"So the guy puts his cock in the alligators mouth and slaps the head of the alligator and nothing happens.
So he says. "Does anyone else want to try this?" And this girl kneels down and grabs the guys cock and says, 'Okay. But do you have to hit me?"
Ray and I busted up. When we stopped laughing I noticed that Ray looked a little pale. His gaze was over my shoulder. I turned around.
"Oh hi Lynn, c'mon in. What brings you by?"
"I've been 'in' thank you. The old alligator and blowjob joke quite the intellectual conversation. I'm not surprised."
"Well I guess you could change it around somehow and have the guy kneeling... I just don't think it would have the same erotic quality."
"Erotic? - moronic is more like it. There's nothing erotic about that joke. HA! You wouldn't know erotic if it knelt right in front of you." Lynn had her hands on her hips and her eyes were blazing with intensity.
I'd known Lynn a long time and she looked hot in her shorts and t-shirt. "Who's your co-conspirator?"
"OH. Ray. Lynn. Lynn. Ray. I've know Lynn for along time - I think I amuse her or something. Ray has been here on training... actually this is your last day here isn't it?" Lynn smiled and Ray nodded.
"So Ray you like a good sexy joke? How 'bout this one?"
"An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."
The next day the boyfriend was riding with the daughter and he says, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"
Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why yes. Why do you ask?"
The daughter replies, "They sure make a mess when they defrost don't they?"
Ray and I both laughed. "Good one Lynn, good one. Ever hear this one?"
"The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough air points.
They meet a Martian couple and soon they are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, and all things about how they make money.
Finally Maureen brings up the subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
'Pretty much the way you do,' responds the Martian woman.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another -a little interstellar intercourse Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom, where the Martian strips.
He's got a teeny, weeny member about 2 cm long and 1 cm thick.
'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.
'Why?' he asks, 'What's the matter?' 'Well,' she replies, 'it's just too small for me!' 'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow.' 'No problem,' he says and starts pulling his ears. With each pull his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the her.
'Wow!' she exclaims, and they fell into bed and make mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks Maureen, 'Well, was it any good?' 'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?' 'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.' When Lynn was done laughing, "Oh... oh, if it only took a couple of slaps to the head and pulls to the ear. I'd be on the first mission to Mars if that were true."
"Ouch! And I always heard that size wasn't suppose matter."
"Ha! It's not about 'suppose', what choice do we have anyway? The sad truth is that a well endowed man is a rare and wondrous thing... or should I say, has a rare and wondrous thing!"
"Are you saying that most women, given the chance, wouldn't hesitate to enjoy a well hung guy? I mean... just the opportunity to ah... to ah..."
"Do you mean to be deliriously filled and fucked? Was that the phrase you were looking for?"
"Yeah... exactly." I turned back to Ray and smiled. "Follow my lead, OK?"
I stood up and walked toward Lynn, Ray was behind me. When she was between us I stopped. Ray was looking at me and Lynn was looking back and forth between us.
"Ray, is that true? That women just line up for a guy with a big cock?"
"Oh c'mon Ray. I heard the stories... are you telling me that Michelle and her roommates didn't share you around between them? Show her Ray."
Ray slowly unfastened his pants and pushed them down. His briefs bulge out in an almost cartoonish manner. He reached inside the waistband with one hand and pushed down with the other.
All I could manage was my jaw dropping open. It was huge, it had to be... it was about... ok, next time you're in a liquor store go to the beer section (make sure you have a large Red Delicious apple with you) and get a hold of one of those 24 oz. cans (Coors, Bud, whatever). Stand the can upright and put the apple on top with the small end of the apple up - that's what it looked like.
Lynn was stunned... mesmerized... aroused. Her face and neck were flush, her eyes glazed and she alternated between licking her lips and chewing on her bottom one.
I picked up her left hand Ray mimicked and picked up her right hand. We slowly and lightly stroked the exposed skin of her arm. We barely touched her fingers as we knelt on each side of her. We pushed her hands against the skin of her thighs and as we transferred our touch to her legs we curled her fingers up under the cuffs of her shorts.
We slowly touched the entire front, sides and backs of her legs - nothing on the inside. Her breathing was slowing, getting deeper. Which I took as an indication that she was enjoying this little bit of stimulation. I wondered just how far she would let this go.
She slowly stepped her feet apart causing Ray's eyes to go wide with excitement. We touched the inside of her calves and thighs always stopping at the hem of her shorts. After a dozen times up and down her legs on the up she pulled her shorts up exposing her upper thighs. Our hands followed obediently until the material bunched at her crotch stopped them. She was breathing somewhat irregularly now.
I took hold of her left hand and Ray her right. She released the material and relaxed her grip. We lifted her hands up until her arms were extended over head. Her breasts deliciously outlined against her t-shirt. Her nipples were pressing against the thin cotton and seemed very erect. We walked her to a doorway between the rooms and had her lean back against the jamb as she grasped it overhead. Her eyes were glazed and distant. We knelt beside her legs again and resumed the light stroking frontside, backside, outside, inside. Her scent began to fill the room.
I leaned forward and whispered into Ray's ear. He nodded in understanding. We slid our hand high and under the legs of her shorts. Our lifting caused the short to bunch up again and push tightly against her crotch. I mouthed one, two, three. We simultaneously reached up gabbed her panties at her hip and pulled them down as far as the crotch of her shorts would let us. She gasped and trembled. The combined sexual tension within the room was intoxicating. Ray and I slowly stood dragging our fingers up her body.
As our hands rose we took hold of her shirt. As we raised it up the material gathered into our hands. When we reached the bottom of her breasts we stretched the material out so that there was no contact with her breasts. Once the shirt cleared her head we placed it behind her head to act as a cushion. Of course it also acted as a restraint due to the fact that her upper arms were still in the sleeves.
Her sport bra was white and the bountifulness of her breasts pushed against the fabric. The darker skin of her areolas was clearly visible and her nipples were definitely erect. Her stomach had a soft womanly bulge to it. We stroked gently across her belly and ribs. Since she had yet to say a word of discouragement or encouragement for that matter - we continued.
.... There is more of this story ...