Chapter 21: Mary

I talked with Aunt Bessie for a long time Monday night. I told her about the stables, The Bay, and all the rest. Along with all the chatter, she said one important thing to me.

"Mary, you follow your heart. Don't forget to think first; know what the risks are. But if your heart says go, do it."

She had some things to say about the stables, too. "This Sarah lady is sharp. I did teach you to ride using Western Pleasure Riding methods, because it's so efficient. She saw it. I always wondered why you didn't go for competition, but you never did. If you had, you would have been good. Just wasn't your thing, I guess. But don't hesitate to try it if you change your mind."

Two good pieces of advice. I decided to take them both.

At lunch on Tuesday, I saw Alex. He was looking a little haggard.

"Did the English exam this morning."

"And?"

"I think I did well, but I'm a little unsure. Sort of the story of my life right now."

"Friday, we're going to go over those exams and see how we did. We'll know next week, anyway."

We talked and ate, and I was feeling like Alex needed something. As we left the Union, I said, "Come up to the room for a while?"

We sat and talked for a while, but that wasn't helping Alex. I took off my clothes, and he got the message, took off his. Thinking it over, I hung my panties up before we got on the bed. I heard Anne come in and leave right away; I wondered if it meant anything. But then Alex and I got serious — again.

We lay there after a while, talking about the group, about school, other big-deal things.

"Mary? Thanks for hanging up your panties."

"You're welcome, but why?"

"I guess I was sort of feeling lonesome. Even in this great crowd we have together. Spending some time alone with you makes me realize how much I need someone, something to hang on to."

"You planning to 'hang on' to me?"

"No. That's not what I mean, exactly. Not a dependency. I mean, to have someone I know I can trust, someone I care about, who takes me just as I am. That's what you do for me. I don't know where I'm going right now, Mary. But you give me a hand rail, I guess you'd call it, that I can hold on to while I'm looking."

"Thank you. That makes me feel good. But, what about Anne? She cares for you as much as I do."

"I know she does... I don't know. Perhaps if I'd seen her at the Union today... No. Anne's got an agenda going on. She's got a goal. I don't know what it is..."

"I don't think she does, either, Alex."

"Well, maybe not, but somehow you're easier for me to deal with. I love Anne, too. It's just that she's moving too fast for me to hold on to. That's kind of like what I mean."

"Alex, you can use me for a handrail, if you want. Just watch out you don't come to the end of it without noticing."

"What's that mean?"

"Guess we're talking in a foreign language here, 'cause we don't quite know what we mean... I mean that I'm finding my way just like you are. It could happen that you reach for me and don't find me. Not because I don't care, or won't help. Just because I might be somewhere else myself."

"You talking abut this horse business? And teaching riding and stuff."

"Some, I guess. I have no idea where that's all going to go. I'm just going to do what my Aunt Bessie told me yesterday — follow my heart. That's why you're here, now, you know. I saw you at the Union and I followed my heart... Now, come here and hold me. My body, not my handrail, huh?"

When Anne came in, she wanted to know who I'd been with. I told her about most of it.

It was okay. Actually, it was very good.

.oOo.

There is nothing that makes you feel as together as good loving sex. I was feeling... well, not fucked up — more like a little depressed and a lot confused. And Mary took me to bed and loved me. I held her wonderful body and kissed her lips, her breasts. I let her hold me and suck my cock, and rub my back as I licked the lips of her pussy. Eventually, we joined our bodies — a mutual thing, we both wanted each other too much not to. And as we slid against one another, we joined our hopes and our dreams as deeply as our bodies were joined. It's stupid to call it therapy, but I do know that when we were done, I felt whole, at peace, and ready to deal with whatever's coming. I kissed her and thanked her, and we did it all again.