"No, Kel, there's nothing, sorry."

I reached for my coffee mug and finished the last of it before getting up and walking to the sink to rinse it out and put it away. My head was pounding with a sudden onset migraine, no doubt brought on by the tension and stress of the past five minutes. I gripped the counter by the sink and waited for the nausea to pass. I was afraid that I might throw up from the queasiness in my stomach. I felt my legs weaken and I started to sway. Somewhere, way in the background, I heard someone screaming my name. I felt something on the back of my head and heard a loud noise before the blackness overwhelmed me.

I woke up a little later, lying on the kitchen floor, my head in Kel's lap and her cradling and rocking me in her arms. I knew right away that I'd had another of my tension blackouts. They had plagued me ever since the beginning of puberty. I had passed out on at least twenty occasions over the years, usually at the most awkward of times. My last time doing that had been four years ago, just before I was supposed to walk across the stage to pick up my college degree. I had almost done it again when I asked Kel to marry me, but had somehow held it together and managed to carry on. When she had screamed out her acceptance, the feeling had passed and I was able to regain my equilibrium quickly. I had gone to physical therapy for six months when I was sixteen, for the problem, and they had given me breathing exercises to get me to relax myself when under stress or tension. The exercises really worked great. Unfortunately, when I'm stressed out and filled with tension, I can never remember to do them. My parents knew the signals and would remind me if they saw me getting too tense.

"I'm OK, Kel, you can let me up now. Thank you."

"Danny, I was so scared. You just dropped back and you banged your head so hard on the linoleum. It happened so fast. Was that one of those things you used to do that you told me about?"

"Yes, Kel. It was a blackout. I get them when I'm under stress and forget to breathe correctly. It isn't something common, but I do have them once in awhile, sorry you had to see one."

I started to stand up and Kelly wrapped my arm over her shoulder and we walked slowly into my bedroom. I sat down on the bed and laid down on my back. The back of my head hurt a lot, but it was far different than a migraine headache. Much easier to bear. In a matter of minutes I was asleep. I slept for three hours, and woke up only because Kelly was shaking my arm.

"Danny, it's time to get up. I made you a couple sandwiches and then you need to shower before we go over to your parent's house." I looked at her face. She was waiting for me to correct her about the 'we' of going over to my parent's house. I knew it would just start another argument though. I was feeling better after my nap, but not well enough to argue with her about that. I just got up out of bed and went into the kitchen. Kel had laid out two sandwiches and a large glass of milk on my dinette for me. The sandwiches were filled with different cold cuts and cheeses and tasted great. she had used mayonnaise, sweet pickles, onions and tomatoes to give them some moisture and additional flavor. They really were good and I ate them both quickly. She must have gone shopping because I never kept food in the refrigerator. I was always gone for long stretches of time and I really always ate out anyway. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had milk either, but it sure tasted good to me.

I had just finished my lunch when Kelly came out of the bedroom. She had a towel wrapped around her head and was wearing a blue flannel robe. She looked great in it. "Did you enjoy the sandwiches?"

"They were great, thanks. I don't usually eat in, it was a treat, thank you." She had walked over until she was standing right next to me. She opened the robe and showed me her naked body. It was quick, and I didn't turn away.

"There's still time for dessert if we hurry." I knew it was costing her a lot in pride to put it right out there and make herself so vulnerable. I kept looking at her, feasting on her body, trying to see as much as I could, fearing there wouldn't be more opportunities to do so."Breathe, Danny! Say something, please." I did take a deep breath and exhaled it. She laughed, but she kept that robe open and I kept looking.

"You're still beautiful Kel, that was never a problem. If we did this, if we both wanted to, it wouldn't solve anything. It would be opening old wounds, picking at scabs and starting the bleeding over again. I want to, I really want to, but it wouldn't make any of our problems go away."

"You are so wrong about that, Danny, so wrong. In the first place it would make my biggest problem go away. Not having you inside me has been my biggest problem. And it keeps getting bigger. If we do it, I'll feel better and I bet you will too. I haven't been with anybody since you, Danny, that's a long time to be abstinent. I haven't wanted anyone else since the second I first met you. For me, it's either you or no one. If we do it this once, maybe it will somehow help with the other things. It won't hurt, that's for sure." I continued to breathe deeply and focus on the woman in front of me. If I'd had any resolve to weaken, I'm sure it would have by now.

"Go get in the bed, Kel. I need a quick rinse and then we'll see if you're right." She turned away, dropped her robe and took off the towel that was wrapped around her head and then she slowly sauntered away towards the bedroom. I stayed seated, my eyes glued to her ass as she moved away. Somewhere, some part of my brain was screaming MISTAKE, BIG MISTAKE, HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE!!!!!but the rest of my brain, all of my heart and definitely my dick were shouting back SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US!!!! I jumped up and moved quickly into my shower. I was washing off and running through my entire repertoire of breathing exercises. I turned off the shower, squeaky clean and well ventilated. I walked out of the bathroom naked and excited. Kelly was laying in the middle of the bed, a nervous smile on her face and an expectant, hopeful expression in her eyes.

And so, we made love. We did all the things that we knew how to do, taking and giving all the pleasure we could. I someone managed to remember to keep breathing in and out and still kept track of all the places on her body that I wanted to visit. It happened while I was laying on top of her, in the missionary position of all things, my eyes were locked with hers, I felt like we were looking into each other's souls, we were both moving slowly, so close to cumming, her face was so red and it continued on down past her neck and across both breasts and to the rest of her chest. I felt myself beginning to shake from the strain of holding back, I didn't want it ever to be over. There were tears coming from her eyes and mine, leaking out and running down both our cheeks. I began to feel something deep inside me getting ready to let go, I realized at once that it was that huge knot of pain and anger that had been festering inside me for a long time. I wondered why I'd never wanted to let it go before now, especially since it now looked like it was so easy to do. I felt free for the first time in a long while. And as this sense of freedom washed over me, I just let myself go and pressed in as deep as I could, spraying my seed, spurting in waves as deep as I could get.

When I was finished with cumming, after that last, almost painful shudder, I lay down on her chest, feeling her arms holding me tightly, and I just cried. Not the leaky eyed crying that had taken place earlier. This was loud, gasping, shoulder wrenching crying. Teeth clenching, shuddering, uncontrollable sobbing, crying. It was 'I lost my best friend' crying. I was embarrassed but I knew that it had to take place before I could begin to regain my composure.

"I love you Dan. It's OK. Whatever it is, it will be OK." I rolled off of her and put my arm around her head and drew her in close. I put my other arm around her and hugged her tightly to me, squeezing her for a few seconds.

"Well, that was good. You were right Kel, it didn't hurt. Well, it really did hurt, but it was a good hurt, a cleansing hurt. I'm real glad we got to do this. I do feel better." I wanted to say a lot more to her right then, but I held myself back, wanting to wait and see how the rest of the day would unfold. "We should get cleaned up if we're going over to see the folks. You know how sensitive mom's nose is. She'd know we'd been fucking as soon as we walked up the stairs to her porch."

"So it's OK if I go with you, then?"

"I'm sure they'll both be tickled to see you again. They took it really bad when I told them we were divorcing. They always were very fond of you, it's me they never cared much for."

"Silly."

"No, I'm serious. They've been mad at me ever since we broke up. I hardly go see them anymore because they're always ragging on me about you. Maybe when they see you with me, they'll give it a rest. I could use it, believe me."

We showered together and she let me spend five minutes or so soaping up her fine ass. I hadn't really enjoyed taking a shower since we broke up because she used to always let me soap her butt up. She has the smoothest skin on her ass, like a babies butt, I swear. I've touched a few butts in my youth, and none felt anything like hers to me. It is always warm, and under the soft skin you can feel the muscles that lie beneath the surface. She can make her butt muscles so tight that it stretches her skin. And, she swears she's never been athletic or worked out even.