It was a heck of a sight, two naked people tied on a bed right in front of the courthouse in Uvalde, Texas. Yep, it was Stewie Butler, he certainly was no Rhett Butler, and my sister-in-law Sara Jane Mitchell. Yes was a bit of a shame to the family to have one of ours out there naked as a jaybird but I was the one who put them there.
My name is James Elbert Mitchell but most people call me, get ready for this, Bubba. I am 32 years old and never been married but my brother Sam Houston Mitchell is the one who had the misfortune to be married to Sara Jane. I'm not really the black sheep of the family, I have done pretty well with some old scrub land that just happened to have a little oil under it, but brother Sam Houston was the shinning light of the family. Sam Houston, they never called him Sam or Houston or any kind of nickname, it was always Sam Houston, is a banker and one of the social leaders of our town.
Sam Houston and Sara Jane live out on a little cattle ranch just north of town that he picked up when somebody couldn't make the mortgage payments after about three long dry years. As well as oil and real estate, I do dabble in the cattle business a bit so when Sam Houston had to go up to Dallas for a month to some kind of banking school, he asked me to keep an eye out on the ranch for him. I'm sure the "keeping an eye out" he meant was on the cattle but things worked out a little bit different than we both expected.
I had dropped by to talk with Roy Diaz the foreman about a stock tank he was planning to put in. It was a hot and dusty Texas Summer day and after a bit of talking with Roy I thought a good cold beer would taste good. I knew Sam Houston always kept a fridge of Lone Star long-necks in the house so I went in to get one.
I had no sooner gotten the door to the fridge open than I heard the most God awful yelling I had ever heard in my life. I headed upstairs to where the sound was coming from and lo and behold the sight that greeted me through the open bedroom door nearly knocked me over. There was Sara Jane and Stewie, making the "beast with two backs".
Sara Jane howled "Fuck me Stewie, harder, deeper, you big dicked son of a bitch!!!" Stewie he was pumping furiously and moaning like he was having a heart attack. It surprised the hell out of me to see that particular pair but I whipped out my mo-BILE phone and clicked off about eight or ten pictures with the camera. The two of them were too busy to notice me so I turned around and went outside to my truck.
I got one of them Ford F-250's with the crew cab so I carry a lot of shit in it. I reached in behind the passenger seat and pulled out my Winchester 12 gauge pump shotgun. I love that baby cause it holds 8 shots of double-ought buck that can chew up about anything. I went back up to the bedroom and Sara Jane and Stewie was still going at it strong.
I really don't think anything is more recognizable than the sound when you lever a round into the chamber of a pump shotgun. When I did that both of them screamed like there was no tomorrow. I yelled out at them to not move a muscle and of course they did. I fired off a round into the footboard of the bed and everything stopped. I know both of them pissed themselves and were trying to hide behind each other. I knew my brother was going to be REAL unhappy, I just didn't know if it would be about my shooting his antique bedroom furniture or if it would be at Sara Jane and Stewie.
I told both of them to go into the bathroom and clean themselves up and they seemed happy to get out of the bed. Of course you need to realize that to get out of the bathroom they had to come back to the bedroom. While they were busy taking a shower, I called Roy Diaz and asked him to bring a couple of the other hands and a piece of rope for a hanging.
When the two lovebirds came out of the bathroom they were surprised to have an even bigger audience for their nakedness. I noticed that both of them got more than a little nervous at the sight of that rope. Sara Jane screamed "Bubba, what the hell are you doing shooting up my bedroom!". I asked her what the hell she was doing fucking Stewie Butler!