by Kimberly's Husband
"I am Kimberly's husband"
I am Kimberly's husband. I have some important things to share.
I know of her writings and her having revealed her adultery to the world. What I must reveal, what I must (in all fairness) share, is that I am her adulterer; I am her whoremonger; I am even her pimp.
You see (you don't yet, but you will) a woman does not live in a vacuum. She lives in a world formed and shaped by those around her. And if she has accepted that world as safe she rarely revisits that assessment. And that can be the undoing of even the most well-intentioned female. Such has been my wife's unknown plight, unknown except by me.
I have known Kimberly to be a beautiful person, and by that I speak both to physical attractiveness and inner qualities. She has been a wonderful and natural mother of our small children, and has taken great joy in that role. Indeed, it broke her heart when I encouraged her to secure employment and leave the children in the care of others. I convinced her that it was a financial necessity. Was it? Not really. But I wanted her exposed; I wanted the process to begin - actually - to continue.
What process, you may naturally ask. I will explain.
Have you ever wondered how certain men exploit large numbers of women in their lifetimes? I mean many women. How do they find them? And how do they do it legally? That is, why don't they end up in prison serving long sentences for sexual assault or rape? Or perhaps you never knew such things go down. Indeed they do! In fact, every day most women pass or are passed by men who are watching them and would draw them into the shadows and press themselves upon them and, ultimately, into them. Whether women personally experience this, what I describe as "being drawn into the shadows," is directly related to the unconscious signals they send. And men that read these signals identify vulnerable women across a room, across the street, at a large gathering.
As these men follow up on these signals a process begins and a relationship unfolds with the women, which is unconsciously volitional on the part of the women. During the course of this unfolding relationship the women do things which unquestionably document their own voluntary participation. And then they are undone. But, they wanted to be undone!
My wife thinks that it was her expense vouchers that made her vulnerable to Tony. It wasn't. Rather it was unknowing messages she was sending that Tony heard loud and clear. The vouchers simply served as initial leverage. If that option had not presented itself some other would have, even something contrived or imagined. Note how quickly my wife fell under Tony's control.
Perhaps it was the clothes Kimberly wore which communicated to Tony and others, or the way she wore them. I found it amazing that in her writing, except for her outfit for the party, my wife never mentions that she has always preferentially worn stockings and garter belts or (more often) open bottom girdles. She has drawers full of them. She doesn't wear girdles for control; she is as slender as a hummingbird!
There is not a man alive who isn't instantly aware of a woman wearing a girdle. The shaping and molding of her body, the subtle lines seen through dresses and skirts, and especially the very slight bump of a garter tab on the front of the thighs... these are powerful and effective signals. Indeed, my wife failed to mention the regularity with which Tony and Greg would comment on as well as specifically order her to wear girdles. In fact, one thing Greg would often write on my wife's belly, just above her girdle, was: "Only whores and prostitutes wear girdles!" Then he would make her sign her name below the words, as if it were her own declaration (which, I suppose. unconsciously it was). It is a common entry in her diary.
Perhaps it was the way she crossed her legs or a propensity to let stocking tops drift into view. Or perhaps it was a smile, or her laugh, or a seemingly harmless touch. I don't have Tony's obvious ability to read women, although I am not oblivious to the world around me. Perhaps it was all these things I've mentioned, and others as well.
It's rather like a woman wearing heels that are too high who is tottering and appearing to some to be looking to fall. In a sense she is. However, just as with unconscious signals, for various reasons (in this example, fashion vanity) she is unable to truly evaluate her state of vulnerability, of which she, indeed, is the very source.
It's in that sense that I exposed Kimberly to a larger world, the world of the market place, and a world where she would be out of the sheltered setting which a man should and usually does create to shelter and protect those precious to him. She would be figuratively and literally out of her comfort zone. And because she had not had fulltime employment before, except summer work, she would be that much more out of her element, off balance and vulnerable. All of the above proved to be the case. Perhaps this is related to her having foolishly (and needlessly) falsified vouchers.
Notice that in her writings Kimberly never mentions my name. Why is that? To protect me? Hardly. Has anything she has written of suggested a motivation to protect me? Rather, her failure to mention my name is a crushing indictment of the state of our relationship!
I had become, in many ways, a nonentity to her. Distance had developed between us. Great distance. And I had fostered that. The intent was not to lose her. In a sense it was to control her. More specifically it was a way of helping bring out what I discovered was in my wife - something I discovered of her as our life together unfolded. I'll try to find time to share what I discovered about her, but I am still uncertain of its origins.
You may sense that I have known much about Kimberly and her activities since her employment, even more than her writings reveal. I have. Much more. I located her diary early on. And I have her e-mails. Also, Kimberly talks in her sleep, and she sleeps heavily.