Don't Bother Me

by Harddaysknight

Copyright┬ę 2007 by Harddaysknight

Humor Sex Story: Our hero wonders if men are from Mars, are women from Venice?

Caution: This Humor Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   Consensual   Heterosexual   Cheating   Oral Sex   .


Sue had dinner cooking when I came in the front door. We were going to have chicken, I thought to myself as I went upstairs to change my clothes. A few minutes later, dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, I went down to the kitchen.

Sue was sitting at the table and tears were streaming down her cheeks. Being a rather astute observer of human nature, it occurred to me that something wasn't right. I grabbed a beer and sat down across from Sue, knowing that she would soon tell me what was bothering her. If she didn't want me to know, she would have never allowed me to see her cry.

"Bill, I've done a horrible thing. I don't even know how to tell you, so I'm just going to tell you everything. This is very difficult for me, so please don't interrupt me with questions, okay, Sweetheart?" she insisted more than requested.

I popped the can open and nodded to her. Hell, I've never been the one to have trouble keeping my mouth shut. Once again, I kept my mouth shut rather than point that fact out to Sue.

"I have been unfaithful, Bill. I never meant to hurt you and I don't even know how or why it started," she sobbed. "I've been with another man several times in the past few weeks. The first time was after our company party at Jack's house last month. You refused to go. I had too much to drink, played the fool, and allowed myself to be seduced. I was pissed at you for not going with me, and all those things added up to a huge mistake on my part."

I took a pull on my beer and checked my watch. I had agreed to meet a friend at the driving range after dinner and I worried that this confession was going to be very time consuming. I nodded my understanding, hoping that Sue would get to her point.

"I know how shocked you must be and how upset you will be with me," continued Sue. "I just want you to know it meant nothing to me, Bill! I love you and the kids and I regret this terrible lapse in my marital vows."

I had been told to not interrupt so I sat and waited. I wondered how would I know if, and when, she was finished? How long was I expected to remain silent?

"Aren't you going to say something, Bill?" demanded Sue. "I just gave you some terrible information and you don't say a word! No wonder we have problems!"

Not surprisingly, this was going to be my fault, I realized. I'm such a miserable schmuck I could drive Mother Theresa to sin. What options did Sue have but to seek solace in another man's arms? I tried to frame a response that would demonstrate the proper amount of concern and hurt without being too accusatory.


"I knew you'd ask that, Bill!" groaned Sue. "Don't you think I've asked myself that same question a thousand times? Sure, the sex was hot and the orgasms were incredible, but why would I risk everything for a really, big, hard cock? That's the question, isn't it?"

"I never... ," was all I managed before Sue took off again.

"I know you've been faithful, Bill. You aren't the type to go out and get laid. You like to write software for computers and play a little golf. Your sex drive is really low and you're content to just have me around to hold and love," blubbered Sue.

This was interesting. I hadn't realized the contempt in which she held me. But then, she did know me pretty well. I tried to think of something that would change the subject, but I realized that would be unlikely. Once Sue started on something, she couldn't be swayed until she had talked it to death. Then I noticed a hole in the wall over the counter. I wondered about that.

"Sue, who... ," was all I could ask about the hole before she cut me off again.

"Does it really matter, Bill? He's too big for you to beat up, so forget that!" Sue warned. "His arms are almost twice as big as yours and he doesn't have a beer belly to get in the way. He'd kick your ass, Bill, so don't even think about going there!"

The hole looked like it could have been caused by a thrown object, or possibly the handle of some utensil. Luckily, it was in the drywall, above the ceramic tile that had taken me so long to put down. I had some spare pieces of drywall someplace. The question was where?

"Where... ," I began.

"In his car, in the park, once in the little league field after a game!" wailed Sue. "Why the hell does it matter where we did it? Are you afraid that he fucked the hell out of me in our marital bed? Is that what's bothering your male ego? As if it matters where he fucked me with that incredible cock! Okay, we did it once or twice in our bed, goddamn your perverted sense of pride!"

Now that was interesting. It looked like a small piece of ceramic or something was wedged into the wall just below the hole. I began to suspect that someone had thrown a mug or coffee cup at the wall.

"Has anyone been here today?" I asked.

"That is so like you, Bill," snarled Sue. "I mess up once and you think I'm fucking every man in the town. Why is it that the wife is always considered a slut if she finds a man that understands her needs and desires? A man would screw snake if he could get his head under the rock, but if a wife has one lover, she's a whore and a worthless slut!"

Then I wondered if I checked the garbage would I find the broken remains of whatever made the hole? It had to be something pretty heavy. It could have been one of the kids, but they don't use mugs or cups. They aren't allowed to drink coffee. I could ask them about it, anyway. Where were the kids?

"The kids?"

"You're going to hold the children over my head? You can't wait to tell them that their mother is a cock loving tramp, can you?" Sue demanded. "You think you can get them away from me? This state always allows the mother custody, if that's what's going through your vindictive pea-brain! I sent them to mother's to spend the night. I knew you'd be unreasonable and go into a jealous rage."

That was when someone knocked on the kitchen door. I looked up and saw our next-door neighbor, June. She was a sweet looking blonde, about five years younger than Sue and more than a few pounds lighter. Even so, her tits were a bit bigger than Sue's and Sue often complained about that fact. She frequently stated that they must have been purchased someplace.

I stood up and opened the door for June. She was always a pleasure to see and today was no exception. She wore a tank top and a pair of cut-off shorts. Her blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail and it made her look like she was a teen.

"Bill, did this whore wife of yours tell you that I caught her with Ben today?" she demanded. "I came home early and heard some funny noises coming from my bedroom. I crept up the stairs and caught your loving slut sucking Ben's cock. Then she had him lie down and she impaled her sloppy pussy on my husband's damn needle-dick."

June often carried a mug of coffee with her when she came across the back yard to visit in our kitchen! I felt that I was getting closer to determining what made that damn hole.

"Ben needs understanding, not some miserable bitch that complains all the time," responded Sue. "He said you're a lousy lay and you're even worse at giving head."

I had moved in close to study the shape of the hole and to see if I could determine from what direction the missile was hurled. That was when June caught my attention.

"Bullshit! Bill, I think Sue is jealous. Take a look at these tits and tell me if they aren't bigger than Sue's." challenged June as she pulled her tank top over her head.

I grabbed June and pulled her to me as I dropped my face to her magnificent tits. I nibbled, sucked, chewed, and licked one nipple and then the other. My hands were squeezing and pulling on her globes like it was therapy ordered by the doctor.

"I guess that's a good answer," laughed June. "Look at how Bill worships my tits, Sue. He's like a starving babe at his mother's breast."

"He's a man. You just offered him your tits," Sue pointed out. "That doesn't prove anything. I would've been surprised if he didn't attack you. Shit, he'd be all over your grandmother if she offered him a tit to suck."

"Well, you might be right about that. Ben always goes crazy when I let him near them, too. Ouch, Bill's getting carried away with my girls, I'll be lucky if he doesn't suck them right off me," worried June.

"He does love tits, June. I told you that," Sue reminded our guest. "Don't think yours are so special."

"Bill, if you let go of my tits, I'll show your wife how good I suck cock. She thinks she's hot shit. I know that Ben lied to her to get into her pants. He always said I'm the best," declared June.

I cursed my zipper for working so slowly as I pulled my cock out and offered it to June. She fell to her knees in front of me.

"Now that's what I call a real cock, Bill!" cooed June. "It's way bigger than Mister Weenie that I'm supposed to work with at home."

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