"And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries." -- Simon & Garfunkel
I have never before seen such a person as him. Tall, with a firm, hard body cut from hours of labor in the gym. He was more then just a mere man, he was created by God to show the world what a real man could truly be like. And his body was not the only thing that was touched by perfection. He had a gentle soul and heart as well; everyone that he met seemed to like him as much as I did.
I watched him each day and night as he passed by me in the lobby, yet he never once looked at me as he passed by nor did he seem to know that I existed, much less how I felt about him. I saw him escort several other women up to his apartment and I felt my heart breaking each time as I thought of them in his arms, kissing them and sharing his bed with them. I thought of going into his room and tearing them away from him and declaring my true feelings for him, and claiming him as mine for all time. Yes, I wanted him. I wanted to feel his hot kisses and his arms around me. I wanted to share his bed and make love to him. Yet, I knew I did not have the right to love him and he could never love one such as me.
I am not saying that there is anything really wrong with me. I have often been told I am beautiful by my lovers and admirers I could feel that they meant it. I am shorter than him but my lines have been cut to show my female form. But I knew deep down that we were never meant to be, for we came from different worlds. I knew I had a station in life, and he had one as well, and we were never created to be together or share our lives.
However, I could not help feeling the way I did about him. Any woman who saw him would feel the same way. If only we could really meet and if he could learn the true depth of my feelings for him then maybe we would have a chance to share our love and our lives.
One day he came into the lobby and, as I was pouring water into the fish pond, I saw him looking at Mrs. Johnson. She got married less than a year ago and I had often seen many men turn their heads to watch as she passed by them. I had seen him looking at her many times, as well. He was a red-blooded man and it wasn't a crime to look, after all. I once heard some man say he would like to spread her legs open and ride her all night. But he replied to that man that she was happily married and in his view that made her off limits. Such noble and old-fashioned values, is it any wonder that I had fallen madly in love with him?
I watched him hurry out and into the building each day and I longed for him to notice me standing here, but I am just part of the backdrop of his daily life, seen yet not really seen. One day I pray he will see me and look at me, and when he does he will realize my true feelings for him, and then we can be together and forever happy. Of that I am sure.
But days turned into weeks and weeks into months and never once did he look at me. Still, the ache in my heart throbbed and I often dreamed of his strong arms around me, holding me tight, spinning me around the room like some child's top. My day began with him leaving the building on his way to work and ended as he returned home each evening. Yet, each day he passed me without a look and I felt as if I could kick myself for not going after him and confessing my love to him.
One day as I waited in the lobby, watching two fish chasing each other in the pond, a thought came to me, and the more I thought of it the clearer it became. I would wait till he returned in the evening and then follow him to his room. There, I would proclaim my feelings for him.
Yes, he would come in as he had done a thousand times before, but this time I would leave my post and rush to the elevators. I would follow him in and as we rode upwards I would be able to smell his cologne and male musk. So close, but--like a hunter--I would not be able to grab him just yet. I would have to take my time as I did not want to scare him off. I knew he would have to feel comfortable and safe. I would follow him off the elevator and watch which apartment he went to. Now, I would give him a few minutes to relax as well as some time for me to get up my nerve.