Chapter 14

My name is Jeremy.

Folks used to call me 'Bubba' but for the last twelve or so years, ever since my oldest granddaughter started talking, I have been 'PawPaw' or 'Big PawPaw' depending on who was calling me.

There were only three people that called me Jeremy.

Grandmother had, on occasion, called me Jeremy. Sometimes when we were making love and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks, Grandmother and I made love. It was warm. It was romantic. It was almost always heated and it was wonderful.

Mother only called me Jeremy when she was mad at me about something.

Then there was my wife.

Linda and I were soulmates from the time we met. She was a pretty little freckled faced redhead. We sat side by side in class that first year and knew we would always be together.

We buried her three days before Thanksgiving.

It is December 30th,2003.

I am in my study writing the account of my incestous life to this point.

It finally got quiet around midnight. My oldest daughter and her kids are still here.

Linda Gail, yes we named her after my wife, is now thirty and has four kids. She decided to stay for a while to make sure I am okay.

I'm not.

I don't know if I ever will be okay. I don't mind them being here. We, as you have already seen, are a really close family. How close will be more apparent in chapters to come.

"PawPaw?"

Ali, Allyson is my oldest granddaughter, just went back to bed. She is fourteen. She is a little on the plump side. Her hair used to be red like her grandmothers'. Now it is in about a four inch spike all over her head and alternates between pink and purple. She has five earrings in each ear. There is a nose thing with a little silver chain that connects her nose to her left ear. She is wearing gray or silver lipstick, outlined in dark black on her thick pouty lips.

She has on a long t-shirt with a picture of Ozzie Ozborne on the front.

She came in, leaned her butt against my desk and asked "PawPaw, are you okay?"

Looking into her green eyes filling with tears, I held out my arms to her and said " Come sit on PawPaws' lap."

I backed away a little from my desk and she sat down resting her head on my chest, encircling my body with her arms.

I could feel her tears falling on my bare chest and trickling through my chest hair.

"Now, now" I said " PawPaw is fine Darlin'. Please don't cry."

"I can't help it" she returned.

"We all miss Granny" I said as I rubbed her back and held her close.

"It isn't Granny, well it is but it isn't, I heard Momma tell Daddy that she was worried about you and that made me worry. She said you had changed and it scared her." Tears were now streaming down my face as she continued.

" She said she didn't know if you would be able to handle being alone and she didn't know what to do."

She raised up to look at me and saw my tears.

"Oh, PawPaw, please don't cry. I love you and you will never be alone. I will come see you whenever I can. " she started to sob, reached up, kissed me on the cheek. "Please PawPaw, don't cry."

" Sometimes crying is what a person has to do to deal with a problem. It is okay to cry. " I said holding her closer.

I would have to have a talk with Linda Gail. Here was my granddaughter trying to console me but she should never have been allowed to hear my daughters' conversation in the first place.

As we sat crying together I remembered back to the first time I needed consoling.

It was 1971.

I had just turned twenty when my mother came home unexpectedly.

She had been going to see different doctors about some problems she was having and had come home to talk to the family.

The doctors had found a shadow on her liver.

I sat and listened to mother tell us that she was going to have what they called exploratory surgery.

She said it didn't look good and that she might have cancer.

I was devastated.

I don't remember a whole lot about that time.

In fact, to this day, I have very little recollection of it.

I was in another place from the moment Mother told us until about two weeks after we buried her, four months later.

It had been a couple of weeks since the funeral. I was spending a lot of time at the creek. Not swimming but just using it for refuge, I guess.

I was sitting on my tailgate when I heard someone say " Bubba? Would you like some company?"

It was Margie, Marks' mother. She had walked all the way down here to check on me. I discovered later that she had been by every day since the funeral.

If anyone knew about loss and how to cope, it was Margie.

Mark had been killed in Vietnam a little over two years ago. When they got the news, his father had a massive heart attack and died.

There was a double funeral. Everyone gathered around her and tried to help her and now here she was checking on me.

"Sure" I replied and patted the tailgate beside me.

"Have you cried yet?" she asked.

Tears started flooding from my eyes as she put her right arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to her.

"It's okay to cry, just let it out." She said in a soothing voice that had a little tremble to it " I still cry from time to time when I think about something Mark or Joe said that made me laugh or made me mad."

"It's good to clear all the confusion out of your head. A good cry does that."

She held me and whispered soothing things and let me cry.

She had her hand on the back of my head. I had leaned over and rested my head on her shoulder. My tears were falling off my cheeks and running down between her breasts.

When I opened my eyes and saw them streaming between her breasts I tried to pull away but she just held me tighter and kissed my forehead.

She took her left hand, lifted my head and brushed the tears from both eyes and both cheeks. She kissed my eyes, still whispering softly "everything will be okay eventually. It takes time."

She kissed my nose, Her lips moved to mine and kissed me lightly.

She backed away slightly, looked into my eyes and kissed me again. This time she placed her tongue on my lips. My mouth opened to receive it. She gave a little moan as our tongues touched.

She reached over and brought my right hand to her breast.

I just held it there.

She squeezed my hand with hers and moaned again as I started to massage it.

She was wearing a dress with buttons all down the front.

We continued the kiss. As we slowly lay back on the truckbed, she unbuttoned her dress to her waist. It gapped open revealing her bra.

I leaned over, kissed her, slid her bra over her breasts and moved my lips to the base of her neck while my hands fondled her breasts.

Margie had small breasts. Her nipples were little pinpoints. Her breasts were soft and pliable to touch but didn't disappear when she lay down. Her nipples were standing up seeking attention.

She groaned loudly as I bent down, cupped her left breast with my right hand and took her whole breast into my mouth.

I was on my left side. Margie was on her back. Our legs were hanging partially off the tailgate.

As I moved to her right breast, she raised her legs and placed her feet on the edge of the tailgate causing her dress to fall to her waist. She was wearing white cotton panties.

I removed my hand from her breast but continued to suck on them, flicking my tongue across her nipples. feeling her body twitch.

Running my hand down across her dress, gathered at her waist, I bypassed her panties and placed it about mid thigh.

Her body jerked at my touch. Her legs parted slightly and she moaned loudly.

Her right arm had been around my back with her hand pulling my head to her breasts. She now moved just enough to maneuver it between our bodies and rested her righ hand over my full hard-on through my jeans.