No sex. Just a light hearted short story about cupid. Thanks to 'Techsan' for his editing prowess.
I knocked on the doors of one of the nicest castles in the world. It was answered by a beautiful lady but what else would you expect when knocking on the castle door of Venus, the goddess of love. I was there to inform her of some not so good news. I asked the lady at the door if she would please get Venus for me? She replied, "Whom should I say is calling?"
"Saint Peter. I think she is expecting me."
She asked me to come in while she informed Venus that I was there. I sat on one of the many love seats in the parlor.
"Well, look who's here. I was kind of expecting you, Peter. It is alright to just call you Peter, isn't it?"
"Of course. I think you know why I'm here, don't you, Venus?"
'Yes, it's getting near Valentines day and you are worried about Cupid again. I did have a talk with him and I know he's doing a lousy job but he's been with me for so long. I hate to be the one to tell him he has to retire."
"Venus, we should have gotten rid of him fifty years ago at least. His mistakes and miscues have hurt us dearly. Since 1950 our gay community has gone up thirty percent. What was his reasoning for this?"
"He told me that the way the girls and boys dress anymore he couldn't tell them apart. So when he thought he was shooting at a couple, it ended up being a two guys. Also he didn't understand sports very well and he saw two guys patting each other on the ass and thought that they were in love so he shot them with an arrow."
"What potion is he using? Is it still the 'Love potion number nine' from the fifties?"
"Yes, I just can't get him to try anything new. I told him to start using 'White Diamonds" by Liz Taylor. That stuff must work great. Look how many times she's been married. All these guys of different ages fell for her. He just says he'll try it but doesn't."
"How long does his potion last?
"Six months. That's why no one seems to stay together very long. He shoots them with an arrow in February, then the couples get married in June. Then by August the marriages start falling apart."
"Well. Venus, I think he likes Hollywood too much also. He seems to be shooting up a storm there, but none of the marriages last. I think his problem is he doesn't know fantasy from reality. He goes to the studios where they are making films and sees all this love making and shoots arrows at everyone. They all think they are in love and start marrying each other and making babies. After six months the potion wears out and they find they didn't love each other at all. Then they make a new movie and it starts all over again."
"Good point, Peter. I think that was the problem with so many lesbians also. Hugh Hefner invited him to the playboy mansion. He got all wrapped up with the women in the showers and all the women having their pictures taken and making calendars together that he went wild with his arrows there also."
"We need someone more conservative. Someone who can shoot a straight arrow. Cupid's missed shots cost us pretty dearly the last few years. Remember he was supposed to shoot Hillary but instead shot Monica and the president had all that explaining to do."
"Peter, we can't totally blame that one on Cupid. He didn't know who was under the desk. Do you have any ideas who to replace him with.?"
"Well, someone like Spartacus who could really shoot a straight arrow would be good. Or Robin Hood was a pretty good shot also. What do you think?"