Many readers have wrote me and wanted to know Darcy's side. So here is her story. A big 'Thank You' goes out to my editors, LadyCibelle and Techsan, who give me guidance, wisdom and are darn good editors.
My husband Rhett wrote a story, 'Regrets', to tell you about our life. A number of people wanted to know why I took him back. Here's my side of the story.
Rhett and I were high school sweethearts. After graduation he started college and we dated whenever he was home. I tried to take birth control pills but had an allergic reaction to them and stopped taking them. We used condoms most of the time. Once or twice we slipped up. I figured that's when I got pregnant with our first daughter Amber. We got married, but life for me was still great. Two years later, we had Brittany. She wasn't an accident. We had a pretty normal life: things were tight and money was always an issue.
Rhett was going to school but dropped out due to our financial situation. His dad got him a great job at the local automotive plant. He was making really good money. I was able to pick up a part-time job at the local school. I worked in the cafeteria. Together we were able to make ends meet and eventually bought a home. It had three bedrooms and even had a nice pool. I knew we had found our dream home together.
After the birth of the girls our love life dropped off pretty drastically. Between working, cleaning, taking care of the girls, and everything else that came up, it took its toll on me. I just wasn't in the mood for sex after working and cleaning all day. Sleep was the first thing on my mind. I often thought if he would help me a little more, he would get a little more. I think a lot of young couples go through that stage. The husband's mother always did everything for him and he expected his wife to do the same.
As far as being a good lover, Rhett was that. Other than some petting, I had never been with another man. To me, it didn't get any better; I was more than satisfied with making love to Rhett. He seemed to really care that I had an orgasm. I had everything from mini to major, depending on our moods. We made love in about all positions except anal and oral.
We bought a computer and Rhett started going out to adult web sites. He started asking me strange things in our bed like, "Do you want other men? Ever do it with a black man? Do you like showing yourself off to other guys?" He even said a few worse things. I was getting a little worried about him.
After one of these bizarre episodes, I told him, "Brett, Honey, I don't want other men. All I want is you. I promise you that I will never cheat on you with God as my witness." I was thinking that maybe someone had lied to him about me. I wanted him to know he could trust me.
He started acting a little weird around me. Call it women's intuition, but I felt something was wrong. He went out with the guys and before even kissing me, he would wash up or shower. I started to watch him closer to see if he had a problem. We would sit outside watching the girls play and wave to the neighbors walking or jogging. One day I saw him waving to a slut named Jennifer. I had found out at work that she and her husband were swingers. He was a total loser and she dressed about as slutty as she could get away with in our town. I told Rhett she was bad news and to stay away from her.
One day I invited a few of the neighbor girls over for a swim since Rhett called and would be working overtime. Some of the gals even brought over their kids. We were having a good time. One gal named Alice said she had a headache. I sent her in to get a couple of aspirins and wondered what was taking her so long. I went in and there she was with Rhett. He had told me that he had just got home but by the look of her swimsuit top, which needed adjusting, it didn't seem like he had just arrived. I didn't say anything because I wasn't positive and wasn't about to start an argument without any facts. Alice went back out to the pool and I just stared at Rhett. I remember them saying something about him rubbing her temples and I said, "That better be all he rubs."
He quickly said he would grill the hot dogs for the kids and I guess I let it slide. I was starting to get concerned about our marriage. Maybe it wasn't as strong as I thought. I know that talking with some of the other mothers that most families had similar problems to ours.
It was about a week later when the shit hit the fan. Carl, the pervert, Jennifer's husband, was at my door. He asked to speak to me. I was cooking so I told him to wait and I would be right back, I didn't want that pervert in my house. I went into the kitchen to turn the burners down on the stove and all of a sudden I felt a hand grab my tit. I swung around and there was Carl with a depraved grin on his face.
I pushed him back, grabbed a butcher knife and swung it at him. "Get the fuck out of my house, you perverted son-of-a-bitch," I screamed.
He looked scared as I approached him. He quickly moved backward out the door. I was screaming obscenities at him while he stood in my yard.
"You husband sent me here. He wanted to swap partners with me and Jenny. If you don't believe me call Jen and ask her."
"You immoral, warped mother-fucker, if you ever come near me or my house again, I promise you I'll cut your fucking balls off!"
He went running down the street to his house.
When my heartbeat returned to normal I took a couple of deep breaths and called the bastard's wife. She told me that she was at my house and had sex with my husband. She said that Rhett told her he would love to see me fucking another man and sucking his cock. According to Jen he even said that Carl could come and fuck me.
I felt totally betrayed. I told her that if I saw either her or her perverted husband at my house I would shoot them both; then I slammed down the phone. I just sat there and cried. I couldn't believe Rhett would say such a thing. I decided to call my mum and have her keep the kids for a while longer until I had a chance to hear Rhett's side of the story.
When Rhett came home I was sitting at the table crying. He asked me what was wrong and I told him about the conversation with Jen. He broke down and told me that he did have sex with her. When I asked him about including me in his perverted lifestyle, he tried to make excuses. He told me that it was his fantasies talking. I told him to get the fuck out of my house. What man who loves his wife would want her being manhandled and fucked by other men?
He kept trying to tell me that he didn't mean it. He didn't want other men being intimate with me.
"Please forgive me, Darcy. I didn't mean it. I love you."
"You self-centered mother-fucking bastard. All you care about is yourself and your fucking dick. Get the fuck out of my house right now before I shoot your sorry ass. I want nothing more to do with you." He left and I was crying. I needed someone to talk to, so I called my Mum.
I talked to my mum and explained some of what happened. My family stood by me at every step. Other than mum, my family hated Rhett for what he had done. They kind of treated him as an outcast. Even his family acted nicer toward me than they did him.
At first I was glad that he was treated badly because of what he had done to our family. I went to the lawyer's office and filed for a divorce. I asked for everything and pretty much got it. He didn't fight it at all. He knew he was the sole cause of our failed marriage. After awhile when cooler heads prevailed, I kept an eye on him. I now both hated and loved the same man, if that's possible.
We set up an agreement for him to see the girls. They loved their father and he was a good father to them. He stopped by to see them a couple of times a week. Usually he took them to his parents' house or out somewhere one day each weekend. He was there for them during any school functions. I remember always seeing him in the back row. Our agreement was no interaction between him and me, no kissing, hugging, touches of any kind. He abided by the rules.
Many times he asked for a second chance. My answer was always, "No." He cheated on me and he had to pay the price. The worst day of my life came when I received my copies of the divorce paper. My marriage was over. I had Mum take the kids that day; I needed to be alone. I cried my heart out. Rhett stopped by to see the girls but I remember telling him, "Not today."
I cried myself to sleep that night. I decided that starting the next day I would try to forget about the bastard and make a great life for me and the girls.
It's hard to explain unless you've been through it. I loved this man with all my heart and he broke it; it was as though he stomped on it. People tried to get me to start dating and go out but I always refused. I didn't just want a man, I wanted my Rhett back and my life back the way it was before the cheating. He kept asking for second chances and I kept refusing. I couldn't take that chance of him doing it again to me. You see, I have two distinct personalties. There is the sweet homemaker and mother who looks after her home and family. It's the one I prefer to be, and it's the one everyone loves.
The other personality is 'Psycho Bitch'. You mess with me and you take your chances. I'm like a mother lion protecting her cubs. I've beaten up a couple of people who made the mistake and messed with me. It takes a lot to unleash me but it does happen. When I first started dating, this one guy didn't understand what 'No' meant. He tried to force sex on me and I was able to pepper spray him and kick him in his gonads. He never bothered me again. Also I cut a man once for grabbing my ass when I was sitting with some girlfriends. I couldn't believe the prick did it. He literally grabbed my ass and said, "What are you going to do about it?" and started laughing.
My girlfriends knew he went too far as I grabbed the steak knife and cut his arm. He called me a Psycho Bitch and left the bar/restaurant. I'm just telling you about this happening so you can see that I really held my cool when I found out about Rhett cheating on me. I could have killed him when I first found out about his cheating. I had to get out of the house before I got my pistol and shot him. My daddy got it for me and showed me how to use it. He was a war vet and a hell of a shot.
It was over a year before I even went out with my girlfriends. Rhett's sister Sue was one of my good friends and asked me to go bowling with her and her girlfriends. I was having a good time. I wasn't much of a bowler but just getting out was nice. One of the girls told us a cute joke explaining apples and wine.
"Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but are easy to pick. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree and get the best apples!"
We all laughed but there was a lot of truth in what she said. A lot of men were like Rhett and just wanted the easy fuck. She then explained men to us.
"Now men... men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with."
It made me think of Rhett and maybe I didn't stomp him enough. It was the way my life went. Every time someone mentioned men or cheating or marriage, I always thought of Rhett. Even when they talked about love, I still thought about Rhett.
We headed over to the lounge and were all sitting having a drink and talking. I looked over and saw Rhett and his friend Brad sitting there. I had to wonder if he was stalking me or if it was a coincidence. It changed my mood considerably. He got up and started toward our table. Sue, his sister, got up and talked to him until he went and sat back down. I guess she told him he shouldn't be there and to leave me alone. Some guy asked me to dance and normally I would have said, "No" but since Rhett was there I agreed to dance. It was a fast number and I shook my little ass all over the place just to tick Rhett off. I knew he was watching me.
After the song ended a slow number began. The man asked me to dance with him. At first I said no because I haven't been close with men since Rhett. I decided to hell with it and decided to dance with this guy. He was holding me closer than I cared but I didn't say anything. I knew that Rhett was staring at me. The clod decides to take a few liberties and puts his hand on my ass. I pushed it back up and told him, "I don't think so." He did it again and I started to get pissed. I pushed him backward away from me and headed for my table. I didn't look at Brett; I was more than a little pissed.
After the song ended, Sue and Brad were coming back to the table. I guess they were dancing. They were friends and Brad would know better than to mess with Sue. About that time, Rhett grabbed Brad and told him, "Let's get out of here." No one, not even Brad knew what was going on. They left and within minutes the police were there.
The officer came to our table and asked if I knew the man that had been beaten up in the men's room. I explained to them that I had only danced with him once and didn't even know his name. He was taken out by an ambulance. His forehead was busted open and according to the bar rumor, his privates were out and kicked a couple of times. We all suspected it was Rhett but kept quiet. After all it was Sue's brother and my ex-husband. I thought about telling the police that it was probably Rhett just to get his ass thrown in jail. I decided against it. I still had this love/hate thing going and a lot of mood swings.
I called him on his cell phone and he admitted doing it - beating up the guy. He told me that he saw the guy grab my ass twice and it pissed him off.
I remember saying something like, "Isn't that why we're divorced? You wanted to watch other guys having their way with me? What would you have done if I fucked the guy?"
"I'd have killed him," replied Rhett.
I had mixed feelings after hearing that. I was glad to see that Rhett would protect me but at the same time, he was taking my freedom, my chance to get away from him. I remember telling him, "Rhett, I can take care of myself. I don't need you anymore."
He told me that he would stay out of my personal life and if he saw me out that he would leave the place. It looked like we were finally getting on with our lives.
I know after that day that he started going out. It wasn't as much dating as it was going to the bar. I figured he was doing a few bar broads but I don't really know. He would still come by and see the girls but keep his distance from me.
I was going out with the gals every couple of months. I joined a card club so I could get out a little more often. When the gals and I went out, I did dance with other guys. I was always looking over my shoulder to see if Rhett was there. He wasn't and, believe it or not, I missed him. Here I was a divorced woman dancing with a man and missing my husband. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get him out of my mind.
Rhett would come over and see the girls and at times I would watch him. He would always tell me that he had grown up and to give him another chance. I just couldn't do it. If he cheated on me again, I'd kill him and my kids would be without any parents.
Life went on but it was rough around the holidays. The girls and I would spend our holidays at my parents' house and Rhett would be at his parents'. After I knew that he had left his parents, we would go over and visit them. I loved them and they loved me and the girls. Damn, why did he do this to us? The exception that was made was on Christmas morning when the girls would call their dad and he would come over and celebrate with us. For about two hours, we were a family again. It really hurt when he left. I would go into my room and cry. I just couldn't help it. I still loved the sorry bastard.
The following year I went on a few actual dates. I did kiss the guys but there was no spark. I didn't want sex for the sake of sex. I wanted love but wasn't finding it. I heard through the gossip grapevine that Alice went to get a full body massage from Rhett. She had been chasing after him for quite awhile. She had bragged to a couple of my girlfriends that she got that massage and got it more than once. They told her she better stay out of my path or sparks just might fly.
I know we were divorced but I considered people we knew to be off limits. I never spoke to him about it but Alice never did come around on our gals swim parties anymore. Good thing too, or she might have drowned; of course, it would have been an accident.
It's hard to explain to anyone what it is like to see a person you really care for and not be with them. It's how I felt with Rhett. He was there and I saw him regularly. It was a 'look but don't touch' policy. I was the one that made it and Rhett lived by it. To see him smile and hug his daughters was a nice sight. Why did I still have such strong feelings for him? Why, Lord, I had enough on my plate. Why give me this? Let me just hate him but not love him. I could deal with one or the other but not both.
I dated a couple of other men and kissed them. I even let a few touch me. I was looking for love and, I thought, in all the right places. It just wasn't happening. Stupid ass Rhett always came to my mind. Nearly three years had gone by and my feelings hadn't changed much.
The following summer I met a man named Jeff. He was a sweetheart of a man and we dated. He did all the things that good dates do. He brought flowers and talked nice to my kids. He was a gentleman. I liked him a lot and we became good friends. I explained to him about Rhett and how I still had strong feelings for him. Jeff was divorced also; his wife left with his business partner. I guess we were like two peas in a pod. Both of us were cheated on and trying to get on with our lives.
We kissed and hugged but there wasn't any spark. God, I wanted there to be sparks. I let him feel me and I actually masturbated him. I wanted to have sex with him but the feelings just weren't there. I know he understood and we just stayed close friends. We went to movies or dinner once in awhile. He dated other women for the sex he needed. I understood his needs and believe it or not, it didn't bother me. I had someone I could go out with and not worry about being groped. The only problem was he wasn't Rhett.
A couple of days after Thanksgiving my side began to hurt. I was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. All I remember is being rushed to the hospital and thinking I was going to die and I was worried about my little girls.
I don't remember the operation. I must have dreamt through it. I thought about my children and my husband. When I woke up, I was in the- Intensive Care Unit — then moved to my room. My mum was there waiting for me. She came up and kissed my forehead. I looked over the other way and their was Rhett with tears in his eyes. He was holding my hand. I don't know why but I felt safe.
"Where are the girls?" I asked him.
He explained about his mom taking care of them and that all I needed to do was to get well. Knowing my kids were safe, I fell back to sleep. When I awoke, Mum and Dad were sitting there talking to Rhett. I noticed it was evening and a few family members came to see me. Rhett stepped out of the room to make room for my visitors. I know he probably felt uncomfortable around them. No one stayed long. They all knew I needed my rest.
My mum and dad said goodnight to me and said they would see me the next day. Rhett came back in and sat in the chair. He talked to one of the nurses who gave me some pain relievers and I was back off to sleep. When I awoke it was morning, there was Rhett sleeping in the chair.
"Have you been here all night?" I asked him.
He nodded his head and said, "This way I can tell everyone I slept with you again." I know I showed a faint smile, but that's the way he used to make me feel.
I told him not to make me laugh because it hurt to much.
He said he had to leave and go check on the kids, but he would be back later. I honestly thought he was going to kiss me but he didn't. I know I would have let him.
Being in the hospital and wondering if you're going to live or die sure changes your perspective. I knew what he had done to me was wrong, I mean really wrong. He kept asking my forgiveness for a second chance. I loved him but I just didn't know.
I felt better that day and had a few more visitors. I even had a couple of male friends come by and see how I was doing. They were just that - male friends. I look back and saw all the affairs I could have had but sex was more to me than a quick fuck. It was love and commitment. I honestly couldn't sleep with just anyone. I guess I was one of those apples in the top of the tree. I would give my all to the right man and there was only one man I have ever felt that way about and I divorced him for cheating on me.
When Rhett came back, Mum was already here. Jeff, my friend, had stopped by to see me. I had asked Mum to call him and let him know I wouldn't be going out Saturday. It was a bit of an uncomfortable situation when he kissed me lightly on the lips. Rhett was there and I know it must have bothered him. Mum asked Rhett to accompany her to the cafeteria and he went. It made it a lot easier to talk to Jeff.
He asked me if I thought we could ever be more than just friends? His feelings for me were getting stronger. I liked this man, maybe even loved him but more like a friend, not a lover. If I could just get my mind off of Rhett, maybe I could learn to love Jeff. I just didn't know.
I told him I needed a little more time. I would talk to him after the holidays. Right then I had to get well and focus on my daughters. He said he understood and leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It felt nice but there was no tingle. I used to always get a tingle when Rhett kissed me. Maybe I just got older and was thinking like a teenager. I let Jeff kiss me one more time before he left.
A few minutes later Mum and Rhett returned. I could see Rhett felt a little worried. He should be. After what he did, he was lucky we still communicated at all. He told me he made all the calls that I had asked him to make and all my appointments were taken care of. He was a bit jittery and said he had to leave.
"Darcy, I told Mom I would pick up the girls. The doctors say you will be getting out tomorrow and Mum said she is taking you home. If you need me for anything, please call me. I'll be there in a jiffy."
"Thank you, Rhett," I said. "Thank you for being there for me and the girls."
"Can I kiss you goodbye?" he asked.
"I'm probably too weak to fight you off."
He leaned over and kissed me. It was a very gentle warm loving kiss. "Thank you, Darcy," he said as he turned and walked out the door.
I felt the tingle. I looked over at Mum and she could see it in my face. Rhett still did it for me. I said a little prayer. "God, help me out here. I sure could use some guidance right now."
For the next few days, Rhett came over every day after he got off work. He cooked dinner for me and the girls. He washed our clothes and cleaned the house, did our grocery shopping but took the kids along so I could get some needed rest. He did everything he could to help me out. After seeing the kids to bed, he asked me if I needed anything else. He always said goodnight and went home. He never touched me or tried to kiss me.
He took the following week as vacation time so he could help me out. He and the girls decorated our house for the holidays. I had my Christmas shopping done but he saw that everything got wrapped. I put things in boxes and he had the girls wrapping them. I had to laugh when the girls found out they wrapped their own presents. It was so nice having him around. Each night he would head for home and be back the next morning.