Those of you who have read my husband's story (Wendy) must have a pretty low opinion of me. I have to admit that after finding and reading the story myself, my self-respect was at an all time low. I don't expect that by writing my story I will change anyone's opinion, but it is something I need to do. I have wanted to explain to Jim how these things happened but he won't discuss the matter with me. My hope is that Jim will see this on ES and read it. I know this won't make everything all right, and given the graphic nature of my accounts of what happened it might even make things worse but I hope Jim will read this and get some understanding of what happened from it.
This whole thing started long before I ever met Jim. I was a junior in high school when I met Dave Dickson. He was a senior and was one of the most popular boys in school. When he asked me out on a date for the first time it was like one of my fantasies had come true. Dating Dave Dickson made me the envy of most of the other girls in my class.
By our second date I was sure I was in love with him even though he hadn't even kissed me yet. On our third date Dave drove us up to the school parking lot and parked in a dark area. That's where he kissed me for the first time. That night we kissed a lot but that's all we did.
My mother was waiting up for me when I got home that night and I think she must have known what Dave and I had been doing because she took me into the kitchen and we sat at the table and my mother said, "I know this is an uncomfortable question to be asked but I have to know. Are you still a virgin."
"Please answer me." There was no anger or accusation in her voice.
"Yes, I'm still a virgin."
"Good. I know how difficult it can be to resist but believe me it's best that you do. I never told you this before but I think you should hear it now. When I was your age I got pregnant. My boyfriend deserted me and I knew I couldn't talk to my parents about it, so I had an abortion. It's something I have regretted ever since. I don't want anything like that to happen to you. I want you to promise me that you won't have sex until you are at least twenty years old."
I was a little shocked by what my mother was telling me. I was trying to process everything she had said when she asked me to make that promise, so I didn't respond immediately.
"Wendy, will you promise."
She was looking at me so intently that I couldn't help but say, "I promise."
"Wendy, I hope you mean it. I am trusting that you will keep your promise. If you don't you will be letting us both down. I may never know if you kept the promise or not, but you will."
My mother spent the next half hour outlining the dangers of having sex at to early an age and the benefits of waiting. Her points were all well taken but I didn't feel that I needed to have this conversation with her. I wasn't planning on having sex with anyone. I hadn't really given it any thought. So I made the promise and had no worries about being able to keep it.
As the school year went on and I continued dating Dave our make out sessions in his car got hotter and I found myself getting more aroused. The first time Dave touched my bare breast I thought I was going to faint. After that I began to have fantasies about going all the way with him. But whenever he tried to get his hand inside my pants or up under my skirt I stopped him.
On one particular night Dave had me so hot I was having difficulty fighting off the urge to let him take my virginity but when he began to push his hand up my thigh I stopped him. Dave said, "You're driving me crazy. We have been dating for three months now. Don't you think it's about time that we do it?"
I was just about to tell him I couldn't do it because I had promised my mother I wouldn't but I realized that would sound stupid so I said, "I am saving myself for marriage." That probably sounded just as stupid, but it was easier for me. As soon as I said it I knew it made me sound like a naïve little girl but I figured it was better that the truth.
The rest of the school year was the same way. Every weekend Dave would take me parking and in the end he would go home frustrated. Every time Dave would try to get me to go all the way I would hear myself making that promise to my mother. One night after a particularly hot session in Dave's car I made myself a promise. That as soon as I turned twenty I was going to have sex with Dave. I began to fantasize about my twentieth birthday. I would have a big party and afterward Dave would take me to his bed and make love to me. One night as I lay in bed fantasizing about Dave I felt a tingling sensation between my legs. I didn't know what it was but I like it and the way it made me feel. I squeezed my legs together to try and intensify the feeling. That just made the feeling more intense. Without really knowing why, I reached between my legs and pressed my fingers against my vulva. I couldn't believe how wonderful touching myself like that felt. I began to gently rotate my fingers against my pussy and then it happened. My body suddenly went stiff, and then it felt as though I was being lifted off the bed and spun around in a soft warm cloud. My whole body tingled as I felt like I was going higher and higher. When I reached the peak of my delight I drifted slowly back down and I was eventually aware that I was breathing heavily but I had this general feeling of well being that I didn't understand but really enjoyed. Then I drifted off to sleep.
The next night I was able to duplicate the experience. I began to pleasure myself every night before going to sleep. It wasn't till months later that I found out what I was doing was called masturbation and the extreme pleasurable feeling I got from it was called an orgasm.
I continued to date Dave through the end of the school year and through the following summer. In the fall Dave went off to college. Before he left Dave told me that he would always love me and he would write to me everyday.
He didn't write everyday. He wrote about once a week for the first month then he stopped writing. Dave called me when he came home for the Thanksgiving holiday break We were only able to go out together one night and when I wouldn't let him have me that night Dave got mad. He said that I was immature. He said the girls at college would never tease a guy the way I did.
We didn't speak again until he came home at Christmas. I called him and he agreed to go out with me. I wanted so much to have sex with him that night but when the moment came I remembered my promise and I wouldn't let him have me. Dave was pissed. He called me a cock tease. That hurt me. I had heard that term before but I never considered that I was a tease.
I didn't see Dave again until he showed up at my graduation. He told me that he would like to start dating me again but if I wasn't more mature than I had been the last time we were together we should just forget about it. I knew that he was saying that if I wasn't ready to go to bed with him he didn't want to bother with me. Even though he was still the only person I had ever wanted to have sex with I got angry and told him that I didn't want to go out with him any more. I was so mad I start calling him names. I told him that I though he was lazy and shallow because he just wanted to go out with an easy girl and have meaningless sex with her and he just couldn't stand it that I was virtuous.
Dave got very angry, but I walk away from him before he said anything.
I didn't date anyone else in high school. In spite of the bad way things ended with Dave I still fantasized about having sex with him when I masturbated in bed at night. In the back of my mind I was hoping that I would see him again when I turned twenty.
Ending up going to college at Georgia Tech was a bit of a fluke. I wanted to get as far away from home as I could for college. I applied to several schools around the country. I got accepted at almost every school I applied to. To narrow down the field I decided I didn't want to go to a school in a cold climate. Then I looked at the schools that were offering the best financial aid packages and finally I put the names of the remaining schools, three of them, in a box and drew out Georgia Tech.
I was in my second year when I met Jim. I was taking some summer courses and met Jim in my Philosophy class He asked me out at the end of the first week of classes. Jim was nice but I wasn't ready for a serious boy friend yet. Prior to meeting Jim I had gone on very few dates but my fantasies about Dave continued. After just a couple of dates with Jim I began to like him very much. I made it clear to him that I was a virgin and was in no hurry to change that and Jim seemed to be all right with that. As I became more attached to Jim we did a lot of petting but Jim never pressured me for more that I was ready to give.
That September I turned twenty years old. I began to feel guilty because I knew I was falling in love with Jim but I was still thinking about my fantasy of having sex with Dave. Then one day late in September I got a letter from Dave. He just asked me how I was doing and said that he missed me. He asked if I was going to be home at Thanksgiving and wondered if I would like to get together with him.
That was it. I was twenty and free to go home and give myself to Dave. Then I thought about Jim, and for the first time realized how much I wanted him. I was torn. To which one of them should I give my virginity? Dave was the one I had always dreamed would take my cherry, but Jim was the man I was in love with now.
.... There is more of this story ...