I'm fucked. I'm totally screwed.
How fucked, you might ask? How about like one of those classic "everything was happening in slow motion" train wreck kind of moments. It's happening, there's no way to stop it from happening, and you'd give just about anything to keep it from happening. That fucked.
Talk about not being able to put the toothpaste back in the tube. That was the moment when I knew, there was no doubt about it. I was fucked - totally screwed.
It started with three huge globs of cum arcing through the air. Remember those cartoons where the cannon ball is so big you see the cannon bulge obscenely when it fires. That's what my cock felt like when I fired off these three huge blasts of semen. Yep, that pretty much covers it, my ejaculatory excess was going to land me in a whole lot of trouble.
Way back when, in college to be specific, I hooked up with this girl - Tanya - who had a very unique peculiarity. She was fascinated, at times transfixed, by the physical act of a cock ejaculating. This was way more than a cum fetish. And she wasn't really into cocks per se (as far as she was concerned a cock was a cock, size and shape were not that important) just ejaculation and the resulting ejaculate. Tanya may have majored in business but her hobby, her avocation, her passion in life, was cum and how the cum came out.
I met Tanya when she was a junior and I was a naïve freshman. It was at a party where I heard that some girl was upstairs with a line of guys out the door. Curiosity and youthful horniness prevailed and I found my way to the room in use (that line out the door was a big clue), and in due course I was at the front of the line with a warm hand wrapped around my cock doing things I had never felt before. Up to that point my masturbatory technique centered on the old grab and stroke - hey, the basics have always worked for me.
Tanya used rhythm, pressure, fingering and wrist rotation to carry me to heights of stimulation I had never previously imagined. I was hardly able to stand when my orgasm hit. I felt as if I was temporarily obliterated by the intensity of my pleasure. I returned to normal consciousness to find my dick hanging limp and a card in my hand; Tanya's name and phone number written on it.
As your typical male freshman, I didn't have much going for me socially (I'll spare you the sad tale of three high schools in four years and the subsequent impact it had on my dating habits, or lack there of.) So I did the obvious and called Tanya the next day. She invited me to her place for coffee. She lived alone in a small apartment off campus I was there in no time at all.
She opened her door with a smile that slid into a leer and a wetting of her lips via a quick swipe of her tongue. She had me at "Oh I remember you" I chuffed up in pride (we hadn't really talked last night) "you were the spurter. Above average volume, exceptional distance - do you do Kegels or any other kind of exercise?" (So much for filled with pride.)
That had to be the strangest introduction I'd ever experienced. I had no idea what a Kegel was, but over the next hour Tanya whacked me off three more times - which was also my introduction to the world of high quality lubricants. After my third ejaculation I was rewarded with a "Wow, acceptable volume, still good distance." My dick was done though; it hung as limp and soft as I'd ever seen. Tanya basically thanked me and indicated the direction of the front door. I was stunned - that was it?
"What about you Tanya? Can't I do anything for you?" I should point out here that Tanya was not a super model, drop dread gorgeous, former cheerleader kind of girl. She was average looking, some might describe her as plain, but not homely by any means. I suppose some guys might see her a cute - to me she was just Tanya.
"I mean, I don't have much experience with girls but..." Tanya just stared at me. I plodded on I that pathetically endearing way of mine. "I mean, don't you want me to do something for you? If you tell me what you like..."
"I like being eaten out - if that's what you mean?"
"Well, I've never actually done that. My last girlfriend thought it was dirty... but I've seen it in videos." I vacillated between earnestly hopeful or hopefully earnest.
Tanya answered by shimming out of her Levi's and stripping off her panties. She sat down on the couch, laid back, spread her legs; and pointed at her cunt. Hers was the third live cunt I had ever encountered (I won't bore you with the sad story of my limited sexual experiences up to this point in my life. I doubt if either of the two girls I'd been with had a better recollection of out times together.)
I knelt down between Tanya's legs and discovered in short order that I loved eating pussy. It was great; the smell, the taste, the feel - everything. But most of all I loved the response - the feedback that informed me when I was doing something sexual - correctly. Obviously Tanya loved it too because she was definitely giving me lots of feedback. I licked and sucked and smacked and snacked until my jaw locked up in an exhausted cramp.
I lifted my glistening face from between Tanya thighs and smiled. She answered with a from some place far away sounding, "Go ahead, go for it." I have to admit being a little confused until she gave one nod to my cock and the other to her cunt. I didn't need to be told twice. I plunged right in. Having come three times already I lasted quite a while. I left an hour Tanya, after two more screeching orgasms (hers), kneeling on her couch; butt in the air, cum dripping out of her. I left absolutely satisfied with not the slightest thought of STD's or unwanted pregnancy anywhere in my sex-sated but otherwise empty frosh head.
I called her the next day. She laughed when she heard my voice. I apologized for not being "safe" - my roomie had taken me to task after he saw my stupid smile. She reassured me that everything was okay. I felt much better and asked when I could come by again. She laughed again and basically said - "anytime, just call first okay?"
We never officially became boyfriend and girlfriend, that's pretty much impossible when your supposed girlfriend is jacking off guys all over the school. But we did become regular sex partners. I was surprised that even though she'd given thousands of hand jobs, Tanya said she rarely ever fucked - "I'm too into cocks to spend a lot of time with just one guy... besides you can't see it if it's stuck inside you." I didn't care one way or the other - hey I was having some form of sex practically every day - like I'm going to complain or something?
And while that was all well and good, I am grateful to her for teaching me to develop my ejaculatory muscles - that's what she was talking about with that Kegels comment. Tanya explained that orgasm muscles were pretty much the same for guys as they were for girls (who knew?) I was told to do the same thing women do to develop their Kegel muscles. Stop the stream of urine when you pee. Once you've identified the muscles involved - practice, practice, practice. I found that if you wanted a super intense physical orgasm the secret was to either really focus on tensing those muscles to prevent ejaculation or relax them to the point that they don't spasm in ejaculation. You could only hold out with either technique for so long. Then your orgasm response would overwhelm you and it was spurt, spurt, SPURT, SPURT, SPURT!
I could go on about the variations and varieties of ejaculation. Tanya had it all categorized; streamers to spurters to oozers - smooth to chunky - slippery to sticky - from barely a drop to "oh my god! It's a Peter peter!" Tanya had a special reverence for porn star Peter North - now there was a dude who could cum!
For Tanya's graduation I created a Doctorate in Cumology certificate. She thought it was great. A graduation night party ended up being the last time I saw her. We didn't make much of an effort to stay in touch.
But this story isn't about Tanya. I'm not screwed because of her. This is about Loretta, she's the reason I'm screwed. My wife Diane and I have known Loretta for about eleven years. Going back to when the three of us were freshly minted teachers at the local high school. Loretta became a good friend and eventually married a pretty decent guy - Martin.
Okay quick sidebar here: I met my wife Diane while we were both working on our Master's. We fell in love and got married when she turned up pregnant. She had a miscarriage, we stayed married, and ended up graduating a year after me. Basically we have a good marriage, nothing spectacular. Now back to the originally scheduled story.
Marty's a software designer; he was your typical corporate drone until he came up with an idea that uniquely customized a well-known payroll program (yeah, I know - BORING!). His efforts to market his program never went anywhere (Marty's idea of salesmanship is to overwhelm you with his knowledge of the subject. Not exactly a winning sales technique.) His last gasp before giving up was to get a booth at a trade show and demonstrate the program. My wife Diane was enlisted to accompanying him to that trade show as she wasn't teaching summer school that particular year. Being the thorough teacher that she is, Diane had Marty train her in the program and then she wrote a manual - in understandable everyday English.
.... There is more of this story ...