I know I have not written to you or even called since you left for divinity school too get away from me. I have been keeping track through mom. I understand that you now pastor a big Church down in Austin TX. I know it has been a very long time but tonight I have to write you. I would call you but I have a feeling it would be a very long phone call (provided that you would talk to me that is). I want to tell you what I have been doing and what I have gotten myself mixed up in. I don't honestly know if I am asking for advice, or if I am trying to shock my big brother (Yea like I could do that right?) or if I am asking for help. Maybe I am just letting another human who knows me and that I can trust know what is going on with me. I bet you tell everyone "confession is good for the soul" I can't talk to mom about this, and I sure as hell can't tell my husband Ron. Did mom ever tell you I finely did find a man and I got married? I was 26; His name is Ron, (Ronald) he had an 8-year old son (Josh) when I married him. Ron was 30 at the time. He was married before and his wife died of a Kidney infection. Because of everything that we did when we were young I thought I would never love any one man. I always held up any boyfriend to my high sexual standards, most men could not handle my sleeping around. When I found Ron, I kept that part to myself.
Ron seem to draw me out and he replaced that deep need in me for sex with different men. He filled that space that you left vacant when you ran off. I never told him about us or about anyone else, I wanted to tell him later but by then it was too late and now as I look back I am so ashamed of all those nasty things I had done. If you were not my brother Oh well that is a different time and different story. Right now my problem is with Josh and of course it has to do with sex. He is now in his second year at UCLA. He is majoring in Psychology (on paper) in reality he is majoring in sex, girls, and sex and he has mastered it well. Before I go into detail I want you to know something and it the God's honest truth. For 11 years I have never cheated on Ron not one time, we have had the most wonderful life. And I include the sex in there. It is not as wild as we had, but at least it is the right kind. Everything was perfect until about 6 months ago. Now my life is all turned all up side down. I have had days when I felt like ending it all to get out of this cycle I am caught in.
A lot of this shit is because of Ron's fucking job. Hey, don't be shocked Tommy, I never stopped cussing and I have no idea how you could have. Anyway Ron has this high paying high profile Government job and I stay at home being the perfect little wife for him. He has one of those jobs where he can't talk to me about his specific work. Because of his job, my family is always under security watch for our safety. The Army came in and did a high dollar security thing at our house. Right now I put most of the blame on it them and the system as well as on Ron. Before I get into this letter too much I should tell that when it comes to sex I only got wilder when it came to making love. You know what I mean, I was hardly quite when we had sex and whenever I came I let the world know. Well with Ron he is an animal in bed (and anywhere else we can do it) he is hung (maybe an inch longer than you are) and you know me, I have to have sex all the time. I thought I would loose some of this desire, as I got older, now at 36 I seem to be hornier all the time. (Yea, yea, nothing has changed)
Part of this problem is because Ron had to fly back and fourth to Washington so much. I am left here at the house alone with Josh popping in and out from his classes. We wanted to save some money on his education and we live so close to campus that he still lives with us. Now when Ron is in town, we are at each other all the time and when he is gone well do you remember how you taught me what cucumbers were good for? Well I still love them except now I have about 2 dozen other rubber toys to choose from. To make this a little shorter, I masturbate allot. (Well I use to anyway) Ron loves for me to do it over the phone while he is at work or at his motel. It helps us get our "fix" anyway what I am trying to tell you is, our sex life is what I always thought was perfect. You know me better than anyone (or at least you did) for me to say it is perfect, I am saying a mouthful.
If the walls in our house could talk they would turn your face red. Oh I hope your not turning red now my dear brother. Remember how you called me a stark raving mad sex manic? Well Ron thinks so also. OK, Ok I did not sit down here to brag about my sex life, I sat down here to, oh fuck I don't know exactly why. Just hear (read) me out. You know as I sit here writing to you about all of this getting it out of my system so to speak, I think I'll burn this letter, that way I can start to think more clearly. It all started 6 months ago, something happened to me that has shaken me to my core. Ron was in Washington and of all the times he had to go it was on our anniversary. Because of the weather they closed the airport where he was to fly out from to get back home. We had tickets to the opera and dinner and we had planned a very wild and nasty night of sex. He did not want me to miss my Opera so he had me take our housekeeper with me. She has been with us almost 10 years now.
This was the very first anniversary that we have not spent together and it crushed me. After the show we went to dinner and we toasted the past 11 years. Jill drank way too much, I had two glasses of wine anyway Jill, and I took a cab home. When we got there and went inside I was surprised to find Josh and three of his friends watching some sort of football game in the den. (Normally he is not around) I felt light headed but not drunk, It was time for bed so I took an Ambian (it is a new sleeping pill the doctor gave me that day.) I always have trouble getting to sleep when Ron is not at home. Anyway about 11:30 I lost track of everything. I remember taking Jill to her room and I put her to bed. I remembered saying good night to Josh and I went to my bedroom. The next thing I remember was waking up. I felt sore, my body was covered in sperm, my jaw hurt, my butt hole hurt, and my pussy was sore as hell. I knew that I had been raped. Then it accord to me that maybe Ron did get home after all and he had already left for work, after all it was 10:30 in the morning. I went to check on Jill, and I found that she had already left to visit her mom. It was her day off and she must have gotten an early start since it is about a two-hour drive to go see her mother as she normally does.
I called Ron's office but they told me he was still stuck in DC. I hung up the phone and sat in shock and in horror. How in Gods name did I get like this, how did I get raped in my own house with everything all locked up? I remembered the security system, with tears in my eyes and sore all over I got my key to unlock it. Ron has our system hidden under lock and key so that if anything does happen, only he I and his security men know where to look and how to get into it. I wanted to see what I did after I got home. I knew that we had hidden cameras all over the house and that they all work on sensors. That means the system only records the rooms that have body heat and movement in them. I wanted to see how I was raped and by who. I unlocked the system and I discovered that the tape from 12:00 on was missing. However the tape for the first 12 hours was still in the machine. I played it back and I did see us enter the house. I saw
The boys watching TV and I watched my self walk around a bit talking with the boys and then I watched myself take the Ambian. Jill was sitting down drunk talking to the boys and in less than 5 minutes she passed out. Jill was real drunk and it looked like I needed Josh's help to get her to bed so we took Jill to her room. I undressed her down to her underwear. Josh stayed there with us watching until I noticed and ran him out of the room.
.... There is more of this story ...