It's the little things that fuck your life up. I mean you know that the big things might happen so you try to prepare for them. You try to squeeze a little bit out of every paycheck to put in savings against that rainy day you get laid off or the company you are working for goes bankrupt. You cover your house with insurance to protect you against fire, flood, and hail damage or some other disaster. You are always looking for the big things, hoping that they won't happen, but trying to be ready if they do.
It's the little things that kill you. Mail the house payment on time, but forget to put a stamp on the envelope and get a late payment tick on your credit report.
Let your kid use your car to go out on a date and don't check the gas gauge in the morning; run out of gas on the way to work and have your boss yell at you for being late.
Take your wife out to a nice restaurant and go use the restroom. Forget to zip up and walk back to your table with your shirttail sticking out your fly to everyone's amusement.
Well, it was a little thing that got me. Actually it was more like a schoolboy prank that backfired and bit me on the ass.
Ever wonder why when you are out having dinner with friends or when you are at a party and a woman gets up to go to the bathroom one or two other women will get up and go with her? I did; wonder about it I mean. Alice and I would be somewhere and be sitting with other people and Alice would say, "Would you guys excuse me please? I've got to go to the lady's room," and another woman would say, "Wait up, I'll go with you." Guys didn't do that. I never saw it happen with two or three guys, but I'd always seen it with girls and I'd seen it ever since I started dating in my early teens.
I wondered if it was something in a woman's genes; something passed down from generation to generation. What was it? One had to hold the hem of the other's skirt or dress to keep it from touching the floor? Who knew? It wasn't something that the women talked about and I guess I was the only guy really curious about it because I never heard any of the other guys pondering the question. But I had wondered and I was curious.
Alice and I were at a party at Paul and Pam's. About an hour in the party Angie got up to go to the bathroom and Linda got up and went with her. Half an hour later Mary made the trip with Margie tagging along behind her. I'd had just enough to drink to be loose and I got this great idea. Remember back in high school the rumor that was always going around about the peephole that let you look into the girl's locker room? I never saw it and I don't know anyone else who did, but you always heard, "Did you hear about ________? He was looking through the peephole into the girls locker room and he swears he saw_______." I remembered that and I thought of looking into the bathroom when a couple of women went in there just to find out why they all went in there in pairs. I knew that even though I would like to I never would because getting caught would fuck up your life big time, but what if you could listen in?
When Mary and Margie got back I got up and went to the john and opened the window a crack so that I could stand outside and listen to what was going on. I went back to the party, got a fresh drink and waited to see who would go next. About ten minutes later I saw Helen grab her purse and get up from the table and a half-second later Vickie got up to go with her. I went out the patio door and was waiting under the window when the two of them walked into the room.
H: "I've got to cut down on my drinking. I'm making too many trips to this room."
V: "I stopped drinking at these parties. I stick to ginger ale or soda water now."
H: "I need to cut out drinking before what happened to Sally happens to me."
V: "I know what you mean. Do you think Robert knows?"
H: "I doubt it. If he knew he would have killed Randy by now.
V: "I know she was drunk when she did it the first time, but why does she keep doing it?"
H: "She does it because Randy has a huge cock."
H: "Almost ten inches long and hard as a rock."
V: "How do you know that?"
(Sound of the toilet flushing.)
H: "When Mike and I separated a while back I played a little with Randy. It was a hell of an experience and I highly recommend it if you ever get the chance."
V: "Oh my god, I couldn't do that. I could never cheat on Harry."
H: "I doubt if Sally would let you get close to him anyway so it's probably a moot point."
(The toilet flushed again.)
V: "Why didn't you stay with him if he was that good?"
H: "Cause he was a dick. (Some laughing and then) A dick head with a dick. His cock was the only thing he had going for him."
And then they left the room. Was that the secret? They went in groups of anywhere from two to five or six so they could gossip? I started to go back to the party when I heard the bathroom door open and a woman giggle. Myra Thomas said, "What are you giggling about Sarah?"
"I know something that you don't know."
"Yeah, but do I want to know it?"
"Of course you do. You always want to know the dirt on the girls."
"So what do you know?"
(I heard the sound of piss hitting the water in the toilet and then Myra said, "Hand me that wash rag please?" and then the toilet flushed.)
"Guess which girl friend snuck out of the party and got some back seat time with Doug."
"Give me a hint."
"She has a clueless husband."
Myra laughed, "Sweetie, you just described every woman here tonight. "
"Okay, she is probably the one you wouldn't expect it from, at least not here with her husband with her."
"No, but close."
"Don't tell me. I want to go back to the party and see if I can pick her out by the way she looks or acts. If I haven't figured it out by the end of the night you can tell me."
I heard the toilet flush and then Sarah said, "I like that shade of lipstick. Where did you get it?"
"It's called Peach Zinger and I got it at Wal-Mart" and then I heard them leave the room.
I was just a little pissed. My curiosity was peaked now; who the hell went out to the car with Doug for some 'back seat' time? And just what did 'back seat' time mean? Some heavy necking, or was there possibly a fresh cum stain on Doug's back seat? I'd already learned that Sally played around and now I wanted to know who played with Doug. I'd never gone stepping on Alice before, but if I ever did Sally would be up there on the list. I needed to get back to the party and do what Myra was doing — try to figure out who made the trip outside with Doug.
Half an hour later I still had no idea who Doug had talked into leaving the party with him. During that half-hour I saw several women hit the bathroom and I wondered what they had talked about, but I couldn't spend all my time under that window because I was bound to be missed. When I saw Myra and Sarah make a second trip to the bathroom I slipped out of the party and got back to where I could hear what was going on. I figured that Myra had figured it out and was going back to the john to get confirmation from Sarah. But it wasn't Myra and Sarah I heard. I don't know who it was because the voices were hoarse with passion.
"That's it baby, suck on my clit. God but I wish you could do that forever. Here, let me get my hand in your bra so I can squeeze your nipples."
"That's it, that's it, just like that. Oh god, I'm close, I'm close, oooohyeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
"God that was good baby. I'll do you next time."
"We need to get back to the party before my hubby starts to wonder where I am."
I hurried to get back inside the house so I could see who came out of the bathroom. Just as I turned the corner of the house Doug and Paul came out on the patio so I ducked back to the side of the house. Since there was no way to get inside to see who it was who had been in the bathroom I turned and went back to the window. I got there just in time to hear Myra say, "I don't know why I wasted my time trying to play sleuth. She has been such a total slut this past year that I should have taken it for granted that she was the one you saw."
"Well yeah, but you have to give her a little credit. She has left the husbands of her friends alone. In fact, I don't think any of her paramours is married."
"Yes, but is that because it is her choice or because we have all threatened to cut our hubby's balls off if we even catch them looking her way?"
"I don't know, but she is my friend and so I will give her the benefit of the doubt."
"You think her hubby knows? Think he may be one of those men who gets off on his wife putting out for other men?"
"No, I don't think Rob has a clue. Nice guy, but not too bright where the wifey is concerned."
All of a sudden I felt a chill run down my spine. There were only two Robs at the party and I was one of them. That meant that they were either talking about Fran or Alice. They said that the woman who had gone out to the car with Doug had been a total slut for the past year and I would have noticed if Alice had been behaving like that. So, it had to be Fran. Well, that fit. Rob Olsen wasn't all that bright.
.... There is more of this story ...