"Now appearing for his 6th time here at the Comedy Palace, Long Island's own funny fool, and my good friend, Henry Looper, The Loop!" Morgan Everlee waved his arms dramatically behind him at the curtain as 'The Loop' made his way onto the stage with his usual bag of props. Morgan punched fist against fist with the funny man and exited the stage from where Henry Looper had entered. The crowd responding kindly to the comic and 'The Loop' bowed like a Shakespearian actor.
"Yo, yo, yo... how's my homies? 117 representing in da his house! Ok, settle down people, I am done carrying on like my black brothers. How many of the brothers in here?" 'The Loop' held his hands up like a visor across his eyes and scanned the crowd. "Ya, I see ya, you guys know I am joking? I am just a stupid white guy trying to make a living." Few laughs and chuckles through the audience. "Sometimes, as a comedian I run out of material or I forget something, so I will curse or make fun of minorities to get a cheap laugh. Hey, this is the benefit of working the late show, you guys are drunk enough by now that it doesn't matter what shit I say, you will laugh at it." More laughs. He pointed at the crowd and smiled.
"That is why I love Long Island, New York so much. They will drink like fish and laugh at anything because after a week of work, it's got to get better, am I right?" There was a smattering of applause. "Now don't get me wrong, I too was employed not too long ago at a convenience store. I know fairly well what it takes to survive the day. A pack or two of cigarettes, an attitude to handle the child who tries to five-finger discount a chocolate bar and a smile for the grandmother who needs to find a hatpin. I love old people. What do you get when you cross an eighty year old man with viagra?" The Loop paused for a brief second, and continued, "You get a grandfather cock! Woohoo!!!" Groans. "You know Grandfather Clock, viagra, cock, grandfather cock, come on people, this is quality stuff." The crowd laughed at The Loop's begging.
"I guess you want some of my A-material?" The crowd hollered their approval in response to his question. "Well you better start drinking more. It doesn't get any better than this. A doctor asks an old man for a urine sample, a feces sample and a blood sample. He doesn't hear so he asks the doctor to repeat it. The doctor asks again for a urine sample, a feces sample and a blood sample. He looks to his wife for help and she tells him the doctor wants to have his underwear." The crowd moaned but there were some scattered laughs including 'The Loop' who giggled at himself.
"Hey I love old people, don't get me wrong, they just can't fight back. Easy targets people, easy targets. What am I going to do acted my mother-in-law? That is too easy of a target. Hey do you know that if you descramble the word mother-in-law you get the words, woman Hitler?" More moans, groans and chuckles emanated from the crowd. 'The Loop' rolled on, "So I guess we return to the old people, eh? I see where the demand is; I am not stupid. Okay then, how do you get four old ladies to say, 'Fuck'? You just have the fifth one say, 'Bingo.' Woohoo!"
"Ok, ok settle down people, settle down. I see I might be offending some of the blue hairs in the audience, so let's see if we can pick on some other people. No really, I am not about cheap jokes, I am a lot more. I see we have a few beautiful women in the front row tables. They always want to get as close as they can. They want to know if the rumor is true. They see a Jew and want to know if their cock is as small as a thimble. Actually it's true. When I am hard my schlong looks like a clitoris, but an aroused clitoris I must say. I see by the reaction by some of my words, that I could use more tasteful slang's for male gentalia. Actually I do use other words for my little stump. The ladies think it's cute when I call it my stuffed mouse. It is stuffed with filling and likes dark little holes, so I think that one is appropriate. Another one I often use is my pimple of pleasure. Yeah, erotic isn't it? I know, I know, you wish you thought of it first. Hey, the more you play with it, the harder it gets and sooner or later white stuff will puss out the top. Sexy ladies, sex-eee!"
'The Loop' continued to receive a nice mix of laughs and grunts. It was a good show. When he finally left the stage, the crowd was on their feet for a standing applause. He ran right to the bathroom backstage, but it was occupied so he made his way around and used the men's room the audience was using. When you got to go, you got to go, he thought. He made small talk with a few of the guys on the way to the stall.
"You know guys," he mused, "thank God we got a contraceptive machine in here. I don't think I have time to stop off at the quickie mart to purchase me a glow-in-the-dark condom of such high quality as we can get here. Hey, it is a comedy club remember these might be practical joke condoms, and after nine months the joke will be on you."
After he finished his new routine in the bathroom, he ran into a rather sweet looking red head with sparkling green eyes. She had a lace-trimmed flower patterned scoop blouse, which was a bit on the grandmotherly side. Her blue jean skirt certainly made up for her poor choice of tops, 'The Loop' thought. Her legs were encased in charcoal colored stockings, which glistened even in the shadows of the club. She was quite an interesting looking lady, probably in her mid 20's. She was pretty tall and wide shouldered. She had a bit of a large bulbous nose, but she knew how to make herself look pretty with her makeup. Her lips were glossed in pink and her eyes were accentuated by green eye shadow. He smiled at her and she introduced herself.
"Hi my name is Arlene," she stated, "I loved your show."
"Well," The Loop replied, "it is always nice to meet one of my admirers, especially one as charming as yourself." He smiled and bowed as he did when he first took the stage.
"Thanks," she smiled.
"It is my pleasure dear lady," he mentioned.
"A few of my friends are going over to McCloskey's for a few drinks, would you like to come?" She smiled gently at him, sending the message that she was more than interested in a few drinks.
"Well that certainly seems like an interesting thought."
.... There is more of this story ...