Very little sex in this story. Thanks goes to 'Techsan' for editing this story.
I just got through reading an erotic story on line about a double standard. It was about a man who cheated on his wife but wanted her to forgive him. But when the tables were turned and she had an affair he couldn't forgive her. Damn, I wonder how many guys felt that way? I started thinking about my views and how I felt. Here I was twenty seven years old, single, considered good looking according to my past dates. Then I realized that I was one of these 'Double Standard' guys the author was talking about.
I have dated ever since I was a teenager. I had my share of sex and it was good, sometimes really good. I really cared for a number of these women who were all good looking, most had decent personalities, all were single or divorced. They were all hard working women and I almost always enjoyed their company. All my dates were more than one night affairs. I probably dated these women for months at a time. I know I got serious about a number of them. What happened? Why was I still single? Most of the women I dated would have made good companions. A few had children from their previous marriages. I do have to say they were all good decent woman.
Then it dawned on me. It was me. I had the double standard that the author talked about. Deep down I guess I didn't want to marry a woman who had been with another man. I wanted a virgin. I was willing to date these women and have sex with them but when it was time for commitment I always back away knowing they had been with other men. Damn! I didn't like being this person. I was two-faced and it began to bother me.
My parents, God bless them, were always worried about me not finding the right woman. They probably fixed me up with a half a dozen dates, everyone of them a knockout. They would be so happy that I was dating these women. After a few months we would each go our own way. In most cases we remained friends. I just couldn't tell my parents about my hang up, that I had a double standard. Hell, I didn't know it myself until after reading that stupid story.
My parents were throwing another cookout at their house. My sister, Nita, showed up with her clan of five kids and my other sister, Cindy, was there with her husband and two kids... Bob, my younger brother, showed up with his wife, Barbara, who I had dated in the past. She was pregnant with their second child. They seemed so happy together. I always felt a bit uncomfortable around Barbara knowing I had slept with her and she ended up marrying my younger brother. Luckily he didn't have my hangup and ended up with a really wonderful woman.
I liked kids a lot. I had to since I was always surrounded by nieces and nephews every time we had a family get together. The nice part was I enjoyed the kids but then at the end of the night they always returned to the fold and I had my peace and quite. It worked for me. Not everyone needed to be married.
My parents said they had a surprise for me. I said. "Okay, mom, who is it this time?" as I smiled.
She went in the house and brought out a guest. "Do you remember Kathy who used to live next door?" My mom was really smiling.
How could I ever forget Kathy? She was my childhood sweetheart from about age six to age fourteen. Then her mom died and she and her dad moved away. I was remembering back when she had left. I felt so bad. I was just a kid who lost his girlfriend. I remembered how we would kiss and she would let me touch her boobs. We never had sex, we were just too young. We always said that someday we would get married and have a family. We always argued what we would name our kids. She wanted two kids, Bart and Sarah, I wanted two also, Jacob and Mary. I always liked biblical names. I had heard that she had gotten married about five years ago. I remember mom telling me and I took it kind of hard. Funny, isn't it. You have these dreams as a kid and they seem to stay with you forever. Like they just sit on the back burner of your mind. Never to be fulfilled.
I believe that's why when we get older we want to buy our kids, in my case nieces and nephews, the same toys and games we had when we were young. Or go to the candy counter and get our old favorites, mary janes, blackjacks, squirrels, juju bees, I could go on and on but that was our childhood candy. Then you think back about your favorite car that you never did get or you wrecked it like I did mine. Always thinking someday I wish I could afford to buy one just like it. That's how I always thought about Kathy. She was always there in the back recesses of my mind.
Mom brought out Kathy. It was so good to see her. It brought back the old memories. I hugged her, she felt so good. She was a little heavier than I remembered but was still so pretty, now beautiful. She sure filled out as a woman. She smiled at me and had tears in her eyes as did I. God, it was so good to see her again. I asked her about her husband.
She said, "He was killed in Iraq last year. He was a good man and you would have liked him. He was so much like the way I remembered you."
I apologized for not knowing and told her how sorry I was for her.
She then introduced me to her two kids. She looked at me and said, "This is Jacob who is four." He held out his little hand for me to shake. "And this is my precious little girl, Mary, who is three."
My God, she picked the names I had chosen. I was ready to cry but did my best to hold back. Little Mary, who was hardly able to walk, grabbed my leg. I picked her up and gave her a little hug. She looked just like her mother. She gave me a little peck on the cheek and said, "Dada". Kathy said, "I'm sorry, she doesn't know too many words and dada is one of the first they learn."
I said, "Please don't apologize for that. It was nice to even hear her say it." We walked over to the patio table and just talked. I looked up at mom standing over by the door. She had her hands together under her chin as though she was praying. I could see tears of joy in her eyes. That was my mom. The old matchmaker.
Kathy said that after her husband had died she wasn't sure where to go. She remembered the old neighborhood and how much she loved it growing up here and decided to move back here to raise her children. She was able to buy a house about a block away next to the park we used to play in. She said she knew the kids would love it as they grew up. She stopped by to see if mom still lived here. She always like my mom. That was when mom invited her to the family cookout.
I told her I had an apartment across town. It wasn't homey but was good enough for a single guy. If she wanted, she could bring the kids over some day and we could use the pool. That was one of the perks of having the apartment. I could register her name with housekeeping and she could bring the kids anytime to swim. She said she would love to and would probably take me up on the offer.
My sisters both came over to see Kathy and the kids. They were doing their girly things, hugs and kisses and all. I got up and took a breather. I had to decide if I should ask her out. The childhood thoughts were still with me. I loved her as a kid and I probably could love her now. But she was a widow with two kids to raise. I wanted to date her but was afraid of maybe building up her hopes. What to do, what to do? I needed to think on this.
I know I wanted to see her again and she gave me her address and phone number. While we were talking mom came over and offered her babysitting services to Kathy if she ever needed one. I know mom wanted to see us together. I just didn't know if it would happen to the extent of marriage.
As I said goodnight to everyone I gave Kathy a kiss on the cheek. She just smiled and said how nice it was to see me again. Jacob came over to shake my hand good bye. He said. "Boys don't kiss boys". Then I picked up little Mary and gave her a big hug. She hugged me back and said "Dada" again. I smiled and handed her to Kathy.
I owned my own independent insurance agency. I was the only agent and had two office girls to help take care of business. One was also licensed to sell insurance so she was allowed to sign legal documents. Business was good and I made a very good living being my own boss.
Mom called me at the office and told me Kathy stopped by the house to thank her for inviting her to the party. She was glad to see everyone again, especially me. Mom then asked what I thought of Kathy? I told her she was just like I remembered, a beautiful girl and a great personality. Mom then told me that Kathy's father had died of a heart attack about three and a half years ago and then lost her husband last year. She was an only child so she was pretty much alone in the world. Then mom surprised me. She said, "Gary, please don't mislead her. She has had a very rough life and deserves better." I was stunned and asked my mother why she thought I would use Kathy?
"Well, Gary, you have dated for years now and we know a lot of the women got their hopes up and then nothing ever materialized. I would hate to see Kathy hurt. If you date her, just be totally honest with her. That's all I ask."
"I promise, mom, the last person I would want to hurt on God's green earth is Kathy." Then I had to ask mom a question. "Mom, did Kathy say why she named her kids Jacob and Mary? Did she say anything about it?"
"Well, Gary, I did say that they were good biblical names and Kathy said a very good friend suggested those names to her many years ago. Why do you ask, Gary?"
"No reason, mom. I just thought they were pretty names." I didn't know what to think about that. I would have to ask her why.
After I hung up the phone, June, my office gal who was married and about seven months pregnant, asked if she could talk with me. She came in and said she had seen her doctor and he told her she should stay off her feet more. She wanted to know if she could work part time during the rest of her pregnancy. She didn't want to leave me with no office help at all. I told her that would be fine, that I would find someone to help her with her bookkeeping and billing duties.
I was wondering if Kathy could use a job? Maybe I'd stop by and see if she might be interested. I sure would like to help her out if possible.
After work I drove straight over to Kathy's house. It was like I was driven from inside to go there. Kathy answered the door and said, "Oh, my God, I didn't know you were coming. Look at me, I'm a mess and the house is a mess."
I just blurted out and said, "It's okay, Kathy, you look beautiful with peanut butter and jelly on your blouse and your hair the way it is." It was combed but just kind of hanging there. Kathy looked at me but didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She invited me in and offered me something to drink. I told her I'd take some of whatever she was having so she laughed and handed me a glass of milk. She was just so much fun. Just like I remembered. She asked me what brought me to her neck of the woods and I told her the truth. I didn't know but seeing I was there I had a couple of things I would like to talk over with her.
I told her I know that it was personal but how was she doing financially? She said she got a death pension from her husband being killed and she received social security. Things were tight but she could survive. I asked her if she wanted a job. She looked up at me and said, "I'd love one but I'm going to be here for my kids. We may not have money, but I can give them love. That's much more important." She was right, she put her kids first. To bad more women didn't think that way.
I then asked, "How about a part time job that you can do at home? I have an office girl who can only work part time and I need someone who can operate a computer and do billing. What do you say?"
"I know how to do billing, I did it before the kids were born. But, Gary, I don't own a computer. I had to sell it when we moved."
"Boy, you drive a hard bargain. I'll buy you a computer, set in up for you in your living room, so you can do billing for me when your kids are sleeping. Just don't put peanut butter on my statements," as I laughed. "Is it a deal?"
"Only if you answer one question honestly for me. Why are you really doing this, Gary?"
"Well, Kathy, I really do need the work done. But mostly so I can have a reason to come over and see you without making excuses. That's as honest as I can get."
She came over to me said, "I'll take the job and we'll seal it with a kiss." She put her hands around my neck and kissed me gently on the mouth, not once but twice. It felt good, really good. She backed away and said it had been so long since she was kissed liked that.
I had to change the subject so I asked her if she wanted to go out and have dinner? She said, "Not tonight. It would take too long to get ready and getting the kids ready would be a chore." Then she asked me if I wanted to stay and eat with her and the kids. She would love the company.
I said, "Wow, a home cooked meal. I only get that at mom's. What are we having?"
She laughed again and said, "The kids favorite. Hot dogs and maccaroni and cheese." God, she was so much fun to be around. I told her I would love to have dinner with her and the kids. She got up and said that while she got it ready I could baby-sit.
"Baby-sit. Me baby-sit. You've got to be kidding."
She just laughed and said, "Just talk to them. They love people," as I sat down on the couch. After moving a half dozen toys and sitting on a truck little Mary came staggering over to me saying, "dada." I picked her up and hugged her. You couldn't help loving her, I don't care whose kid she was. She was just so darn sweet. She would sit in my lap and I guess she was talking. Mostly a bunch of mumbo jumbo but it sounded so cool. I just had to laugh.
Then Jacob came over and asked me if I loved his mother? God, out of the mouths of babes. I started to answer when Kathy came in and told Jacob that's not the kind of thing you ask guests.
He said, "But mom you said last night that you... " Kathy cut him off it mid-sentence and said to him, "We'll talk about it later," but she did give him a loving hug. What I wouldn't give to hear the rest of his answer. I guess it will have to wait.
We all sat around the table and ate our hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. It was almost like a family eating dinner together. After we got done eating, I told Kathy that I had business to attend to so I had to say my good-byes for the night. When I hugged and kissed little Mary, I got my usual dada message. Kathy laughed every time Mary said it.
Then Jacob came up to me to give me his handshake. He looked at me and said, "Sir, what should I call you? I know Mary calls you dada but she doesn't know any better. You see our daddy got killed last year protecting us against the bad guys but Mary doesn't know it yet."
I just had to hug the young boy. He was only four and had already lost his father. I told him it was okay for friends to hug even if both were boys, and that for now he could call me Uncle Gary.
He looked at me and said, "I like you, Uncle Gary, and so does my mom." I looked up and saw Kathy with a tear in her eyes as she quickly turned away. I said, "Jake, is it alright to call you Jake?"
He said, "Sure, Uncle Gary, it sounds like a big guy's name."
"Well, Jake, how about me and you taking your mom and Mary out for dinner tomorrow? You pick the place and I'll pay for it."
"Wow, that's so neat." He ran up to little Mary and said, "Mary, me and Uncle Gary are taking you and mom to McDonald's for dinner tomorrow, we get to play in their playground." They both starting jumping up and down, Mary was just doing what her brother was doing. Kathy, on the other hand, was just laughing.
"Well, Kathy, is it a date?" I asked
"Do I need to dress up or can I dress casually?"
I looked at her, she even looked good all rumpled. "You may dress casual for tomorrow's dinner but you have to dress up for our date Saturday. I'll ask mom to watch the kids." Then I left wondering what I was getting myself into.
The next day I went to the computer store and picked up a laptop for Kathy. I also got a printer so she would be able to do the billing. I had April, my licensed office help, take everything she needed over to Kathy's and help set it up and explain how our billing program worked. I figured it would be better than me trying to explain the office stuff.
I called my mom and asked her about watching Kathy's kids Saturday. She said she would love to but for me to remember our little talk. I called Kathy and asked, "Has April arrived and set up the billing system for you?"
She said, "April is a wiz. She had everything set up and is already showing me test runs on the billing system. She is a great instructor and you are lucky to have her in the office."
I agreed with Kathy, "April is a great asset to the agency." I was thinking of making her a full time licensed agent where she could do outside sales if necessary.
I mentioned to Kathy that mom would baby-sit Saturday for her and that I would see her and the kids tonight for our dinner at McDonalds.
When I arrived the kids were so happy. You could tell they didn't get to go out very often. We went in and Jake asked if he could order for himself? We said sure but the counter help wasn't overly pleased. We all got our food and sat down. Kathy and I actually talked about her business duties while the kids were busy playing on the playground equipment. When we got back to the house Jake said, "Thank you, Uncle Gary, that was really fun. Can we do it again? Can we, huh?"
I said, "Sure, little buddy, we can do it lots of times." Then he hugged me. Of course little Mary saw him hug me and she always did what her brother did so she hugged me also. I gave Kathy a peck on the lips and then said my good-byes for the night.
I arrived Saturday to pick Kathy up. She had already taken the kids to mom's house. She looked fantastic. She only stood around 5'1". I have no idea what she weighed. She had probably 36B boobs. I really don't know much about size. All I knew was in my eyes she was one beautiful creature. She asked me for one favor before we left. She asked me if I would kiss her one time and then hold her for at least thirty seconds. I thought it a bit odd but would never turn it down.
She kissed me passionately but only one time. Then I held her for much longer then a minute. She was shuddering and I held her till she felt calm again. She said she wanted to do that ever since she saw me at mom's. It was just something she needed to do. I told her anytime she needed to be kissed or hugged to please give me a call. I knew there was more to it and would probably find out what it was eventually.
We went out and had a great time. We had an elegant dinner at one of the best restaurants where I could get reservations. We went into the lounge and had wine to drink while listening to the music. We danced a couple of slow dances as I held her close. God, I could hold her forever.
She said she needed to talk to me when we got back to the house. She looked a little nervous but said it was extremely important to her. We stopped by mom's and picked up two sleeping little children. We laid them gently on the back seat and I drove everyone home. After putting the children to bed and changing into something more comfortable. Kathy came back out to talk to me. More comfortable meant pajamas and a robe, but she even looked good to me in that.
As we sat on the couch talking, things became more serious. I kissed her gently and she kissed me back. I wanted to hold her. She told me, "We need to talk. Things are beginning to get serious between us but you need to know things about me and how I feel."
She looked at me teary-eyed and said, "Please don't interrupt me because it has taken a lot of courage for me to tell you what I'm about to say."
I was very nervous, I had no idea what to expect. My feelings for her were very strong so I held her hands in mine and listened to her story.
She began, "As you know after my mother died, dad and I moved away. I had a lot of trouble adjusting and was always down in the dumps. I began to gain weight. I was a pretty heavy teenager so I really wasn't into the dating scene. I think the only guys that I dated just wanted in my pants. It didn't happen. I couldn't just have sex. That wasn't part of my makeup, poor or not. I always thought of you and the talks we had when we were kids. About how we were going to save ourselves for each other, get married and have a family."
"After graduating from high school, I went to a community college. I started feeling better about myself and joined a weight class and started losing weight. I found that my eating was caused by my depression. I started a new job and was making a life for myself and dad. I still lived at home at the time. Dad wasn't in the best of health and we lived on his disability checks and my income from working at the office."
She stopped for a minute just to look and see if I was really listening. I knew this was important to her.
She continued, "One day as I was leaving the building and headed to the parking lot, I was attacked. Two men tried to rape me. They had most of my clothes torn off," she began to cry," and were beating on me. I was screaming, kicking and yelling as I was fighting back. That's when Don, who became my future husband, came to my rescue. It wasn't as much him beating them up as them being caught in the act. My screaming attracted attention. Don was the first one there. The would-be rapists saw him and ran. The police caught them and they were eventually tried for attempted rape and are now incarcerated. Don took off his jacket and covered me. He stayed until the paramedics arrived. I was taken to the hospital and was taken care of and then released."
She stopped for a moment and got a glass of water before continuing. "Don came by the hospital to see if I was alright. That is really the first time I met him. I thanked him for being there and for helping me in the garage situation. I don't know what I would have done if he didn't show up. I almost felt an obligation to him. He worked in the recruiting office for the military and was in the same building that my office was in. We began dating. He was a good man. He did take my virginity. Shortly after, he asked me to marry him. I cared for him a lot, in a sense I loved him. Not in an exciting man-of-my-dreams way. But as a caring loving individual."
"We got married and about ten months later Jacob was born. Yes, I named him Jacob. Believe it or not it was in honor of you. Don made me laugh and of course he is the father of my two kids. For that I will always remember him. He was a good man and I vowed always to be faithful to him. And I have been. He is the only man I have ever been with. I was about seven months pregnant with Mary, when he was sent overseas. He had only seen Jacob as a baby and of course never had a chance to see his daughter. He was reassigned for an extra year and due to be released within weeks of his death."
Kathy started crying. I held her till she could regain her composure. "Don lived in an orphanage before being on his own. I guess that's one of the things that brought us together. We were just two people pretty much alone in this world. Dad died while I was pregnant with Mary. Thank God that was a couple of months before Don was assigned overseas. I had a shoulder to lean on during that time. Then after Don left for Iraqi it was only his letters that held everything together. Then one day I got the official letter that Don was killed in action. I was devastated. In my short life I had lost my mother, father, and husband. I had two babies to worry about. I didn't know what to do. I was lost. That's when I decided to just 'Start Over' from scratch with my two babies. I was going back to where my life started and hope for the best. That's why we are here today."
Kathy looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Gary, I still have feelings for you. I don't know why. Maybe because you were the one constant in my early life. The one person who was there for me. Maybe it's something deep in my mind. I don't know what it is. I want to be with you. I know you like me. I'm not blind. But now there is more to it. My little ones mean more to me than anything. I don't want to see them hurt. They deserve a chance in life. I'm going to see that they get it. The only way I will carry on a relationship with you is if you think there is a chance for a future for us. That's me, Jake and Mary. We're a package now and it's going to stay that way."
God, she was honest and put it right out there. How do I respond?
Wow, I never expected all that. Now I know she was waiting for a response. I just decided to tell her the truth. I didn't want to lie to her. So I began:
"Kathy, I have very strong feelings toward you also. But I have a problem that I have never told anyone. I'm going to tell you and there's a good chance that it might end our relationship. I have a problem that I recently found out. The reason I never married is that I wanted a woman who has never been with another man"
"What? I don't understand, Gary, you want to marry a virgin? You're twenty-seven years old. Are you expecting to start dating teenagers? My God, Gary, you've been dating women for at least ten years or more. I know you must have had sex with them."
This wasn't going the way I planned but I had to continue. "Kathy, I think that's why I never married. I've been serious with a number of women but never committed myself to them. I don't know why I have this problem but I do. I have never had problems dating, just committing myself to someone."
"Let me get this straight, Gary. Using me as an example, I would be good enough to have sex with but not to marry. Is that what you're trying to tell me? All because I had sex with my husband."
"Not you, Kathy. The women I've dated. I guess I've used a double standard. I don't want to be this way. You see I really care for you and I'm just trying to be honest with you. God, I really care for you. I just thought you should know."
"Gary, here's something you should know. I want to stay good friends with you. My kids love you and so do I. I will not have sex with you. I've gone a year and I could go longer until I find the man that wants me for who I am. We can date and enjoy each other's company if you want to. If you haven't got your mind straight by News Year's Day, I will just consider us good friends and move on with my life. Life is too short to wait for what might have been. I found that out losing my husband."
Did I understand her correctly? I have two months to get my act together or lose her. I just looked at her as I left and said, "Kathy, you must understand that it's me, not you." With that said I left the house.
For the next few weeks I tried to figure out my problem and where it came from. I didn't see Kathy as often. Maybe just once or twice a week. She was always smiling and treating me as though nothing had happened. She let me kiss her but that was it. I was becoming frustrated. I didn't want to date anyone else. I wanted Kathy. Damn, damn, damn, I was ready to go see a doctor. Maybe even a shrink.
Mom was having a huge Thanksgiving feast. Every relative I had in the area was going to be there. Mom made sure I invited Kathy and the kids. Every relative I know would see us together. Was my mom setting me up? I had to talk to my mom before Thanksgiving. I had to tell her my problem. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Kathy in any way, shape or form. I knew I was falling totally in love with her and wanted to be able to commit to her before losing her.
About two days before Thanksgiving I stopped by to see my mom and have a talk with her. I wanted her to understand that Kathy and I might not be together forever. Mom looked at me and said she didn't understand. She knew Kathy loved me and that she was pretty sure I loved Kathy. So what was the problem.
I just told her that when I had dated other women and had sexual relations with them I always felt I was being compared to their other lovers. I was always afraid that I might not meet up to their other lovers' standards. I don't know if it was true or not but that's how I felt. I knew that sometimes I compared the different women I was with so I was sure the women did the same. I can't spend the rest of my life wondering if Kathy was comparing me to someone else.