Anne still looked very good in a leotard, even at 62 years old. She stretched her leg and leaned against a bar at the side of the dance studio. A young man entered the front door of the studio, but Anne paid him little attention. She had not seen him at the studio before, but he looked familiar. Anne had given up dancing professionally years ago, but she still came to the studio several times a month. She was still healthy and fit and still loved to dance. "Once a ballerina-always a ballerina", she said with a smile. Anne was regarded as something of a legend by the other dancers. She knew all the moves and choreography. However, her dancing style continued to earn the respect of the younger dancers. Anne combined spontaneity with incredible precision in her dancing, and it was the unpredictable part of her that made her one of the greats. She was taller than the average ballerina was, and her hair had turned snow white. She kept her hair stylishly short, and tended to wear little makeup.
Many of the younger male dancers who came to the studio became friends and the straight ones all desired her. While she had briefly dated a couple of younger men, she had never bedded one of them. Anne had gone through a bitter divorce and she had found a place of contentment in her life. She was happy to have friendship and comradery, but she had decided that she was past the time when true love and romance were going to be hers. She made eye contact with the young man who had just entered and saw something in his eyes that surprised her. There was a terrible loneliness behind those eyes. Anne recognized the young dancer as one she had heard rumors about. There had been some kind of scandal at a dance school and one of the teachers had quit. Anne thought she remembered that the young man's name was Jeremy and she decided to walk over and welcome him.
Jeremy was 19 years old and he had been studying dance since he was in his early teens. He was powerfully built even by the standards of male dancers. His muscular shoulders looked capable of lifting a truck, and his abdomen was washboard flat and ribbed with firm muscle. He had dark, brooding eyes and a sensitive face. His parents and others had wanted him to pursue sports while he was in high school, but Jeremy was never interested in athletic contests. His love was for the dance and he studied and perfected his craft with zeal. Dancing was freedom for Jeremy-he soared without wings. Jeremy's interest in dancing had caused persistent rumors that he was gay during his miserable time in high school. Jeremy was most definitely not gay-he had a strong heterosexual drive to please a woman and he had an even more ravenous libido than most young men did. In spite of his libido, Jeremy never dated any of the girls at school. His lack of social interest with girls fueled the rumor mill. The "queer" rumors had caused Jeremy to be isolated and he was in a fight or two during his early teens. One football player had ambushed Jeremy after school when Jeremy was only 13. The football player was 16 years old and bigger than Jeremy was at the time, but the young dancer was just as strong and much more agile. Jeremy took the fight into three dimensions and the football player needed an ambulance when the fight was over.
Jeremy felt terrible about what he had done, but felt that he had no choice. Beating up the football player did not make him a hero at school-it only made him even more isolated from his peers. Jeremy had a secret that he had never told to anyone. His parents, siblings and his few close friends had no idea what his secret desire was. Jeremy was only attracted to women older than he was. He did not have an Oedipal complex and he never fantasized about his mother, but there were a couple of his mom's friends that he found desirable. He even found some of his grandmother's friends attractive, but he had never told a soul and never acted on his secret desire. He remained terribly isolated and alone. Only his love of the dance sustained him.
Jeremy had wondered if something was wrong with him and even tried to find answers in psychology texts. Was there even a name for his desire? His attraction to older women was much more than sexual-he simply felt completely incompatible with girls his own age. Most of his life he had felt like a fish out of water. He accepted that his desire was a built in thing and was just part of the way he was made.
The scandal happened when Jeremy was 15 and studying dance after school. One of the female instructors, a 54-year-old woman named Carol, was trapped in an abusive and loveless marriage. While neither Jeremy nor Carol had intended to have a relationship, they had reached out to one another out of mutual loneliness and pain and the relationship became sexual one day after school. Carol felt guilty and shameful over what happened and broke off their relationship after only two weeks. Although they had been perfectly discreet, rumors had started anyway and Carol quit her job.
Jeremy was devastated and hurt, but the girls at school were suddenly very interested in Jeremy. Perhaps he was not gay after all, and he was the best looking guy in school. One particularly assertive young woman named Stacy became so insistent that Jeremy took her on a date just to get her to quit asking. Their date was a disaster as Stacy came on to him and fumbled with his pants in the front seat of his car. Jeremy was not aroused. Stacy was not sexy or exciting for him-she was clumsy, groping, and amateurish. Stacy undid his pants and tried to perform fellatio on his flaccid penis, but Jeremy could not become aroused for her and she became frustrated. They barely spoke after their night together, but Stacy talked to plenty of other people. The vicious "queer" rumors started up again.
He could not help being who he was! Why had god created him with a desire that could not be fulfilled? In truth, it was an ancient druid goddess of the harvest that had created him and made him the way he was. A young man's love is like fruit ripening on the vine. The drought of pain and loneliness cannot completely keep the fruit from growing, but it can also make the fruit much sweeter when the time of harvest arrives. If a young man's love is not harvested it can wither on the vine, or fall from the tree and be trampled underfoot. He will become cynical, as he grows older and be incapable of true love and commitment. The ancient druid goddess had prepared Jeremy's perfect body as a feast for a worthy older woman, and it was Anne who had been chosen to reap the harvest.
Anne greeted Jeremy and offered to show him around the studio. After a brief tour they parted and Jeremy began his warm ups. When he finished the exercises, he found Anne once more and asked her to help him practice a routine that he was working on. Anne was familiar with the routine and they danced together. Anne admired the style and grace of her dance partner. Anne usually preferred to work with the younger women during most of her time at the studio, as they seemed to benefit the most from her guidance, but Anne spent the next 2 hours dancing and talking with Jeremy.
Jeremy asked her out and their first date was the ballet of course. When Jeremy dropped Anne off at her house afterward, he kissed her chastely and went on his way. They began an old fashioned courtship. They went to the movies and several museums. They talked on the phone or in person every day for the following 2 weeks. They were incredibly compatible and had many of the same eclectic tastes. Anne became aware that Jeremy was interested in more than friendship, and debated the decision to have him as her lover.
Anne was both intimidated and excited by the thought of bedding a much younger man. She was still good looking, but age and gravity had taken their toll. When released from her bra her breasts hung down like two socks with sand in the toes. Her hips were full and cellulite was visible on her buttocks. She was terrified by the idea of being seen nude by Jeremy. She could not realize that the breasts that she thought of as saggy were soft and pendulous to him, nor that her shapely figure was the exactly his idea of what a woman should be. Anne decided to take no chances and purchased a tastefully revealing set of lacy lingerie. She invited Jeremy over for dinner and set to work preparing a candlelight dinner.
Anne worked all day to make sure that everything was perfect. She was so excited and nervous that she was actually feverish. Jeremy sensed that tonight was to be a special night and he was achy and feverish. A feast was prepared and the table was set. The time for the harvest was nearly at hand. When Anne greeted Jeremy at the door, she was wearing a tasteful blue dress. They dined together and Jeremy complimented her cooking.
.... There is more of this story ...