Sue and Carol were enjoying one of their regular girl's-day-out, man-bashing lunches. This lunch was fueled by Carol's most recent disastrous interaction with the testosterone poisoned male of the species.
"Sue, I just can't believe I ever actually moved in with this creep," said Carol, who was doing most of the talking. "I actually though he might be mister right... yea right! As soon as I move in, the whole relationship started going down the flusher. Remember how I always commented on how neat he kept his place? Turns out he had a maid service, which he dropped the minute I moved in. Said he didn't need to waste his money with me living there. Do I look like fucking Molly Maid? And between sports bars, golf, fishing and poker night with that pack of Neanderthals he calls his buds, I saw more of him before I moved in. But that's not what really screwed the pooch and got me the hell outa there."
"Give, sister," begged Sue, "you gotta tell me, I'm dying over here. All I know is that I've never seen you as freaking mad, ever!"
"Oh, wait till I tell you, you're not going to fucking believe this, even coming from a male moron. See he comes up to me one day all touchy, feely, affectionate and sweet, so I already know he's after something. So he starts talking about his buddy Steve and how he's all busted up because his girlfriend dumped him. He says that Steve is despondent and depressed and he wants to know if I will help. So I asked him what he wanted me to do. And he says, you know just be "nice" to him. So I ask if he means to talk to him like a big sister, that kind of thing. And he gets all flustered and hems and haws, and he won't say until I finally get pissed, and just say dammit, tell me what you want me to do. And this asshole blurts out that he was kinda hoping maybe I'd be willing to give his friend a blow job, just to give him back his confidence. And then, here's the icing on the cake, wonders if I would mind if he watched."
"I went ballistic and tore him a new one, told him I was not his whore and he was not my pimp to pass me around to his buddies whenever he felt like it. That I was in charge of my body, and it wasn't his plaything. So he apologized, said it was really bad idea, and he was sorry. He was worried about his friend, and it popped in his head, and he blurted it out without thinking. I was plenty pissed, but hell, he is a guy, they think with their dicks. Sometimes their mouth starts up before the brain's in gear so I decided to let it go — after putting him through a few weeks of enforced celibacy and general synthetic PMS.
That is until I walked by his office and heard him on his phone, "I'm sorry Steve, she just up and changed her mind,... Hell, I don't why, you know woman they're likethat... what're going to do, they control all the pussy... "
I threw open the door and grabbed the phone out of his hands "Steve, this is Carol, I didn't change my mind, this chicken shit creep never had the balls to ask, but if he had, I wouldn't suck your sorry dick for a Gold Card with no limit. Just go to a titty bar and get a lap dance and take this fuck-off with you, cause guess what? His girlfriend just dumped him too!"
I handed him back the phone, grabbed my purse, went over to Jeff's for the night and cried on his shoulder. In the morning, Jeff borrowed a truck and moved me out. I haven't seen the sorry SOB since and he's had the good grace to give up calling after I ignored him for two days."
"Holy shit" said a stunned Sue, "that's an incredible story. It's hard to believe even a moronic macho male would think about loaning out his girl friend like that and without even asking. What the hell was he thinking? So how do you feel?"
"Me? I feel fine, I've known for quite a while that he wasn't the one and this was so gross that I don't miss him at all. Jeff helped me find a new place, and he helped me get settled. Sometimes I don't know what I would do without Jeff as a friend."
"Speaking of Jeff," Sue asked, "you guys have been friends what, six, seven years?"
"And this is what, the third time he's moved you in and out of some guy's home?
"Hmmm, let's see... yeah third."
"And each time Jeff's been there to pick up the pieces?"
"Well yeah, it's like I said, he's a great friend; he's always there for me."
"Did you ever wonder if maybe you should have moved in with Jeff instead of those losers?"
Carol looked at her friend strangely, "you're kidding, right? You know I couldn't do that. I've told you I'm not ever going to have a male roommate; men are way too messy to keep around if you can't sleep with them. Jeff and I are just friends."
"And what does "JUST" a friend mean exactly?" asked Sue. "Here is a guy that's been there for you 24/7, never let you down for six years, and he's "JUST" a friend. Like he's somehow inferior to guys we fall madly in love with for a few weeks, find out that they are total assholes, end up hating and never see again."
"Jeff always jokes," said Carol "that a friend is a guy that has to put up with all of the same crap as a boyfriend but doesn't get any of the benefits."
"I'm not sure that's joking" said Sue," "I've had male friends like Jeff and I wish I had one now, but I've never known why they do it."
"I guess Jeff just likes me," said Carol.
"Likes you, my ass," laughed Sue, "are you blind girlfriend? I watch Jeff around you; that man is, and always has been in love with you. That's why he's always there."
Carol looked at her friend as though she had been slapped, "No, that's not possible! If there's chemistry between two people it happens in the first few weeks, otherwise you are just friends. Besides, it's been six years, six years for God's sake, if he loved me, he would have told me before now. Jeff's just too sweet and kind to be a boyfriend, there's not enough bad boy in him."
"Listen to yourself," Sue said,"The great mythology of romance. I think in some ways we're as bad as men are. The "magic window" of opportunity, if you don't fall head over heels in a certain period of time, you never will. Bull shit! As though we never change, circumstances never change, or we never get to know someone better. What rubbish, I think love happens when it happens. A man will always tell you if he loves you. NOT! Men get afraid too. I'll bet that the longer Jeff has waited to tell you how he feels, the harder it has become until now I don't think it's even possible for him, unless you help. And the last one, the great hypocrisy of the modern woman. We SAY we want men to be sensitive, gentle and affectionate but we always go home and fuck the macho bad boys, so if there aren't enough sensitive sweet guys around, it's probably because we punish men for being sweet and reward them for being bad."
Carol just stared at her friend, "Jesus Sue, I don't know where all this is coming from, but I can't believe Jeff's been in love with me for six years and I never noticed. Besides once someone's a friend that's that. I don't think it's possible to become romantically involved with a friend, it just doesn't happen."
"Well you had better consider it Carol. Your luck in men hasn't been that great. Jeff's a sweetheart and he's nice looking. Rachel used to date him and she said he was hot, and a lot of fun."
"Forget it Sue! Not happening, Jeff's just a friend, and that's what he's gonna stay."
Over the next few days Carol did think about what Sue had said. It got her to look at Jeff in a different light. He really was a nice looking guy. He worked out and stayed fit. He treated her like a princess; he was always there for her. He never forgot her birthday, and he knew her tastes, and needs, and whims almost better than she knew herself. Carol had her own test to measure her feelings about someone. She imagined that they had just told her they were moving far away so that she would probably never see them again. How did that make her feel? When she thought about Jeff moving away it opened up a huge chasm in her life. The sheer immensity of the feeling of loss surprised and frightened her. It made her wonder if she might have fallen in love with Jeff at some point, without even realizing it.
Finally Carol made a decision. She was going to break a fundamental law of love, maybe the sky would fall, maybe the ground would open and swallow her up, but she was going to make love to someone who was JUST a friend.
"Jeff, this is Carol, can you make it for dinner Friday?"
"Sure, what's up, computer acting up again?
"No, Jeff, everything's fine, I just wanted to have dinner with you."
"OK, I'll pick up Chinese on the way over."
"Jeff, listen carefully, this is an invitation to dinner, as in I am cooking the dinner and you are a guest. You just come and enjoy the dinner and be prepared to entertain me with your wit and charm. Got it?"
.... There is more of this story ...