Copyright 2005

There was a young fellow named Goody
Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?
If he found himself nude
With a gal in the mood
The question's not woody but could he?

I am just furious with myself!

And I can't help but feel that I was duped and totally manipulated!

My husband returns tonight and I am horrified to think that he will just look at me and know I cheated on him. What will he say when he learns that it was with another woman, a younger woman... our daughter!

My body is still numb from the things we did last night! The wine removed my inhibitions as my daughter seduced me. Yes, that is right, my sixteen year old daughter seduced me... me, her middle-aged mother.

We spent the night talking. Mom's out there, you know what I'm talking about? Just you and your daughter, opening up about everything and anything. A rare event after they hit puberty and become rebellious. An event to grasp and enjoy, while knowing when to release as well. Teenage girls and their mothers are often a volatile mix.

Sheryl was no different than most other girls her age - for the last few years we didn't talk together, instead we yelled at each other. So when my daughter sat down, and not dropped or jumped from half ways across the room as was normally the case, next to me on the couch as I was reading a good book, already 3 glasses into the booze, and just started to talk to me - I was ecstatic. There was no rising of voice, no attitude thrown in my face - it was extremely nice. Love flowed through my veins and we sat next to each other, often touching with our hands - hugging, holding, crying and looking deeply into the others eyes.

During the conversation my daughter admitted to me that she was no virgin - though I had guessed this years ago. What did surprise me was that she had sex with her few boyfriends the last years but that she only did it out of necessity. It shocked me to think that my daughter was allowing her boyfriends access to her body but received little in the way of pleasure in the act. Was peer pressure so defining?

The similarities within my marriage, Sheryl's father and I, shocked me. For me, I enjoyed the adventure of discovering my sexuality at my daughters age - it was new, exciting and felt really really good. I married a wonderful and caring man and we could not keep our hands off the other. But then the years dragged on, we slowed down to the point of a near drought in terms of my sex life.

It seemed, as the clocked ticked away, that we could discuss anything and so, I told Sheryl about her father and I. In retrospect, it was an unwise move on my part. Suggesting that the reverse of her parents intimacy may happen for her, that she may find a man and her love for him will give her the pleasure that has been lacking in her sex life to date. Ever the optimist!

My daughter had been kneading and massaging my feet and calves at this point and it felt heavenly. And I thought nothing of the touch - just another intimacy that I had been craving in my life, especially between Sheryl and I.

Then the real shocker - she admitted that she did have pleasure in her sex life, but that it was not with a guy.

The middle-aged moron that I was, I asked how could this be, while thinking she was an avid masturbator. Not so unlike her mother, I thought with a secret laugh - at least since my mid-thirties.

Then Sheryl looked me right in the eye and told me that she enjoyed sex with girls better than with guys.

Everything seemed to slow - and my eyes seemed to unfocused from everything around me.

Then the feeling of Sheryl's warm slow-moving hands on my body was not so comfortable and I stilled the urge to yank my feet off her lap. I felt morally responsible for this disaster and hung my head in shame. How could my daughter be a lesbian?

She then asked me a personal question; if her father went down on me? I knew what she meant and I was not that drunk that the question did not affect me. I did answer though, it was the intimacy of being together and the no-holds-bared umbrella of the moment. My husband had only ever gave me oral sex infrequently, though not for some years. Sheryl asked the next obvious question and I answered honestly, that I had enjoyed a tongue between my legs.

For some reason this seemed to calm my earlier reservations about Sheryl revealing herself as a lesbian. In fact I opened up in a way that I had never done before and the two of us talked in graphic details about our sexual adventures. Why can't Sheryl and I just talk this way - guys or girls, what did it really matter? What was important was that she felt she could talk to me this way. Perhaps her distancing herself from me had been her uncertain way of telling me that she was a lesbian.

Time and space returned to normal - my eyes again focused while leaving my head spinning, probably from the drinks.

Me, I revealed that I secretly enjoyed anal stimulation but have never had rectal sex before. She told me that she enjoyed taking the more dominant role with another woman - especially if that woman is more mature.

We spent at least an hour talking like this - opening up and just giving up those secrets that we hold so dear, allowing the person that should understand, trust.

A red flag should had gone up in my consciousness right?

I've never talked this way to anyone - and that it was with my daughter who fought constantly with me since she hit puberty - that was something magical for the parenting books. This was validating my parental guilt, it was renewing my love of being Sheryl's mother.

Long after midnight, we having talked for hours, Sheryl suggested we go out of the house to the back deck to share a hot tub beneath the stars. As moronic as it sounds, I felt giddy and anxious to continue this magical night between us.

Little did I realize!

Less than five minutes later I stepped out into the chilled clear night, the stars bright and with a full moon as our only source of light. I wore a thick robe over my black one-piece swim suite and held two empty glasses and a newly opened bottle of wine. I thought it would be nice for a mother and daughter to drink wine together while talking. This was like a fantasy of mine when Sheryl was still a toddler, to sit with her and be each others confidant and best friend.

Sheryl was already in the hot tub when I arrived and stood to take the glasses from me. I was surprised that she was topless - her perky teenage breasts high and firm on her slim frame. I said nothing - not wanting to ruin this evening. My daughter has always been a little 'looser' than I about her body - tonight, I was going to let those stern beliefs go so that Sheryl and I could be comfortable while we shared these moments.

We sat with our bodies touching, side to side, her arm over my shoulder, our eyes looking up at the beautiful stars. And we talked slowly as we drank our wine - though, I noticed, she barely sipped hers. Sheryl was only sixteen after all - so the realization of her lack of drinking came as no small amount of relief.

Sheryl told me, in minute-by-minute detail, the first time she was seduced my a middle-aged neighbour of ours. My shock turned to fascination as I listened to Sheryl reveal how she was so amazed to feel like she had discovered sex as if for the first time, though has had two male lovers prior to that incident.

I lay my head on her shoulder and listened as my daughter spoke about discovering sexuality. And it excited me - recalling my own teenage exploratory years. Missing that newness, that intense overwhelming power of discovering the desires within my own body.

When her tale was done I told Sheryl how I used to love everything about my vagina when I was her age. How I could not keep my hands away from it every night. How I even enjoyed masturbating with a mirror between my legs so as to allow me to view my own actions and pleasure. I was in lust with my own sex!

She laughed happily at this revelation of her mother's teenage innocence, perhaps thinking of her own adolescent explorations and I laughed with her. It was a good moment.

The fingers of the arm about my shoulder stroked my lower neck and upper chest absentmindedly.

Sheryl asked me about when I discovered the enjoyment of anal stimulation and the answer came easily, as if a mother tells her sixteen year old daughter every day that as a fourteen year old, she used to insert her finger in her ass as she stroked her clitoris.

Then my daughter suggested I ask dad to have anal sex with me. Strangely enough, it was my first time of the night to blush, the first I had thought of my husband all evening as well, and I admitted that that was an impossibility - her father thought such things disgusting. With the dim light, I doubt the flush of my cheeks could be seen.

She was quiet for a moment before turning her head towards me, my own turning in response towards her, and then Sheryl said that she felt sorry for me, a beautiful sexy woman ignored by my husband, her father.