Chapter 15

I was home by five forty five, sitting in my bedroom, writing down some thoughts about my day. I was really waiting for Brenda to call me at six fifteen. The phone didn't ring though. At six forty five, Gerta called me to come down to dinner, and still there had been no phone call from Brenda. I was relieved in several ways, but disappointed in several other ways too. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I'd been looking forward to having sex with Brenda again. I'd already checked on my condom supply, several times.

I had been giving a lot of thought to the direction I had obviously been moving, this in reference to what Shirley and I had talked about. We had both said we needed to make a decision concerning our seeing other people during whatever time we were going to be apart. After what I'd done, in the employees parking lot, with Helen, my decision seemed to have been already made, and I'd acted upon it already.

Now, having decided, I could put an end to the thought of weeks or months spent worrying and fretting about it. It was done, and I'd decided not to try to spend those weeks, needlessly agonizing. I saw no benefit from either of us having to do that, not when the outcome was predetermined anyway. Why not just admit it, and then move on? That's what I had concluded.

There was a positive side to my more difficult dilemma. The real problem I'd been facing. By not calling me, Brenda had taken away some of the immediacy from the unsavory temptations I'd been facing. I was, temporarily at least, being protected from my own, possibly unhealthy, desires. On the negative side though, now I couldn't be sure whether I would have decided against doing those things on my own, or not.

I might have given in to my worst instincts. I knew I would have been sorely tempted to go through with it. My past actions with Brenda didn't lead me to having optimistic thoughts about being able to show the restraint required to voluntarily step away from this desire to punish and humiliate her. I found it unsettling that I needed her to do something she didn't want to do in order to justify my being willing to fuck her again. That was the kind of convoluted thinking I'd expect to be coming from Brenda. I wondered if I'd feel better about the situation with Brenda if I scuttled this whole idea of her eating Emily, and just admitted I wanted to fuck Brenda again.

At seven thirty, Joyce called me. She told me she had been too nervous to wait until the next morning to find out whether Brenda had agreed to my demands or not. When I told her that Brenda hadn't called me, I could sense her disappointment. I thought I had to say something encouraging, just to cheer her up.

"Brenda likes to play games, Joyce. She's probably just trying to out wait me, so that she can get me to make her a better deal. I bet she'll call me later tonight, or tomorrow, sometime."

"Suppose she doesn't call you?"

"Well, I left that up to her. She has the right to decide whether she wants to pay my price or not. In a way, I'll be relieved if she decides not to call me."

"What about what you said I could do? I'm not relieved. I was expecting that this was really going to happen. You told me you could get Brenda to do anything you wanted her to do. What's happened to change that?"

"Brenda did tell me that she'd grown up, that she'd matured. Maybe she actually meant it. If so, that's a good thing."

"So, I'm going to miss out on probably my only chance? Is that what you're telling me, Kenny?"

"Well, when you put it like that, I guess, it looks like that is what might be happening. I haven't given up on Brenda calling though. If I had to bet, I'd bet that she'd be calling soon."

"Will you call me if she does call?"

"If you want me to. What time is too late to call you?"

"I guess any time up to ten o'clock. I'm sorry I got upset with you, Kenny. Its because I have been thinking about it like it was something pretty definite. That's how you made it sound."

"I have another friend, Joyce, she's very pretty too, and she would do almost anything I wanted her to. She's about twenty one years old now, but she's going to be leaving the area soon. I could try to call her for you, if Brenda doesn't call me."

"Is she another one of your ex girlfriends?"

"She was the first girl I ever had sex with. She's really good too. She is a professional, she has sex for a living, and she really knows a lot about it."

"You mean she's a whore?"

"That's what some people would call her, but she's also a professional at knowing about sex. I never found any question about it that she couldn't answer. She isn't just some girl who lets guys screw her, she knows all about it. She's studied it."

"You already got me excited thinking about Brenda. It wouldn't be the same, not if it was with someone who was being paid to do it. I sure hope she calls you tonight."

At eight twenty, Brenda did call. She started by explaining that her father had been sitting right by the phones, waiting for an important call to come in. I didn't really believe her, but we both knew it didn't matter if I believed her or not. The fact that she'd called was what was important.

Right away, Brenda started in, trying to negotiate a better deal for herself. The more she tried to get me to sweeten my offer to her, the less I worried about having her do the things I'd demanded she do. To me, this was the same old Brenda, willing to use her appeal to get what she wanted. I let her go on for several minutes before I finally stopped her.

"Brenda, stop talking for a minute. You keep telling me what you'd like, but that isn't important to me. Did you decide yes, or did you decide no, about licking Emily's pussy until she cums?"

"I was just trying to tell you what I wanted, Kenny. Wouldn't it be better for all of us, if we all got what we wanted?"

"I'm only interested in getting what I want this time, Brenda. What you want isn't important to me. I thought I'd made that clear to you."

"Can't you get everything you want, just with the two of us? I remember before, when we were alone in your room, and we both got what we wanted then."

"You keep conveniently forgetting something, Brenda. We aren't all even yet. You still have to make it up to Emily, and to me, for what you made happen to us before. We aren't ever going to go back to how things used to be. You need to repair the damage that was done to us by your earlier actions. If you do that, then we'll be all even and I won't be angry with you anymore. You keep trying to find a way around having to do that, but, there isn't any way. I told you exactly what it would take to get me to forgive you. You need to do enough to make me willing to fuck you again."

"Why does it have to be with Emily? Can't you think of another way? I wouldn't mind doing what you want as much if it just wasn't with her. It was because of the way she was acting that I did that with Gary anyway. If you think about it the right way, what happened with Gary was more her fault than mine."

"I can see that you haven't changed, so we don't really have anything more to talk about. You don't want to do what I asked, and that's all right. I was trying to get things settled between us, before you went away again. I thought it might be better for all of us, just in case that school you'll be going to really does help to change you. Even with everything that's happened, I still have some feelings for you. I want you to learn how to live better. People all say this school can help you learn to do that. I was willing to try to get all of us even before you go, and then wait to see if going to that school helps you or not."

"I still haven't decided for sure that I'm going back there. That was one of the reasons I thought we should get together and talk about it. I don't understand why I can't stay here and still get my money. If you'd stop being so mean to me, I'd change, and I wouldn't have to leave here to do that."

"I don't want to talk about that. You can decide to go, or not to go. Its your decision, but that's a lot of money. This other thing, with Emily, it was just a way for you to clear up some old business that you should want to make better already. I was trying to give you the incentive you needed to want to make things better with Emily. Emily and I, we don't have anything to do with your decision about going to that school. As far as this other thing with Emily, you were supposed to call me to tell me either yes or no. I didn't offer to let you negotiate for what you wanted."

"You aren't the only boy I know, Kenny. I don't need to do whatever you tell me to do."

"That's true. Believe me when I tell you that you've taught me that I'm not the only boy you know. I guess your answer is no then? Was there anything else?"

"I didn't say no. I said I would rather it wasn't Emily. Why does everything have to be the way you want it? Why don't you let me choose the girl?"

"I already said it has to be Emily. For me, this is about Emily, and about you making up to her for how you've been treating her. I'm tired of arguing with you about this, Brenda. I don't think either of us is going to change our minds. I know I'm not going to."

"Even if I said I'd do it, suppose she decides to be difficult, or tries not to let me make her cum? If that happens, then I went through all of this for nothing. I should get something if that happens."

"That's so funny, Brenda. I've been worried that she's going to cum as soon as you run your tongue through her pussy. She cums pretty easy, you know. That's the way I remember it. She has such a crush on you, she'll probably will be dripping wet before you even get a chance to touch her."

"Do you promise that you'll take care of me if I do this thing with Emily for you?"

"No, I don't promise. I said I might, because it would get me hot seeing you naked and doing that to her. There's this other problem I have now with my assistant, Joyce. She heard the two of us talking about Emily, and now, she wants you to lick her pussy while I'm fucking you. She told me that it was a fantasy of hers, to do that. I thought you could fix things with Emily first, and then, after Emily leaves, you and I could give Joyce what she's been thinking about."

"I don't even know her. It's going to take all the will power I have just to do that to Emily. You never said anything about this other girl. It wasn't what you asked me to decide about, and I'm not going to do it."

"I understand. You're right, it isn't what I asked you to do. I guess she could just watch while you're licking Emily. Seeing you doing that is like her second best fantasy. She told me she wanted to watch you licking Emily anyway."

"I know what you're doing now. You're trying to get me to say no, then you won't have to take the blame for disappointing Emily, and this other girl."

"I'll give you Joyce's number. You can call her yourself. Tell her its all my fault. Tell her whatever you want, I don't care. I don't mind taking the blame for this not happening. This has been more trouble than I thought it would be. Maybe that's because it was a bad idea, right from the beginning. Let's just forget about it. I'm really going to be rooting for you to get the help you need at that school."

"Why is it you think I need help, Kenny? I can't understand that, because I haven't done that much. What I did do wasn't any worse than what a lot of girls I know have done. I have a bad temper, like my father, and I do things without thinking, when I'm mad. I didn't really do much that was that bad, only a couple of things. I was almost totally innocent, up until I got involved with you. If you hadn't made me love you, I'd probably still be pretty innocent."

"Brenda, I'm sure you believe that what you're saying is true. The problem is, none of what you believe matters much to me. It doesn't matter how innocent you think you are, or how you think you measure up when you compare what you've done with what other girls have done. What matters is that I can't love someone who has done the things you've done. It makes it worse when you do all these bad things, and then claim to be the innocent victim. It never seems to be you that's at fault for any of the things that happen around you. Well, whether you accept the blame or not, it hurt when you decided you were mad at me, and that you needed to go fuck someone else, in order to get even for it. It also hurt me when you decided you needed to go fuck Emily's little brother, a bunch of times, because you thought it might help keep Emily away from you."

"You keep saying I did that to hurt you, and I didn't. It was what I used to keep Emily from bothering me."

"You need to be truthful with yourself, Brenda. As long as you keep lying to yourself, or blaming other people for your bad decisions, you aren't going to really be motivated to make any of the changes you need to make. You do need to change, if you ever want to be able to lead a normal life. Maybe you don't need to be happy, or even normal, but you do need to be different than you are. The way you're going now, your life is going to be one endless series of disappointments. You can't get what you say you want, not the way you've been going about it."

I let her talk for the next ten minutes, but it was the same Brenda, and she was still trying to get me back to making a better bargain with her. I was feeling tired, and a little bit depressed about everything. Even if I hadn't gone through with it, I'd had the idea, and it had been exciting to me. I knew you couldn't improve the way other people behave by sinking down to their level. I was ashamed of what I'd almost done.

I called Joyce, right after, and filled her in on my change of heart. At her request, I told her the highlights of my conversation with Brenda. I was pleasantly surprised when she laughed at herself, at the way she'd been looking forward to seeing Brenda humbled. She told me she had gotten carried away with the possibilities of such an unusual situation. I told her there would be other, healthier excitements, in her life, and I promised her that I'd keep my eyes open for something that would appeal to her.

Joyce was still planning on coming over to my house for the weekend. We had planned on spending Saturday out at the country club, swimming, and hanging around by the pool. Saturday night, we were planning on going over to the club for the dance. I told Joyce that either Emily or Brenda might show up at the club, either for the swimming, during the day, or for the dance in the evening. I called over to my Aunt's house, to talk to Bea about coming to the pool with us, but Aunt Clara told me that Bea had taken off the day before. She told me that Bea hadn't left her with any forwarding address, but she thought she might be heading back out to California. I had wanted Joyce to meet Bea, to see for herself that she was a lot more than a common whore. Bea could have talked with Joyce and answered whatever questions she had about sex.

Joyce and I drove home together, in separate cars, on Friday afternoon. When she saw the house, she went into near shock. I took her up and showed her the room, my old bedroom, where she'd be staying. She started kidding around, claiming that she was a squatter, and that she wasn't leaving until we got a court order to evict her. I showed her the bathroom, with that big Jacuzzi tub, and she was fascinated by it. I told her about how that tub was one of the favorite places for Jane and Grace when they had lived in the room.

"Joyce, I found out from my mother that Brenda's parents are throwing her a going away party tomorrow night, at their house. She won't be coming to the dance, but you still might be able to see her over at the pool tomorrow, if she comes there."

"That would be great. What about Emily? Will she be at the dance?"

"I don't know. Her parents come to a lot of the dances, and they usually bring Emily and Gary along when they come."

"I'd like to see her too. Do you think Brenda will know who I am? You said you told her about me."

"I told her your name, I didn't describe you to her. We could have some fun if you want to. I could introduce you as my new girlfriend. We could make up a name for you, and make up a story about how we met. I bet Mama would go along with it too, in case Brenda or her mom called her. She likes things like that. The problem is that Brenda has a temper, and she can get very jealous. She beat up Emily once, just because I was going to dance with her."

"Do you really mean it? That would be so great. I don't think she'd believe it, but I'd love to see the look on her face when you tell her I'm your girlfriend, especially after she sees what I look like. Please, can we do that?"

"I'll try to protect you, but she might throw something at you, or try to hurt you some other way. She really does have a temper."

"Get out of here, Kenny. I need to pee. See what you did? You got me so excited, I'm almost going to pee in my pants. She was already undoing her jeans button and pulling her zipper down, before I reacted to what she'd said, and left her to her privacy. Before I even got the bathroom door shut, I heard her splashing the toilet bowl as she peed. I had to smile. In many way, and not just because of her size, Joyce reminded me of a ten year old girl. She was mature in many things too, so she was intriguing, because you never were sure which Joyce you were going to be dealing with.

I knew I had to show Mama the ten year old side of Joyce. After all her years of being denied motherhood, there was simply no way Mama could resist the childlike innocence that Joyce sometimes showed. If Mama took Joyce under her protective wing, I knew her life, like mine had, would take a rapid turn for the better.

There were so many things that Joyce could do to improve her appearance, but, being a man, I couldn't get comfortable with bringing them up to her. It was natural for women to discuss those things among themselves. Joyce told me once that she had stopped growing or developing when she was eleven, at about the time she was raped by those two men. She claimed to still have several of her baby teeth, but I didn't know how that could still be possible, not at nineteen years of age.

I had never heard of something being so traumatic that it stopped someone from growing up. I had to admit though, that Joyce looked a lot like an eleven year old. I wondered if she even had her periods yet. She had slim hips, no breasts at all, and I'd already mentioned about her teeth. I'd let Mama see about those things.

As I'd expected, Mama went absolutely crazy over Joyce. At dinner, the two of them talked as though they were the only two people at the table. After dinner, Mama took Joyce up to her room and showed her the new dresses that had been delivered to our house earlier in the day. There were five new dresses, that's what Mama had ordered for her, and that's also why Mama had picked out the material herself. I didn't see either of them again until around nine o'clock. Mama led Joyce down the stairs, all dressed up in one of her new dresses, with make up on, and with her bowl shaped hair teased, and heavily sprayed so it sat down on her scalp. Her hair looked like one of those old time flapper hairdos from back in the twenties. It was the kind of styling that you saw in those Roaring 20's period movies on the television.

The change was pretty remarkable, but not as remarkable as the fact that Joyce had somehow sprouted breasts. They weren't real, but, they looked real. Apparently Mama had talked to the dress lady, and she had been told that Joyce had nothing on top for her to work with. Mama had the dress lady go out and get one of those special bras, the ones that come already filled with instant boobs. It made a big difference.