Part 6: Thursday Evening

Chapter Twenty-Four

Amanda

It was the tortures of the damned, walking home with him. He was holding my hand but his heart wasn't in it. We walked three blocks without him saying a word.

The first thing he did say shocked me. "You did get the shot this morning, right?"

"Yes," I confirmed.

"Good."

"Why is that important?" I asked tentatively.

"Well, you know," he said. "Why, do you want to get pregnant?"

"Of course not, but if I had forgotten to take the shot today, and I got pregnant, it wouldn't be your problem."

"I thought you just told me that you weren't dumping me."

"I'm not! What made you bring that up?"

"Well, that's the reason I wanted to know if you had the shot. Because if you had gotten pregnant, and we were still going to be together, then it'd be my problem, too, wouldn't it?"

Oh, wow. He'd do that? I was thunderstruck. And I really am twenty different kinds of idiot, for doubting this for a second.

Before I had time to process that, we were at his house. He led me onto the living room couch. "Want a coke?" he asked.

"Yes, please." He went off to the kitchen, and returned with a couple of cokes-and Tina in tow.

"Hiya, little brother. Hey Amanda." She got a little grin then, and said, "Hey, the supper's an hour and a half away, and that garlic bread only takes ten minutes. So, Jared, you've got time if you want to take her downstairs for a little of the ol' hubba-hubba."

I felt very bad for Tina afterwards, because she had no idea, but you want to talk about saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? It just hit me, like a whack from a baseball bat upside my soul-and I just lost it. I started shaking. Violent, heaving, shaking. All over. It was scary as hell. I was barely conscious of my surroundings-I do remember Jared grabbing me and holding me in his arms, and poor Tina babbling "What did I say? Oh, shit, what did I say?" But I was mostly lost in my own little world, and it wasn't a pleasant place to be right then. I just kept shaking. I wasn't even really crying, just these big huge gasps coming from my mouth, and the endless, horrible shaking. Then I felt something awful down in the pit of my stomach, and managed to blurt out to Jared, "Oh, shit, I think I'm going to be sick." Jared hustled me to the bathroom, and waited outside the door for me while I violently upchucked the remnants of my lunch.

At least I stopped shaking. I could barely stand up, but at least I stopped shaking. I came out of the bathroom to find Jared looking at me with a concerned look. I gave him a half-hearted smile, and he put his arm around me and led me back into the living room. When I got there, I saw poor Tina wringing her hands, looking traumatized-and I even saw Jared's parents there, looking at me with concern. They must have come in in the middle of the fireworks. Oh, joy.

Jared led me back to the couch. Tina was hovering. "Oh, God, Amanda, what did I say? I didn't mean anything, oh shit..."

"Tina," I cut her off. "It wasn't your fault. Please. It was not your fault."

"It's been a long day," Jared said.

"That's an understatement." I took a deep breath, and looked at Tina. "After school today, in the woods leading to the football field, I cheated on your brother." Tina looked at me in shock. "I had sex with another guy, and Jared walked in right afterwards, with the evidence plain to see." Tina looked at Jared in shock. "And I feel dirty and ashamed from the top of my head to the tip of my toes," I admitted, "and what you said just hit me the wrong way. It wasn't you."

"Why?" Jared's mother asked.

"It was a test." I told them, with Jared interjecting at points, all about what had gone on in Bio class.

"So, you were testing your feelings for Jared," his Mom said.

"Yeah. But there's more." I looked down at my hands. "I have lost all control of myself. I kept myself under control for sixteen years, and in four days I've torn it all down. I can't control my emotions, I can't control my body, I can't control anything, and I don't know what to do."

"Is it all that bad?" Tina asked.

"Listen. Less than a week ago, I was a person who clamped down on her hormones like a vice, and guarded her virginity like a damn prize. So, I get stuck in this Program, and I find it's impossible to clamp down on the hormones anymore. At first, I welcomed that. I let the feelings happen-and I ended up, quite willingly, giving my virginity to someone I was falling in love with." I shot Jared a little smile, then dropped it. "Now look at me. Not only can I not go twenty-four hours, I can't even wait for the guy I'm in love with. I'll go grab any ol' guy, and for what? To get off? To "prove" something to myself?"

"It's The Program," Jared said. "It's hard to keep control when you're constantly exposed like that."

" You manage to," I said to him.

"Not on your life," he laughed.

"Sure you do. What would you have done if, say, Maggie Benson grabbed you in the woods and said 'fuck me'?"

"I would've told you," he said. "I did say that the thing that really bothered me was you doing it behind my back, didn't I? So, yes, I would've told you. And if you didn't raise any serious objections, I would've gone for it."

"You would've?" I asked, incredulous.

"Like I said, if you didn't raise any serious objections. Listen-I know I was upset with you today, but that wasn't all of it, and I have to confess. When I was watching you do your cheerleading moves in the nude today, I was imagining all the cheerleaders nude. Lined up. Waiting for their turn. Let me at 'em."

"Oh, Jesus," I had to laugh. "You know, I might be able to arrange that," I grinned at him.

"You want a turn, or you just want to watch?" he grinned back.

"Now that's more like it, little brother," Tina laughed. Good, I'm glad she was her old self.

"Damn right. Hey, I am Easy Tina's little brother, aren't I?" She stuck her tongue out at him, and I couldn't suppress the giggle. "But, no," he turned to me. "This isn't about control, and it isn't about sex. It's about trust. It's about love. Lose control all you want. Just don't hide it from me. That makes me think the worst."

Tina looked at him. "He thought that what he saw was leading up to me dumping him," I told her.

"Ah," Tina said. "Been there, done that, didn't even get a tee shirt."

"I did not have, and do not have, and can't see having any time in the future, any intentions of dumping you," I said to Jared. "I love you. It might be hard to believe at the moment, but I do. I'm just confused. It's the control thing. I can't control my feelings. I mean, how do I know?"

"Mom," Jared asked his mother, "you told me you and Dad met pretty young, and knew pretty much right away."

"Yes," Jared's mom confirmed.

"Did you guys ever, you know, be with other people?"

"Yes," his mom confirmed. "We attended separate colleges for two years."

"Until I said, fuck this, my soulmate is 500 miles away, and I transferred," his dad put in.

"Right," his mom continued with a laugh. "But we had an agreement, that we weren't going to be hermits while we were apart, and we weren't going to deny our wants and needs either. Control was never all that important to either of us. So, yes, we were with other people while we were apart. And, remember, this was a different world-you had to be more cautious about these things back then. But we didn't deny ourselves, no, and that goes for both of us."

"Hey, I envy you kids today," his Dad said. "If I had grown up in a world with no AIDS, with no STDs, with easy access to very effective birth control, and with the puritan moralizers beaten down into the hole where they belong-I probably would've gone nuts." He got a big grin. "I know I just would've loved all this naked in school stuff." He looked at Jared's Mom then. "And I still would've ended up with your mother."

"There was never any doubt?" I asked them.

"Nope. Never," his Mom confirmed. "Even when we were with other people, there was never a shadow of a doubt."

"And you never wavered," I said.

"Not once," his Mom said. "Look, great sex is better than good sex. But good sex is better than no sex. If there's no great sex, go for the good sex."

"My philosophy of life, right there in a nutshell," Tina laughed.

"Uh-huh," her Mom said. "But the other thing you have to remember is that truly great sex is very rare-because, to have that, there has to be love. It just doesn't work any other way. I've had good sex with a lot of guys. I've only had great sex with one. Some people find that with more than one, but it's never very many. For me, it was always only one. Now, I don't regret finding that out for sure-but then again, I always knew. I knew from the beginning. Before I ever went to bed with another man, I knew."

"I knew, too," his Dad said.

"I know," Jared said very softly.

"And, I'll tell you something else, Missy," Tina pointed at me. " You know, too." She got a big grin. "And the sooner you admit it to yourself, the less you'll be fucking with my baby brother's mind." She stood there, hands on her hips, looking very satisfied with herself. Jared was a very lucky guy to be born into this family.

And, she was right. I did know. Now I just had to convince him of that, after what I had done.

"Now," Tina continued, "who is going to help me with the garlic bread and pasta?"

"I do believe that's my job," Jared said, starting to get up.

"You stay right there," his mother said. "Spend time with your girlfriend. Your father and I will go change and then go help your sister. Five minutes, Tina?"

"And not a second more!" she called from the kitchen.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jared

We were finally alone. And I have to admit, I was on tenterhooks. I was holding her in my arms. I was wearing a polo shirt, and the three buttons on it were undone, and she was lightly playing with one of my lonely chest hairs. It was very nice, but I didn't know quite what to say. I was enjoying the moment, but I still felt we needed to talk.

Then, she broke the silence. "You know," she said with a grin, "I know for an absolute fact that a good number of my fellow cheerleaders would love to pull you into the woods for a little somethin'-somethin'."

I couldn't help it. I cracked up laughing. "You don't say."

"True story. That massive member of yours has attracted some attention. Oh, and our little tale of deflowering we told in Bio seems to have spread its way around."

"Oh, Jesus," I said, still laughing. "So, what, you want to open up to experimenting, is that it?"

"Well," she said, getting serious, "I think we might want to discuss it-at least until the end of The Program-discuss keeping our options open, I mean. Are you planning to attend the football game on Saturday?"

"To watch my favorite nude cheerleader? Wouldn't miss it."

"You have to be nude, too." I nodded-I knew that. "There's a party afterwards. It often turns into an orgy, though I've never partaken in that part of it. However, if we go, we'd still have to be nude, because it's sort of a school function, though not school-sponsored-but I checked, we'd still have to be nude. With an orgy raging all around us. The temptation will be enormous." She grabbed my dick through my shorts. "This will no doubt be just as enormous," she giggled. "I'd love to take you to that party, and I say that knowing you're going to be fending off hordes of horny cheerleaders. So, yeah, I think we should discuss keeping our options open. But that's up to both of us. And no more hiding anything from you, I promise."

"I don't know," I told her. "I'm still worried."

"Don't worry, please," she said. She looked up at me with a beatific smile. "Jared, I know. Your sister is right, I do know. I've known since you undressed me in front of school Tuesday morning. And it's time I stop denying the truth to myself."

"You're still scared," I said to her.

"Of course I am. You are, too," she said. She was right. "I'm scared of being in love. You're scared of the same thing. Maybe for different reasons, but the same thing."

"I need to be able to trust you," I said. "I'm serious-you want to fuck half the football team, fine-as long as we're on the up-and-up about it. Hey, we're young. I've got nothing against experimenting. I just know where I want to end up."

"I know, too. As for trusting me, I need to be able to trust myself. I am working on it." She took a breath. "Look, I learned something today. I learned where my heart belongs, and I learned that I have to listen to it. I'm going to make good on that, I promise."

"Suits me just fine," I told her. "As for the experimenting, I think we should go with the flow."

"OK. As long as we're honest with each other."

"Yup." And then I kissed her. Got to have the make-up kiss, right? It was a fantastic kiss.

Of course, Tina interrupted it. "Now, that's what I like to see!" she proclaimed. "Now finish up and come get some dinner!"

We broke the kiss, laughed, and went to get some dinner.

Afterwards, Amanda and I cuddled a bit, with Tina looking on bemusedly. After a few minutes of that, Amanda unfurled herself from my arms. "Sweetie, I hate to do this," she told me, "but I have to go. My parents are probably frantic."

"You called them," I pointed out.

"And left a message. My Mother needs a lot less opportunity than that to get herself all worked up. I'm sorry."

"That's OK," I told her.

"Call me?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Hey, I have to go out," Tina said. "Amanda, you want a ride?"

"Love one." We said our good-byes-kiss included, of course-and off they went.

I went back inside, and curled up in front of the TV. I was thinking I probably should go do some homework, but I didn't really have much, and I didn't really care. I was watching a baseball game when Mom came in.

"You OK, honey?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I smiled at her.

"All worked out?"

"Mostly."

"Love isn't easy honey, especially at your age. Trust me, I know," she told me. I nodded. "It's worth it, though. In the end, it's all worth it."

"I know that, too. She's scared. I'm not exactly calm, either. This happened so fast."

"Kind of like getting caught in a waterfall, isn't it?" she smiled. I nodded agreement. "The waterfall comes to an end, you know."

"I know. I think it's going to be OK."

"That's good."

Just then, Tina burst back in. "Got your girlfriend home, safe and sound, and picked up my supplies." She held up some ice cream. "Want some of this, little brother?"

"Don't mind if I do," I laughed, and followed her in the kitchen. We scooped out some ice cream, and sat down on at the breakfast nook.

"Long day, eh, little brother? Actually, long couple of days, I'd say."

"You got that right."

"Look. I had a little talk with Amanda on the way home. She's a good kid, Jared. She really is. And she really does love you. Try not to hold this against her too much."

"Oh, I'm not holding it against her, not really," I said. "It's just fear and worry and all that messy stuff."

"Her, too, you know," Tina said. I nodded. "That kid's a ball of confusion at the moment. She's finding it hard to hold onto something, you know? I know your life has changed drastically in the past week, but I think hers has changed even more. She's looking for a lifeline. But, the good part of that is, you're it."

"Well, it's been a big change for me, too."

"I get the distinct impression that you've got more lifelines than she does." I looked at her. "You've got us. She told me that she envied you your family, that she wished she had a big sister as cool as me..."

"Well, not everybody gets the world's greatest big sister," I teased her.

"Got that right," she smirked. "But anyhow, she was saying all those things, about you having such a great family, and, when I dropped her off, I got the distinct impression that she was not enthusiastic about going in her house."

"She doesn't get along with her mother," I told Tina. "I don't know the particulars, but they don't get along. She does get along with her father, though."

"They all live together, though, right?" I nodded. "Well, even if she gets along with her father, she's still in that house, going through all this, with a mother that she doesn't get along with. Think about it-how hard would this week have been for you without a cool set of parents? Hell, how hard would this week have been without the awesome presence of me?"

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Tina, you are the light of my life," I recited, deadpan. Then I laughed. "No, you're right. And I hate telling you when you're right because it just makes your head swell bigger. But, seriously, you're right. Mom and Dad have been terrific. And, yes, my big sister has been terrific too, he said grudgingly." Not really, I was just teasing her.

"Grudgingly, huh? Why I oughta-just kidding. But you see my point, and how she doesn't have some of the advantages you do."

"Yes, I do see your point." Just then, the phone rang.

"Hello?" I said, picking it up.

"Oh God, Jared," I heard from the other end. "Jared, I can't believe what I just did! My parents are fighting and it's all my fault! Oh, Jesus, Daddy is so mad, I don't know what to do! I didn't mean it, I really didn't mean it, it just happened, and..."

"Amanda? I'll be right over."

"Oh, God, Jared, I love you. Thank you."

I hung up, looked at Tina, and said, "Car keys?" She reached over to her purse and flipped them to me.

"What's up?" she asked.

"It seems all hell has broken loose at the Frazier household."

"Oh, jeez, little brother, what a roller-coaster ride you're on today."

"I can only hope so." She looked at me. "Roller coaster rides end, don't they?"

"Good point."

"Tell the parental units where I've gone?"

"Done."

Chapter Twenty-Six

Amanda

Tina dropped me off, and I went to find Daddy. I needed his advice.

Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way. I had just barely gotten in his office, and he had just said, "What's up, Punkin?" when there was a loud knock on the door.

"Adam? Is our daughter in there with you? I'd like a few words with her."

"Oh, shit," I said.

"Look, I think it's time we get all this out in the open. We have to, eventually, Amanda." I nodded, though without much enthusiasm, and Daddy let Mom in.

"All right, Emily, we're all going to sit down and discuss this," Dad said.

"I don't want to discuss anything! I want to know what our daughter thinks she's doing!"

"Living. For a change," I said.

"All right, stop," Daddy said. "Look, we need to start at the beginning. Amanda, you're going to tell us what's gone on this week. Start at the beginning. I know a lot of it, but I don't know the whole story. Come on, let's have it out."

So, I did. The whole mess. I started with the stuff Daddy did know, the events of Monday and Tuesday, all that had happened. The story of the masturbation session in Bio on Tuesday, which Daddy knew about, caused Mom to let loose with wails of dismay and condemnation. Daddy just motioned me along, and we got into Wednesday. They both knew about the naked date, and then I landed the bombshell.

"After we ate, Jared and I went to his house, and he took my virginity. I took his, too, as a matter of fact."

"OH MY GOD!" My mother wailed.

"I suspected as much," my father said with a little smile. "Was it all right?"

"A whole lot better than all right," I told him.

"What has happened to you?" my mother asked.

"Hormones and love. Should I go on, now? Mother, if you think you're shocked now, you ain't heard nothing yet." So, then I went on with the events of today. All of them. Even the horrible ones. When I got to the part about my little episode with Eric, I thought Mom's face was going to freeze in horror. And then I got to the breakdown at Jared's house. Mom was still horror-stricken. At least Dad looked at me with concern.

"Are you OK?" he said.

"I think so," I told him.

"OK? Is she OK?!?!?" My mother howled. "Have you been listening to any of this?"

"Every word," Daddy said. "Look, Emily, your daughter's having a bit of a rough time right now."

"Of course she is! She's walking around naked, sleeping with boys! She's making it rough! What do you want to do, Amanda, ruin your life?"

Daddy just sighed. "You keep talking about control," he said to me, "that you're worried about losing it. You know what happens if you continue to worry so hard about your control?" I looked at him blankly. "You turn into that," and he pointed at Mother.

"What?" Mom whispered.

"That is the result of trying to hold onto your control as hard as you can. It slips out. And it's ugly, messy, and counterproductive. I knew her when she wasn't like this," Daddy went on. "You think she's happier now? You think you'll be happy if you don't let loose once in a while?"

"I see your point," I said to Daddy as Mom fumed, "but there are limits. I hurt Jared badly today."

"Right. But if you don't test the limits, you'll never know what they are. And you'll go over them, continually. If I were you, your Mother would have exceeded her limits in my eyes a long time ago. And Jared forgives you, remember that."

"I know," I said with a smile.

"You don't know anything!" Mom interjected. "You don't know the first thing about it! I thought you were popular, Amanda. I thought you had friends. I thought you had a full social life."