A big 'Thank You' goes out to my editor 'Techsan' who is always there for me.
As I rolled off her soft warm body I thought what a beautiful and wonderful woman she was. Tender, sweet and everything a man could possibly ask for in a woman. I laid my hand back on her breast and kissed her softly. She turned on her side and pushed her butt up against my now flaccid member. I put my arms around her and we simply cuddled. I loved this women with all my heart and all my soul. Looking back over my twenty-five years of life, there was no one that could hold a candle to Candy. That's right, her name was Candy and she could literally melt in my mouth.
We lay there for about another half hour before she had to get up and go home. We both had our own apartments in the same neighborhood but in different buildings. We were both single and never married. She was college educated and I went though a trade school program and had my own construction firm. We have been going together for almost a year. So what was the problem? I was afraid to marry her. I knew she would say yes because we talked about it many times. I knew it was time to talk about it again.
We both showered and as she was leaving my apartment we agreed to dinner the next evening and I told her we could discuss the future. After she left I began thinking about her. In fact, when I wasn't working I spent every waking hour thinking about her. In my mind she was the perfect woman, almost. Why almost? We both had a life before we met. For me it was pretty wild. I had sex with just about any woman who was willing, and I do have to admit that there were a lot. Of course I thought I loved a few of them and others thought they love me. After dating them a while the sex was good but it had a tendency to lose its flair.
I will admit I tried just about everything. Hell, I was a young single guy who loved sex. I did have a few rules. No married women. If I found out they were married, I broke off the relationship, no matter how good the sex was. I wasn't going to be the cause of anyone's divorce... My parents were divorced and I knew how hard it is on the kids. It's just something you have to live with. I always used protection, well almost always. If I was in a relationship for awhile and the woman was on the pill, then I would go bareback. It just felt so much better. I have been going bareback with Candy for months now.
I never led a woman on. I wouldn't tell them I loved them just to get into their pants. Love had nothing to do with it. Blood flow was my problem. The blood flowed to my dick and got it hard and I needed to release the contents. That was it.
I went to a number of parties that were pretty wild. Shared chicks, group sex, I did it all. Funny that drugs and booze seemed to cause a lot of it. I never did drugs. I was smarter than that. Booze was another story. I could drink with the best of them. Beer, mixed drinks, spiked punch, I drank it all. I always had enough sense to remember the condom and know my drinking limitations. I never woke up wondering who I had slept with.
I'm here to tell you that most any woman's inhibitions will be reduced if she drinks or takes drugs. I don't care what any damn doctors tell you. If a woman goes out with me and she gets stoned, I guarantee my chances of getting into her pants have greatly increased. Even if she is somewhat drunk my, chances have increased considerably. It's just a fact of life.
I picked up Candy the next evening and we went out for a nice dinner. She looked great. Of course she would look great in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt but tonight she had on a black mini skirt and red silk blouse. The way she was dressed could only be described as the fuck me look. Anyone who looked at her would have to say, "fuck me."
We sat down and she asked for a glass of wine. I got a beer. God, she looked like an angel. So perfect I almost wanted to cry looking at her.
As we were eating I told her how beautiful she looked and how I could hardly wait to make love to her. She asked me if I thought I was going to get lucky tonight since I had gotten so lucky the last two days in a row as she smiled at me.
I said, "I sure hope so. I feel as though an evening without making love to you is an evening lost." I knew it made her smile. I loved it when she smiled. Then she came out with the fatal question.
"Jim, why won't you marry me? You know how much I love you and you can feel that love every night if we got married. What is it about me that turns you off?"
"Turns me off? What kind of a stupid question is that. I never in my entire life have loved anyone the way I love you. I would die for you in a second. Don't you ever say I don't love you. Right now you are my life and I'm on pins and needles hoping I don't lose you."
"God, Jim, what am I missing here? If I love you with all my heart, and you say you love me the same, then what is the problem?"
"Well, there a couple of things. I'm paranoid and can't help it. I know that we both had sexual relations before we met. We both agreed never to bring our ex-sexual partners up. But you're so damn beautiful that every time I see you talking with an old friend or acquaintance I am always asking myself if he was one of them? I have a real jealousy issue. I worry about losing you to an ex-lover."
"I don't know whether to be happy or aggravated about your feelings toward me. Jim, I love you and only you. I don't want to sleep with any old ex-boyfriends. I only want to make love to you. Can't you understand that? What's your other hangup?"
"Your work situation. You're a legal secretary in a large office with lots of lawyers and judges running around. I'll bet a day doesn't go by when someone hits on you. Am I right? It would only take one yes from you and I will have lost you."
"Why do you feel this way? Have I ever led you to believe that I want someone else? What has caused you to be such a pessimist and always expect the worst? And to answer your Question, the answer to whether I get hit on is yes, just about every day of my life. I would think you would be proud to have a girlfriend and hopefully wife that people found attractive. I can handle it. I've handled it my whole life."
"I love that you are so attractive. I guess I'm insecure with myself. I wish I wasn't but I am. I think I have to tell you a little more about my past and maybe it will help you understand. Why don't we go over to your place and I'll do my best to explain it to you"
"I think you just want to make love tonight but I'm willing as long as we talk some of this pessimism out of you."
We went to Candy's apartment and I poured us both a glass of wine while she changed into something more comfortable... She came out in a pair of baby doll pajamas. Damn, what a woman.
We sat on the sofa and I began to explain some of my past. "It all began when I was just a kid. My parents got divorced. My mom was caught making it with her boss. My dad was a no nonsense type guy. He asked for a divorce and mom didn't even try fighting it. She told me that she just fell out of love with my dad."
"I have two sisters, you met them both. They have both been divorced. My oldest sister caught her husband putting the make on his secretary. After they were divorced, he married his secretary and is already divorced again. My sister really loved him. She never thought he would cheat on her but he did. It was over a year before she started dating again. Hopefully she can find the right man this time."
"My youngest sister made the mistake of going out with the girls and drinking a little to much. Her husband came home from work and found her in the arms of an old boyfriend. To this day, my sister says she doesn't know why she did it. She loved her husband but for some reason she cheated on him. She regrets it to this day but it's too late. The damage is done."
"Jim, that's your family. That's not you and it sure isn't me. Just because they didn't make it doesn't mean we can't."
"Candy, you know how they say once a cheater, always a cheater? I wonder if the same applies to sex. Once you tasted the sexual excitement out there which we both have, will it be enough to be monogamous with me.? Will I be enough for you in the years to come? Will you have the same desires for me ten years from now as you have now? I know it sounds stupid but that's a lot of what I'm feeling."
"Doesn't that work both ways, Jim? Do you feel you may want your old girlfriends or multiple partners as you told me you have had. Will I be enough to quench your sexual desires in the future? Do you want to put the rest of our life on hold waiting for me to make a mistake so you can say I told you so? Let me tell you one thing. Right now I love you as much as a woman can love her man. Do I know that it will last forever? Hell, no, I don't! I'm not a psychic but I know two people have to put into a relationship in order to get anything out of it. That's where the trust comes in. If you don't feel you can trust me, then we don't stand a chance."
"God, you're not only beautiful but you seem to be so aware, so smart. I wish I had half the optimism that you have. And to answer your question, if any of my old bed mates came up to me for sex, I could turn them down in a second if I knew I had you waiting for me. You see, they were all sexual partners. But with you it's sexual love. I think I could honestly say no to any woman as long as I knew you were there for me. I truly believe it. I feel I love you that much."
"Then why do you feel my love for you is so much different? What makes you think I would just jump in the arms of another man?"
.... There is more of this story ...