Chapter 1

Becoming Of Age

Near the age of fifteen, I walked to school each day passing Ann Rogues' house, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Her hair was sandy colored, straight and short, just touching her shoulders and her eyes were the most gorgeous aqua blue color with a perfect complexion. The type you see on the cover of magazines. I was captivated with her smile and guessed her to be about five six with a perfect body.

In those first moments, I had developed a serious crush and being young and naive, I had my own conception of love. I imagined love to be turned off and on like a faucet, however, I could not control those feelings I had for her and soon learned love subjugated all thoughts. At twenty until eight every morning, she would leave her house for school and it was not by chance we walked together. Each day rain or shine I timed my steps to be near her house when she walked out. From those first moments, being obvious, she new I was in love with her.

The catch was she dated the star basketball player but I could not have cared less. I continued walking with her to and from school, carrying her books and every other foolish thing young boys do when they are love struck. Our lockers were adjoined and I had her schedule memorized perfectly and would hurry to my locker just for the opportunity to see and talk to her.

What I loved most was the feeling I had inside whenever we talked, always in a mature way. In my heart, I felt she was too good for me but she never acted that way and over time, we became close and she would open her heart to me about her innermost feelings.

Undoubtedly, when I was with her, I acted more mature than any other time in my life but normally when in the presence of a beautiful girl, I was very shy, however, I did on one occasion, find the nerve and to tell her I loved her. I also mentioned I would love to date her if she and Lonny ever broke up. Even then, I knew it would never happen, but she continued to be sweet and say she would love to if that ever happened.

Until I met Ann, I had never considered what type of girls I had been around or dated. I had never gone all the way with any of them but I had fondled several and I loved to play with their minds and finally realizing they were not in the same class as Ann.

One morning before third period, Ann and I were standing at our lockers talking when two girls I knew, Donna and Alice approached. Donna and I had gone steady for a while. As they walked by, Donna asked if I were coming by her house after school and I replied that I would let her know at fifth period when I saw her again. Ann looked at me disapproving of my choice.

"You can do better than that!" She remarked with a disappointing expression and put her hand on my cheek then leaned over and kissed me on the lips. "See you after class." She said smiling, then walking away. I had kissed many girls but her kiss sent a sensation through me I had never felt before. Standing dumfounded by her kiss, I watched her walk away.

She had in that instant, changed my way of thinking. I believed in my heart what she had just said to me and from that moment on, I would try to be with only those girls that I thought could live up to her expectations for me.

We remained friends and I was loyal to walk her to and from school the remainder of that year but never saw her after that time because she graduated. However, I would never forget her because in the short time that I had spent with her helped me to realize that it was possible to have a close relationship with a girl and just be friends.

Getting Serious!

That summer while at a friend's house, I met Belinda who had recently moved here from another area of town. She was beautiful with long dark brown hair, with a little wave and brown eyes, although being younger than I am looked and acted mature for her age. While at my friend's house she and I talked and flirted for several hours but before leaving, I asked if I could see her again. She agreed, my first serious relationship began, and for three weeks, during that summer, I would go to her house every day. I had become very fond of her, maybe to the point that I loved her as much as any fifteen year old could love and knew that I wanted to be with her every minute of the day. I had learned with her how to express love, not verbally only but by action and emotion.

I devoted myself to her putting aside all childish games I had played before with others; not flirting with others or doing things to make her jealous but going all out expressing my love so there was no doubt in her mind how I felt.

While walking to her house one afternoon I was talking to Kenneth, a friend who lived two houses up from hers, telling me, he had seen Belinda with her ex-boyfriend from her previous school. She had dated him for two years and when I confronted her about it, she explained that they had not been going together for some time.

I had that strange feeling which was very prevalent but I gave her the benefit of the doubt when she expressed strongly that she was telling the truth and that I was the only one she was seeing at this time. Moreover, we had spent so much time together and were always holding hands, kissing and even saying "I love you", in the way that young kids do, also spending a great deal of time on the telephone when we were not together.

What was unknown to her and kept secret within myself was a special gift I have. It is an extra sense, giving me the ability to sometimes see and understand another persons true motives or to see into a persons' heart. It was not something I could visually see or touch but an extra feeling within me allowing me to sense beyond the normal senses of knowing if something is real or phony. I did not yet fully understand everything about it, I even caused myself grief a couple of times misjudging what these senses were telling me but I was learning fast its capabilities.

Again, a couple of days later, Kenneth told me that he had seen this boy at her house and I was angered again, confronting her and giving an ultimatum.

"I was told again that you are still going with that other boy and you need to tell him to kiss off because I am not going to play games with you! If I find out you lied to me I won't be coming over anymore!" I said in a way to let her know I was serious.

"Ronnie and I are just friends and have been playing this silly game for a long time but there is nothing between us." She said trying to explain. I felt in my heart and trusted my feeling that she was not telling me the truth and I was not going to let her play me for a fool.

"I tell you what! When you get your act together you call me." I said walking away. I knew in that instant I was not going back to her house and was not going to call her. I loved her and wanted to be fair and not be that way, but she was forcing me to play mind games that I knew I was better at than she was. Kenneth had told me twice the same story, I believed him, I was not going to be the one ending up looking like a fool, and I knew she cared for me and that she is going to be the one that ends up being hurt.

My Second Love!

The next day at home, Brad, my brother was leaving to go to Jim's, house to play basketball saying that he met a girl there and he liked her but had only seen her a couple of times when he had been there to play. He invited me to come but I had Belinda on my mind and was having second thoughts whether or not to call her knowing my pride would not let me.

"Maybe, I will think about it." I answered not knowing for sure. Brad left, an hour had passed and I was bored thinking about Belinda and thought that maybe playing basketball would take my mind off her and decided to play so I went to meet up with him.

When I arrived, there were several people including two girls setting off to the side. Immediately I began playing, as there were not enough players for two complete teams. Occasionally I would glance at the two girls that were sitting on the sidelines. One of them I knew, the other I had never seen and I wanted disparately to be introduced to her. She was beautiful and I knew that she was the one Brad had spoken to me about. Several minutes passed before Brad approached me pointing to Christi, letting me know this was the girl whom he had spoken.

During the remainder of the game, I could not keep my eyes off her and I noticed she kept staring at me. As our eyes would meet it was like an alluring feeling between us that kept drawing me to her. I began to take breaks every few minutes just to sit beside her pretending to rest. We made small talk for a while as the others kept shouting at me to get back into the game. We played for another hour until it began to get dark, everyone decided to go home and all agreed that we would meet here tomorrow to play again. I walked over to where Christi was sitting, taking that last look at her before leaving.