Epilogue

Now comes the part of the story that I dread. I must explain a few things.

I kept diaries all through my early school years. As I got closer and closer to Billy, they became mainly just about him and the things we did together. They evolved into my sex diaries, and they became my erotic accounts of Billy and I. After William and I married we began to enjoy reading erotic stories to each other.

It was just a kink. One night I read him a story that I actually wrote from my diary. About half way through, he realized it was he and I in the story. He was intrigued and wanted to know how I had such detail. I confessed, I had the diaries.

He never asked to see them, but let me read different things from them, different situations, different times. He was fascinated.

He said that if I gave him a list, with the timeline, and specific events, he would love to ghost write some erotic stories with my help. He thought it would be a gas to go online and read our own stories to each other. Over a couple months I gave finally gave him what he needed. He made an outline on some of the stories but wanted to do a long piece about the weeks that led up to and included that weekend before Thanksgiving in 1992.

That was to be "Carree Loves Billy."

I agreed to hand over the diaries and let him read them when we started the stories. The only things in them that he didn't already "really" know about were, the "blanket party" and watching Kim's video. I credit that video as sort of an oral sex primer for me, in my diary. I think he thought he taught me everything from the movies he snuck from his Dads room.

Unfortunately, my William never saw those diaries. He was excited to write the stories, and he planned on using Billy Hand as his non deplume.

In March of 2001 something happened that neither I, nor anyone else, could save him from. William was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He went out to get a bottle of wine for the dinner I was preparing. On his way home there was a sudden ice shower, freezing rain, what have you. A car, a few hundred yards in front of him, went off the road. He slowed down to see if the driver was OK. It was a pregnant woman, her car down the ditch.

She got out OK, but could not climb the bank to the road. Bill told her to wait and parked his car on the shoulder. He went down the bank to help her get up. They had gotten about half way up when another car spun out while braking to rubberneck. William was hit hard by the car and was knocked down the bank and pinned under the car. The woman was thrown clear. Almost immediately a car with 4 men on their way home from work stopped to help. They saw William was breathing and they rolled the car off him. He was alive, but never regained consciousness. His neck was broken.

Paramedics took him, on a board, to the hospital where I saw him for the last time. William expired with me holding his hand.

While doctors told me there was little they could do for him, they tried. He was going to surgery when he died. There he was, looking like he could wake up and talk to me, but he was gone. I have cried everyday, as I am now, for 10 months asking "why?" Why him, why then?

I hope our erotic stories show you what a wonderful man, lover and husband he was. I had my sexual relationship with my dear William for almost 9 years, and for 4 years before that, he was my best friend. I am thankful for that. He was a brilliant man who was having his dream lived out, by having his first novel bought with a nice advance from the publisher. He never finished it, but I am taking that task too. I have his outlines for the final chapter. It should go to the editor before summer of 2002.

What about me?

I will be fine over time, but I will never get over Billy, Bill, William. I write for travel and vacation magazines and guides.

Since September 11 work has been sparse, so I had the time to work on this project and the novel.

My looks will keep me in work for some time, as well as my writing. I have done some swimsuit ads, and my picture appears in many island resort photos of people having fun on the white sand beaches. If you have any of those brochures, the blonde in the blue bikini might just be me.