Last Chance

by

Caution: This Humor Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Fa/Fa, Romantic, BiSexual, Fiction, Humor, Oral Sex, .

Desc: Humor Sex Story: Clarence, the cross-eyed cupid, has been charged with a mission of vital importance. This is his last chance to prove he's not a complete screw-up to his boss, with the future in the balance.



Skinny arms drew back the bowstring with strength that belied their weak appearance. The golden bow and red-fletched arrow didn't waver a millimeter as Clarence took careful aim. He was here, and she was here — now was Clarence's moment.

The bowstring twanged — the missile flying straight and true. Clarence smiled, watching her face for the telltale signs of love blooming within her heart. Unfortunately, her expression was something quite the opposite.

Thinking it must be an optical illusion caused by his nose getting in the way again, Clarence turned his head slightly. Not only did trying to refocus his cross-eyed gaze not improve the situation, it also made his head hurt badly.

With a disgusted squeal, Andra lurched into the wall and swung her purse at the dog grasping her leg. "Oh my god, get off me!"

The crowd on the street began to back away, many breaking out into laughter. Not a soul moved to help her, although quite a few people paused to watch.

Clarence's mouth fell open, and his eyes slowly lowered to the offending animal. Sure enough, protruding from its hindquarters was his arrow. "Oh, bugger," he muttered, fumbling over his shoulder for another arrow.

Andra continued to jerk away from the black and white dog, swinging her purse. Finally, she landed a solid blow right on the moon-shaped patch of white fur over the canine's right eye. The animal yelped, and scurried away from her. Almost immediately, the dog found another leg with which to amuse itself.

When the amorous animal approached Alan, as he exited the chocolate shop, he put his hand on the mutt's head, preventing it from wrapping its paws around him. "Whoa, boy. I think you're a little confused." Looking up at the retreating redhead, he thought, You've got good taste, though. Damn, she's beautiful. Too slow again, Al. Story of my life — missed another chance to play knight in shining armor to meet a beautiful woman.

Clarence finally managed to draw another arrow, but as he knocked it and turned back toward Andra, he found that she was no longer where he expected her to be. Quickly scanning the crowd with his cross-eyed gaze, he muttered, "No, no, no, no... You can't be gone. I'm going to be in so much trouble."

A flash of red hair on the next block revealed Andra's location, and Clarence sped off after her as fast as his wings could carry him. Invisible and intangible to the people around him, he hurtled over their heads, keeping bow and arrow both in hand. Unfortunately, he wasn't intangible to the world, most notably the awning that he misjudged in his skewed vision.

Caught in the chest by the awning, Clarence's momentum carried him forward, tumbling head over heels. With a painful smack, he hit a light pole, and slid slowly down to the sidewalk. If anyone could have seen him, the onlooker surely would have expected to see birds circling over his head after the cartoon-like misadventure. None could, though, and so they passed by — and even through him — without a single glance.

At least on Earth...


Andra wiped the dog drool off her leg, her face burning bright red with embarrassment. She only glanced back once, to make sure the canine wasn't coming after her again.

Tossing the handful of tissue into an overfull waste can, she turned and descended the steps into the subway. She was already running behind, and the episode with the dog had only delayed her more. She needed to get to her office before George did — or said — something that would derail his entire campaign. He was a wonderful man, with ambition and vision, but he was simply helpless in front of the press. The vultures from the media swarmed around the poor man constantly, hoping to draw another humorous quote from him, boosting their sales at his expense.

Reaching the platform, Andra breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the train pull up — she hadn't missed it. Filing in with everyone else, she took the first available seat. As the train lurched into motion, she noticed that an overweight man a seat or two up was doing his best to see up her skirt.

Cursing the rush that had caused her to select the shorter skirt during the whirlwind of activity this morning, Andra put her briefcase in her lap and pointedly stared the man down. He offered her a twitch of his eyebrows, and a smile. He then turned to leer at a woman across the aisle who was displaying ample amounts of cleavage.

Andra closed her eyes and shook her head for a moment, thinking that it was a toss up whether the lecher's stare or the dog earlier was the more disgusting.


Alan watched the beautiful redhead until she vanished from view in the distance, amongst the crowd on the sidewalk. Sighing, he patted the dog on the head once more. The dog looked up, its tongue lolling out in an expression that Alan thought looked almost like laughter, and then the animal took off running full tilt down the street.

Shaking his head and chuckling, Alan crossed the street to his building. Stepping into the elevator, he headed back up to his loft apartment to attack his current manuscript one more time. He was fighting a bad case of writer's block, and knew he was going to be in trouble if he didn't get this novel done soon.

Popping one of the chocolates in his mouth as the elevator doors opened, he sighed in pleasure and hoped the magical little treats would do the trick. He had no idea why it worked, but chocolate had pushed him through a brain freeze like this many times before.

Sitting down at his computer, he had another of the sweet confections, and then maximized his outline to look over it again.


Floating on a cloud, Lellor uncovered his eyes with a groan. The woman walked down the subway stairs, and the man walked into his building. Clarence lay on the pavement, unconscious from his fall.

"We're in so much trouble."


Clarence roused slowly, his eyes even more crossed than usual. For a moment, he swore each eye was looking directly at the other. The increasing heat of the day told him he'd been out for a while, and he knew that Andra wasn't likely to be anywhere near.

Picking up his bow and arrow, Clarence considered his problem. He knew Andra would be at campaign headquarters, and Alan would surely be in front of his computer. The only saving grace Clarence had at this point was the predictability of his two charges. He had to get them both in the same place again, in order to pop an arrow into Andra and get the two together.

An idea occurred to him, and Clarence smiled. Quickly speeding off, he opened his mind and searched for what he needed — a muse.


Andra swallowed hard as she turned the corner. Standing right in front of the building where George had set up shop for his campaign was the last person in the world she wanted to see.

For a second or two, she contemplated just calling the police and waiting until they told him to move along. Shaking her head, she decided to just confront him and get him out of her life forever. She wouldn't have really had a choice anyway, as he spotted her and started walking in her direction.

"Andra, Baby, I'm sorry. I was an idiot. I was drunk, I didn't know..."

"Go to hell, David. You slept with another woman, in my bed. I don't care if you were drunk. Just go away, I don't ever want to see you again."

Smiling, David reached out a hand toward her, "Come on now, you don't mean that. I found her for us. Remember how we've been talking about getting with another woman — about how hot that got you?"

Andra's face flushed red. "Shut up. I said that if that happened, we'd do it together. Get away from me, you bastard!"

"Is everything okay, Andra?"

Andra turned and smiled in relief upon seeing Emily standing in the doorway, scowling at David. "David was just leaving — permanently."

Emily put her hands on her hips and said, "He'd better be, because otherwise I'm calling the cops. The city police have endorsed George, so I'm sure they'll be glad to come right out and take care of this little problem."

David growled, "Fucking bitches. Probably licking her snatch aren't you, Andra? That's what your problem is, you're going fucking lesbo. Fucking sick bitch."

Emily flipped open her cell phone and started to dial.

"Fine, fucking lezzie whores, I'm leaving." David turned and stomped off down the street.

Andra sighed and hung her head, praying that nobody inside had heard the conversation, and that there weren't any of the vultures from the press nearby. If he went to the press, they'd just ignore him, but if they actually heard the exchange, it could be bad for George's campaign. She'd probably have to resign, and she had no idea how George would survive without her help.

"Come on, get in your office and calm down, Andra." Emily opened the door as she said it, holding it so Andra could walk through.

Fortunately, Emily was the only one in the office so far. They crossed the foyer and quickly closed the door to Andra's office behind them. As Andra moved to her desk, Emily fought to keep her eyes off the redhead's shapely behind. I wonder if she really is into women? God, I'd love to get in bed with her!

Andra sat down heavily, putting her head in her hands. Emily walked over and sat down in a chair in front of the desk, saying, "Maybe you should get a restraining order."

Looking back up, Andra shook her head. "That would just be potential bad press. I just changed the locks and stopped calling him after I threw him out. Now that I've told him to go away, he'll leave me alone."

"You sure?"

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Story tagged with:
Fa/Fa / Romantic / BiSexual / Fiction / Humor / Oral Sex /