I'm so happy! I just found out I'm pregnant. Me and Jason weren't planning on it, but I can't wait to tell him. Oh my god, I'm going to be a mommy. I am so crazy to see my baby. I hope he is as big and strong as his daddy. Oh, things are so beautiful right now.
Jason wasn't as thrilled as I thought he would be. He didn't seem upset either, he just was kinda emotionless. It's okay. I know when he sees me all big he will just get giddy. Or when he feels our baby moving in my belly. I can't wait.
It's been over a month since I wrote. I have been busy, having a baby is expensive and I had to look for a job to help cover the cost. Jason bless his heart is taking any overtime he can to help pay for the doctor visits. We've made love every chance we get. It feels so amazing to be in his arms. I have to go, I'm going to get some vitamins the doctor suggested I get.
Oh, I feel so sad right now. Jason and I have been fighting for stupid silly reasons. I always say something to get him mad. Like when I told him he shouldn't drink too much, cause we would need the money when the baby came. He was pissed. He said he was the one working all the overtime. He should be allowed to have a drink now and then. Is that wrong Diary? All I know is my tummy is starting to swell slightly. I can feel my baby growing. I have to go diary, Jason gets home early today and I'm making his favorite for dinner tonight.
I have been working and saving money to buy a crib for the baby. If it wasn't for Jason's income I don't know what we would do. He has been great. We stopped arguing, he works and then comes home, kisses me and we hold each other. I love him so much. I love my Jason.
Jason just kissed me good-bye on his way to work. I am planning to make him a surprise dinner. I am huge diary. My belly has swollen to a giant size. I can feel my baby moving. The doctor asked if I wanted a ultrasound, but I couldn't afford it so I said no. Besides the baby's sex isn't that important as long as he or she is healthy that's all that matters to us.
What am I going to do! Jason hasn't come home yet. Where could he be? I called his job and they said he hadn't been there since yesterday. Jason, wouldn't leave us, would he? No, he was excited about our baby I know it. I don't know anymore. I have to go diary.
Jason left me and our baby last month. I received a letter 2 weeks ago, he said he wasn't ready for a family. I feel so bad, but I can't give up now. My baby is keeping me strong. I have to be strong for my baby. He or she needs me. I've been working longer hours, to make enough money to pay the rent and bills.
I'm in the hospital, I had my baby. A Healthy baby boy. Born at 3:24 am. He is so beautiful diary. He has a white complexion, blue eyes and brown hair, like his father. I haven't heard from Jason since I got the one letter more than 4 months ago. A nurse asked me why I was crying while I held my baby. I told her what Jason had done. She sympathized with me for my heartache. It doesn't matter anymore. I have my son, he will be my happiness.
It's new years eve, and I am at home with my son, I decided to name him Giovanni. This will be our first new years eve together. I feel so happy holding my son in my arms. Tomorrow can wait, I just want to be here and now with my son.
It's been 8 months, Giovanni is so handsome. He said his first word today, 'Mama.' I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes, as I held my darling son as he continued to repeat his word over and over as if it was a proclamation of his love for me, his mama.
Diary, I am barely able to make ends meet. I am worried I won't have enough money to buy Giovanni his food. I'm 2 months behind on my rent. Welfare isn't enough. I need more money than I have. What am I going to do?
I was at work crying outside, when one of my co-workers saw me. He wasn't one of the nice ones, just a regular asshole. When I told him my troubles, he laughed and said he would give me 200 dollars if he could fuck me. Diary I feel so unclean. I didn't have the money for the rent or to buy Giovanni's formula. I told him I would sleep with him for the money.
He took me to his car, and 30 minutes later I was 200 dollars richer. I feel so low, but my son! My darling son, he needs to eat. If I have to whore myself so he can have a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his tummy so be it.
Tear Jerker /