to the ground as he could get except his hind end was up a little bit against the house. I could see the whites under his eyes as he looked up at me, shivering slightly.

It took a supreme effort for me not to laugh. In the gruffest voice I could come up with, I said, "DINO!"

He shivered a little more and I saw a little more white on the bottom of his eyes.

"What the HELL do you think you were doing? HUH???"

He looked at me and seemed to try and shove his back end through the house.

I pointed at the ground. "Get over here!"

He crawled up to where I was pointing, his belly still on the ground, moving one leg at a time as if he was afraid to be seen by snipers.

"If you EVER do anything like that again, I'll have your hide. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME???"

He looked up as he tried to sink a little further into the ground.

"All right. Get out of here."

I pointed over towards the gate and moved back to give him room. He was gone like a shot.

As soon as he was out of the back yard I looked at Mary and cracked up. She looked confused and then joined me.

We laughed for a couple of minutes, then I put my hand on her shoulder. "Mary, you're lucky I didn't kill your dog."

"For a minute there I thought you were going to."

"I think I put the fear of God into him."

"I don't know about God but I don't think he'll cross you in the near future."

Mom and Myra were busy working on the frying pans. Mom was holding them away from her as Myra washed them down with the hose.

"What did you do to that poor dog?" Mom asked. "He went running into the house like you were coming after him with a pitchfork."

"Poor dog my butt. He's lucky he didn't get fixed."

"Well, I hate to say this but I'm afraid you're going to have to put these two back in the dishwasher. I don't think you should use any detergent but they need to be sterilized. After they're washed, make sure they're dry and coat the insides with olive oil. Then put them in a one fifty oven overnight."

"OK. I'll take them up and put them in the dishwasher now. I haven't had a chance to take my shower yet."

"All right. I'll see you in a little while. Don't forget my cranberries."

Jack was at his desk playing with his laptop. "What's up?"

"Just copying my picture files onto the laptop."

"How's it working?"

"All right. It could be a little faster."

"Are you working wireless?"

"Yeah."

"Try plugging a cable into the router. You'll get a faster connection that way."

"OK. I turned down the stove for both pots."

"Thanks."

I went into the kitchen and Bozo sat up, wagging his tail.

"There's a good Bozo. You wouldn't pee on my frying pans, would you?"

"Did someone pee on your frying pans?"

I jumped. "Damn it Jack, you scared me."

"Sorry. It isn't like you didn't know I was here."

"You were in the living room. I didn't expect you. Anyway, to answer your question, yes someone peed on my frying pans. After I got the lecture from Mom, I put oil on all of them and put two of them in the sun to dry. Then Dino went over and pissed all over them. I felt like strangling him."

"That's what you get."

"What I get? Stupid dog's got no manners."

"So, what are you going to do now?"

"Put them back in the dishwasher. Only no soap. I'm supposed to coat them with olive oil again then warm them in the oven overnight."

"Whatever. Like I said, I wasn't allowed to touch the sacred frying pans. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to take a shower and them I'm going to start getting all this food downstairs."

"Do you need some help?"

"Maybe later. It's not done cooking yet. Oh, by the way. Myra's moving in with Daddy over the weekend. She's going to watch over Laurie. She'll work out of his house instead of her apartment."

"That's good."

"Aren't you worried she's not going to have time for us?"

"No. Should I be?"

"I don't know. We went through all this work to find her and train her and then he just comes along and steals her."

"He didn't steal her. He needed someone to watch Laurie, Laurie now has some full time friends, Myra doesn't have to worry about rent and Internet and all that. It sounds like a good deal for everyone."

"I don't know. We'll see."

"Yes, I suppose we will. Have a good shower."

I took my shower and came out with my robe on. I smelled coffee when I opened the door. Jack was showing his computer to Alex when I walked past the living room. They had some weird song on the computer speakers.

"What's that you're listening to?"

"Alice's Restaurant," Alex answered me.

"What's that?"

It's a protest song from the Vietnam War era. A guy named Arlo Guthrie wrote and sang it."

"Never heard of him."

"How about Woody Guthrie?"

"Uh uh."

"How about this land is your land, this land is my land?"

"Yeah, that I know. Back in the second grade."

"That's one Woody wrote. He was a folksinger many, many years ago. His son was Arlo. He did Alice's Restaurant and it was way too long for the radio. I think it's a little over 18 minutes long. Anyway, some jock on KGB played it at lunchtime on Thanksgiving day back in the late 60s. Then he decided to do it the next year and the next and it became a tradition. It's one of the few things they've kept since Clear Channel took over."

We listened for over fifteen minutes over the Internet. The song about Alice and the restaurant but the restaurant wasn't called Alice's Restaurant; that's just the name of the song and that's why the song's called Alice's Restaurant. How they went to have Thanksgiving dinner in the church but the church was full of garbage and they dumped all the garbage, only to be caught by Officer Obie. And how, when he went in for his physical for the army he told the psychiatrist "I wanna kill, I wanna kill" and was told he was the kind of guy they were looking for and it got time to sign the papers and they asked him had he ever been arrested and he told them he had and they told him they couldn't use him in the army. And then Arlo lectured the army sergeant about how ridiculous they were going overseas and killing people and weren't going to let him join in the killing because he got arrested for littering. And the sergeant said, "Son, we don't like your kind."

It was fun and I enjoyed it but I think Alex and Jack went a little overboard, singing along and slapping their thighs in time with it.

After it was over, Alex showed me how to set the thermostat. It was fairly easy once you got the gist of it. The only problem was that you couldn't program Monday and then copy it for Monday through Friday. Each day had to be done in as many time slots as you wanted with the temperature for that time slot. He also showed me how to override the programming to turn the heater or air on for a while or set a new temperature for that day. It was versatile but I know I wouldn't have designed it the way it was.

They both asked if there was something they could do so I sent them into the kitchen to carve the meat. I had them each line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil, then put their cut meat on it. Both went into the oven at 150 to keep warm. Alex was impressed with my pork and how juicy it was. Both boys sampled both kinds of meat while they were cutting. Jack was all set to toss the bone over to Bozo when I told him to put it in a baggie in the refrigerator. That would be great for split pea soup later on.

I put a couple of empty platters and serving forks on the table for the meat. They drained the potatoes and rutabagas and took them down for Mom to mash. I took my two pie plates of cranberry orange sauce. Since I figured we were going to be down there for a while, I told Bozo to come on.

Beth was coming up the driveway when we came downstairs, carrying a serving dish covered in foil. Bozo headed right for her, sniffing at it then changing his mind once he got a good whiff.

"Whatcha got, Beth?"

"Green beens and onions plus almonds. My mom used to make it for holidays."

"Sounds good. Did you have any trouble finding the place?"

"No, you gave me good directions."

"Well, come on in and I'll introduce you to some people."

Bozo came over to us as we headed for the house.

"Is that your dog?"

"Yup, this is my baby. His name's Bozo."

She knelt down and held the beans behind her with one hand while she made a fuss of him with the other, roughing up his neck and snuggling her face into him,. Telling him what a good boy he was all the time. Of course, Bozo lapped it up. She finished by holding his nose and blowing in his nostrils. He sneezed and barked, then ran to the back yard gate and back.

"I've never seen him act like that."

"I used to have a husky. He would go wild when I did that."

She brought the bowl back in front of her and we went into the house. Jack and Alex were talking to Mom. I introduced Beth to her. "She brought some green beans."

"Do they need to be kept warm?"

"They should," Beth answered.

"Jack, do me a favor and put them in your oven with the meat until we eat. There's a good boy."

Mom had Alex mashing potatoes so I introduced Beth to him. She was cordial enough but I could tell she was antsy.

"Beth, do you remember my father? He helped me when I landed on my face at the last playoff game."

"I think so. I'd like to meet him again, though."

"I'm pretty sure he's in the living room. Why don't you come with me?"

We were almost out the door to the hallway when Mom leaned over to Beth. "He's the one you wanted to father your children, isn't he?" she whispered. "I don't want to disappoint you but you may have to get in line. Your competition arrived a few minutes ago."

"Uh, thank you," Beth said to Mom as we continued, then leaned over and whispered to me, "What the heck is she..."

There was no need to finish the sentence because we say Ms. Evans sitting next to Daddy on the couch as we rounded the corner into the living room.

"Isn't this cozy," I said, half to myself and half to Beth. "Happy Thanksgiving, Ms. Evans."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Jill. I was just telling John, I mean you father, that 'Ms. Evans' is a little too formal when I'm away from school. Feel free to call me Audrey."

"OK, Audrey. I assume you know Beth."

They nodded at each other.

"Daddy, you remember my coach, Beth, from the game the other day when you were checking me out."

"I vaguely remember somebody checking somebody out. Happy Thanksgiving, Beth."

"Happy Thanksgiving."

"Isn't this nice," I said, sitting on the couch, patting it next to Daddy for Beth to sit down.

Charlie and Mary came in and sat together in a lounger. Somebody rang the doorbell and I got up to answer it. Paul was outside, looking nervous. I introduced him around and he ended up taking my place on the couch, next to Beth.

I went into the kitchen and saw that Claude was in there talking to Alex. Alex was still mashing only now it looked like he had the rutabagas instead of the potatoes.

"Is she working you too hard, Alex?"

"No, I'm glad she did this. I would have felt weird just coming over to eat without bringing anything or helping out."

"I thought Rudolfo was coming over."

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Rudolfo's in the hospital."

"No. What's wrong?"

"He wasn't paying attention to what he should have been on the job yesterday. He decided to walk off a roof."

"Oh! Is he going to be all right?"

"They don't know. He has some back damage. He can move everything, so he's not paralyzed, but he's in a lot of pain. It's all up in the air right now. They don't know if he'll be in permanent pain or if he'll recover completely. It was such a stupid accident."

"What happened?"

"He was foreman on a roofing job and one of the guys screwed up so Rudolfo was chewing him out, stomping around, waving his arms like he does when he gets excited. He just took a step back and found out he ran out of roof. He only fell fifteen feet or so but he landed wrong."

"Which hospital is he in?"

"Oh, he's in your mom's."

"Did you see him yesterday, Mom?"

"Nope. I had no idea he was in there until Alex told me he wouldn't be here for dinner. I'm working tomorrow so I'll stop by and see how he's doing."

I asked, "Is he going to be there very long?"

"They don't know," Alex said. "Depends on how things go, whether the pain continues or not. They might need to do surgery on it. If you want to visit him over the weekend, he should still be there."

"I'll think about that. Jack's working most of the weekend. I'm helping Myra move on Saturday. Maybe we can do something tomorrow."

"He's always liked you, Jill. He's always talking about flirting with you at the barbecue and making you turn red."

"How are your wife and daughter and her mother?"

"Wife and daughter are anxious to get back home, her mother's about the same as she was. I talked to Alicia yesterday and she's going to make some calls tomorrow and see about getting her mother out here like you suggested. She really perked up when I mentioned it to her. Thanks for that."

"You're welcome. No big deal."

Claude came over to us. "Not to you, maybe, but to us simple folk, it is a big deal. You see something that's not right or could be better and you think nothing about tossing out the perfect solution. What you don't see is that we're out here, so stuck in the middle of it that it's like we're drowning. You throw this big life preserver right to us when we're going under and then you say it's no big deal. Let me tell you, Jill, it is."

Alex held out his hand. "Alex Woodrows. What did she do for you?"

Claude shook his hand. "Claude Dandridge. I came back from taking care of my wife in Mexico to find out I didn't have a job. She talked to me for a while, got my spirits up out of the dumps, convinced me I wasn't useless and then found me a job a few hours later."

Mom came up to us. "Well, I hate to interrupt this admiration session but we're just about ready, Jill. Jack's going to carve the turkey and I need the ham and beans that are in your oven. Feel free to use Mary and Charley if you need them."

"Do you want a second coffee pot?"

"That probably wouldn't be a bad idea."

"OK. I'll get some help and be right back."

I went into the living room and got Mary and Charlie. I noticed that Beth wasn't as close to Daddy as she had been. She and Paul were talking. Daddy looked like he was being polite to Audrey but didn't really look interested in what she was talking to him about. She was leaning in to him and he looked like he was trying to back away from her. Poor Daddy. I just knew I'd have fun teasing him about Audrey for years.

The three of us were headed toward the front door when Daddy said, "Jill. Are those folding chairs still up in your place?"

"Yeah, they are."

"Do you need some help bringing them down?"

"Probably. We've got some things the kids are going to need for dinner, too. Laurie's booster is still in my kitchen and Billy's high chair is up there."

"OK. I'll be up there in a minute."

Mary, Charlie and I went out the front door and cut across the lawn.

"Did you see my dad's pies?" Charlie asked me.

"No. He told me he was going to get pumpkin."

"Make, not get. My dad makes the best pumpkin pies."

"Huh. I just thought he was going to get one of those frozen pies."

"Nope. He actually keeps a few pumpkins from Halloween every year so he can make pies on Thanksgiving and Christmas. He went home today and cut up a pumpkin and scooped out all the meat and mixed it with his secret mixture of spices and made pies. He used to make the crust from scratch but found some that are premade that he thinks are just as good. You've got to have some of his pie for desert."

"I will. Poor Myra. She bought some frozen pies and burned one of them. She says the oven in her apartment doesn't cook at the right temperature. It's no big deal and we've got plenty of pies. It's just that she's so afraid of people thinking she's trying to take advantage."

We got upstairs and I took the meat out and put it on top of the stove. I got one of the serving plates and started piling ham on it. I put Mary to work on the pork and had Charlie get the coffeemaker and a container of coffee beans to take downstairs.