Chapter 3... is My Mom's Sweet Love

I still can't believe what happened to me. December 25th 1999 is a day I will never forget. That is the day my mother raped me for the first time. (Merry fucking Christmas you bitch!) I mean it was just cruel and sick and nasty. There is no excuse, no rational explanation for her behavior. It wasn't just that she raped me, it was how she did it, the utterly despicable way she went about it. I guess I'm getting ahead of myself a little. To understand you have to go back a year to the events just before Christmas 1998.

Let me start at the beginning. My dad died when I was 14. My mom and I struggled to put ourselves back together. For 2 years we leaned on each other for support, because we had nobody else. My mom is really young; she had me when she was still in high school. In some ways she was more like a big sister or best friend to me than a mom. We laughed and played together, had tickle fights, and talked for hours. Sometimes she would just hang out in my room and read or watch tv. I guess on some level I must have loved her in a romantic way for a long time. I just did not KNOW it until I saw her pictures. I found a crate in our attic with around 20 old Penthouse magazines. Upon closer inspection I realized the centerfold was my mom! The date on the mag was about a year after I was born. She was the same age then, that I am now. As I looked at this beautiful, big titted, blonde teenager, I felt myself get rock hard. Page after page of my mom's mouth watering tits, bald pussy, and wicked little smile made me want to fuck her.

But it was her ass, her fat, plump, juicy, adorable ass that sealed her fate. I. Had. To. Have it. I fantasized about licking it, sticking my face as far inside it as I could, and just sniffing it, sleeping, warm and safe and secure with my lips pressed against it. I wanted to suck her ass-meat, to make her cum and pant and scream my name. But most of all I wanted to fuck my mom's sweet ass hard. To peel it open and hold her down and pound it, to ram it and rip it open. A small part of me wanted to hear her whimper, and sniffle and beg - just a little. For a while I became obsessed with Susan. I loved her yes, but I also wanted to utterly dominate her. I guess I kind of lost control and sort of seduced and pressured my mom into giving up her ass to me, if I agreed not to fuck her pussy. At the time I thought that was the greatest night of my life. I convinced her to let me take her out for a special dinner at the Paladin Club, and got her drunk. We even made out, did a little dirty dancing, and groped each other. But when we got home, she refused to have sex with me. I had to persuade her, to explain that if she did not give herself to me I would just rape her anyway. Finally we made a deal. Consensual Anal sex, for a guarantee that I would leave her cunt alone. Clearly she did not like it, but she did (reluctantly) agree.

Susan let me fuck her ass, helped me tear her up. Her butt juice was so warm and wet, and tangy. She grunted and squealed so prettily, in such a lady-like manner that I fell even deeper in love with my mom. That was our first time together, and I thought the beginning of a special, tender love. In the months that followed my mother withdrew from me. She claimed that I had raped her! That our love was not consensual. I felt really bad about the misunderstanding, and did everything I could to repair our relationship. As 1999 rolled along I thought that I had. Boy was I wrong.

Susan somehow found out about my alter ego, Jaz1701, the rape Author. She accessed my WEBTV account and read my e-mails from Readers, and visited the numerous free sites that I post stories to. I had written about our true love and how I had fucked her sweet ass during Christmas of 1998.

I guess the whole issue of rape and incest has been on my mind a lot this year. Jaz has written several stories about it. I was thinking about my mom the whole time.

Stories like "Rape Confessional, Rape Betrayal #7, Sister Betrayed, and How Much Do You Love Your Wife" were all inspired by the events in my real life, with mom. But when she read them she got really mad. So mad that she decided to rape me. Let's review, ok I pressured her into having consensual sex. She then lies to me, reads my personal e-mail, seduces me, drugs me, dresses me in women's underwear, takes pictures of me, blackmails me, humiliates me - oh yeah and rapes my ass with a giant double headed dildo! It's not fair, she is sick! I mean shit, what kind of mother would do that to her only child? I made mistakes, sure. In the heat of the moment, I was over eager, but what I did came from love. My mother just wanted to hurt me, she just wanted revenge for my accidental rape of her the previous Christmas. The year 2000 did not start well for me. Mom was constantly blackmailing me, threatening to mail my friends our special Christmas photos of me in her bra, panties being raped up my hairy ass.

"John honey, do you mind licking mommy's pussy for her? You are such a precious little buttercup angel. Do a good job sweetie or your pics will be sent to the entire football team. Make me cum hard baby, lick it all up Johnny, your dad would be so proud of you. Momma's little rapist is growing up so fast!" she laughed as she humped my face and nearly cut off my air supply as she came. It was a nightmare.

Let's be clear: no means no! Sex without consent is rape. I did not give her consent to do this to me. I fucking hated it. I was not allowed to fuck her pussy, play with her tits, and certainly her ass was way the fuck off limits. She would wag it in front of me, rub it against me - to make sure I knew what I would never have again. She thought it was funny to watch me get hard, and the demand that I NOT cum. If I did... pictures would get mailed. It went on for months. My mom forgot one thing. I was applying to colleges. I would be leaving this town next summer. As soon as I was accepted, her power over me would be at an end. I slowly came to realize that she had no real power over me anyway. I mean let's get real. She was an adult who had raped her son, repeatedly. If I wanted to, she would be going to jail. This summer, I began to tape our conversations, our sexual time together.

"Mom please, don't make me do this anymore, Don't make me lick your pussy. This is rape mom. I still love you, but this is RAPE. Won't you please stop hurting your son, please mom," I declared in between licking and lapping and sucking her to a major orgasm. Sometimes her comments would mention that I had raped her first. That was of course unacceptable for my purposes, so I taped over it. Usually though, when she was close to orgasm she was out of it, demanding, wild - almost vulgar. "Shut the fuck up and lick my sticky, stinky, wet little cunt. You are mine, and you will pleasure me. This is all that you are good for. Suck, suck, suck your mommy. I think I'll strap on my dildo and rape your sweet little ass when we are done. I want to see you bleed a little. How does that sound you sick slut," she said, as I recorded the incriminating evidence.

On November 15th I got a letter in the mail from Penn State. I had been accepted on a partial academic scholarship. There is one thing about being an only child in a family where people die young. You get a lot of insurance money left to you. Cars, houses, and even a boat were sold when grandpa, dad, and finally grandma died. Stock, bank accounts, etc were all left to me and mom. The money was held in trust until I turned 21, but I got a small allowance. The money was earning interest. I was 17, I only had to hang on until then and while I might not be filthy rich... I'd be very, very, comfortable. Between my allowance, and part time job a PSU scholarship was all I needed. I was free! My mom had nothing on me, the power had shifted. I could send her to jail by playing my tape anytime I wanted. I planned to rub it in her face, to taunt her. I ran downstairs to show her my acceptance letter. She read it carefully and got an odd look on her face. I could swear that her eyes teared up and she let out this breathy, pathetic little gasp.

"John... are you going to accept? Will you be leaving me, moving thousands of miles away from our home? Have you thought about how alone you will be? We have had our ups and downs especially in the last two years - but do you really want to be completely alone?" she said as she turned and quickly went to her room and locked the door. I don't know how to explain how I felt just then. I was so ready to hurt her, but when I realized that I had, I got no pleasure from it. I had been in love with Susan for so long that even after all she had done to me this year, hurting her; the reality that I had caused her pain, still felt unnatural.

Mom did not show her face for the rest of the day, and I had plenty of time to run the scene over and over in my mind. The next morning there was a knock at my door that woke me up.

"Can I come in?" a quiet voice said from the hall.

"Um sure, ok mom."

Susan had made us breakfast. I was stunned. It had been so long since we had done that. It used to be our special ritual. Some mornings I'd serve her, others she'd feed me in bed. We would spend hour laying next to each other, bonding, just catching up. It had been more than a year since we had done this. Last time I had kind of lost control and fondled her breasts a little. I held her in my lap, cupped her perfect breasts and sprayed my cum against her sweet nightie-covered ass. She did not say a word to stop me, but that was BEFORE she found out that I am really Jaz, and write rape stories. That was long before she started raping me.

She set the two plates down on my night stand and got into bed next to me. She was wearing a black satin nightie. Usually she would have a robe on over it, but not this morning. We talked for a while and watched TV as we ate. It felt good to have her warm body next to mine. Familiar memories flooded me, and I wanted to reach out to her, to hold her close to me. When we finished eating, she got really quiet and then asked me to turn off the TV.

"John, this was really nice. sharing time with you again. I guess I have to savor these moments, if you are moving out, and leaving me all alone. I always knew you would move out some day... but not 2,500 miles away! We'll never see each other," she said as she began to cry softly. This was insane. I thought my mom hated me, despised me. She was acting like the woman I loved again instead of the evil, bitch I had been living with since Christmas. This was MY Susan, my sexy, tender, lover. I was very confused. Before I could formulate a response she spoke again. "John, I'm a little emotional right now. Would it be ok if I snuggled up against you for a little while. I think I need to be held."

"Um ok, sure mom."

She wiggled and snuggled her ass against my crotch until it got good and hard. When she felt it poking her, she gave a contented sigh, I had my arms around her waist at first but slowly they crept up to her tits and cupped them and squeezed them lightly. My fingers played with her nipples, lazily tracing circles until she fell asleep. My cock was throbbing, pulsing hard as it nestled against my mom's silk covered ass. I could not help squeezing her juicy bottom a little. I pulled my dick out of my briefs and used her nightie as a condom. I wedged the material deep in her perfect little crack. Then slowly, as she slept, I slipped my dick inside the ass I loved so much. It was not rape cuz she did not say no, and I was not actually touching her skin. I did pull the straps off her shoulder so I could feel her breasts better. When my hands were full I began humping my Susan's ass hard. I could feel her clamping down on my dick. The nightie prevented me from getting in very deep but it was enough. The feel of silk on my cock, combined with the friction and warmth of her unbelievable ass, was forcing me to a major explosion. I tried to hold it off but it had been two years since I had felt my dick in her ass, in anyone's ass and I slowly lost it. I shot blast after sticky wet, spunk blast up her ass, on her night gown. I left my cock inside of my mother. My hands were still wrapped protectively around her tits as I closed my eyes. I must have drifted off for awhile cuz I awoke to the sounds of my mom mumbling in her sleep. I was about to wake her up when I caught the words she was saying.

And my life changed forever. Again.

"No, I can't fuck him, he's my son! It is wrong. Only you Ron, I can only love you. Oh god, he's leaving me too. I'll be all alone now. He hates me, he hates me... and I love him. I need him, he can't leave me... " her voice trailed off into a mumble.

But I had heard enough. She loves me. Somehow after all that had happened - she loves me. And I love her.

I pulled my dick out of her ass and wiped the sperm load up as best I could, smearing it on her tits and in her hair. For some reason I wanted to leave my mark on her, to brand her as my woman. I began sucking, slurping, nibbling on the back of her neck hard, until I was sure I would leave a nice hickey. Just a private little inside joke between us, nobody else would ever know. In fact chances were, she would not know either. (When was the last time you saw the back of YOUR neck?) I then kissed her softly and spooned her tight against me, and went back to sleep.

Christmas was almost here and my relationship with my mom had improved dramatically. She had not forced me to lick her or raped my ass since our breakfast together. We spent quality time with each other again. Twice I came home from school and found her sleeping in my bed, wearing one of my football jerseys (and as far as I can tell nothing else). My mom was making a conscious effort to be my best friend again, and believe me I appreciated it. If I had to I could settle for that. But I was expecting her to admit her love for me, to finally surrender to me as a lover. She would not, perhaps could not do it. Friendship, and familial love are important, nice even... but the thing is she is more than just a friend, or a mom to me. I have (according to her) raped her, fucked her ass, cum in her mouth, licked her sweet pussy, tasted her juices, fondled her tits, and been brutally raped by her. I don't know how to explain it, other than to say we should both hate each other. We should be terrified to be in the same room together.

Somehow though we are still in love. I know if it was any other woman I would hate her, I would be afraid of her. But it is my mom, we are family. Deep down, I know that she gave me life. There is a tremendous capacity for forgiveness between a mother and son. Think about it, what could you do that would make YOUR mom hate you forever? There are convicts on death row. Vicious, baby killing rapists, who the whole world hates. Priests, teachers, ex friends and lovers despise them - but one person is there, visiting when she can. One person will beg the jury not to kill him, to sentence him to life instead: MOM. I came to realize that I really had raped my mother 2 years ago (although I did not think so at the time). That must have really hurt her feelings. She had tried to forgive me but when she learned that I was "Jaz", that I had written about her humiliation, well I guess she just snapped. When she raped me last year it was part revenge, sure. It was also part discipline. She taught me that as big and strong as I am, I could still be drugged, butt-fucked, humiliated and blackmailed. My tears and pleas for help could be ignored too. I could be hurt just as bad as I hurt my mom. In a weird way it made me a better person, a better man. I know that my actions do have consequences. I have seen both sides of the coin: Rapist and Rape victim. The lesson was learned, our slate was clean.

The story could have ended there. I should have let it go right there. The thing is, I still loved her. I had to take a chance, to tell her how I felt, to show her that I wanted her. My mother had a mental block. She simply could not accept that she was in love with me, that she wanted me. I would need to shock some sense into her, to force her to accept the truth. It seems I would have no choice but to rape her one last time to get her attention, to earn the right to love her. Considering our recent family tradition, I decided to do her on Christmas day. I also would continue the practice of sending the story to OnlineStories, Mr. Double and Kristen (Duh Jaz, they are reading it right now). It seemed only right, since you had all been there at the beginning, to let you know how our story ends. I also wanted my mom to know exactly why I had raped her again. It was not out of greedy lust like the first time. It was not because of revenge, like when she raped me. No I was raping her sweet pussy because I loved her, and needed her to love me too.

We spent Christmas Eve together. It was snowing so I dared her to come outside and have a snowball fight with me. My mom has a hard time not accepting a dare. Soon we were flinging white balls of icy destruction at each other, laughing and having a blast. Then she crossed the line and shoved a ball down my shirt. Her eyes got big and she tried to run away. She did not get far.

I tackled her on our front lawn.

"John, John I am sorry, I did not mean to do it, but you look so cute," she giggled madly in anticipation of my reprisal. I straddled her waist and opened her coat, then I pulled her sweater up to her neck exposing her fat, beautiful tits.

"Oh god no, John what are you doing, let me up this instant. People can see us," she hissed in despair. I grabbed two handfuls of snow and packed it around each of her breasts.

"You are going to stay right here until it melts. Naughty little girls like you have to be punished," I said as I stretched her arms above her head. I then began tickling her mercilessly. Susan was laughing, crying, struggling desperately to throw me off. She kept thrusting her hips into me and of course I got hard. It was not long before it became clear that she was fucking herself off. Our crotches were grinding into each other. "Here, let me get some of this snow off you, I don't want you to get frostbite," I said as I squeezed and flicked her breasts and nipples while slowly removing the snow, and mashing my hard cock into her.

I felt Susan buck hard against me and let out a low groan. Her face blushed and I knew she had cum, about 3 seconds later, I joined her.

I helped mom up and pulled her sweater down. I then gave her a tight hug and said, "I love you Susan."

She did not say a word but smiled briefly and went back inside. We decided to eat out, it just doesn't make sense to cook a huge meal for two people. Mom let me pick the restaurant. She should have known better. She came downstairs wearing a shimmering black evening dress, and high heeled shoes that made her 6" tall. How can any woman look so breathtakingly beautiful. I must have had a pretty dorky look on my face cuz she gave this dainty little giggle and said, "Do you like it?" I reached down lifted her under her arms and raised her to my face.

"I love you mom, you are incredibly sexy, and any man would be honored to be your date. I'm glad you chose me," I said and then kissed her softly on each cheek before licking her lips once and setting her back down.

I was a little disappointed she was not wearing the necklace I had given her. I guess the inscription still made her a little uncomfortable. I escorted Susan to the car and we went to the Paladin Club.

The Paladin Club is the most exclusive nightclub in town. It has a killer Jazz band, and 5 star French/Italian cuisine. My mom and I have been there twice before. The first time was the Christmas Eve that I raped her. The second time was a few months later on Valentine's day. There is no way she could miss the symbolism. To me the Paladin Club is a place where my mom has always been forced to deal with me as an adult, as a man, as something other than her son. It is special, it is OUR place.