Chapter 1

Korea 1950

The staff of Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (M.A.S.H.) 4077 was relaxing around the camp, doing what they normally did during their downtime, which was during the day. Hawkeye and Trapper John were hitting golf balls into the minefield; Hotlips Houlihan and Frank Burns were sitting in her tent reading. At least that's what it looked like, they had been playing footsie at first, now Frank had his foot up her cunt. He happened to be reading the Bible, Song of Songs, and Hotlips was reading an Army manual on Military Conduct. Frank was inspired and Hotlips was trying to maintain her military bearing by not screaming out as she came. Col. Henry Blake was performing a delicate operation with Lt Leslie Storch. They were at a critical point in the operation, trying to open a champagne bottle with out putting an eye out. This was accomplished when the next mine went off. It spurted all over them and they had to take off their shirts. Radar was tossing around a football when he stopped and cocked his head, listening. Seconds later the sound of choppers was heard and the loud speaker announced that there was incoming wounded.

Doctors and nurses scrambled to the OR tent to get scrubbed up for surgery. Among these was Nurse Storch, her bare breasts bouncing as she ran from the commanding officers tent. This was not an uncommon sight; Henry and Leslie were a well established couple. Those hustling to get ready for the wounded didn't notice and the others just appreciated the view.

It was a weary bunch of doctors and nurses that trudged out of the OR tent after twelve straight hours of meatball surgery. Hawkeye, Trapper and Spearchucker headed for the swamp to imbibe on a home brewed martini or three. They had made arrangements for their evening rendezvous while patching up their patients. Of course Frank complained, but had been quickly cut to the quick by Hawkeye's rapier wit.

After Ho-Jon fixed their drinks, Hawkeye proposed the first toast. "Gentlemen I give you Lt. Maria "Dish" Schneider, or I would if she wasn't so untouchable. Glasses were raised in agreement and to the hopes that she would give into the debauchery that helped them to live through the horrors of war without going bonkers.

After three quick drinks to sustain him, for a bit, he went in search of the luscious Lt. Dish. Hawkeye found her in the mess tent chatting with some of the sluts... erm nurses. Since he had missed lunch he bellied up to the food line for some sustenance. I hope three martinis will help me to stomach what they jokingly call food here. The 'chef' had done something that he thought was cute with the main course, which consisted of a sausage with two meatballs at one end. The vegetable turned out to be creamed carrots, although it looked like cigarette buts in swamp scum. Great, now I don't even have to eat it; just looking at it makes me sick.

Hawkeye ended up with a hard roll and a cup of coffee. The coffee was from this morning and you could almost stand a spoon in it. Luckily he had read Horatio Hornblower, so he knew how to tap the weevils out of the roll. Maria looked at his tray when he sat next to her.

"Dieting Hawkeye?" She asked with a laugh. "I would have thought that a stud like you would need energy for tonight." Lt. Dish looked meaningfully at Nurse Able.

Nurse Able looked at Hawkeye with a raised eyebrow waiting for his answer. Hawkeye back peddled quickly, "Well, um, well... say do you want to meet us in the supply room later? He looked at Nurse Able waiting for her approval. She nodded giving Maria a piercing look and licking her lips.

Maria also licked her lips and stared at Nurse Able while she answered Hawkeye, "Well, thank you but no, my fiancé doesn't want me to play around with other men. However, he doesn't mind if I play around with women, so I'm available for that." For the first time Hawkeye was speechless. The nurses at the table tittered at his reaction, or lack there of.

"Sorry I couldn't tempt you Maria, I'm not going to give up, you can make book on that." Hawkeye gave Maria his disarming smile when he said that. Hawkeye took a breath, and then turned his attention to Nurse Able. "Eight O'clock at the supply tent, I'll bring the Martinis?" Nurse Able smiled to him then nodded in agreement. "Hawkeye rubbed his hands together, "Great, see you then".