This story was caught, filleted, and cooked in the FishTank (http://www.desdmona.com/fishtank).
Sweat was pouring off my face. I adjusted my grip on the handlebars to ease my hand fatigue. My thighs were just beginning to protest. I could see the crest of the hill up ahead. Glancing down at my speedometer/computer, I couldn't help smiling - this might just be my best time yet. Damn, this was turning into a great ride.
Been riding for just over five years now. A knee injury terminated my running program, and the physical therapist suggested bicycling. I never bought another pair of running shoes. Even with my work commitments I average three rides a week. I've actually gotten pretty good, even won some races in my age group. It wasn't like I was ready for the Tour de France, but I enjoy the competition.
Today's training route - my favorite, wound through old county back roads. The long climb was a pain but it had the fastest descent of all my rides; a steep curving plummet that needed total concentration. At the bottom of the hill the road flattens and straightens out just before it crosses some train tracks. Once past the train tracks it's a simple turn to the left onto a bike trail and an easy cool-down ride home.
As soon as I was done with this ride I was going to do nothing but relax. I was looking forward to a long restful weekend. The completion of a major project at work, one that consumed far too many evenings and weekends, said I deserved it - and I wasn't about to disagree.
Approaching the high point of the ride, I shifted through the gears to keep my pedals spinning at over 75 revolutions per minute. I wanted to save my legs for the descent as that allows me to reach my top speed. I let my mind fantasize for a moment about that long hot shower waiting for me at home. No, first I would enjoy a cool refreshing drink and then I'd take a long, hot shower.
I reached the crest and shifted back through the gears picking up speed as I descended. My pedal revolutions were over 100 as I settled into the highest gear. Reaching top speed I tucked into my most aerodynamic position and enjoyed the roar of wind rushing past my ears.
WHOOOOOSH! That was no wind! And that was one fucking close call!
Something silver flashed by me so close that I was physically pushed sideways by the airwave. I lifted my head in time to see the driver with a mobile phone cupped to her ear - fucking bitch! Was the cell phone held-to-the-ear destined to become the 21st century equivalent of flipping someone the bird?
Ahead of the car I saw the railroad crossing lights blinking and the control arms descending. I watched with real satisfaction as the car's brake lights lit up. The driver must have been racing to make the crossing - she'd lost. But with any luck I wasn't about to!
There was an excellent chance that if the train was long enough or slow enough I'd reach the sedan in time. I was more than eager for the opportunity to vent my ire on the unthinking driver. I reached the car with plenty of train yet to clear the crossing.
Crossing slowly behind the sedan, an immaculate BMW 740i, I pulled up next to the driver's side door. The woman's perfectly dyed blond hair was pulled back into a shoulder length ponytail. I noticed a black jacket folded neatly on the passenger's seat. The woman had on a white blouse and a very short black skirt. As I pulled up beside her I could see that she was quite pretty, and judging by the volume of her voice very pissed off. Even with the windows up, I could hear every word she shouted into the phone.
"Yeah, you heard me right asshole, THE LAWYERS. I gave them the photos of you and your personal assistant - little miss ass slut. Really? Well guess again, do you remember that pre-nuptial agreement that you had me sign? Do you recall the clause about adultery? Ohhh very good - I am going to own you, you worthless fucking prick!" She snapped the cell phone closed and threw it onto the passenger seat and yelled at it, "And I hope your dick falls off you cheating bastard!"
.... There is more of this story ...