Chapter 1: Saturday

The closing of the sliding glass door was like a switch shutting off the last of the inner strength that had helped Early keep his emotions under control. As his protective shield collapsed he finally gave in to the dark despair that he had fought so hard to keep at bay and wept uncontrollably.

Blinking back the tears he began to walk, thinking, "What am I going to do"? "Why did this happen"? Deep in thought Early wandered aimlessly until he chanced upon a small park overlooking Lake Washington. The sound of waves breaking against the shore had always been soothing to Early so when he found a secluded bench where he could sit and watch the waves he stopped to gather his thoughts. He loved Susan more than his own life and the thought of being without her was unbearable. But he also couldn't live the life of a cuckold, what was he to do?

Early had always been a problem solver; after all he was chief negotiator and troubleshooter for his company. On many occasions he had resolved issues others had quit on. Early almost smiled at remembering the ease with which he had suggested a compromise in his last negotiation that had concluded with all parties being happy and in a profitable position. He clinched his teeth when he thought of the irony that solving that problem was what let him come home two days early. There had even been a comment from the President/CEO of his company that there was probably a Vice-Presidents position waiting for him when he returned to the office on Monday. Surely if he could negotiate with other people to such satisfactory conclusions he could find a solution to his own problems that would make everyone happy.

He pondered his dilemma until finally the overwhelming despair began giving way to other emotions. Determination, loss, and even a hint of curiosity began forming from the morass of jumbled feelings that had tumbled through his mental being since discovering Susan's infidelity. Emerging the strongest and most insistent however were anger and rage. The anger had started out unnoticed as a tiny point of white-hot light in the dark gloom of his despair but the longer Early contemplated his situation the greater it expanded. Early was roused from his stupor by the aching in his jaw muscles from clenching them so tightly in his anger. It was time to quit retreating and form a plan.

The afternoon was spent mulling over remembrances of his life with Susan and how to deal with the current situation. Time passed unnoticed until daytime had faded into dusk.

"Early! Early, I have been hunting all over for you!" Susan's frantic voice penetrated his concentration and he became aware of his wife standing in front of him in the near dark.

"When I finally gathered my wits enough to talk, you were gone. I've been frantic thinking something had happened to you or worse, that you had done something foolish. My God Early, I would die if something happened to you!"

Her eyes were swollen and red from crying and even now had tears running down her cheeks. She still wore the skirt and blouse she had been wearing when she had come home this morning.

"Susan, what are you doing here?" he answered in a dead voice. "How did you find me"?

"I got in the car and started driving around, trying to think of where you might go. When I could finally think straight I knew you would be somewhere near the water. I nearly called the police I was so worried"!

"I'm sure," Early grunted in reply.

"Please don't hate me," Susan wailed as tears once again begin to flow.

"I don't hate you, quite the contrary, I love you beyond understanding. If I didn't love you I wouldn't be in so much pain"

His comment cut into Susan like a knife and she began sobbing nearly out of control. "Please Early, lets go home and talk, I need to explain what happened. It doesn't have to be like this, what I did with John had nothing to do with you, with us"!

"Susan, until you understand how absolutely wrong that statement is, it will always be like this! But you're right; we need to go home although I don't want to talk right now."

At Early's last statement Susan sank to the ground almost in hysterics.

Going to her he helped her to stand not by putting his arms around her as he so desperately wanted but holding her arm as they walked to the car. "Give me the keys, I'll drive."

The only sound in the car as they drove home was Susan's subdued sobbing. Her attempts at further communication were pointedly ignored. Pulling the car into the garage Early got out and went directly into the house without waiting for her.

Entering the house he went to the small bar in the family room and poured himself a tall Scotch. "Would you like a drink?"

"No"

Without acknowledging her presence any further Early went into the kitchen. It had been many hours since he had last eaten and now that the uncertainty he had lived with for the past few days had become tangible fact he found he was hungry. Making a sandwich in silence he sat down at the breakfast counter to eat it.