Midlife Crisis

by

Tags: Romantic, .

Desc: : Husband denies he's going through a midlife crisis. What's wrong with buying a Porsche? <br>Warning: unpleasant bodily fluids involved in non-sexual situations.



Just four days until Saturday. I'll concede there is some possibility I'm having a mid-life crisis. I don't think that's the case, but it is possible. Saturday morning my wife is taking the kids to see her parents for spring break. Saturday afternoon I'm finally getting together with Krystal.

We've been building up to this for months and I've been building up to this for years. Jenna was terrific when we met and married but we've been drifting apart for quite some time now. What used to be an exciting and fulfilling sex life has dwindled to the point where I don't look forward to it the way I used to. It used to be a focal point for our time together. Now it's something I know I want to do, but I don't quite remember why.

There is no question in my mind why I wanted to do it with Krystal. Just thinking about being with her gives me an instant erection, something I have to work hard to avoid when I see her at work. We've been flirting for quite a few months now. I think I finally developed the courage to approach her when I bought my new Porsche. I saw her admiring it and offered her a ride. She is very attractive and has the wonderful body you might expect from a twenty-five-year old. Not that Jenna has let herself go, but Krystal has that young body that she loves to show off with tight, scant clothes that just barely qualify as business attire.

When I hit forty, I realized this was the only body I would ever have and started to work out regularly, so I'm in pretty good shape myself. At forty-two, I realized there was no reason to wait any longer for that car I had always been longing for so I bought it. Sure, I can't take more than one passenger, but I felt so good driving it that there has never been any doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do.

Krystal has that exciting single's life and this weekend I'll get to share some of it with her. Hopefully I'll get to share a week of it. We have plans for dinner and a club Saturday night and I hope we'll get to do in the afternoon what I knew for sure we'll get to do later that night. What a difference that will be from the home life I seem to have drifted into.

Soccer, drama club, the mall and I don't even want to think of all the other places I have to drive the girls. Jenna drives too, but it is all so time consuming. Bills to pay, repairs to make, clothes to pick up, seeing her parents was not what I thought I signed up for when I said, "I do." At least this time I won't have to visit her parents. That would almost have made my week even without the plans I have with Krystal. They never thought I was good enough for their daughter and in the 18 years I've known them I have never gotten any sense of real affection from them. They ought to give you a manual to read before you get married. You get a manual before you take the driver's test and driving is a lot easier than being married.

When we got married Jenna was twenty five and had that body that Krystal has now and I was always looking to get her clothes off of it. Now it's sweatpants, white athletic socks and a frumpy old shirt she uses for cleaning or just sitting around and relaxing. You've heard of fuck-me pumps. This is her leave-me-alone outfit. Even if that was not the case, any passion we might want to express has to be done with the obstacle of two teenage girls in the house.

I still love Jenna and I'm sure she still loves me but there is just something missing. Since I only get one chance in this life, I think I deserve it all and I think Krystal can supply a lot of what I've been missing.

I don't know what to attribute this queasy feeling I have in my stomach to. I'm sure this is what I want to do and I don't think I'm having second thoughts.


Wednesday morning, I think I slept through the alarm. That wasn't a queasy feeling, I have serious stomach cramps. I've got to get to the bathroom before there is a real mess. It's so painful, I'm bent over on the way to the bathroom. Excuse me for the indelicacy, but I just realized what must have been the origin for the phrase, "Blow it out your ass." I'm nauseous, but at least I'm not barfing. I've got to get back to bed, I can barely stand up.

It's so hard to get to sleep. I have to keep visiting the bathroom.

The clock says 1:30 and it's light out so I guess it's afternoon. Even with all these covers I'm freezing. I duck my head under the covers to trap my warm breath in hopes of defeating this brutal chill. It works and I'm able to get my head back out so it doesn't smell so gross. I should get something to drink so I don't get dehydrated but I don't have the energy to make it downstairs and back up again.

I hear a car door close outside and the voices of a man and a woman. Then I hear fumbling at the lock of the front door and the voices come inside. My God, Jenna has brought a man back to the house with her when she doesn't expect me to be here. She's having an affair. No wonder we don't seem to be getting along, she's having a damn affair and I'm about to catch them; so much for feeling any guilt.

"Oh thank God, there you are. When I called you at work, they didn't know where you were and why you hadn't come in. I can't tell you all the horrible things I imagined had happened to you."

She is accompanied by Ed Wilson. He lives three doors down. If she was so worried, why didn't she send him? Maybe because he doesn't have a key. "Well Jen, I can see that there are no burglars or anything so I'm going to head back home." Quick thinking Ed.

She makes a phone call. "Roger is here. He's sick. He probably felt too bad to call and tell you he wouldn't be in.

"Yeah, I'll call when I have a better idea of how long he'll be out. Bye."

I guess if she knows I missed work and didn't call in, she wouldn't be stupid enough to bring a lover home. She walks over and runs her hand through my hair. "Poor baby."

"Aaaa. Stop. It hurts."

"What can I get you?"

"Something to drink."

"Have you had anything? Can you keep it down?"

"I'm nauseous but I haven't barfed yet."

"I'll get you some ginger ale. If we don't have any I'll run to the store to get it."

My skin hurts from the pressure of the sheet. The skin on my face hurts from the pressure of the ambient air passing over it. All my muscles ache.

She returns with a glass of ginger ale. I can't take more than a couple sips. My stomach is starting to hurt again. Then the need hits me and I rush to the bathroom.

Back in bed I mercifully fall asleep. That is always my preference - to sleep through an illness and wake when I'm better. When I wake, she's there in her leave-me-alone outfit. She has a dish of lime Jell-o and a spoon for me. It smells good but I have an urgent need to return to the bathroom.

This time it's really bad. By the time it's done pouring out my ass and I get in a quick wipe, I have to turn around and vomit on top of it. It's a long one and I can barely catch a breath but it keeps coming. It was so fast I didn't get it all in the bowl. Some is on the seat and some is on the floor. Shit, I have to go again and I don't have time to clean up. I've got barf on me but at least I manage to get everything into the bowl. I wipe my ass and there is Jenna on her knees with a warm wash cloth cleaning me up. She dries me off with a towel and helps me back to the bed. My head is killing me. Everything is killing me.

"I'll be back. I need to go into the bathroom to clean up the rug."

I don't have the energy to stay awake.

It's getting dark. It's still light enough for me to see a glass of ginger ale on the night table. Just a couple sips. I feel it going down, it's so cold. It quickly reaches my stomach and my stomach isn't happy. It's starting to hurt again. I don't know which end will be up, but I know where I'm going.

Both ends. But at least this time I don't mess the place up. The carpet is moist where I barfed on it before but it smells nice, certainly much better than I do. I get a brief respite before I hurl. I think that is the most appropriate description as it keeps coming out and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I feel a hand running down the back of my neck, soothing me. I don't know if my skin hurts because I'm mostly wrapped up in the violent contractions of my abdomen, my chest, my shoulders, my back. Mercifully, it ends and she hands me some toilet paper to wipe up with. I flush and she hands me a paper cup with mouthwash. I gargle and at least that incredibly nasty taste is gone. My throat is raw, but at least it tastes minty.

Jenna helps me back to bed and before we can even talk, I'm asleep.

The TV is on and I notice it's Law and Order. It must be after 10.

Jenna notices that I'm awake, comes over and hands me the ginger ale. "Try it again. You want to try to avoid getting too dehydrated. That's how people get seriously ill from something like this."

It feels like I'm seriously ill already but I know she means that dehydration can be life threatening. I can feel it going down again but it's not as painful as it hits my stomach.

"Are you hungry at all? Can I get you some Jell-o?"

.... There is more of this story ...

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Story tagged with:
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