I hated Steve from the first day I met him. I remember it clearly, even though I was only seven years old at the time. My mom had just divorced my dad and I felt so alone. I felt that she had dumped daddy to be with Steve. I had always felt that way.
Growing up my anger towards Steve grew stronger. I knew the only thing I was upset about was my parents splitting up. Even though Steve was the best father a girl could ask for, I always held that grudge against him.
My mother and I would always get into huge arguments because of Steve. As I became a teenager, things got worse. To my surprise, Steve always stuck around no matter what. My mother couldn't have any more children, and Steve still stuck around. I figured he would have left, but that showed he really cared about my mother and I. When I was 13, he decided to adopt me and claim me as his real daughter. I too was shocked about that. Being the brat that I was and saying so many hateful things to him, he still wanted to adopt me.
"Why does he have to adopt me? I don't want his last name! He's not my father!" I screamed out the day after reading the adoption papers.
My mother looked at me sternly. "Young lady you better be quiet right now! Steve has been very good to you and me both. Now I don't want to hear you complain about him anymore!"
My eyes swelled with tears. "But mom! How could you take his side?"
"Because he takes care of us. He's never hit me, hit you, or been mean to either of us. I wish you would give him a chance Lindsay. He's more of a father than your biological father would ever be."
"That's not true! You never even gave daddy a chance to be my father. You just pushed him away and messed around with Steve! Besides he's like ten years younger than you!"
My mother sighed. "Lindsay that's enough. Steve's only six years younger and that has nothing to do with this conversation. I left your father because he used to beat me. You were too young to remember. Now that's the end of our conversation!"
"When I turn 18, I'm going to live with my real daddy. Steve is just a replacement! I hate him!"
I felt my cheek burn as my mother slapped my face. I held my hand against my face and cried more. I didn't say anything and my mother looked shocked and seemed as if she wanted to apologize but I just ran to my room.
That day I cried so much thinking my mom didn't love me and that Steve was stealing her away from me and he was the one to have destroyed our family. I didn't understand why my mother wouldn't understand that.
When I was 15 that's when everything changed. My mother had been on her way to pick me up from school. It was cold, rainy and very wet outside. I waited for over an hour and there was no sign of my mom. I was about to go walking home, but that's when I saw Steve's car pull up.
"Lindsay, get in. You're mother... she's been in a car accident."
I frowned. "What? What are you talking about?"
"Please get in. It's cold and we need to get to the hospital."
I didn't argue and got in. We drove in silence and I felt my heart racing hoping my mother was ok.
Once we got to the hospital, we rushed up to see my mother. The doctor was waiting outside and his face looked so sad. Steve held on to my hand as we walked.
"Mr. Sayers?" The doctor asked.
"Yes! That's me. Is she ok? Is Pam ok?"
The doctor took a deep breath. "I'm afraid we lost Pam. She lost so much blood."
My hand trembled and Steve gasped. "No! Please no!"
"I'm very sorry," the doctor said.
"I didn't move. I couldn't. I was numb holding on to Steve's hand. He looked at me with his blue eyes full of tears. "I'm sorry Lindsay. I'm so sorry."
It took a while until finally I felt tears running down my face. I was in shock and couldn't say anything. Steve put his arms around me and I was still stiff with my eyes dazed. It felt like a nightmare and I hoped to wake up and see my mother still there with me, but it was no nightmare. It was so real! My mother! She'd died.
After a long moment of numbness, I pulled away from Steve and he looked at me with sad eyes. His eyes were red from crying and I just looked at him with shock. "My mother! She's gone! Noooo!" I finally shouted.
Steve grabbed me and held me in his arms again. For the first time in my life I hugged him back. We both cried together for a long time.
After my mother's death, I went through a big depression. I lost a lot of weight because I wouldn't eat. Most of my afternoons were spent in my room listening to music or drawing. Steve worked afternoons since he was a restaurant manager so I had the house to myself until about ten at night.
Steve and I didn't talk much. I still felt resentful for him being in my life. I was still convinced in my warped mind that he had been the one to destroy me and my moms relationship. The whole time I thought about my dad. My mother had never talked much about him. She just kept telling me I was too young to remember what a jerk he was. I guess I had been too young. I was only three when they ended their marriage. Ever since then, I had never seen my father. I kept thinking my mother kept me away from him.
At school, I had become a social outcast. I had lost many friendships because of how withdrawn I had become and didn't care. I had so much hate in me, I could scream! Being with boys had never occurred to me either. I wasn't your typical high school girl that crushed on the cute boys. Instead I just concerted on school work and drawing.
One night, on his day off, Steve had come up to my room, which had hadn't done in months. I was busy drawing and he gently tapped at my door. I looked over at the door and didn't respond. I was hoping he'd get the idea that I wanted to be alone. Instead, he opened the door. "I should have locked the door," I said to myself.
I looked up from my sketching. "Yeah?"
"I was going to go into town to buy some groceries and was wondering you'd like to come along. Maybe you can pick out some snacks that you like?"
"No thank you," I replied dryly and continued sketching.
I felt him standing at the door for a while. "Um ok. But if there is something bothering you, please let me know. I am your... father and I'd like to help."
I looked up and narrowed my eyes at him. "No Steve, you're not my father, you're my step father."
His eyes grew sad. "Ok then, I'm your step father. I'm really the only family you have left."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "No you're not! I still have my real father, or have you forgotten?"
He sighed and nodded. "Very well then. I'll be back later."
With that, he closed the door and left. I went back to my sketching but felt hot tears running down my face. Was it always going to be like this?
At school, things weren't any easier. Being depressed made me lose a lot of my friends. I ate lunch alone and walked from school to home alone as well. I figured it would be like this for the rest of my days in high school.
It wasn't until my senior year, that I met Delilah. She was in my art class, not because she liked it, but because she needed to take an elective. She was wild, one could tell just by looking at her.
Her long hair was dyed black and her eyes were covered with heavy makeup and her lips bright red. She was tall, skinny and dressed provocatively. I began to feel comfortable around her for some odd reason, maybe it's because she was an outcast too.
"So listen, we are going riding around tonight, you think you can come?" She asked one day after school.
"Oh I don't know, my step dad sorta wants me home tonight."
She laughed. "Your step dad? Didn't you say you couldn't stand him?"
I shrugged. "Yeah, but-"
"Come on Lindsay, you have to go! There'll be some hot guys!"
"I'm not interested in boys Delilah."
She looked at me with a puzzled face. "You gay or what?"
I laughed. "No, it's just that I'm not very happy right now in my life to be meeting boys."
She eyed me for a moment. "Look, you are already 18. You're not a kid you know."
"I guess I can go."
"Alright then, come on!"
I didn't bother to call or come home that day. Instead, I left with Delilah we went to her house and she let me borrow some of her clothes. I wore a short black skirt and a dark purple low cut top that showed my belly as well.
"You need to get a naval ring. Guys love that shit," Delilah said to me.
"I've wanted one for a long time."
"I know this guys who can do it for you. He'll only charge you twenty bucks."
"Yeah we can go Monday after school if you want."
"Now hurry up we got to go pick up the rest of my friends."
That night we went over to one of Delilah's friends house. Her name was Kara and she was just as wild as Delilah. She let us in her apartment that she lived in. She was 19 years old and lived with a 24-year-old guy. We sat around for a few minutes waiting for Kara to get ready and then took off in her car. We headed off down by the beach where a group of people waited for us.
"See that guy over there?" Delilah asked pointing towards a tall dark haired guy.
"He's the one I want to introduce you to."
I gulped. He was gorgeous but looked dangerous. His hair was jet-black and he wore a lip ring and dark eyeliner under his eyes. Delilah and I hung out until this one guy with long hair came and lured her away.
.... There is more of this story ...