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"Hey, D-Man, got my manga?"
"Sure thing, Chad m'man," said my friend and chief comic supplier. "But if you ask me, you gotta stop just reading that Japanese shit. It's cool and all, but big spandex-covered boobies in four color print is why we all got into comics in the first place. Gotta stay true to your roots."
I chuckled as he handed me my preselected weekly fix from my slot behind the counter.
"I guess I've matured a bit now that I've got a real girl. Besides, I doubt Jeannie would sleep with me if I still had a half-naked poster of the She-Hulk on my wall."
My boyfriend-status was a comfortable topic of conversation with Daniel now. It hadn't been for a while there. It had nearly ruined our friendship and we had only seen each other occasionally for four years. A few month ago, though, I'd come in to D-Man's Comic Emporium and we'd buried the hatchet. Now I bought all my manga here and Daniel and I were renewing our friendship.
We had been tight since we were 12--the skinny comic geek and the portly comic geek, dreaming of super powers and loose women. Jeannie had changed that our sophomore year of college. Daniel was either unwilling to share me or unable to deal with the fact that I was getting laid while he wasn't. Whatever the reason, we parted company.
Jeannie didn't seem to bother him much now. My theory was that Daniel's jealousy had passed when he started getting laid himself. Daniel didn't have a steady girlfriend, but he now seemed to be going out with another girl every month. Bizarre, but true--my rotund, scruffy friend was a real ladies' man.
I guess it's true what they say: confidence makes a man attractive. Since he had inherited the money to buy this comic shop, he had become one of the most confident and content people I knew. He really had come into his own. It made a world of difference in his personality.
That and the beard he had been trying to grow since he was 16 had finally come in.
We talked comics and sci fi for a while. Jeannie was off at another biochemistry conference so I had nowhere I had to be. When I saw it was near closing time, though, I started to say goodbye; I didn't want to keep him if he had places to go.
"Stay a bit--I want to show you something," he said, trying to act cool but obviously excited about something.
"Just watch," he said.
Right at 9:00, a woman entered the shop. She was tall and dressed in a business suit, her blonde hair in a tight bun, her dark-rimmed glasses perched on her sharp nose.
"Shit!" I said, "Isn't that Angie Carson?"
"It is indeed!" beamed Daniel as he admired her leafing through his stock.
"But she always gave us shit about reading comics in high school. What's she doing here?"
"She comes here every Tuesday at closing time, though she doesn't know why."
"Huh?" I asked but Angie was approaching the counter.
"Well, well, well," she said, as condescending as I remembered her. "The Dysfunctional Duo, together again. Evildoers beware!"
"Hi Angie," I said and she raised her perfectly-plucked eyebrows at me in answer.
"Don't you have anything worth looking at?" she asked Daniel.
"Well, I might have something that could spark your imagination," Daniel replied and ducked down beneath the counter. He emerged with a big flashlight. He pointed it at a black poster on the wall and switched it on. A red spot appeared with 'TW' in bold black letters in the middle.
"Check that out, Angie," said Daniel.
Angie stared at the spot and her face blanked, her mouth hanging half open. I turned to ask Daniel what was going on, but he put a finger to his lips and mouthed that I should wait. After a moment, Angie snapped back to life.
"The Whore Signal," she said in a soft, melodramatic voice, "The city is in trouble."
"Excuse me, Sir," she said to Daniel, "May I use your storeroom for a moment."
"Of course, Miss," said Daniel and she hurried into the back room.
"What the fuck?" I asked as Daniel locked the front entrance and pulled down metal shutters across the windows.
"Angie was in my psych class before I dropped out," he explained, "That's when I discovered she was deeply susceptible to hypnosis and post-hypnotic suggestion."
"So she's hypnotized?" I asked incredulously.
"Very," Daniel smirked.
"Shit," I answered.
"I shit you not, sir," he countered. "Put this on."
He handed me a black ball cap with 'Bad Guy' in white letters written on it. He put one on himself that said 'D-Man' and I followed suit; You have to pick your battles with Daniel and some things aren't worth arguing about. I figured maybe he'd tell me what was going on eventually if I went along with him. I really doubted he had hypnotized Angie.
My doubts were trumped when Angie emerged from the back room.
"Tremble, evildoers!" she shouted. "TurboWhore is here!"
The transformation was mindboggling. She wore shiny red boots that encased her calves up to the knee, 5 inch heals and pointed toes making them look nearly impossible to walk in. Black fishnets climbed out of the boots along her thighs to disappear beneath an obscenely short red PVC skirt. She wore a black utility belt, the buckle a red circle with 'TW' in black electrical tape on it. Attached to the belt were condoms, a black dildo, and a bottle of lube. Her midriff was bare and her sizable tits barely covered by a red PVC halter top, black tape T and W prominent on either boob. A tiny red mask did absolutely nothing to disguise her identity.
In addition to the outfit, she had teased her blonde hair up and out with what must have been an entire can of mousse. Her cheeks were rouged and her lips and nails were bright red. She could have stepped out of the pages of the trashiest comic.
She thrust her chest out, causing her tits to tremble. I thought I saw a wisp of blonde hair beneath the skirt. No way in hell was she getting a Comics Code Authority seal.
"Yes, TurboWhore," continued Angie, "The Scarlet Harlot, sexual warrior in the fight against crime. Once an ordinary business woman, Angie Carson was bitten by a radioactive prostitute, giving her superhuman fuck powers which she uses to seduce the forces of evil!"
I turned to Daniel.
"A radioactive prostitute?"
He grinned sheepishly and shrugged, then turned back to Angie.
"So, TurboWhore, once again your hot cunt stands between me and the city; but your skanky hole won't save you this time, now that I have..." he looked around and grabbed his half-eaten foot-long, "The Salami Sandwich of Doom!"
"D-Man, you fiend!" she cried, "Only a twisted madman like you would use salami as a weapon! But no matter,! You can't destroy the city with your prick in my twat! And you will fuck me, D-Man. Oh yes, you will!"
Daniel grinned at me like a toddler who'd just managed to hit the toilet bowl for the first time. I just stared, still having a hard time believing that I was seeing this.
"Dude, this is crazy," I muttered. "What the hell did you do to her?"
"I told you: hypnosis. You want to fuck her? She won't remember any of it."
"No!" I protested. "Dude, I have a girlfriend!"
"Dude, it's not hardly even cheating. Angie's brain is asleep--she's practically just a blow-up doll when she's like this. It's not like it would be an affair and nobody will ever know! Come on--I know you've dreamed about this."
And I had. Well, not the crazy TurboWhore shit, but I'd sported wood for Angie all through high school, which made her mockery all the more humiliating. I had fantasized a lot about her before Jeannie. O.K., and a few times since Jeannie. But I was an adult--I should be over these adolescent fantasies. It was hard to tell that to my cock right then, however.
"What are you evil doers muttering about?" demanded Angie, tottering towards us with all the swagger she could muster in the ridiculous boots. "Do you truly think you can resists my Pleasure Powers?"
She thrust her tits at Daniel and started rubbing them against his chest.
"Drop the sandwich, D-Man. Drop it and fuck me. My hot, juicy pussy is all the meat you can handle tonight!"
"Maybe so, TurboWhore, but while you're fucking me, my fellow super villain, The Electric Bullet can use the Salami Sandwich of Doom to destroy the city!"
Damn him! He never misses an opportunity to remind me of that stupid supehero name I came up with when I was 11. I was 11, damn it! What the hell did I know? All the good names had been taken by DC and Marvel anyway.
"The Electric Bullet, huh?" said Angie, turning to me. "You are a new nemesis, are you not? You have yet to know TurboWhore, the Fastest Fuck on the Planet! Which of my 3 fuck holes will dissuade you from unleashing evil upon the city? Will it take my super-deep-throat Hummer Attack? TurboWhore has no gag reflex like mortal women!"
"Or perhaps I will defeat you with my Backdoor Barrage! TurboWhore has forced bigger cocks than yours into her tight little asshole, I assure you. Or will it be my red-hot Power Pussy that will suck the evil will from your man-meat? Who can say? But no matter how, in the end TurboWhore will fuck you to defeat! Resolve yourself to the screw of a lifetime!"
Daniel was laughing so hard I thought he might piss himself.
"He's resistant to your powers, TurboWhore," he said, "The Electric Bullet has anti-libido girlfriend power! Here, E.B., take the Salami Sandwich of Doom and destroy the city while I deal with TurboWhore!"
"No," I said when he handed me the sandwich.
"Come on, dude, take it," he demanded.
"I ain't taking no fucking Salami Sandwich of Doom. That's stupid."
"See, D-Man!" said Angie, "Even your evil accomplice is not so evil as to use such a weapon. Once he has been fucked by TurboWhore, he will forsake evil forever!"
"Come on, man," Daniel pleaded, "If she doesn't think the city is in danger she won't fuck me. I'll have to come up with another threat."
"Fine," I said, "Make up something else. I'm not playing with your sandwich. I don't even like salami!"
"Shit. All right." he looked around, "Would you be willing to wield the Stapler of the Apocalypse?"
"Oh, hell! If you promise to never call me the Electric Bullet again, I'll hold the fucking stapler."
"Thanks, dude, you're a real pal," he turned back to Angie, "So, TurboWhore, I have the Salami Sandwich of Doom and the E...My henchman has the Stapler of the Apocalypse. Both weapons could destroy the city. Do you really think you can get me to drop my sandwich and toss my salad before he can load the Stapler?"
"D-Man, you should know by now--I'm the Fastest Fuck on the Planet!"
Daniel grinned at me as Angie advanced on him.
"Drop the salami, D-Man! Your meat is mine!"
Angie's hand went for Daniel's crotch and started kneading his visibly hard member through his pants while continuing to rub her tits against his chest. Then she unzipped him and pulled it out. There she was, fondling my former best friend's cock right in front of me. I told myself I should leave but I wasn't listening to myself.
"Give in to the pleasure, D-Man," cooed Angie, licking her lips. "You know fucking me will be better than anything you could do with that sandwich. Me love you long time!"
"Damn you, you Scarlet Slut!" said Daniel, "So many times you've foiled my evil plans with your Hot Whore Holes! You took me up the ass in the tunnels beneath the city when I tried to form a rat army. You rode my cock atop the First National Bank when I tried to blow its top off with my DestructoRay. You fucked me against the prison wall when I tried to break out the Crimson Cock and I can't even name the many times you have sucked me off leaving me flaccid and complacent, unable to do evil. But wait, TurboWhore; It occurs to me that you have never fucked me in a chair!"
Daniel pushed Angie away and strode to the desk chair he had pulled out from behind the sales counter, dropped trou and sat on it bare-assed, cock pointing up at Angie. It wasn't a pretty sight and I almost left right then but Angie strode toward him and my eyes locked on her round ass squirming with in her tight skirt as she maneuvered in the high-healed boots.
"No position is too difficult for TurboWhore, D-Man. Prepare to be screwed!"
Pulling the bottle of lube from her utility belt, she squirted a generous portion into her hand and went down on one knee before Daniel's member. She greased his cock up with the goo and then wiped the excess on her own sex beneath the plastic mini. Grabbing a condom from her belt, she ripped open the black wrapper with her teeth and triumphantly slipped a bright red prophylactic over his hard prick.
"You are fucked already, D-Man!" she proclaimed, and then mounted him with a fluid, graceful motion and an animalistic grunt.
I should have left right then and don't think I didn't tell myself that! But I just couldn't. I looked on in morbid fascination as the entranced Angie fucked my friend there in the chair, both of them continuing the corny comic book banter between moans, grunts and slurps.
"Fuck me, TurboWhore! Fuck me as hard as you can! You'll never make me come! I'll just think about baseball!"
"Baseball? Ha! The mighty TurboWhore once sucked off every member of the New York Yankees while the Mets took turns doing her from behind! I invented the double header! Baseball will not save you! Ooooooooo!"
"That's not my only method!" shouted 'D-Man', "I can do long division in my head! 832 into 174,693. 832 goes into 1746 twice, <ung!> leaving a remainder <ung!> of...196 minus 64...<uh...oh!>...82! bring down the...the 9! and 829 is less 832...<oh!oh!oh!>...Zero. 20...bring down the...oh shit, what was it?"
"Let's see how well you can do math with my tongue in your ear!" said Angie, grabbing him by the shoulders to pull herself closer and do just as she threatened.
"uh...Uh..." said Daniel
"Three!" I said and then cursed myself for being drawn into his stupid game.
"Thanks dude!" he said. "8293...and 832 goes into that...
"It goes in and out and in and out and in and out," Angie giggled, reaching around to stroke his balls while she thrust her pelvis.
"Oh Fuck that feels good!" Daniel declared.
"It does, doesn't it D-Man," Angie cooed, "Give in to the pleasure."
"Never! You leave me no choice, TurboWhore, but to unleash my most horrible defense. I will imagine Lady Margaret Thatcher...NAKED!"
"D-Man--Don't do it! Not even you would unleash such a horror! Give up and come...My Pussy demands it!"
"Never! I'll do it! The Iron Lady...Standing before Parliament...Explaining economic policy...Wearing nothing but a pair of fishnet stockings! And who is that coming to join her? It's...it's...A Naked Allen Greenspan! In cowboy boots!"
"Stop it, D-Man, Stop it!" cried Angie. "Don't you see: You won't just stop your own orgasm; You'll keep everyone on the planet from ever coming again!"
"Maybe so, TurboWhore, but it will be worth it knowing that you failed to get me off!"
"Not so fast, D-Man," said Angie, her voice low, deadly. "You seem to have forgotten my most devastating weapons: My TurboTitties!"
"No! Not the TurboTitties!" cried Daniel "I'm powerless before the TurboTitties!"
"You leave me no choice, D-Man," said Angie reaching back to undo her top. "Behold: The Jugs of Justice!"
"NO!" Daniel cried, but he didn't resist at all as she pressed his face into her naked breasts.
"Nononononononononononononono" he burbled, rubbing his face between her hooters.
"Yes, D-Man, Yes!" cried Angie-cum-TurboWhore, "Blow! Your! Wad!"
Daniel's face screwed up and his head went back.