Chapter 7: Deedi's Dilemmas

Deedi woke early on Monday eager to get ready for her new job. She wanted to look her best but that was never a problem since she was adept at putting on her make-up and dressing for effect. She wore a grey two piece suit with a light, check pattern. The skirt was knee length with a slightly see-through, light blue blouse and matching blue underwear. She pulled on a pair of sheer, barely-black stockings and clipped them to her suspenders and found a pair of plain, black high heels. The overall effect presented a young professional girl about town. She looked in the mirror and was pleased with the result. Recently she used less make-up but to greater effect giving her a more classical beauty.

She arrived at nine o'clock and Sarah welcomed her into the office. She showed her to an empty desk and explained all the housekeeping details. Sarah was nineteen and smartly dressed. She was tall, with light brown shoulder length hair neatly cut and an attractive face rather than a great beauty, but like Deedi she knew how to dress to suit her style. She wore a short, dark green dress, dark brown tights and matching dark green shoes, highlighting her shapely legs. Deedi said that she would probably be spending most of the day getting to grips with the computer system so Sarah left her to it. At one o'clock Sarah came over to her desk.

"Sorry to interrupt but I am just going out to lunch, would you like something?" she asked.

"Gosh," said Deedi, "I didn't realise the time disappearing, yes that would be great, what were you thinking off?"

"There's an Italian café just around the corner which is good value. I thought we could celebrate your first day here."

"Wonderful idea, we can get to know each other a bit better as well," said Deedi picking up her coat. The café wasn't busy so they sat down each ordering a lasagne and a glass of white wine.

"So are you on a gap year as well," asked Sarah sipping her wine.

"Goodness no," said Deedi, "I have only just finished my GCSE's."

"You're joking, how old are you then?" asked Sarah with a look of surprise.

"Sixteen."

"Wow, you look at least eighteen, you're very good at managing your appearance aren't you?"

"Well, it's due mainly to my aunt and cousin who know what they are doing and have helped me a lot over the few months."

"I must admit it's great having you with us. I know I shouldn't say this," she continued lowering her voice, "but the others in the office are all in their thirties and forties and only ever seem to talk about their husbands and children. It's nice to have someone around who is nearer my own age."

Deedi laughed. They chatted about their interests and their families during the rest of lunch and as they left, Sarah paid the bill. They got on well together and were already friends by the time they got back to the office.

Tuesday would be a special day for Deedi, she arranged to meet Robin that evening for their first date. She shivered and shook when Liz handed her the phone on Saturday but Robin was chatty and friendly. She took the hands-free set upstairs to her room and lay on the bed. She was wearing a blue jumper, dark blue mini skirt and her favourite tan tights, and of course no shoes. Her long legs stretched out in front of her as she listened to Robin talking about his family and the problems they gave him. Lots of questions were asked as each of them tried to get to know the other better and eventually Robin suggested they meet up. Deedi said yes immediately and agreed to see him in town at the wine bar where they first met with Nick and Rosy.

She thought about a style for her first date with a boy and decided on smart but casual, after all she didn't want to fire off all of her big guns on the first meeting. She came out of the shower, dried off and put her one of her well padded bras. As she stood in front of mirror she looked at the image. A beautiful girls face, a nice bust, OK'ish figure, very long shapely legs, sexy feet and toes which were varnished in pink with a semi hard lady-cock and small round balls between her legs. She loved the appearance that the three of them created over the past weeks and even her lady-cock looked quite sweet sitting between her legs just below her newly trimmed hair. The question was though, whether Robin would like this image, assuming of course, he ever got to see it. Still this was only their first date and there was a long way to go, for her at least.

She pulled on her matching blue panties and found a pair of black, opaque tights and a short black skirt with a wide black belt. She put on her new black ankle boots and a pink brushed wool jumper with a very big roll-neck which hung low in front of her. After putting on her make-up and jewellery she was ready to go.

"How do I look Liz?" she said walking in to the lounge to say goodnight.

"Absolutely lovely," replied Liz getting up and kissing her on the cheek, "Hmm, I think I recognise that perfume, be careful it's lethal. Have fun and I'll see you tomorrow, I'm having an early night."

Robin was already waiting when she arrived at the bar, he smiled broadly when he saw her, shook her hand and kissed her on the cheek. They sat in a corner opposite each other with a bottle of wine and continued where their phone call left off, verbally dancing the evening away. Just after ten Robin apologised and said he would have to go as he needed to leave early the following day to drive to London and asked if he could take her home. They walked back to his college to get the car and she slipped her arm in his as they carried on their conversation. The journey took about twenty minutes and he pulled into the drive getting out first to open her door. Wow, she thought, every inch of this wonderful six foot frame was a gentleman. He escorted her to the door and she told him how lovely the evening had been and he asked if she would like to meet him on Thursday for a tour of the college and then have lunch together.

"That would be delightful," she said and waited for her first kiss but all he said was good-night and kissed her on the cheek again. She stood for a while as he drove out, leaned back on the wall and sighed. She could hardly wait until Thursday when she would see him again.

Simultaneously she got to know Sarah and they were fast becoming best friends. They lunched together most days and also met during the evening when she wasn't seeing Robin. They shopped together often and Deedi made sure she took extra care as she tried on the various outfits in the changing rooms. The change in her life was incredible, she thought one quiet evening while relaxing in a hot bubble bath and it all helped as the pain of losing Kate gradually diminished.

A couple of weeks later Deedi was having a difficult afternoon trying to get the email system to work before giving up and looking for help from the consultant. She glanced up and noticed Sarah putting on her coat.

"I'm just off," she said, "you seemed so engrossed I didn't want to disturb you. See you on Monday." She would be going away for the weekend with her parents.

"What's the time?" said Deedi looking up and seeing that the office was empty.

"It's nearly five."

"Wait, before you go I need to ring the computer consultants, who are they?"

Sarah was almost out of the door.

"Terry Gillan Services," she said, "the number's on my desk. Good night," and left. Only Robert was around in his office and she knew he would probably be working late as he often did, with his door shut.

Deedi shut down the system and went to Sarah's desk to get the number but decided she might as well use Sarah's phone and sat down. A yellow post-it note stuck out from under the handset with the letters TGS and a number although it didn't look local. She dialled and waited for an answer.

"Good afternoon, Trans Gender Support, how can I help," said a friendly voice pronouncing each word separately.

"I'm sorry what did you say," said Deedi looking at the number again.

"Transgender and Transsexual help line, can I help you?"

"Er, no, I ... er. think I've dialled the wrong number, can you tell me what number that is please?"

The lady read out her number and it matched the one on her note.

"Sorry," said Deedi.

"This service is completely confidential, you can talk if you wish," said the lady, obviously not quite believing Deedi. She slowly put the receiver down and then looked around worried in case someone had come in to the office and overheard the conversation but no one had. Her mind reeled as she stared at the desk. She then noticed something in the bottom corner of the large pad Sarah used for working on. The words 'Terry Gillan' followed by a Cambridge number. She dialled and it answered straight away.

"Terry here, can I help?"

She told Liz what happened over dinner that evening. "What do you think?" asked Deedi.

"What I think is that you shouldn't jump to conclusions young lady," replied Liz, "does she have any brothers or sisters?"

"No," said Deedi.

"Well she could be phoning on behalf of a friend," said Liz, "or a cousin." Liz raised her eyebrows and Deedi gulped.

"I never thought of that," she said lowering her eyes.

"So what are you going to do? Are you going to put it to her or assume it's none of your business?" asked Liz.

"Well when you put it like that I suppose it is nothing to do with me, but..." she thought for a moment, "if she is like me then it would be a shame for us not to know about each other, don't you think?"

"Does it make a difference to you what she is?" asked Liz.

"No not at all, she has been a great friend since I started work there and I like her a lot."

"How much?" continued Liz still testing the water, "are you attracted to her especially knowing what she may be like?"

Deedi thought for a few seconds just to be sure.

"No, not at all. It's just like it was with Rosy. In fact that's probably one of the reasons it's been so good since Rosy left," said Deedi.

"Yes you have a point there, why not leave things as they are and see if something presents itself. Maybe, if the time is right you could tell her about your position and then she might reciprocate." The sort of situation that Liz alluded to presented itself the following week.

They were going out to a new café-bar in town on Wednesday and to save time Deedi went back to Sarah's house to get changed. Deedi waited in the lounge chatting to Sarah's mother Clair, while she went up stairs to her bedroom. Her father often worked late at the factory and would be home late. After about fifteen minutes Deedi said she needed to use the toilet and Clair directed her upstairs. The toilet and bathroom were at the far end of the hall but as she passed by one of the bedrooms, a flash of light caught her eye; a mirrored door closed and reflected the room out to her. Instinctively she looked in that direction and there in full view, she saw Sarah pulling up her panties and, unmistakeably between her legs hung something Deedi recognised instantly. She even tucked it in the same way Deedi did. She carried on as quietly as she could and then went back downstairs. A few minutes later Sarah came down and they left for the evening. On the way in by bus it became clear to Deedi that tonight would be a good time to raise the subject otherwise she would keep thinking about it and lose the initiative.

They arrived at the bar and Sarah asked if they wanted two glasses of wine. "No," said Deedi, "let's get two cocktails to start and a bottle of Shiraz."

"Wow, are we celebrating?" asked Sarah all smiles.

"I'm not sure yet but it's definitely significant."

"What is?" asked Sarah confused.

"Tell you in a minute," she replied, "come on let's find a table."

They found a table easily, sat down and took a large sip of their cocktails before Deedi spoke.

"I have an apology to make," she started and then told Sarah what she saw when she went to the toilet earlier that evening but she never mentioned the phone call. She also reassured her that she wasn't spying and that it was an accident.

Sarah put her glass down, dropped here eyes and looked sad.

"It's funny really," she said almost inaudibly, "you make sure you are very careful wherever you are and then get caught out in your own home. I'm so sorry, Deedi, I didn't meant to deceive you, I simply enjoyed us being good friends and never wanted to lose that. I'm sure I would have told you at some point ... but I suppose it's now too late. I expect you want to leave do you? I understand."

"Sarah, If I wanted to go why would I have suggested we buy a bottle of wine and the cocktails?" said Deedi, "you are my best friend too and I don't want to lose that either. In fact there is probably a very good reason why we are best friends. It could be because we have so very much in common."

"What do you mean," said Sarah, confused once more.

"I know you may not believe it but I am the same as you," replied Deedi.

Sarah never spoke while the words sunk in.

"You," she said still not quite sure what Deedi was saying, "the same? You mean that ... that you're a boy too?" lowering her voice.

"Yes," said Deedi, "I used to be called Daniel. I guess you never realised?"

"No, not at all," Sarah said relaxing slightly but still shocked, "you fooled me totally, you just look so beautiful, in fact I was quite jealous, although, thinking back there was one thing that seemed odd but I dismissed it at the time. It was when Andy came in and leaned over your desk to ask you something about the new computer system. I saw you go red and then squirm in your seat like a boy would but I never made the link at he time."

"Yes I remember that," laughed Deedi, "he looked very appealing that day and his aftershave ... well, that was some thing else."

The tension broke and they both relaxed telling each other their stories. Sarah used to dress in her mother's clothes and one day, when she was in her early teens, her mother and father came in unexpectedly and caught her. They were very good about it though and let her dress whenever she wanted thinking it might be a phase she would grow out off but she never did. In fact she thought her father quite liked having a daughter around. They moved to Cambridge when he got promoted soon after her A level exams and they agreed that she would try living full time as a girl as a sort of experiment during a gap year. She got the job with Cambridge Carers soon after they arrived.

When she finished Deedi told her about her recent life. The wine was almost gone and they were both a little drunk but very happy.

"Deedi," said Sarah as they were getting up to go, "I am so glad this has happened. I never made any real friends since we moved here until I met you and it's been great since we started working together and now this."

"Me too," said Deedi who realised she also made no friends of her own age either since Rosy left. So the firm bond between Sarah and Deedi grew stronger still as they hugged each other tightly and then left. From that point on they were almost inseparable going out in the evenings after work and at the week-ends, shopping and spending time together at each other's homes.

One morning, a couple of weeks later, as Deedi got ready to go to the office with Liz, she had difficulty with her dress.

"Liz could you help me with this clip please, it's a bit to high for me to reach?" Deedi wandered into Liz's bedroom. She just came out of the shower and was drying off.

"Of course darling, turn around and I'll do it for you," she said pulling on her peach, satin panties.

Deedi wore a powder blue, knee length cotton dress with a high neck. It was simple and neat suiting her shape and colouring perfectly. It was one she bought on her first shopping trip all those weeks ago, before Rosy left for the assignment with the voluntary organisation that Liz worked for in Cambridge. They were both missing her and Liz suggested that they have lunch and go shopping to cheer themselves up.

Deedi was adept at doing her own make-up and used a light blue eye shadow, a little mascara, face powder and pink blusher which matched her lipstick. She had varnished her long finger nails and toes the night before in the same shade of pink. Her hair was still in the style suggested by Jamie and she went to see him every three weeks or so to tidy it up. A pair of fine, nude stockings and medium heeled dark blue shoes completed the ensemble. She loved the feel of stockings on her legs and wore them whenever she could except with very short dresses and skirts or if she were just lounging around the house when she would wear tights. She thought that this would be a good business outfit to wear to the Liz's office. She was going in with her to lend a hand with some of the paper work while Liz attended a directors meeting.

Deedi sat on the bed and watched Liz roll her dark fawn coloured tights first up one leg and then the other pulling the waist band over her hips admiring Liz's perfect figure and shapely legs. Liz was thirty eight and looked thirty. She was tall and elegant with light brown hair rather than the blond which seem to run in the family. Lately she backcombed her fringe and wore a thin red tie which took even more years off of her age.

"You have a beautiful figure Liz and a gorgeous bust, I wish mine was like yours," said Deedi envying the vision in front of her as Liz pulled on a tweed skirt and cream stain blouse.

"Thank you kind lady," she said taking a low bow to show her gratitude. Deedi smiled. "Anything's possible if you want it badly enough," she added knowing full well what Deedi was thinking.

"But nothing you have done so far is irreversible and we need to keep it that way for while. Things have moved fast for you over the last few weeks Deedi, and I expect you have had a very exciting time. You must not be to hasty though, after all, the way you feel at the moment could just be a reaction to Kate's death and maybe in a few weeks or months Daniel might want to come back again, who knows?" Liz said.

"Daniel seems like an old memory now," said Deedi slowly, "I'm not sure I ever want him back."

"Hold on young lady, Daniel was and is still a part of you and is not something you can simply throw away. Male and female are just words to describe the way our bodies are put together but we aren't simply one or the other. We are all made up of both."

Deedi nodded. "I suppose so," she agreed.

"Let me ask you something, have you slept with anyone since becoming Deedi?" Liz looked directly at Deedi.

"Yes," replied Deedi, "but we didn't sleep much. They both laughed.

"Boy or girl?"

"Both," she said.

"Gosh, you have been busy. They weren't at the same time I hope," and they both laughed again.

"So, assuming everything went as expected, what was it like with the girl?" she continued and Deedi not knowing where this was leading.

"It was good. I met Ann from my old school and we both had a lovely time." Deedi explained.

"So some parts of Daniel are still in full working order then?" Liz arrived at her point.

"I see what you mean," said Deedi understanding at last.

"I know how you are feeling," said Liz, "and it is great having Deedi around especially since Rosy left. Let's just carry on as we are and then discuss it again next spring or summer when we might have a clearer picture of how you feel and in the meantime Deedi can stay as she is. But if Daniel starts knocking on the door then don't ignore him otherwise it will cause problems later, OK? Anyway, I also think it is time we went on holiday, how does Goa sound? Any thoughts?"

"Oh Liz, that sounds wonderful," Deedi got up and hugged her, "thank you, but I can't go like this my passport is in Daniel's name?" She looked sad again.

"You certainly find all the problems don't you," laughed Liz. "I'm sure we can sort out that little detail, Rosy always could. Come on let's go and have breakfast."

"There is one problem looming though," Deedi said as they went down the stairs, "and I don't know what to do."

While they were eating Deedi told Liz about the looming issue that bothered her. She dated Robin for a few weeks and was fond of him. She was nervous on her first date but he soon put her at ease and was the perfect gentleman including kissing her on the cheek when he brought her home that first evening. She agreed to go out with him again during the day this time, and he showed her around the various colleges of the university before having lunch together. She enjoyed being with him and always put in extra effort when getting ready so that he would be proud being with her. She soon relaxed and enjoyed his company having fun and laughing a lot. Their first kiss was a magical experience and his hands did not roam initially but as the weeks passed he became more amorous, loving the feel of her smooth nylons and very sexy stocking tops as they kissed passionately. She held him off so far but could feel that things were not right, their relationship was developing and needed to move to the next natural phase and it was obvious what that would be.

"I just don't know what to do," she told Liz.

"Well," said Liz and thought for a few moments, "you could always dump him and then the problem would be solved. Do you want to do that?"

"No, not all," said Deedi shaking her head.

"Do you think he would like to go to bed with you?" Asked Liz again.