"Thomas, I'm so pleased you could make it."
The elderly solicitor came from behind his desk and gripped my hand,
"Sit down dear boy, please sit down."
John Smithson had been a part of my life for as long as I'd had a life, I was eighteen years old and a household name ever since I'd written a song two years previously and made a complete pain of myself by pestering every record company in London, none of them would even listen to it, much less buy it so drastic action was called for and it had been old John who'd ridden to my rescue.
He'd shown interest when everyone else had only shown ignorance, he'd walked with me round the local pubs listening to all the groups, most of whom were fucking awful.
It had been John who's spotted the talent of Billy, the lad who I chose to be the drummer for the one time group that I'd planned, I wanted to record my song with musicians of my own choosing, pay them a flat fee and then send them on their way.
It took us a month to find the others, Jimmy the lead guitarist, Lenny the rhythm guitarist and his brother crazy Pete who was a genius on the bass guitar.
It had been John who warned me that my trust fund wasn't bottomless, although it was index linked as a guard against rampant inflation,
"I'm going to have to do some creative accounting Thomas" he laughed as we sat enjoying a well earned drink after the recording session, "We've got through a whole year's allowance in just three months."
"Don't worry Mister Smithson" I was high with pleasure, the song was still running through my brain, the session had gone better than either of us had hoped, just six takes and it was in the bag, "We'll make millions, I promise you."
"We did!" Thanks to me pestering disc jockeys, it was given air time and a month to the day of the recording session, it entered the charts at number twenty eight, the following week, thanks to it's continued exposure, it went to number three and then, Hey Presto, the very next week, I had a number one hit on my hands, it went to number one in America, Japan, Russia, Germany, Denmark, Sweden, you name it, it was massive, a huge hit and an even bigger earner than I had ever imagined, I was just sixteen years old!
"Have you cleared your diary Thomas?" he asked me as I sat down and waited.
"Right" he made a pyramid of his fingers and touched his forefingers to his lips, the way he always did when he was thinking, "I'd like you to hear me out before making any comment."
I nodded, "Ok."
"As you already know, you are the product of a wealthy man taking advantage of a young and vulnerable girl who's mother was in the employ of your father's family, I feel for you Thomas that you've never met your father, but those are his wishes, so I have to respect them and I fear you never will meet him."
He reached for the intercom and ordered two coffees and looked unfavourably at me as I lit a cigarette,
"They'll kill you one day you know."
The lovely Joan, his secretary bought in our coffees, just a hint of a smile in her eyes betrayed the fact that she'd left me in her bed that morning when she got up to go to work, her face didn't alter even when I stroked her thigh, unseen of course by John,
"There you are gentlemen" she said briskly, "Will there be anything else sir?"
"No thank you Joan" and we waited until she closed the door behind her delectable frame,
"Now where was I? oh yes, well as you know you've always been well provided for, as has your mother and although you've never known your mother either, I can tell you that I've been in constant touch with her for the last seventeen years."
My ears pricked up and I sat up in the chair, "Has she been here?"
"She's often sat in that very chair Thomas," he smiled, "And I can tell you that she is a delightful young lady."
He consulted some papers and then looked at me above his glasses,
"Your father has asked me to tell you now that you're eighteenth birthday is tomorrow" he hesitated, "He's asked me to tell you that she was just eleven years old when you were conceived!"
"He nodded, "Yes, eleven."
He waited again as I blew my nose and sipped my coffee, "Jesus Christ."
"Exactly Thomas" he said softly, "Your mother has been here at least once a month since she came of age and every month she has asked the same question, how is Thomas?"
"So why hasn't she been to see me?"
"Because your father had forbidden it Thomas, it was made clear to her that if she tried to contact you before your eighteenth birthday, her allowance as well as yours would cease to be paid immediately."
"But why, why do that, it doesn't make sense."
"It doesn't have to make sense, it was his wish, his demand if you like Thomas, as you know, I'm retiring tomorrow and my last job will be to hand over everything I have for you and your mother."
He smiled again,
"You have a choice Thomas, you can meet her here in my office, I would leave you both alone of course, or I can give you her address, I should inform you that I've already asked your mother the same question."
"What did she say?" I was wildly excited, I was actually going to meet my mother,
"I need your answer first Thomas."
"I think I'd like to meet her at her home."
Yet again, the kindly old man smiled, "That was her answer too."
It was a lot to take in, a hell of a lot had happened recently, at sixteen I'd left yet another pair of foster parents, the last in a long line of nice, caring people who'd had their care thrown back in their faces by a wild youth with a chip on each shoulder, I got a nice little flat where I loved to surf the internet and I'd earned myself millions of pounds by writing one song, but this put them all in the shade, I was actually going to meet my mother!
"Right Thomas" he said and held out his hand, "I'll see you tomorrow, oh and by the way" he grinned again, "We've finished for the day so you may as well take Joan somewhere nice this afternoon!"
The somewhere nice turned out to be a pub round the corner from her Kensington flat where we ate a beautifully done steak washed down with copious quantities of red wine and continued with more red wine in her flat afterwards.
Joan wasn't in the least bit surprised when I asked her what my mother was like,
"I knew you'd ask that Tommy" she smiled, "I'm not supposed to tell you, but after tomorrow it won't really matter will it?"
"What will you do?"
"Take a holiday Tommy" she laughed, "John has been really good to me over my redundancy pay, "He's given me a more than generous pay off, so I'm going on a cruise, it's all booked and I leave in two weeks time, six weeks in the sun, I can hardly wait."
"Tell me about my mother Joan."
"Let's take our drinks out onto the balcony, I like to sit out there at night."
She'd changed into a white silk housecoat that clung to her like a second skin, I could just about make out the shape of a thong beneath it as she walked in front of me out to the balcony,
"You're looking at my bottom" she giggled and I laughed with her, "It's a very nice bottom Joan, but please, I want to know about my mother."
She leaned back against the wrought iron railings surrounding the balcony,
"She's beautiful Tommy, a really beautiful lady, you know she's only twenty nine don't you?"
"Yes" I nodded, "He told me."
"I'm going to tell you something now Tommy, I've been agonizing over it for a long time and so has your mother."
"Go on then" I poured out some more wine and handed a glass to her,
"She's been here many times Tommy."
"Here, in this flat?"
"In my bed Tommy" she drained her glass, "We were lovers."
I sat down quickly in case my legs gave way, I could hardly believe what she was telling me!
"We never intended it to happen Tommy, we really didn't."
"So she's a lesbian?"
"No she's not a bloody lesbian" her eyes blazed with anger, "What a bloody stupid thing to say, would you call me a lesbian too?"
"But bloody nothing Tommy, I really thought you were more mature than that, she was twenty seven and hurting Tommy, have you the faintest idea just how much it was hurting her? Every time she went to John's office, she knew you'd been there, every time she picked a newspaper up, your face looked out at her, in her house she's got a whole room decorated with pictures of you, she even wrote to you under a false name asking for a signed photograph, you sent her one and she cried Tommy, she actually bloody cried."
Reaching down to fill her glass up again, her breasts almost came free of the silk and she giggled,
"Now you're looking at my boobs."
"Take that robe off, let me look at you."
Her outburst forgotten, she shrugged off her robe and stood, hands on hips smiling at me,
"You like?" she laughed and I growled, "I like Joan, you know I do."
"So you don't really mind about me and your mum being friends?"
"No not really, in fact I'm pleased that you made her happy."
"I certainly did Tommy" she smiled and eased both breasts up over the cups of her lacy bra, "But it was a two way thing you know, she made me happy too."
Hearing that made me quite happy too, I was fond of Joan, she'd once confided in me that she'd never married because she'd spent her whole working life with John and had been his lover for over twenty years, she was in her late forties now and still a very sexy and self assured lady.
"Anyway" she smiled as she wrapped her arms around my neck, "Enough of your mother for now, I feel in need of a damn good fucking, are you game?"
Bending my head, I took a nipple into my mouth and sucked at it tenderly whilst running my hands down over her back onto her bottom,
"I'm always game with you Joan, you should know that by now."
She squirmed and moaned softly as I insinuated a finger into the back of her panties and prodded her rosebud gently,
"That's where I want it tonight Tommy."
"Tell me then, tell me what you want me to do."
She came into my arms, her mouth open and her breath sweet as it mingled with mine, we sank down to the bed together,
"I want you to eat me Tommy, I want you to make me come under your tongue and then I want sodomizing nice and gently, this will probably be our last night together so I want to remember it."
Her nipples were hard with her need and she sucked in her breath as I kissed and suckled each one, she stroked my hair tenderly and moaned softly when I kissed her stomach and licked my way down to her panties, the material was already damp when I added the moisture from my tongue to the expensive filigree lace and she sighed with pleasure as I licked the shape of her slit through them,
"Tommy, you do that so well" she whispered and pushed her hips up to my mouth as I eased the gusset to one side using my tongue.
Delving lower, I teased her anus gently before pushing my tongue into that most fragrant of holes, it had been Joan with whom I first discovered the delights of anal sex and it had become a favourite of ours ever since.
I liked her to keep her panties on because I enjoyed the sensation of the nylon rubbing against the side of my cock and she was only too pleased to indulge my little fetish as she turned over onto her stomach and presented her bottom to me.
"Mmm yes" she sighed as I positioned my cock against her tiny hole and pushed forward, I slid easily into the tight, velvety warmth of her rectum, if this was to be our last night together I wanted her to remember it with pleasure, I began moving slowly against her bottom, fucking her with long, deep strokes, every nerve ending in my penis sent little jolts of pleasure up to my brain, she gripped it using her anal muscles, as I drew out, she moved forward, we were in perfect rhythm, a well rehearsed twosome determined to give pleasure as well as receive it.
She wiggled her bottom and pushed back against me, I felt my balls slapping against her pussy through the wet nylon of her panties and I knew I wasn't going to last as long as I wanted to,
"Give it to me Tommy" she was breathing hard now, sensing that I was about to come, "Let it go darling, let it all go in my arsehole."
"Oh Christ Joan" I gasped, "Oh Christ."
"Do it Tommy, shag my fucking arse hole."
Pulling back until I was almost completely out of her, I waited until she moaned softly and then I rammed my cock in hard, she screamed into the pillow as the climax hit her, I was hardly moving, only my penis moved as it jerked inside her anus, each jerk sending my cream splattering against tight walls of her rectum.
"Does she know about us Joan?"
We were lying together in her bed, enjoying a smoke after our coupling, her head was on my chest and I was stroking her hair,
"Would you mind if she did?"
"No" I said without even thinking about it, "I'd be proud Joan, I've only ever kept quiet because you wanted me to, I've always felt very proud when we've been out together, you're the sexiest, most fantastic woman I've ever met."
"That's down to you Tommy" she said and smiled up at me, "You keep me young."
"Rubbish" I snorted, "You're the one who looks ten years younger than you are, you're the one with the lovely, fit body, you're the one who always wears stockings and sexy little panties, it's all a matter of attitude Joan and you've got the right one."
She laughed again and slid down the bed, "And I'm the one who loves sucking your cock Tommy."
I laughed throatily and bade her to turn round, as her lovely hairless pussy descended onto my face, I told her that I was the one who loves eating her sweet little cunt!
"You look really smart Tommy" she brushed an imaginary speck of dust from the lapel of my suit jacket and adjusted the knot in my tie,
"And you smell nice too."
"I'm nervous Joan."
"I can imagine you would be."
"I'd better go."
"Yes" there were tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes, "Phone me sometime Tommy, please."
I kissed her cheek and used my hand to wipe a tear away,
"You know I will."
She lived in one of the smarter areas of the city, I found a parking slot without much difficulty and walked nervously up a tree lined avenue until I reached number ninety seven. The curtains moved slightly as I went in through the gate clutching the huge bouquet of flowers I'd ordered the previous day, I didn't even knock as the door opened and she stood there smiling at me,
She was beautiful, I could hardly believe that she was my mother, she couldn't have been any more than five foot tall, short blonde hair in a page boy cut framed an elfin like face, her eyes were the deepest blue I'd ever seen, her teeth were perfect and her smile seemed to light the whole street up!
She stood back and waited for me to enter her house, but to be honest, I wanted nothing more than to stand there and look at her.
"You can come in Tommy" she laughed, "Or would you prefer to stay there?"
"Oh, oh yes, sorry."
"Shall I put the flowers somewhere for you?"
"Sorry?, oh yes, they're for you mum."
"They're beautiful Tommy, thank you" she kissed me on my cheek and suddenly we were in each other's arms crying laughing and hugging.
"You've no idea how much I wanted this Tommy" she said through her tears, "There was never a day that went by when I didn't think of you."
"Me neither mum" I held her tightly and breathed in her perfume,
"Say that again Tommy."
"You called me mum."
"I've always wanted to say it mum."
"I've always wanted to hear it."
She led me into the kitchen where we sat and talked over a coffee, she wanted to know everything about me, everything that had happened to me that she wouldn't have read in the papers. I told her about all my foster parents, how they'd all despaired of me and of how I'd always refused to call any of them "mum" or "dad."
"It must have been awful for you Tommy."
"It was mostly my own doing mum and it can't have been a picnic for you either."
"Well it wasn't, but thanks to Mr Smithson, I had regular updates on you at least."
"He's a nice man mum."
"Yes" she agreed, "He is and talking of Mr Smithson, we should go and listen to what he has to tell us, it's almost half past four."
"Haven't you got any idea mum?"
"Wow, this is nice" she said as I held the car door open for her and dutifully looked away as her dress rode up over her legs, "It's a Ferrari isn't it?"
I glowed with pleasure at her remark.
"Yes" the record company bought it for me for giving them their biggest ever selling record, "Would you like to drive it?"
"No" I laughed and held the door again for her to get out,
She handled it expertly, allowing the raw power of the big engine to take it out of corners and thrust it like a bullet into the straights, she laughed with the sheer exhilaration of enjoying a beautiful piece of engineering and giggled as she squealed to a halt in the courtyard below Mr Smithson's office.
"Mind blowing" she laughed, "Absolutely awesome."
I told her that it had cost over two hundred thousand pounds and that Mr Smithson had tried to dissuade me from driving it, he'd said I'd kill myself in it.
"Rubbish Tommy" she said as I held the door again for her, "He's a lovely old man, but we've had a few little disagreements over money, I think it's for enjoying, but he thinks it's for saving"
Joan greeted us warmly with a kiss each,
"Well?" she asked, "Are you happy now?"
We both nodded and held hands,
"Very" I said,
"Ecstatic" said mum,
"Right, I want a photograph" Joan said and produced a camera from her drawer, it seemed quite natural to slip an arm around her waist as she posed us in a variety of different situations until a slow handclap behind us brought us back to reality,
"When you've quite finished" John said but with just a hint of a smile, "I'm about to retire from working and you three are holding me up."
"Oh don't be such an old grouch John" mum laughed and kissed him on the cheek, "You know you'll miss our meetings when you retire."
We followed a smiling John through into his office where we spent two exhausting hours poring over what seemed like millions of different papers and documents, we signed at least half of them, three times each and then watched as he went to a wall safe and fetched out bundle upon bundle of cash, which he divided into two separate piles and pushed one pile to me and the other one to mum,
"There's half a million pounds there, two hundred and fifty thousand pounds in each pile, please count it and sign for it and that discharges my duty to you both and my erstwhile employer!
"Count it?" I laughed,
"Yes Tommy, I'm afraid I must insist."
"Well stuff that John" I snorted, "It'll take all bloody day."
"Probably" and he went out chortling to himself to join Joan in the outer office,
"How much money have you got mum?"
"Go on tell me."
"I've got a few hundred in the bank and this quarter of a million here."
I fished my latest bank statement out from my inside pocket and showed it to her,
"That's what I'm worth mum."
"My God" she was shocked, "All that from one song?"
"Yeah, good isn't it?"
She watched wide eyed as I pushed my pile over to her,
"I can feel another song coming on" I laughed, "But honestly mum, I'm not going to take no for an answer, I know my father would have wanted to make sure that I'm ok for money, but you've seen from that statement I just showed you, I've got more money than I could ever spend."
"Tommy this is ridiculous."
"If you don't agree to take it, I'll give it to Joan."
She looked at me and grinned, "How about if I take half of it and give Joan half?"
"I'll settle for that mum, she told me you were' er, friendly"
"We were lovers Tommy" she said and held my gaze, "As you were too."
I returned her gaze steadfastly then smiled at her and reached to take her hand in mine,
"Yes mum, as I was too."
Joan burst into tears and at first refused point blank to take it, John sat at her desk with his coffee watching and laughing until finally she succumbed and became better off to the tune of one hundred and twenty five thousand pounds.
"Right!" he stood up and announced that after we'd been to the bank next door, we were to meet him in the pub across the road where he had his very last act to perform as our solicitor.
It was all very mysterious until we walked into the pub where Joan directed us straight through the bar and out into the garden,
It took a minute for me to realize that the huge marquee with a banner saying "Happy birthday Tommy" was for me and it took even longer for me to recognize all the people standing in and around it!
A makeshift group made up of Jimmy, Lenny and crazy Pete from the band I'd formed to perform my song were on the stage and struck up with the worst version of Happy Birthday that I'd ever heard in my life!
"Happy birthday Tommy" Joan said and handed me a little package, "Open it later" she said mysteriously and kissed me on my lips,
I looked around and saw them all there, all my old foster parents with not the slightest trace of animosity on their faces, I got warm kisses from the ladies and friendly hand shakes from the men, even some of my old school teachers were there, every single one of them had a birthday gift for me and I suddenly felt very, very humble. I'd given all of these kind people all kinds of problems, I'd ran away, I'd skived off school, I'd been sulky, insolent and downright bloody ignorant and they'd still turned up to wish me a happy birthday!
I grinned at the guys on the stage and took the mike,
"You've all made me realize that I must have been a complete pain in the backside to all of you" I said looking round at them all, "There aren't enough hours in the day for me to apologize, so I'll just say thank you to each and every one of you, my voice was beginning to crack, so I ended by saying, "I didn't realize it at the time of course, but I hope you realize that you're all very special people, thank you."
I put the mike back and then caught sight of my mother standing next to Joan and John,
"Before I go, please say hello to a very special lady, the one over there in the white dress, my mother!"
Their applause was very moving and mum was blushing furiously as I left the stage and made a bee line for her,
"Come and let me introduce you to them all mum."
It took almost an hour for her to meet every one and it must have been extremely embarrassing for her although they all knew of her circumstances when I was born.
"I need a drink Tommy" she said as we ran out of people to meet,
"You've certainly earned one mum."
"I enjoyed it, it was nice to meet all those people who helped you."
"I was a little shit mum."
She laughed softly, a delightful little tinkle of sound that sent a shiver down my back,
"Yes" she squeezed my hand, "I think you were, but that was then and this is now."
We got ourselves a drink and sat outside to enjoy the evening warmth,
"So Tommy" mum said, "Tell me about your girl friends, I know about Joan of course, but tell me about the others."
"There aren't any mum" I said softly, "Joan was the first and only one."
"She's a lovely person Tommy."
"She told me you were beautiful mum."
"No she didn't mum, you really are beautiful."
"Don't Tommy" she giggled, "You're embarrassing me."
"You should be used to it mum."
John interrupted us then to offer his farewell,
"Your father has paid for all this Thomas, I've settled the bill except for everyone's drinks but I'll do that in the morning, I'm leaving now, this really isn't for me."
"Will I see you again John?" I asked and he laughed,
"I sincerely hope so young man" and taking mum's hands in his, he gazed fondly at her, "You too Kerry, please don't be a stranger."
"There's no chance of that John" she said, her voice cracking with emotion, "I want to see you tomorrow, to give you a little thank you gift for your kindness over the years."
"That totally unnecessary Kerry" he said emotionally, "It's been my pleasure all along, dealing with two lovely people such as you two has been my privilege."
He kissed mum, embraced me warmly and strode out with a tear in his eyes,
Mum wiped one away too, so I hugged her tightly,
"He's a lovely man mum" and she nodded in agreement, "Will you come with me tomorrow Tommy, I want to buy him one of those big, wide screen televisions."
"I'll buy him a D.V.D to go with it then" I said and she smiled, "Yes, he'd like that."
I spent the rest of the evening dancing with just about every lady there and I enjoyed every minute of it, one of my ex foster mothers even made a delightfully obscene suggestion to me just before she was ushered away giggling my her embarrassed husband,
Mum, who was standing chatting to Joan had overheard it and nearly wet herself laughing,
"Do you have that effect on all the women you meet?" she giggled and took my hand,
"Most of them" Joan said with a smile, "He certainly did with me."
"May I dance with a pretty lady?" I said to mum, who blushed and became even prettier,
"I'd like that."
Her fluid movements on the dance floor made me feel like a cart horse, but she guided me expertly and I began to enjoy it, the group decided to play a slow song and she came into my arms, her head resting on my shoulder,
"You smell gorgeous mum" I said and she laughed,
"So that's how you do it."
"Just telling the truth mum."
"When we get home, I've got to tell you something" she said and I felt slightly apprehensive at the tone of her voice, my face must have gave it away because she laughed softly, "Don't worry darling, it's nothing bad, it's just something I think you should know" she pulled away slightly and looked at me,
"Do you mind me calling you darling?"
I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her neck,
"Not at all mum" I whispered, "I love it."
"Will you stay the night darling, I forgot to ask?"
"Of course, I'd no intentions of meeting you, saying hello and then leaving, I'm sticking around mum."
Eventually everyone said their good byes and drifted away, even Joan kissed us both and said she was going home to bed leaving mum and I to gather all my gifts up and ring for a taxi,
"We'll have to pick the car up in the morning mum" I said, "I've had far too much to drink tonight."
We were both a little tipsy as we fell into the taxi and without thinking, I slipped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, she lifted her head up to look at me and without meaning to, I kissed her, but it wasn't as we'd kissed before, maybe it was the booze, I don't know, but she responded immediately and I tasted the tip of her tongue as it snaked between my teeth,
"No Tommy" she whispered as we drew apart, but we kissed again and only a polite cough from the driver announced our arrival at mum's house,
Neither of us spoke as we unloaded the car and it wasn't until we'd got everything into the house that I trusted myself to say anything,
"I want a drink mum."
"Good idea" she said softly and poured us both out a large brandy, we took them out into the garden and sat together at a little table,
"I'm sorry mum" I spoke first, "I shouldn't have done that."
She looked at me over the rim of her glass but her eyes gave nothing away,
"It was both of us Tommy."
She got up and walked slowly down between the two lawns,
"It's very hard Tommy."
"It's hard to think of you objectively, I know you're my son but... ,"
She took another sip of brandy,
"But what mum?"
"At the party, I kept catching you looking at me, it wasn't the way a son looks at his mother, when you held my hand or kissed me, I felt... ,"
She hesitated again,
"I felt warm, can you understand that?"
"Very much so mum."
"I don't really know what else to say except that no matter what, I don't want to lose you Tommy."
Her voice cracked and I thought she was going to cry,
"Why would you lose me mum?" I put an arm around her again,
"Because of what I feel, how I feel."
"Mum when you opened the door this morning and I saw you standing there, I didn't see my mother, I saw a beautiful, desirable young woman, a very, very desirable young woman."
This time when we kissed, there was no cough from the taxi driver, it was just me and her on a beautiful summer night in a beautiful garden, her mouth was wet, her breath sweet, I felt the softness of her breasts against me as we held each other tightly,
"I'm confused Tommy, I want you so much."
I kissed her neck and she moaned softly,
"I want you too mum" I whispered, "What are we going to do?"
"Come up to bed Tommy, my bed darling, but just hold me."
"Are you sure mum?"
"No I'm not, I'm not sure about anything any more, this wasn't supposed to happen Tommy."
We kissed again, and again I tasted her tongue as it flicked into my mouth, but then she pulled back and grinned ruefully,
"Come on" she said and took my hand, "I'm falling asleep on my feet."
She left the curtains open and we undressed in the moonlight avoiding looking at each other although God knows I wanted to see her,
"Just hold me darling" she said as she slipped into my arms, "It's been quite a day" then she slept.
We were in almost the same position when I awoke in the morning, except that she'd thrown one leg over my hip and I was extremely conscious of her feminine warmth against my groin, she stirred and lifted her head to look at me,
"Oh no" she groaned, "So it wasn't a dream."
"No mum, sorry."
She lay her head back down on my chest,
"Don't be sorry Tommy, I'm not."
"Neither am I mum."
"You know we can't make love darling."
"Yes mum, of course."
"I want to, God knows I do, but we just can't."
"It's okay mum, I know we can't, but we can hug each other can't we?"
"Have I done that?" she moved her leg slightly and giggled when she felt my erection,
"No mum" I laughed, "It was the woman next door!"
"Tell her to clear off then" she laughed, "You're spoken for."
"Am I mum?"
"Do you want to be?"
"Yes, very much so."
"I need to get up and go to the loo darling."
"So what's stopping you?"
"You'll look at me."
"You're being horrible."
"I'm eighteen mum, I'm naked in bed with a very sexy lady who's doing all sorts of things to my mind."
"You might not like what you see."
"I like everything about you."
"You're not a gentleman Tommy."
"Never said I was did I?"
"I can't remember the last time I did that to a man without touching him, I'm quite flattered."
"In that case mum, I'd say you haven't slept with many men."
She looked unaccountably sad then for a moment and pulled away,
"I wasn't a nun Tommy, do you mind?"
"Not one little bit mum."
"The loo" she said softly, "Do you want me to come back?"
As she got out I turned my back to her and cursed my sense of fair play and decency, I'd have given anything to see her naked, but it would have been unfair, I still had my back to her about two minutes later when she scampered back in and spooned herself into my back.
"You didn't peek."
"No mum, not once."
"Thank you" she kissed my shoulder, "What I said about you not being a gentleman, I take it back"
"I wanted to look mum."
"I wish you had"
I turned round to face her and looked into her eyes,
"What would you do if I pulled the sheet down now and kissed you?"
"I'd kiss you back."
"But it would mean that I'd see you naked."
Raising myself up I kissed her forehead and looked down at her breasts, her nipples already rising in anticipation
"You're beautiful mum."
"And you're a nice liar Tommy" she reached up and slid both arms around my neck, "I want this very much Tommy, but I said last night that I had something to tell you, so I need to do it now darling."
"Nothing you can tell me will change how I feel about you mum."
I jumped when her bedside phone rang and we both laughed,
"Leave it mum."
Picking up the receiver, her face went white, "Oh no!"
She listened for a while longer and then said, "We'll be there in an hour" and replaced the receiver,
"What's wrong mum?"
"Oh Tommy" she sobbed, "John's housekeeper tried to wake him this morning, she didn't succeed darling, he died in his sleep!"
An ambulance was pulling away as we drew into his driveway, Joan was standing in the doorway talking to a police officer, her face drawn and lined, it was the first time I'd ever thought that she looked her age.
We all shed a few tears, I particularly felt the pain of his passing, he'd been the nearest thing to a father that I'd known, he'd shown faith in me with my song and he'd had endless patience throughout the years when I was rebelling against everything that came in front of me, he never asked why and he never sat in judgment, in short he was a nice man and I knew I'd miss him terribly.
"We don't know for sure yet" Joan said tearfully, "But I spoke to his doctor and he's pretty sure it was natural causes."
"How old was he Joan?" mum asked but Joan wasn't sure, "Certainly in his seventies" she replied and cried again.
We spent the whole day with her at John's house and then she came back to mum's with us where I prepared dinner, afterwards we sat out in the garden and just talked about how he'd affected our lives.
She declined mum's offer to stay so we ran her home and on the way back mum pulled into a pub, we got our drinks and found a quiet little corner where she carried on from earlier on when she was about to tell me whatever it was.
"It was when I was eighteen Tommy, I saw the house that I wanted, the one I'm in now, but your father was in America on business and I couldn't even get hold of his lawyers, I had the chance to make some good money so I took it, looking back on it now, it probably wasn't such a good idea, but at least I managed to buy the house."
"What wasn't such a good idea mum?"
"It was a woman I met on holiday, she wanted me to act in some films."
"Do I need to guess what kind of films they were?"
She got up to get us a refill then and I felt a stirring down below as I watched her walking to the bar, she was smiling self consciously as she returned and said that she'd felt my eyes on her bottom.
"It looks like a very nice bottom mum."
"You haven't seen it."
"I don't need to see it to know it's nice mum, it'll be just like the rest of you - lovely."
"So how do you feel about me making blue films?"
"Do you want the truth mum?"
"Yes really, you did what you needed to do to get something you wanted, did they pay you well?"
"Oh yes" she said brightly, "Very well, but it wasn't just the money, it was the glamour and excitement, we filmed in Spain at a big villa, they were very lavish productions you know."
"They would have to be lavish for my mother" I laughed and she laughed with me, "Let's take some booze home Tommy, it'd be nice to sit in the garden and just talk."
"Good idea mum."
At home, she left me to pour our drinks whilst she went to change, it was a beautiful evening and in spite of John's passing, I felt good, I'd never before been happy with any of the foster parents I'd had and although they'd all done their best for me, I always felt like an outsider, here though was different, I felt at home!
"This belonged to someone who said he wanted to marry me" she said behind me and I turned to see her standing there smiling at me in just an oversized rugby shirt and trainers, she looked small and somehow vulnerable, even her breasts were only small swellings beneath the baggy shirt and I felt envious of the man who'd owned it.
"I think I hate him mum."
"No" she laughed, "There's no hate in you Tommy, he was a nice man but..."
"So why didn't you marry him?"
She sat down beside me and sipped at her drink,
"He said I was obsessed."
"With you" she said simply, "He said my only topic of conversation was the son I didn't know."
"Christ mum" I laughed, "Talking about me all the time must have bored the arse off him"
We were quiet for a minute, then she got up and took my hand, "Come on, there's something I want to show you."
There was a gate in the fence at the bottom of the garden and it opened onto a little wooden platform on the river bank, it was only a stream really and obviously not very deep because I could just about see the bottom, a few yards away the stream disappeared round a bend and I presumed it joined the river Thames as I caught a glimpse of a pleasure boat going past.
"This is where I used to come to plan things" she said softly, "Joan too."
"It's beautiful mum."
"It's peaceful" she smiled as we sat down at the plastic garden table, "My little world where I'd sit with Joan and ask her about you, but mostly I'd just sit here with a glass of wine and imagine what it would be like when I finally met you."
"Have I lived up to your expectations?"
"You've done a lot more than that Tommy."
I felt myself reddening, so I hid it by bringing her hand up to my mouth and kissing the back of it tenderly,
"Stay here mum."
I ran back up to the house and found what I was looking for, on the way back I grabbed the bottle we'd left in the garden and took it with me, she giggled when she saw the camera but I fired off a couple of shots before she could protest,