Chapter 3: What's Done

Cath stamped her feet, it may have still been summer, but the morning was a chilly one. She stood silently amongst the din of the other children; her ears straining to pick up one thread of conversation. Although it was whispered, Cath could just make it out.

"I tell you she's weird, did you see the way she eyed up Rach that day?" asked Caroline.

"What are you saying? That Lalo did something to her? How? I mean just how?" said Suze.

"I don't know, but she's odd - you know spooky," Caroline replied.

"So should we sort her? I mean, after what's happened to Rach now? The bitch deserves it!" Suze snapped.

"I have a plan, but I need to talk to someone first. She will pay..." Caroline muttered.

The screech of the bus braking drowned out all the chatter. Cath rushed onto the bus. She gazed along the aisle, Lalo was sitting beside Darren. Without hesitation, Cath walked up and interrupted their conversation.

"I need your advice Lalo, can you spare me a bit of time?" Cath asked, motioning to the empty back seats with a twitch of her head.

"'scuse me Darren," Lalo said, before following her friend to the rear of the stationary bus.

Cath snuggled up to Lalo, and waited to speak, until the roar of the bus starting almost covered her hushed words.

"Watch out for Caroline, she and Suze are planning something. They're crazy, do you know they are blaming you for what happened to that weirdo, Rachael."

"Maybe they are right!" Lalo whispered.

Cath turned to look at her friend, Lalo quickly moved her head, but Cath saw the glistening tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. Lalo stiffened against Cath's supportive arm.

"You can't believe that, it's crazy!" Cath gasped, "Lalo, she did what she did alone, and none of it was your fault."

Lalo turned her head back, and stifled a sniffle - her red eyes looked directly into Cath's.

"You don't know what I'm capable of - I'm not, not - normal." Lalo sighed.

"You are more normal than me, mate, come on, cheer up. I'm here for you," Cath smiled.

"Thanks," murmured Lalo.

Cath sat comforting Lalo all the way to school. Their bond of friendship grew stronger in the shared silence. The two outcasts were set against the world.

The day dragged along slowly and try as she might, Cath couldn't get Lalo and her plight out of her mind. She felt a special closeness to Lalo, and it was growing, changing into something else. Was this love, or just another crush? It felt real, but could she really have these deep feelings for another girl? The others had always teased her, but until now she had laughed it off. She wasn't laughing now; she was scared of her feelings -and what they could mean.

Cath felt another more familiar desire building up; she knew she would have to deal with it soon. This time she would need to find somewhere more secure than the loos. She had almost been caught in the middle of it last time.

'God, I shouldn't do it again. I know it's wrong, mum would be furious if she knew.'

The feeling grew, its strength increasing in line with her panic. Cath's hands started to tremble, she knew all was lost. The bell interrupted her deep self-pity. She stood, and made her way to the classroom door, immediately Lalo stopped her.

"How do you fancy sharing lunch? We can chat, and..." Lalo was cut short.

"I can't, I'm... I just can't! Sorry," Cath blurted out the words.

Ignoring the confused look on Lalo's face, Cath dashed to the door. She had needs of her own that she had to control. Soon she was outside the school; her pace quickening, carrying her away from the busy playground.

She slipped into the shadows, and found her way to the back of the school kitchens. Once hidden, in a dark doorway, Cath began her sordid ritual; her frustrated hands tore at her clothes. Soon bare unprotected flesh was exposed, and she slid her hand into the breast pocket of her school uniform.

Her nimble fingers grasped the object of her desire firmly. She calmly toyed with it. In a flash it was done, her face screwed up in a mixture of relief and pain. Her left hand hung by her side, dark droplets of blood dripping from her fingers. A fresh cut graced her scarred arm, ripe and red it gaped, smiling at the bottom of a ladder of previous scars.

The teenager sobbed, howling her disgust of herself to the universe. The wet razor blade was still tightly clenched between the thumb and forefinger of her right hand.

She was wounded in her heart and soul, but relief soon followed as she bled away her sins. Cath pulled herself together, and flicked the blade back into her pocket. She applied her clean hanky over the seeping wound and tied it off with her teeth. Carefully she rolled her blouse sleeve back down, buttoned the cuff, and smiled.

Once again her shame was hidden, and her sins atoned for. She walked confidently away from the kitchen, and skirted the fence by Dark Lane. She made her way to the toilets; soon there would be no evidence. As she turned the corner, the cheerful hum died on her lips. Cath froze not believing, and not wanting to believe, her eyes.

Lalo was standing with her back against the pebble-dash wall. Darren was in front of her, his right hand buried deep inside Lalo's school blouse. Darren sneered, and thrust his other hand roughly under the hem of Lalo's skirt. Lalo writhed against Darren's double assault. Cath moved - she was just about to leave when she heard the panic in Lalo's voice.

"Darren, please, please stop! Don't, even I don't touch myself there. Darren - let go! It's not safe," Lalo pleaded.

"I want you to prove you're not what they say you are! Show me you want it," ordered Darren.

Darren's hands moved even more frantically over Lalo's unwilling body. Cath could see a dark nipple, standing proud as he groped Lalo's small breast. Her eyes drank in the voyeuristic glimpse, Cath's pulse raced. She was torn, her mind told her to rescue her friend; but the dark desire held her entranced, it was so good to watch.

Lalo's head swung back; Darren's fingers had found their mark. She recoiled from his heavy touch. Her hands reached up to push him back, but Darren shifted his position. His hands flew up to Lalo's shoulders, and mercilessly he forced her down. Soon Lalo was on her knees, trembling with fear. Darren lunged forwards, driving the tented front of his trousers into Lalo's face. Cath watched in horror as he started to unzip his fly.

Before Cath's startled eyes, Darren was suddenly launched off his feet. The surprised boy dangled in mid air, and then crashed to the ground, falling in a crumpled heap. In seconds, he sprang to his feet and ran towards Lalo. When he was no more than an arm's length away from her, he once again shot upwards, flipped in mid air, and landed flat on his back. Cath heard the air rush from his lungs, he gurgled. She watched as he scrambled back up onto his feet. Darren cast a terrified look back at Lalo, and fled.

Cath ran up to her friend, who was busily covering up her exposed body.

"Lalo, are you OK?" Cath puffed.

"Fine, thanks - just fine." Lalo replied.

"What happened? Did you?" Cath asked.

"Yes, that was me. I'm a monster!" Lalo sobbed, through sheets of tears.

"No you're not, you were just protecting yourself,"

"Then yes, but I attacked Rachael; this is entirely my fault!" Lalo wailed.